June 2005

Candlejoy Junction and Teddy Bear Adoption Center
Submitted Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 2:09:18 PM by Klaitu

Yep, Penny Arcade did it again.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php?date=2005-06-29&res=l

Just Say "No!" to Ads
Submitted Monday, June 27, 2005 - 12:08:27 PM by Klaitu

This one is actually kinda funny.. check out what Bran got in her e-mail the other day:

Hello,

Our company ExpoActive operates an online advertising service. We are interested in placing a text based ad on your website http://ds180.net/specialk

Currently we would be willing to pay you $ .25 for every click that this Ad receives.

If you decide to accept this proposal please create your ExpoActive account using the following dynamic link (link removed)

After creating your ExpoActive account you will be able to view the actual ad that we would like to place on your website. If you agree to display this Ad on your website you will be provided with a short HTML segment that you simply paste on to your site’s pages wherever you believe the Ad would be most effective. In the event that you feel the ad you have been offered would be more relevant on a different website that you operate, it is fine to place it there providing the visitor demographics are similar.

You will then immediately begin earning $ .25 every time a visitor of your website clicks this Ad. At any time you will be able to log into your account and view your balance. The money you earn will be sent to you via check or certified money order on a monthly basis.

We hope you choose to accept our proposal, as we look forward to advertising with you ASAP!

Sincerely,

Pete Caxivo
Senior Account Recruitment
ExpoActive

Katamari Damacy
Submitted Friday, June 24, 2005 - 3:53:11 PM by Klaitu

Oh, how I have waited to play this game. Not exactly a well-known title, but it's gotten some pretty favorable reviews, so I decided to check it out. Let me just say, it's a trip.

Basic Premise: You're a small green prince. The King of the Universe has accidentally destroyed all the stars in the heavens, and so now it's your job to roll up wads of miscellaneous crap until you have enough mass to build a star.

It starts out simple enough.. a thumbtack, some gum, maybe some hard candies.. but pretty soon you're sucking up apples, watermelons, toy bears.. eventually, you're sucking up cats, dogs, people, cars.. just whatever crap happens to be laying around.

I don't know why this game is so fun. I can't explain it, it just is. You drive your big ball of crap around like a tank with both thumbsticks, which does make the game a little more challenging. It's so simple. and yet, so very very fun.

The story to the game, though, is the shining point. I'm pretty sure it was written by Insane Japanese guys in an Insane Asylum while hopped up on monkey crack. There really is no other way to explain lines like "I feel the cosmos.... MOOOOOOOOOO!"

This is insanity just above the level of Wario Ware.. but not by much.

Simple game. Lots of Fun. What's not to love?

Overall Score: 9 of 10

If Star Wars were like SWG
Submitted Wednesday, June 22, 2005 - 12:43:20 PM by Klaitu

Picked this up on the Star Wars Galaxies message boards:

Episode-I:

Obi Wan: "Hmm, these Neimoidians are taking forever. Is it in their nature to make us wait this long?"

Qui Gon: "No, they are probably AFK, or lagging due to the droid population on this ship."

Obi Wan: "Could they be bugged?"

Qui Gon: "Likely."

---------------------------------------------------------------

Darth Maul: "Finally, we will have revenge."

Sidious: "Yes, all your grinding on quenkers in the farthest corner of Dantooine without ever getting vis ONCE, has paid off. You will be more than a match for the Jedi."



Episode-II:

Obi Wan puts a snare on Jango Fett, causing him to stop in midair, while his jetpack flies off and gets disabled.

Jango then sends multiple hate /tells to Obi Wan.

You tell Obi Wan: "YOU JERK, DO YOU REALIZE HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET ALL THE PARTS FROM THE DWB TO CREATE THAT THING?? THE MONEY I SPENT ON THE PARTS I COULDN'T FIND IN LOOT???? OMG, YOU'RE SUCH A BIOTCH, I HATE YOU."

Obi Wan Replies: "Shouldn't have had it out, noob."

