August 2004

Music of the Night
Submitted Monday, August 30, 2004 - 1:32:49 AM by Klaitu

Holy Crap!

They're making the Phantom of the Opera.... the MOVIE! But woah, back the truck up here a little.

You see, originally my mom had this music box record. Um.. let me clarify.. she had a recording of a music box presentation on a vinyl record.. and not just any music box, a porter twin music box.

For those of you who don't know, a porter twin music box is a great deal like a player piano. There's a huge metal disc that you affix to a turntable, and then you lock the player arm into position over the disc.. much like a record player.

The player arm covers the radius of the disc. The Disc itself has bumps on it that stick up. When the disc rotates, the bumps hit the keys on the player arm, and that's how the thing produces music. The "twin" part comes in because there are two discs that play simultaneously to produce stereo.

So, my mom had a RECORD of Porter Twin recordings.. you know, because the actual music box costs like $20,000 bucks (no exaggeration). Some of the selections were Phantom of the Opera.

So, anyways, to get back on track, my association with Phantom of the Opera began sometime in the later 80's when I was just a whippersnapper. Later, CD's came along and they made a Phantom of the Opera CD which my mom also bought.

You know my mom. Remember this Lord of the Rings business? Well, needless to say that I know every word to every second of Phantom of the Opera in the correct order. At that point in time, I guess I had a greater resiliance.. I didn't really mind the repetition.. maybe the opera is just that good?

Anyways, imagine my suprise when in 1997 the Phantom of the Opera came to town, and everyone in my school wanted to go see it (nerd school). I had a leg up on just about everyone, except for one girl who's knowledge rivalled mine. We would share "Phantom of the Opera" jokes and anecdotes which allowed us to communicate in a secret code.

Too bad I didn't get to see the thing in person. The Opera showed up again in 2002 or so. It was after Afganistan, but before Iraq.. and I didn't get to see it THEN, either.

So, now.. perhaps.. FINALLY, I'll actually get some visuals to go with the audio. Curse that Andrew Lloyd Webber. His Jesus Christ Superstar was complete crap, but the Phantom.. he like.. is in my mind or something. Curse that Phantom too!

I guess I'll let you guys decide if I'm insane. I'm a boy. I'm not gay. I like Phantom of the Opera. I feel like I'm gonna start carrying a magic satchel or something.

Oh, I guess you probably want to see the trailer.. fair enough:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/thephantomoftheopera/

Oh, and just so you know, the music in the trailer is not the music from either of the two CD recordings that I've heard repeatedly for the last decade. This must mean that it's been re-recorded yet again, and from the sounds of it.. it's going to be a treat.

Hero
Submitted Monday, August 30, 2004 - 12:43:39 AM by Klaitu

You've seen the commercials. This is the one where there are like a billion arrows flying through the air at a guy, and he swings his sword, and they all get deflected.

The thing about imported movies is that they've already been released. "Hero" was actually made and released in 2002, but its taken 2 years to get over to the states. I had the opportunity to see the original Chinese version, which would be called "Ying xiong". As I understand it, the US version has been unedited, thanks to Quentin Tarintino. (never thought I'd say that one)

"Hero" is a frame movie.. that is to say a story within a story. Basically, the movie has Jet Li relating tales of his past to the Emperor, which are then shown in flashback sequences. The result is an effective and proper excuse to show the same battle in multiple ways.

There are about a half a dozen cast members in the film, and each one ends up fighting each of the other ones at one point or another as Jet Li and the Emperor guide you through on what has really happened, and what was exaggerated.

I don't want to ruin the plot at all, but I will say a few things. This movie is light on plot, just as "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" was. There's a plot "twist" in the middle of the film that is poorly executed and obvious from the very first line in the movie. The real draw here is the spectacular martial arts fights.

Big blockbuster films tend to try to push it to the limit. They want bigger battles, better battles. Lord of the Rings had billions of guys vs. jillions of guys.. but that's never been a real draw for me. Don't get me wrong, that kind of stuff is cool, but the real thrill for me is the small battles. One on one.. two on one.. and "Hero" delivers small-scale duelling action on a massive scale.

Apparently, China has discovered computers since the British relinquished Hong Kong. A natural extension of this is CGI effects. In "Hero" CGI is used primarily for enviornmental effects. There's CGI rain, CGI leaves, CGI arrows, and any number of CGI wind effects, terrain modifications, and quick color changes that are brilliantly used and add a lot of flavor to the movie.

If you saw "Crouching Tiger", the movie conjured up visions of ninja-like guys flying around, fighting on trees that obviously can't hold them up, and jumping over houses and the like. "Hero" contains a bit of these elements, but dosen't go so overboard as "Crouching Tiger" did. There's limited flying, which should really be "extended jumping" and there's a lot of gliding around on the ground. There's only one scene where a guy sticks to the ceiling, and it's pretty short.

I liked this film a whole lot better than "Crouching Tiger". There's no obnoxious women in the film exclaiming they're a goddess. There's no jumping over houses or unneccessary asian porn sequences. To say that "Hero" is better than "Crouching Tiger" is a gross understatement.

Overall Score: 9 of 10

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Submitted Sunday, August 29, 2004 - 10:46:56 PM by Klaitu

Do you like drug jokes? Are you highly entertained that stoners get the munchies when they get high? Do you snicker to think that perhaps Shaggy and Scooby were stoners?

If you answered yes to these questions, you might like Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

Here's the basic plot: Harold and Kumar get high, they get the munchies and decide to go to White Castle. This results in all sorts of hijinks during the journey. In the end, they do get White Castle.

The general theory is similar to the classic "Dude, Where's My Car?". Simple situation leads onto a huge and ridiculous tangent meant to make you laugh. The trouble here is that the majority of the jokes are at least 20 years old. The sections that actually are funny can't make up for the basic blandness of the rest of the movie.

There are some mitigating circumstances here. I've never done drugs, and don't plan to, so I am unable to relate to the characters, and thus many of the drug-related jokes. Most of the drug-related jokes I do get are as old as the hills (pre-dating "Half-Baked"). Some of them were around before Cheech and Chong. Might as well be asking "Why did the Chicken cross the road?".

Now that I think about it, you might consider this to be a version of "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back", except the only cameo is Doogie Howser, and it's not as funny.

This movie is probably worth it if it happens to roll around on HBO or Starz or wherever, but I wouldn't pay for it. Instead, check out "Dude, Where's my Car?", "Sorority Boys", or even "Animal House". Those are all superior films in the same vein.

Overall Score: 3 out of 10

Dodgeball
Submitted Friday, August 27, 2004 - 11:51:18 PM by Klaitu

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!

Dodgeball is one of those that I've really been wanting to see, but didn't have the opportunity until recently. Ben Stiller can be hit and miss with comedies.. fortunately, this one was a hit.

Ben Stiller is the owner and found of Globogym. Vince Vaughn is the owner of Average Joe's Gym. They don't like each other much. Stiller is going to buy out the nearly bankrupt Average Joe's.. unless they can come up with $50,000. The only way to do that is to win the Dodgeball tournament.

This one was a lot of fun with tons of great one-liner jokes. It's got the flavor of Waterboy or Happy Gilmore. It's not very complex, easy to follow, and the jokes are plentiful.

Overall Score: 6 of 10

Penny Arcade in the Seattle Times
Submitted Friday, August 27, 2004 - 12:44:04 PM by Klaitu

Quite Interesting, really:

They eventually found another online video-game site that agreed to run their comics every week, but the site's owner didn't like the salty language, they said. Rather than tone things down, they developed their own rudimentary Web site in 1999. The 12,000 or so fans they had developed followed.

Back then, it seemed anybody with a Web site was making big money, and Holkins and Krahulik wanted in on the action.

"There were a lot of people just making hobbyist-type Web sites that were being snapped up by larger organizations and being paid a lot of money to run them," Holkins said. Inspired, the two sold all the rights to Penny Arcade to a little-known dot-com called eFront, which intended to use the content to sell advertising.

"At the time, we were like, 'This is it,' " Holkins said.

"They sent us a check for like, $1,000 or something like that," Krahulik added. "We were like, 'Woo-hoo!' "

Anchorman
Submitted Friday, August 27, 2004 - 12:28:11 PM by Klaitu

Ahh, Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy. You can't go wrong.

Will Ferrell is the man. No, really. He's THE anchorman.. until one day. He hits Jack Black with a burrito, and Jack punts Ferrell's dog off the coronado bridge. He dosen't get back to the station in time to report the news, so they let Christina Applegate do it, resulting in an hilarious rivalry.

Some selected lines:

You pooped in the refrigerator and ate a wheel of cheese? I'm not even mad, that's amazing!

By the beard of Zeus!

It smells like a turd wrapped in burnt hair!

News Team Assemble!

Princess Diaries 2
Submitted Friday, August 27, 2004 - 12:18:43 PM by Klaitu

Yeah, so? What're you lookin at? I know it's a girl movie! Shut up! It's directed by Garry Marshall.. you know, the guy that directed Pretty Woman?

Anyways, I also saw the first Princess Diaries movie. I expected that one to suck, but it was actually pretty decent. Princess Diaries 2 is the same kinda deal. I was expecting a formulaic rehash of the original, because that's how hollywood does sequels. Thankfully, this sequel is pretty much all original.

So, the heroine from the first Princess Diaries is now through college and has returned to Genovia after graduation. Evil John Rhys-Davies (yeah, he's in it) wants to get his family line onto the throne, so he digs up some obscure 300 year old law that says that a woman monarch has to marry to be qualified to be Queen. Julie Andrews, the present queen steps down in 30 days, so Anne Hathaway has 30 days to snag a beau. Hilarity ensues.

The movie is chock full of more Garry Marshall jokes than you can shake a stick at. Little things.. like the captain of the Guard can't stop yelling because he's done it for so long. The royal announcer announces the presence of the "royal cat". Little silly things of that nature.

Performances were really good. Anne Hathaway is a cartoon Disney princess. It freaks out my brain that she isn't animated. Julie Andrews, being Mary Poppins continues to be excellent as the Queen. My favorite, though.. would have to be Hector Elizondo. That guy is freakin cool, and the role of secret service agent seems perfectly suited to him.

Overall Score: 7 of 10

Windows SP2 on windowsupdate.com
Submitted Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 1:38:38 PM by Klaitu

They've released SP2 on windowsupdate.com, so you can get it directly now. If you haven't gotten it yet, you want to do that as soon as possible.

http://www.windowsupdate.com

Farcape Trailer Rocks
Submitted Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 2:41:53 PM by Klaitu

Indeed it does! The only bad part is that I can't manage to strip it off the Apple site and convert it into a not-sucky format. Curse that proprietary software!