Jango uses /lastditch

Jango misses

Jango roots Obi Wan and escapes.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Yoda : Trooper, Good job you did, bring me a ship, I request.
Trooper : Impossible
Yoda : Why?
Trooper : Next shuttle boards in 9min 57secs



-----------------------------------------------------------

Dooku spots Aniken and Obi-wan comming and turns on his Infusion macro.

Obi-Wan "Lets take him together...Set drain as you default attack"

Anakin "I can pwn him with Breach!"

Obi-Wan "NO ANAKIN BREACH DOESN'T AGAINST DEFENDER"

*Anakin gets incapped*

*Obi-Wan uses his 4/3/2/4 LS skills and gets owned quickly due to only having 3000 healer*

*Yoda Enters*

They exchange force powers until...

Dooku "It appears we both respeced to powers...What a crappy DPS profession...Now we must measure our skills with a Lightsaber"

Yoda "Run out of action you will...For MLS I am not"

*They fight until Dooku runs out of action*

Dooku tries to DB Obi-Wan and Anakin but moves and screws the timer so he runs.

*Dooku Flies to Coroscant*

Darth Sideous "You have done well....Now respec back to Defender so we can spam AI to tank their Masters with Force Armor...I will transfer you force"

Dooku "What if a BH comes? Then i'll be locked in a TEF and you can't transfer?!!1"

Sideous "Pick up channel force and make sure to craft your 4th gen saber while your still MLS"

Dooku "My pearls are almost all gone!

Sideous "Here put this Anti Decay kit on it"

*Gives Dooku Anti Decay*

*Dooku puts it on his saber and his pearls are saved*



Episode-III

Anakin, a master pilot, with his wingman, Obi Wan, a 4/3/3/3 pilot (only so he could fly the jedi starfighter) fly through the space battle. Since Obi Wan isn't a full pilot, and doesn't really know how to use his R2 Droid's programs, he constantly complains about JTL, and says flying is for droids. Meanwhile Anakin has reactor overload 3, engine overload 3, weap cap overload 3, and weapon overload 3 all working, and he owns all that oppose.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Obi Wan: "Okay, this time we take him together, instead of you rushing toward him like you did before, when you were CL 38 and he was CL 97."

Anakin: "I was just about to say that."

Anakin and Obi Wan equip their sabers as Dooku walks in with his CL 1 SBD pets (only for show, no real strength)

Dooku: "Okay, I owned you guys before, lets not make too much of a mess in front of the Chancellor"

Anakin: "I've grinded on a lot of bol's since we last met, and had a final respec not long ago."

Dooku: "Don't assume because you are both CL 80 that you have the advantage." /starts force aura macro and begins to dervish like crazy.

---------------------------------------------------------

*Annakin stands poised over Count Dooku, with agraphics glitch showing two Lightsabers on Dooku's head*

Palpatine: DB him.

Annakin: I shouldn't.....

Palpatine: He is too dangerous to allow his Incap timer to run out! hurry there's a warmup now!

*Anakin killed Dooku*

Anakin: I shouldn't have. It's not the Jedi way. I should have triple-incapped him.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Yoda: These nightmares haunt you, yes?

Anakin: Yes.

Yoda: About pain and suffering, are they?

Anakin: Yes...pain, suffering, and soo little xp.

Yoda: Little xp? Patience you should have. For impatience leads to angry, angry leads to hate, hate leads to cancellation of your account.

Anakin: I know...it pains me to be hunted by BH all day long.

Yoda: *cough padawan cough* *hack* your training is not complete.

Anakin: What??!! But I have a full template and I...I...I just respec'd to MLS and MDEF...you deny my rights to start the trials?

Yoda: Knight, you are not. Decided to reformat the FRS, the Jedi Council has.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Palpatine: "My old master, before he left to WoW, found the ability to cheat death."

Anakin: "Is it possible to learn this power?"

Palpatine: "Not from a Jedi.... pre OR post CU."

Anakin: "Then how do you know?"

Palpatine: "Well, one time I went to Tatooine, to, ahem.... , while I was there, I stopped in this cave full of squills and talked to a guy standing around at the bottom, he sent me out to find a farmer, a boar, and...."