Anyways, looks like the miniseries is going to be pretty sweet.. looks epic like the end of DS9 was.

IMDB also updated their cast list for the show:

Credited cast:
Ben Browder .... John Crichton
Claudia Black .... Aeryn Sun
Anthony Simcoe .... Ka D'Argo
Gigi Edgley .... Chiana
Wayne Pygram .... Scorpius/Harvey the Neuroclone
Raelee Hill .... Sikozu Shanu
Paul Goddard .... Stark
Melissa Jaffer .... Utu-Noranti Pralatong
David Franklin .... Captain Meeklo Braca
Duncan Young .... Emperor Staleek
Francesca Buller .... War Minister Akhna
Rebecca Riggs .... Commandant Mele-on-Grayza
Jonathan Hardy .... Rygel XVI (voice)
Lani John Tupu .... Voice of Pilot (voice) (as Lanu Tupu)
Kim De Lury
Kent McCord .... Jack Crichton
Tammy McIntosh .... Joolushko Tunai Fenta Hovalis

Army Makeover
Submitted Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - 11:42:57 PM by Klaitu

Alright, you guys might remember awhile back when the Army announced that it was switching to a new, improved uniform, right? Well, just in case you didn't.. here's the picture again:



Well, apparently to go along with this cool new outfit, the Army is switching over to a little thing I like to call the Spacey Future Gun(tm).

They call it the XM8. It's supposed to fire thousands of rounds before jamming. It's easy to clean. It's barrel can last for about 15,000 rounds before it needs to be replaced. Yes, it fires bullets, and not like lasers or plasma beams or something.

The XM8 is going to replace the tried and true M-16 as the assault rifle of choice for the Army.. so just in case you were wondering, the order is:

Springfield 1904 bolt action rifle (WW1, WW2)
M1 Garand Gas recoil rifle (WW2, Korea)
M-16 Assault Rifle (Vietnam, Desert Storm, Iraq War)
XM8 Assault Rifle (the future)

No word on replacement sidearms. The Army used the M-1911 .45 Calibur Colt pistol for most of the last century. It switched to the lighter 9mm Beretta in the early 80's. At that rate, they wont switch until 2020 or so.

The M-16 costs $500 per unit to produce. The M4 carbine costs $950 per unit. The XM8 (eventually the M8) would cost something like $650.

New Farscape Trailer
Submitted Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - 11:07:29 PM by Klaitu

Do you know how long I've been waiting to use this luscious Farscape icon? TOO LONG! Now, the wait is over! Coming up tomorrow at 2 PM, Apple is releasing the new Farscape Trailer. Smooth!

The Jim Henson Company and Hallmark Entertainment are thrilled to announce the on-line premiere of the trailer for Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars, an original miniseries premiering on Sunday October 17 at 9/8C on the SCI FI Channel. Offered exclusively from the Apple Movie Trailers site www.apple.com/trailers, the 1:54 trailer will be available beginning Wednesday, August 25th at 12:00 noon PST.

Special thanks to Apple for hosting this premiere and giving us the unique opportunity to post the trailer for this television event alongside theatrical feature releases.

ds180 tweaks
Submitted Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - 11:02:01 PM by Klaitu

Pretty sweet action going on over on ds180.net.. I remixed it a little bit. Gone is the yellow and black, say hello to white and blue. The new logo is the pimp too, at least.. I think so in my own limited way.

Windows XP SP2
Submitted Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - 1:55:13 PM by Klaitu

You nerds know what I'm talking about! Windows XP Service Pack 2, the big big update to Windows XP that is supposed to revolutionize just about everything.. if you believe the hype.

Basically what MS is tryin to do here is plug all the holes that Win XP and XP SP1 had. Everything in the update is geared for Internet Security.

Well, here's some of the features:

IE Automatic Popup Blocker

Yeah, you already have one.. but this one's built into the browser.. which makes it.. better! Seriously though, it works decently.

IE Download Monitoring

Download Monitoring is a fancy way to say "extra warning screen that says downloading files can be unsafe". There's a check box to turn this off.

IE Info Bar

The Info Bar is probably one of the coolest additions to IE. It compacts a bunch of popup messages (like activex messages and those annyoing "do you want to install gator?" messages) into a small little bar at the top of the browser.

IE Addon Manager

I'm not big on browser addons. You won't find me with a google toolbar or a Yahoo one either. Some programs install addons into the browser and don't give you a choice. In my case, ICQ and Norton Antivirus. The addon manager let me go and get rid of my unwanted addons simply and easily. Thumbs up for this one.

Outlook Express Privacy Update

It "Helps reduce unwanted e-mail by limiting the possibility of your e-mail address being validated by potential spammers." How does it do this? Magic, apparently. Don't expect this to even put a dent in your spam.

Attachment Manager

MS's way of saying "additional 'file could contain virusses' warning screen".

Windows Security Center

You know those annoying little popup bubbles in XP? You know.. the ones that are all like "There are unused Icons on your desktop, click here to clean!" and "Could not reconnect network drives"? Well, this basically adds 3 more of those to the mix. Now you can get "Antivirus status uncertain, click here for help!" and "firewall status uncertain, click here for help!". You can go through and turn these off pretty easily.

Basically, the security center monitors your computer's protection scheme, and if you're not using microsoft products, it will scream about it every time you start up. It's good for those of you out there who don't keep their computers updated, and have no idea how a firewall works.

Windows Firewall Update

The old one needed an update to be sure. I'm not using it though, because Zonealarm recieves perfect scores on everything. Why mess with perfection?

Automatic Updates Enhancement

Basically, they really want you to enable automatic updates. They've gone and made the updates easier to download for the dialup users as well.

Improved Wireless Support

Not really a concern for everyone. This one just makes it easier for wireless computers to connect to the bridge.

Bluetooth Technologies

What is Bluetooth? Something you don't care about!

Windows Media Player 9 series

MS speak for "made WMP9 compatible with SP2".

DirectX Update

MS speak for "made DirectX compatible with SP2".

Buffer Overrun Protection

This one brings back memories, because it's been around since the dawn of time. When I used to work for AOL, there were people who would send "IM bombs" through the AIM service and knock someone offline. It worked because the malicious person was able to send so much data through the network at one moment, that the target's modem buffer would overrun and the connection would reset.

This is the same kind of thing, except MS is trying to protect your computer's memory instead of a modem buffer. Not that this is a big thing, I'd be willing to wager that nobody reading this has ever suffered a Buffer Overrun attack.

__

Anyways, This update is pretty smooth. I didn't have any problems installing it, haven't heard any horror stories, and the Knowledge Base entries for its installation are relatively small.

If you want to get SP2 (and you do, if you have XP) The only way to get it as present is to enable automatic updates and leave your computer on until it decides to download SP2. For most of you, that will be 3 AM local time, because although it says you can have it check for updates whenever you want, it's impossible to change the update time.

SP2 will be up on http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com later this month, and will be available on CD some time after that. You can also check out the Windows Update site for information on how to turn your automatic updates on in XP SP1.

Mudslinging
Submitted Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - 12:22:33 PM by Klaitu

This being an election year, there's a lot of mudslinging going on. It's nothing new, considering it started in the second election for president. Bill O'Reilly wrote a pretty good article on it:

With just about ten weeks until the Presidential vote, smear merchants on both sides continue to run wild. The internet is one big Defamation.com; John Kerry is a traitor, George W. Bush is a deserter. And there's big money behind the purveyors of this vile brew.
But this is nothing new for America. What's changed is the machinery that delivers the slander. All throughout our history character assassins have surfaced every four years to attack anyone daring enough to run for the highest office in the land. The freedom of screech extends all the way back to 1796.

In that election, campaign supporters of John Adams really went after his opponent Thomas Jefferson, calling him, among other things, an atheist, anarchist, demagogue, coward, trickster and a mountebank.

A mountebank is a guy who sells phony medicine, in case you're like me and didn't know.

Jefferson's crowd immediately struck back by labeling Adams: egotistical, erratic, eccentric and jealous-natured.

Historian Paul Boller describes all this in his lively book "Campaigns" (Oxford Press). Boller chronicles each Presidential contest, and it's clear that we have learned little over the years. The mud stays eerily similar throughout the ages.

In 1828, for example, backers of John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson were totally out of control. Jackson won the vote despite being accused of adultery, gambling, cock fighting, bigamy, slave trading, drunkenness, theft, lying, and murder. I guess the voters figured anyone with that much energy deserved the top job.

But Jackson's people didn't silently stand by. No way. They hammered Adams hard, accusing him of having premarital relations with his wife and traveling on a Sunday. It doesn't get lower than that.

The slime machine behind James Polk went to work in 1844, announcing that his opponent, Henry Clay, had systemically violated every one of The Ten Commandments.

Clay's mudslingers immediately replied calling Polk "unimaginative." Polk won the election carrying much of the non-creative vote.

U.S. Grant was, perhaps, the most vilified Presidential candidate in history. Running against Horace Greeley in 1872, Grant was called a crook, an ignoramus, a drunk, a swindler, and an "utterly depraved horse jockey."

It's entirely possible that last attack caused much sympathy for Grant who carried 31 of 37 states. A depraved horse jockey indeed!

In 1912, Theodore Roosevelt was actually shot in the chest while campaigning in Milwaukee. He got up, finished his speech, and then went to the hospital. Woodrow Wilson won the election, but let's give the Rough Rider some credit here.

During the campaign of 1928, hysteria reigned because Al Smith was a Roman Catholic. Some supporters of his opponent Herbert Hoover got this message out: If elected, Smith would annul all Protestant marriages and extend the newly completed Holland Tunnel in New York City all the way to Rome! Talk about a big dig.

Compared to the above, calling Bill Clinton a "pot smoking, draft dodger," or labeling John Kerry a "flip-flopper" doesn't even rate. President Bush's intelligence is being challenged but nowhere have I seen him accused of fathering an out-of-wedlock child as was Grover Cleveland (who actually did). So while we have been assaulted by Swift Boats and taunted by the likes of Michael Moore, the slime peddlers are not nearly as creative as they used to be.

I just pray Bush and Kerry don't travel on Sunday.

Tax Dollars at Work
Submitted Sunday, August 22, 2004 - 10:19:44 PM by Klaitu

So, I'm watching the olympics again, and they show the medal ceremonies.. but usually only when the US wins gold in something. So far this olympics I've only seen one foreign ceremony, and it was for Austrailia.

This leaves me curious.. what do other countries use for their national anthems? Do some countries even have one? Well, have no fear, the United States Navy has all the answers!