/PlayDuelOftheFatesforNoReason

Palpatine: ".... and after all that, I obtained the Hero of Tatooine Ring."

Anakin: "I know my profession is a long grind and all.... but even that quest sounds like its just too long."

----------------------------------------------------

Palpatine - "Let me to help you understand the subleties of the Force."

Anakin - "How do you know the ways of the Force?"

Palpatine - "My best friend unlocked his Jedi and taught me everything. Even how to become a Dark Jedi Knight."

-------------------------------------------------------------
Anakin -"You know that?!? But how? The Knight Trials are offline!"

Palpatine - "If you are to understand the great mystery, you must study all it's aspects. That means trying out every template, not just those Light Jedi FOTM templates. Be careful of your Light Jedi friends. Only through me will you be able to pwn them when the FRS re-opens. Learn to follow my template, and you will be able to save your wife from certain death."

----------------------------------------------------------------

After spamming to start a group in the Jedi temple, Mace Windu got his little group together, ate some food, got a buff, started his macros, etc.

His group members thought "hey, lets use Mace as a tank!"

The result: a couple jedi laying on the ground 'Corpse of Kit Fisto' etc.

Mace Windu, successfully ripostes Sidious' force lightning back at him, and not only hurts him, but also drains his force.

Anakin, waiting til Mace's force was low, then attacks. He also channels some force to Sidious, who is then able to start using his force lightning again, then DB's Mace Windu.

Then Anakin is like "DOH!" and realizes that the JC (Jedi Council Guild) will kick him. Sidious offers him to join him in his little two man guild, since Dooku was DB'd earlier so easily, due to too much lag on such a huge multipassenger ship, and his aura macro stalled.

-------------------------------------------------

Palpatine - "To cheat death is a power that thousands of Defenders have achieved. I'm not talking about that though. /avoidIncap Other is a power that only a dev has achieved, but if we work together, I know we can discover the secret."

Anakin - "I pledge myself to your teachings. I want your template, and /findmytrainer is bugged for me."

Sidious: You can become my apprentice, but you have too many Light Side faction points right now. In order to join me, you need to go kill all the Jedi in the temple. That should give you enough Dark Side faction to be able to join me.

Sidious: You might have to camp the spot a few days tho...and be sure to loot them. They drop +2 and +3 CAs and AAs alot..some of them are jedi tapes too. We will need the creds to build my death star.

----------------------------------------------------------

Mean while on Kashyyyk

Yoda: Chewy, place a camp right in front of the ramp so the clone troopers get stuck. U must. Seriously grief them u will.

------------------------------------------------

Ki-Adi Mundi, looking at his skill window, noticed that the CU nerfed MLS.

Ki-Adi Mundi: /think "Hmm, only 5+ block in the master box??? Oh well, I'm still uber!!"

*Suddenly, his faction pet Clone Troopers turn into red dots*

Ki-Adi Mundi: "Come on!!

Ki-Adi Mundi: Hey, isn't that my command for you guys to follow?"

*He stops to check his pet commands, then looks back, realizing they are now CL 80 red dots, and about to agro him*

Ki-Adi Mundi: "WTH??"

*With such a nerf on his block, he only blocks one shot, and is taken down easily.*

Ki-Adi Mundi tells Clone Commander: "I'VE HAD IT, SOE SUCKS!!"

Clone Trooper replies: /bow "ROFL!!!"

------------------------------------------------------------

*Yoda hits Palpatine 1005 points of damage*

*Palpatine hits Yoda 2035 points of damage*

*Yoda has been incappasitated*

Palpatine tells Yoda: "ROFL"

*Yoda's incap timer runs out, he gets up and bails.... to meet up with Bail.*

Yoda: "Failed I have, lost 2.7 million xp I did."

Bail: "Since Palpatine declared himself Emperor, he created the vis rule, codenamed: Order 66. If any Jedi use force or lightsaber skills in front of other people, they will automatically be on these things called BH terms. You will be hunted."

Yoda: "Sucks, that does. However, droids on Dagobah usable, they are not. Into exile, I must go."