The Navy Band has recorded the national anthem for every country that has one. Why? Well, apparently the Navy hosts an amazing amount of foreign dignataries. Furthermore, they've put all the anthems up in MP3 format for your listening pleasure.. and since you're paying for the bandwidth anyway, you can download all of them for free!

Check out:
http://www.navyband.navy.mil/anthems/all_countries.htm

If you download all of them (like I did) it'll clock in somewhere around 200 megs. Overall, this is some pretty fascinating stuff.

Spy Kids 3
Submitted Sunday, August 22, 2004 - 2:03:15 AM by Klaitu

Pity me.

I watched Spy Kids 3. No, I didn't use the glasses, it was the regular version. Why did I watch this movie? I don't know! They were playing water polo on the olympics again, so maybe I was flipping channels and the controller got jammed up?

Okay, I know it's hard, but stay with me here.. here's the plot:
Sylvester Stallone is evil. He's the "toymaker". Somehow, he destroyed Ricardo Montalban's legs. Now Ricardo is like Professor X.

The Toymaker is imprisoned inside a video game. Why? I don't know either. Nevertheless, the Toymaker is going to take over the world.. with a video game. He's going to sucker kids into playing it, and then trap them inside. Why? He's evil.. I guess.

Oh, but they can't approach the toymaker or they'll let him out of his virtual prison, and.. um.. the video game will.. um.. become real I guess. I think. Brain Hurt.

I let you watch movie to find out rest of plot, brain melting.

Anyways, this movie was originally intended for 3d glasses wearers.. and that's obvious, because there's always something "coming at" the screen. Usually something CGI.. maybe bolts, maybe fists.. maybe explosions.. no telling. It's almost as if the movie was made to showcase 3d glasses.

Then there's the kiddy-ness of it all. I know it's a kids movie.. but ouch. Everything is bright colors and molded plastic.. rather.. CGI molded plastic. Though, I must admit, Ricardo Montalban kicks butt in a 9 foot tall plastic muscle suit.. even if only his head is real.

Yeah, so the "game world" consists entirely of CGI with some real actor's head pasted in. There are occasionally scenes where the actors are wearing actual ridiculous outfits, but those aren't too common.

So, what's the recommendation on this movie?

6 of 10!

No, really. Okay, okay, the movie sucks. It sucks so bad that it's hilarious to watch. It sucks so bad that it's almost like an obscure anime.

What's so strange?
George Clooney impersonating Sylvester Stallone.
Elijah Wood is the best video game player ever (wears a plastic suit too).
Giant flying pig with wings fighting 50 foot tall robot.
More cameos than you can shake a stick at.
Everyone has rockets attached to their body somewhere.

So, if you catch this thing on TV (it's on STARz all month long *sigh*) it's worth a look.. if there's nothing else on.. and your friends aren't looking. You'll be laughing for hours!

Olympic Spirit
Submitted Sunday, August 22, 2004 - 1:50:32 AM by Klaitu

Does anyone watch the Olympics? I mean, I know they play them all the time on like 7 different channels at once.. but other than myself, I don't know anyone who watches them.

The Olympics is perhaps the only sporting event which I find interesting.. even the mundane sports like basketball seem better during the olympics. I dunno why it is, it's strange.

So far I've learned many things about sports:

- Water Polo is possibly the most boring sport ever created.
- They never show the cool sports like Fencing and Archery.
- The Lithuanians have used advanced robotic technology to make an android basketball team.
- Americans are really good at swimming.
- Women weightlifters look a lot like men weightlifters.
- Your olympic career is over if you're over 22 years old.
- They never show medal ceremonies when the US dosen't win.

Anyways, I'll keep watching, and if I see something way cool, I'll letcha know.

Upcoming Fall Season
Submitted Wednesday, August 18, 2004 - 3:13:44 PM by Klaitu

It's getting to be that time.. the time when all the TV shows start new episodes again. It's like spring, except for broadcast entertainment!

Star Trek Enterprise returns on Friday, October 8 with an episode entitled "Storm Front". The premiere episode this season is a two-parter and is said to conclude the Xindi storyline that began at the end of Season 2.

Stargate SG-1 has already started its run for this season, but because it's on Sci-Fi Channel the season is divided into two parts. New Episodes of SG-1 will continue until Friday, September 17. There will be a Hiatus until January, at which point the season will resume.

Stargate Atlantis shares the programming strangeness of SG-1.

Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda is set to start the next season on Friday, September 24. The first episode in the series will find the crew "seperated" from one another, as the shows writers boggle to undo the series finale. No word on if it will be divided into two parts like Stargate.

JAG will be returning to its new time slot on Friday, September 24 as well. The upcoming episode will deal with MacKenzie's "secret" (which is most likely that she can't have children). Oh, the humanity!

Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars is a special mini-series event that will take place on Sunday, October 17. It's supposed to wrap up a lot of the loose ends that a premature cancellation created in 2003.

Battlestar Galactica the new series begins sometime next January, no date has been set.

Back in the Saddle Again
Submitted Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 4:22:17 PM by Klaitu

Yeah, I still feel crummy, but that's just tough. I can't be all mopey all the time, it's counter to my very nature.

What, then, could snap me out of my funk? Bikini Supermodels? Kingdom Hearts 2? no, its BETTER!

WILLIAM SHATNER IS RELEASING A NEW ALBUM!

Sweet baby Moses! I'm there!

http://www.shatnerhasbeen.com/

Chronological Alignment
Submitted Friday, August 13, 2004 - 4:40:34 PM by Klaitu

For you guys, the rest of the world, it's been 6 days. For me, it's been a lifetime. There's been 144 hours in those 6 days, I have been awake for 126 of them. This might seem a little bit nerdy, but it's the way I process things by myself. People think I'm a robot or something. I've spent that time analyzing, cataloging, and calculating my life into tiny bite-size portions, and now I will begin the process of reassembling those portions into something.. functional.

I've gone through all those symptoms that people go through. Having been forced into introspection for a long time now, I was able to overcome those problems more readily than I had anticipated, a fact that I am grateful for. Now only two problems remain..

Foremost, that of time. I've got a lot of time on my hands now, and nothing to do. I guess I had a lot of time on my hands before, but now I tend to get myself analyzed into a corner and my brain melts. (no, really, it melts!).

So, I was watching an episode of Love Boat at 3 in the morning (hey, it had Richard Dean Anderson in it) and it hit me.. so I asked my sister, Rachey to be my cruise director. Shuffleboard.. buffet.. skeet shooting. All those things sound pretty good. Too bad she wasn't up for it.

I guess I'll have to go to my backup plan: Watching hours and hours of Farscape and Due South while taking breaks to play Final Fantasy Tactics (the oldschool version).

Anyways, I could always take up a hobby.. like gardening. I've been muddling around with it a little bit, just so I didn't have to stay indoors for all of those 144 hours. Gardening is alright, except that part where you have to rip the weeds out. That part sucks.. but the part where you don't do anything and watch the plants grow.. I'm there!

Tomorrow I get to deploy over to Bran's place to retrieve all that junk that got left over there. It's mostly small stuff, but I do have to get one of those TV's left over from the 80's.. one of those giant wood-grain encased ones. That's the difficult one. I'm hoping it wont take long, I expect it will pretty much wipe me out.

Disentanglement
Submitted Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 12:46:49 AM by Klaitu

Have you ever been through the death of a close relative? How about the breakup of a long-term relationship? A divorce?

I've been through breakups before, through deaths before, but nothing is quite so like this. You might be in a relationship for 6 months or a year. Those are rough.. but what happens after 6 years?

Well, that's what I get to find out. Last Sunday, my fabulous woman, Bran, broke up with me after over half a decade of being together. We weren't married, but it was almost as if we were.

Any joe will tell you: breakups suck. Longtime breakups suck even more.. that's something I have to work through, but unexpectedly there are more complications than I had anticipated.

Probably the foremost one is just the general missing of her prescence. I'll see something on TV, or read something that I really want to tell her.. but oh, wait.. can't do that anymore. She dosen't care. In the end, it only reminds me of what happened.

Secondarily is the complex interconnectivity of possessions that have to be extricated from one another's abodes, forcing confrontation after the fact. I'd just as soon erase her from my memory at this point, which just isn't happening.

Then you get into things like seeing couples on TV, in magazines.. in public, and no longer being reminded of what I lost.

This most definately qualifies as the ick. I'm trying to keep my spirits high, but it is proving to be quite difficult.

Still going to be slow with the updates for awhile, though.

Rollercoaster
Submitted Monday, August 9, 2004 - 12:42:07 AM by Klaitu

No updates for awhile, folks. Lost someone I love.

News Nugglets!
Submitted Friday, August 6, 2004 - 3:19:57 PM by Klaitu

Alright, some weird things happened today..

1. Rick James is dead. Unfortunately, his Chapelle show slogan is not.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,128268,00.html

2. During a surgery in 1995, the surgeon accidentally left a towel in a woman's chest. It wasn't found until an autopsy.

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/health/3624718/detail.html

3. Madonna is still a freak, she's opening a school to teach "Ancient Jewish Mysticism"

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/08/06/1091732063298.html?oneclick=true

4. What's the best way to stop an extradition? Glue yourself to your girlfriend!

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=857&u=/nm/20040805/od_uk_nm/oukoe_odd_spain_hands&printer=1

5. Bill Gates says he wants to buy a Nintendo. Well.. THE Nintendo Corporation.

http://news.com.com/Gates+stirs+rumor+mill+with+Nintendo+quip/2100-1043_3-5298118.html

6. Not really news, but sort of cool. Today's Question of the whenever:

With Alien vs Predator and Freddy vs Jason, what will be the next vs movie to make it big?

Yoda vs ET
Stoner vs Pothead
Ripley vs Connor
Zombie vs Zappa
Gandalf vs Harry Potter
Kirk vs Kerry
Mary-kate Olsen vs Ashley olsen
Hannibal Lector vs Scooby Doo & Shaggy
Forrest Gump vs Sling Blade
Rambo vs Commando
Tango vs Cash
Superman vs Hulk
The Box from Hellraiser vs The Phantasm Ball
Annie vs Pippi
(Michael) Jackson vs (pee-wee) Herman
Kermit vs Gonzo
Death Star vs Borg Ship
Beetlejuice vs Ghostbusters
Batman vs Batman vs Batman vs Batman
Tootsie vs Doubtfire
Godzilla vs Barkley (Charles)

Kerry vs. Dracula.. in Vietnam
Submitted Wednesday, August 4, 2004 - 1:41:54 PM by Klaitu

Oh, my hero!