Bail: "They say after 3 weeks, you should be okay."

Yoda: "Safe to be, 20 years, I will wait."

---------------------------------------------------

Obi Wan: "Its over Anakin, just /endduel already, I have the high ground."

Anakin: "My lack of terrain negotiation means nothing. You underestimate my template!"

Obi Wan: "Don't try it."

Anakin: /jump

Obi Wan then owns Anakin, since /jump is nothing but an animation, and does nothing.

Lying on the ground, an incapped Anakin Skywalker, with 100% wound damage.

/tell Obi Wan: "I HATE YOU! ALL YOU EVER DID PRE-CU WAS STEAL MY KILLS WHEN WE GRINDED TOGETHER!!!"

Obi Wan: /cry *cries on his shoulder* "You were the chosen one! You were supposed to bring balance, not nerf non-Sith Jedi!"

----------------------------------------------------

Darth Vader: "Where is Padme?"

Darth Sidious: "It would seem that you were a red dot to her, agro'd her, and used force choak and DB'd her."

Darth Vader: "What?! I just incapped her, I FELT IT!"

Darth Vader: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

----------------------------------------------------------------

Yoda: "During your time on Tattooine, more training I have for you Obi Wan."

Obi Wan: "Training? No, my trainer is a scout trainer on Talus, and besides, I have no more skill points, and I like my template."

Yoda: "Nevermind that, you will. An old friend of ours, from death, has learned to contact me. Teach this to you, I will."

Obi Wan: "Who?"

Yoda: "Your old Master."

Obi Wan: "Qui Gon!!"

Yoda: "Yes, but now, EQ he plays, after cancelling his account. How to send /tell's to him, I will teach you."

-------------------------------------------

Episode-IV

In the opening scenes of Episode IV, a group of imps, in their ST faction army, boarded the Tantive IV, mistaking it for the Corellian Corvette.

Darth Vader (holding a CL 30 reb by his neck, in the air): "Where is the loot we came for, what have you done with the power cores!?!"

Token Reb Guy: "We have no loot *choke* at least nothing worth anything to someone as high a CL as you. We are on our way to help a cowardly trandoshan."

Darth Vader: "If this is a multiplayer ship, where is the loot container!!??"

Token Reb Guy: *gag* /die

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Luke and C-3PO, on the quest to locate R2-D2 and Obi Wan Kenobi.

Luke: /prone "Well, I see two tusken banthas down there but.... wait a second, theres sandpeople, one spawned just now."

Second Tusken Raider spawns right in front of Luke and agros.

C-3P0: /feigndeath

Luke: *dodge* *dodge* *incapped*

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia Hologram: "Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

Obi Wan accepts the quest.

Quest Recieved: < Alderaan : Contact Bail Organna >

Obi Wan: "You will have to learn the ways of the force, if you are to come with me to Alderaan."

Luke: "Alderaan? Was there a new expansion I missed? Anyway, I'm not going to Alderaan, its late, and I'm CL 12 as it is."

Obi Wan: "I can't do this alone, I'm still not used to CU. I need your help. SHE needs your help. She only has 0/4/0/0 marksman and master politician."

Luke: /pause "I can't get involved, its not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but theres nothing I can do about it now.... I only have 0 reb faction."

Obi Wan: "Fine, go survey by your house with your Chef Aunt and Artisan Uncle. You must do what you feel is right of course."

---------------------------------------------------------------

Han Solo: "Chewie here tells me you need transport to Alderaan."

Obi Wan: "Yes, if its a fast ship."

Han Solo: "Fast ship? You've never heard of the (Millenium Falcon)"

Obi Wan: "No, I'm not into JTL."

Han Solo: "It has an engine with top speed 120 in it. With two people on turrets, I've solo'd the corvette in less than 12 parsecs. Whats the cargo?"

Obi Wan: "Only passengers, myself, the noob, two droids, and no spamming please."

Han Solo: "Oooh, that last ones gonna cost ya. 10k, all in advance."

Luke: "10k??? We could buy our own ship for that."