Set aside the question of whether all politicians are bloodsuckers, and check out John Kerry in the latest issue of "Sword of Dracula" (Image, $2.95). The Democratic presidential candidate turns up for a sighting of the fanged one in an unusual place: Vietnam, 1968, where Kerry served in the U.S. Navy.

Behind the Scenes
Submitted Wednesday, August 4, 2004 - 3:20:37 AM by Klaitu

With Homestar Runner!

Here is an actual video interview with the Brothers Chaps!
http://www.g4techtv.com/html/videostream.asp?file=G4_Extras_Pulse_Homestar.wmv

G4's rating just went up a little bit. Now they suck less.

Also.. Audio Interviews!
http://boss.streamos.com/wmedia/spirit/interviews/100902_--_homestarrunner_dot_com.wax

http://www.cs.utah.edu/~swilde/hsw/media/strongbad_int_qt_hi.mov

http://boss.streamos.com/wmedia/spirit/interviews/022803_--_homestar_runner.wax

Vitamin K!
Submitted Wednesday, August 4, 2004 - 2:18:42 AM by Klaitu

Well, I went ahead and did some minor updates to Special K.. gave it a tuneup so to speak.

- Menubar links have been updated!
- Archives now display in a color you can actually read!
- Some minor HTML revisions!
- Reason to use computer icon fulfilled!

Happy Reading!

Peasant's Quest
Submitted Wednesday, August 4, 2004 - 1:31:55 AM by Klaitu

This one is both a review AND a walkthrough, since the game is 3 days old, and I am the master of oldschool adventure games. This took me about 20 minutes to beat.

Ever play King's Quest? That's what this is, except it's made by the homestar crew! Its also very funny!

Walkthrough:

Talk to the Knight
west
south
west
Get rocks
south
south
put rocks in bucket
use crank
south
Talk to guy
west
west
north
use mask
west
"Haldo"
get arrow
east
east
east
east
north
north
get berries (do this on each bush)
south
south
west
give trinket
Make 3 bullseyes by lining up the arrows with the red line.
If you mess up, "play again" until you dont mess up
west
north
kill kerrek
get belt
south
Walk into the big mud puddle
west
Hide
south
get money
"No"
east
south
east
east
open door
talk
give riches
get feed
exit cottage
west
west
west
move stone
deploy baby
enter cottage
open drawer
get robe
wear robe
exit cottage
east
east
east
east
north
open door
get a room
get grease
exit inn
south
walk by the lantern
north
north
talk to knight
east
climb
up
up
enter cave
Answer the Trivia Questions (they're easy)
east
use sword
talk to trogdor

CONGRATULATIONS! You just beat the game! Though if you blindly follow this walk through, you'll probably get the trivia questions wrong. I suggest you only use it if you get stuck!

oh.. you can play it here:
http://www.homestarrunner.com/disk4of12.html

Maximum Nerdosity.. OVERDRIVE
Submitted Tuesday, August 3, 2004 - 1:00:27 AM by Klaitu

Okay, I was pretty dorky for going to a Star Trek convention.. I am nothing among dorks. I bow to the phenomenal power of this video:

http://www.gateworld.net/articles/conventions/gatecon2004_video.wmv

"That Episode makes me cry every time I watch it!"
Parker Lewis reads poetry he wrote at age 21.
"Hey, can you show us the inside of your helmet?"
(naughty) Jaffa Jokes with Cristopher Judge.
Abydonian Lauguage course with that old guy from the movie.
Almost an hours worth of talking to guys you don't know!

It's a large file, so be warned. You might need to use a download-resumer like getright to get the full file. Lots of people are having problems getting the whole thing.

Community Service
Submitted Monday, August 2, 2004 - 11:02:33 PM by Klaitu

Alright, you all know I am the King of Nerds. This isn't an honorary title like Howard Stern's "King of all Media" or "Burger King". I actually am the King of Nerds.

I have no job. I haven't have a job for something like 6 years. As a result, I am pretty unhirable. My most recent job rejections were Wendy's and Buy for Less (a local grocery chain).

For a long time I stopped looking. I could go on and on about past mistakes and how I've screwed up royally.. but that's not the point of this post.

Anyways, I didn't want to get burnt out on looking (that happens when you have a 100% rejection rate!) I decide I should maybe do something else constructive with all this "free time" that I have. The Church is having a Vacation Bible School, and Vacation Bible Schools are regularly understaffed. So, I figure I can volunteer and help out the kiddos and whatnot, right?

Before I go any further, let's have a flashback to the early 90's. As a teen I was at a different church. I did the sound and lights for the entire children's ministry, which was actually kinda neat in and of itself. Enter church politics.

One person would come along and complain about the sound being too loud. Then, someone who outranks that person would come and tell me it was too quiet. Both of these people outrank me on the totem, so I'm obliged to obey both of them.. too bad their instructions are mutually exclusive.

Sundays were a wrestling match of Loud, quiet, loud, quiet. Eventually, one of them asked me "Why do you keep turning it down?".. it only took them about 4 months to ask that. It didn't solve the problem, mind you.

At one point the "turn it down" guy wasn't there, he got sick or something.. so the turn it up lady just kept telling me to turn it up, to the point where it was so loud that it distupted the adult service. This introduced a whole nother aspect. Now I had three people telling me what they wanted to do, and it was physically impossible for me to reconcile a solution between the three. Eventually, one of them snapped at me and started pointin and yelling at me in the middle of a service. This resulted in me pushing the "power" button, and walking out the door, vowing never to return. It's just as well I suppose, as depriving the media board of power results in a dark stage and no sound. I was likely blackballed.

Long story short, I have a dim view of volunteer work just based on previous experience. For me to volunteer to help in a children's ministry, even though it's a different church was a big decision.

So anyway, This morning was the first day of VBX (its VBS, but "X-Treme".. kids love the X). I had to wake up at an unholy hour.. I think I woke up so early that the clocks don't have a number for it.. it was sometime before 8 AM I think.. I don't remember it very well. Something about the sun being on the wrong side of the sky.

How did the volunteer work go? Well, suprisingly they had too many volunteers, so they were just making up stuff for people to do. My job was to stand in front of a sign with giant arrows pointing to the pre-registered line and the unregistered line. I would then ask the incoming people if they had pre-registered, and direct them to the appropriate line based on their answer.

Alright, a bit redundant, but it wasn't bad. I got to meet some people.. and I learned a few things that I hadn't really thought about.

1. A Strange trend. 1,275 kids showed up, and about 340 adults were there. That's about 4 kids per adult, which is a very balanced ratio. Usually it's like 10 kids to 1 adult.

2. Of the 340 adults, probably 337 were parents of kids who were attending the VBS. I was one of the three who weren't.

3. Breast implants, bleach-blonde hair, capri pants, and sandals are DEFINATELY the fashion of choice for church-going 20 something mothers. It's almost a uniform. Many of them went for bonus points with the "see bra through shirt" category. Unexpected? I thought so.

and err.. just in case you're wondering, I wasn't looking.. these things were readily apparent.

4. Out of those 1,275 kids, about 20 of them were black, and maybe 4 were of asian descent. Not that it's important, but an oddity I thought. This ratio is disproportionate to the population at large.

At any rate, the VBS lasted from 8 to 12.. but I left around 11 since everone had checked in by then, and all I did after that was stand around doing nothing.

It wasn't as horrendous as my previous experience.. it didn't turn me of volunteering, but I probably won't be volunteering for a children's ministry again any time soon.

PANTS!
Submitted Sunday, August 1, 2004 - 6:29:48 PM by Klaitu

That's right, you heard me! PANTS, and lots of them! That's what I picked up yeaterday during my annual clothing shopping excursion.

This probably comes as a shock to some of you but as of Friday, my entire wardrobe consisted of 5 T-shirts, 1 pair of Shoes, and 1 pair of pants. Total.. as in, you can fit all the clothes I own in a single suitcase. (this of course excludes ties, of which I have 5.. and like dress shirts, which I hardly ever wear)

You may wonder why I own so few clothes.. It's because I am in the "black hole" of sizes. I am too fat to wear normal clothes, but too thin to wear fat people clothes. I'm stuck in the middle.

According to clothes, you are allowed to be either tall and beanpole, or short and dumpy. You can't be tall and dumpy, or short and beanpole. They don't make clothes for those people.

Well.. they didn't. My first step was JC Penney. JC Penney is usually pretty good, but this time around they didn't have anything that was working. Right waist size, wrong leg size.. or vice versa.. or they would have the right size, but it was in "classic fit". For you uneducated people, "classic fit" means "cop pants".

Speaking of which, There are about 5 million different "fits" which make little or no difference whatsoever.

Comfort Fit
Loose Fit
Slack Fit
Classic Fit
Normal Fit
Casual Fit

What's the difference? Nobody knows! Well, Goldberry probably knows.. but ordinary consumers like myself have no clue. All I know is that you never never ever for any reason want pants that have a permanent crease down the legs. Barfola on those.

Well, I didn't have any luck with our friend, John Cash Penny. We spent probably an hour there to no avail.

Then, it was time. Time for the walk of shame. We decided to have a look at the fat people store. There were.. pictures of George Foreman EVERYWHERE. They were even selling his grills... at a clothing store.

There were two really good parts about the fat people store:

1. Everyone in there was fatter than me.
2. There was ample room in the changing rooms.

So, we're looking around, and the clothing dude came and talked to us, and helped us find stuff. That was cool, I haven't ever seen clothing store people actually help out people unless you're buying a 200 dollar suitcoat or something.

After about an hour of standing in the "changing cell" I had acquired two more pair of pants. The only two pairs in the entire store in my size.. I lucked out, though.. one pair was a pair of Levi Strauss 560 jeans.

Just so you know, Levi Strauss 560 jeans aren't cheap, especially when they're in the "fat people size zone". The "Guaranteed for life" aspect of the jeans was the true selling point (thanks for the tip, Geeb).

I was pleasantly suprised. Usually when there are jeans in my size, they are like.. wranglers. This phenomeon is disturbing because it seems to indicate that fat people want their jeans to be skin tight and their underwear jammed into their buttcrack.. whereas everyone else wants precisely the opposite.

The other pair was a pair of black dress slacks for Job interviews and the like. They're not very impressive.. they're cheap little crap pants that are going to rip if I move incorrectly.

So, I wore my jeans to church today.. these things rock. My only complaint is that they're a little warm to wear when it's 98 degrees outside. Yeah, so I guess that explains that I haven't ever owned a pair of jeans before.

The best part about these jeans is that when I sit down, my legs don't look like sausages. In other words, someone actually made pants with a leg size appropriate to the waist size. Kudos to whoever figured that one out.

Anyways, now I'm livin large in my new pants. Rock Rock on!