Han Solo: /groan "Yeah sure, maybe a Z-95, and you'd only be able to bring the R2 droid with you. NOOB!"

Obi Wan: "We can give you 2k now, plus 15k when we get to Alderaan."

Han Solo: "17k huh? You guys got yourselves a ship, meet inside the starport."

Obi Wan: "Okay Luke, sell your X-31, then lets go do 3 dewback missions, I'll tank for you."

-------------------------------------------------------------

Governor Tarkin: "The Jedi are extinct. You my friend are all that remains of their religion."

Vader: "You don't get out much, do you?"

---------------------------------------------------

Vader: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The
30 second timer to become special forces is now complete.

Vader: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.

Ben: Only a master of killing Bounty hunters for force rank, Darth.

Vader: Your powers are weak, old man. You should of taken 4/4/0/0 in powers instead of master healer noob.

Ben: You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall clone and come back with 3 bounty hunters to pwn you.

Vader: Your powers are weak old man

Kenobi: Well duh I've been stuck on tatooine with nuting but CL 5 womp rats to kill

Vader: Really?

Kenobi: Yup , had nuting better to do since I lost all my jedi points in that last respec

Vader: Have You got Aura on? been hacking at you for 5mins now.....

Kenobi: Nope , check your cristals friend

Vader: Arrr yes , got a spare premium u can lend?

Kenobi: Yea sure take this pre-cu one

Vader: Noob , I aint paying ya for it.

*Vader tunes cristal*

Vader: WTH! , 20 max damage and a -1fc! , what sorta prem u givin meh?

Kenbobi: My action and force is almost out! hurry , Luke is watching.

Vader: The low level paddy?

Kenobi: Yup

Vader: Gah sod it *pulls out advanced lazer rifel*

Kenobi: Strike me dow.....

*BANG BANG*

Vader: Another Jedi bites the dust */dance*

*Darth Vader pulls the corpse of Obi-won to the dance floor*

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode-V

Darth Vader: /kneel "What is thy bidding, my Master?"

Emperor: "We have a new enemy: Luke Skywalker."

Darth Vader: "How is that possible?"

Emperor: "Search your feelings, Lord Vader. He grinded between Anchorhead and Wayfar exclusively, so you likely never seen him around much. Anyway, he could own us."

Darth Vader: "He is just a noob, no higher than CL 54 by now. Also, Obi Wan can no longer help him, since I DB'd him back when permadeath was still active."

Emperor: "The son of Skywalker must NOT become a Jedi."

Darth Vader: "If he could be turned, he could become a powerful guildie."

Emperor: "Yessss, yess. Can it be done?"

Darth Vader: "He will join us, or I will /tell all the BH in my friendlist to look on the terms for his name." /bow

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting inside a small mud hut on the desolate planet of Degobah, Luke Skywalker attempts to persuade Jedi Master Yoda to instruct him in the ways of the Jedi...


Luke: "But Yoda, I am not afraid... I am not, Obi Wan, tell him I'm not afraid."

Blue Glowie Obi Wan: "He's right. He has a safe grinding spot on Dant and a house deed in his inventory, and I still have my X-34 speeder just in case he needs a ride. He's not afraid."

Yoda: "You will be! Whine those BH's will... Nerfed your Safe house will be. Nerf, Obi Wan's speeder they will. Vader is a powerful Foe... great in the L33t PwnzerS is he!"

------------------------------------------------------------

Darth Vader Tells luke: I am your Father !
Luke Skywalker replies : Auto AFK Message: Im currently Away from the keyboard.

------------------------------------------------------------------------


/tell ben Ben!

Ben is not online

Leia!

/tell leia LEIA!

Luke.

/findfriend Luke

We have to go back, Luke's WP is the other way.

Are you crazy? That place has a huge spawn of Stormtroopers and we are all combatants!

/wookieroar;/duel lando

All right, all right!





------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode-VI



Luke: *Control + I ... double left click Black Hooded Cloak (hood down)*

Luke: You will bring Captain Solo and the wookiee to me

Jabba: hahaha .. NOOB!!

C3PO: Master *waving his arms* that spot is bugged

Luke: Bah .. I can't move .. what the ?? /unstick

*Unstick in Progress*

... waiting ...

*Unstick Complete*

*Loading*

*Appears in Jabba's Dungeon*

Gamoorian Guard: Ah hell .. how'd I get here??

Luke: Did you do /unstick also?

Gamorrian Guard: Yeah .. stupid Bug

Rancor: RRROOAAARR!!! *CL 81*

Gamorrian Guard: Oh crap .. I'm only CL 34, with Swordsman 0030.

Luke: What's your other profession?

Gamorrian Guard: Master Dancer, Image Designer 4230. You?

Luke: LS 0402, Master Powers, Novice Healer, Enhancer 0002. I'm only CL 75. I still need to grind more Bols, and I don't have any respecs left.

------------------------------------------------------------

Luke Skywalker: /bug

I was getting my last mission to complete Jabba's Themepark when for some reason I dropped through the floor. I'm now stuck in a room that has only one door that wont open so I cant get out. In addition there is a Rancor in this room that aggro'd me. Can one of you csr's unstick me please

Thanks,

Luke Skywalker

---------------------------------------------------------

Luke - Im getting tells from Han and Leia lots of overt imp at Cloud City

Yoda - Dont go, incomplete is your training, not grinded enough you have.

Luke - But they will get pwned.

Yoda - If you go now visibiity, you will gain and loose evrything you grinded for you will.

Luke - This sux. I want to pvp now. I'll come back and grind later. Besides spawn on Degobah is bugged they need to reset server and there is no mission terminal here.

----------------------------------------------------------

Yoda: "When gone am I, the last of the Jedi you will be.... supposedly."

Luke: "Yoda, you can't die."

Yoda: "Strong am I in the force, but my bank account and I agree, not happy with game, we are no longer. Cancelled, my account is."

Yoda: /logout "Okay, 30 seconds have I. There is.... another.... Sky.... walk.... *disappears*

Luke: "Hmm, you would think he could have told me more, he had a whole 30 seconds."

/eq2.crushbone.Obi Wan tells you: "Yoda will always be with you."

Luke: "Obi Wan! You liar! You told me Vader betrayed and DB'd my Father!!"

Obi Wan: "When Anakin got fed up with holo grinding, he deleted his account, then learned of the new jedi system and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your Father, was destroyed. So What I told you was true, from a certain point of view."

----------------------------------------------------------

Leia: Luke, you have a power I don't understand, and could never have.

Luke: You're wrong Leia, in time, you will learn that power, as I have, one more phase change and your banked xp will unlock you.

Leia: But it's such a long grind, and I'm not rich enough to have two accounts, so I have some merchant for this toon. Besides, my CL is only 65, I'll get owned by every BH that comes after me.

Luke: But you didn't log on until 2 weeks after CU, you can finish your template in the next week if you just grind out your novice boxes each day and respec properly.

Han: He's right Leia, I just finished my temp.

C-3PO: Me too...

Chewie: ARrrhgghrr

Wicket: Me too(in whatever language they speak)

Vader cloaked from a distance: Hmmmm, better get on teamspeak, looks like we got a whole village of full temp jedi coming...


Luke: Vader is here, on this very moon.

Leia: How can you tell?

Luke: I felt his presence.

Leia: Ok, my cloak targeting macro just picked him up too, let's chase him.

Luke: Hey Leia, /duel me, we might be able to break his cloak.

cloaking and back running before speeders Leia?s out take to enough long uncloaks then>

Luke: Damn, well he's gotta run out of force eventually, keep following him.

Leia: Someone's coming...

Luke: Don't worry, it's just a blue dot, not overt.

bikes other their for waiting behind Leia leaving shuttleport nearest the ride up picks AB-1 his Palpatine be turns>

--------------------------------------------------------------

Appearantly no one from the empire realized that Ewoks were like CL 109, they must have had the con switch clicked off on their radars and just saw a bunch of yellow, non-aggro creatures running around. That and there was a huge spawn break of Ewoks all around the shield generator.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Emperor: /rublightsaber "You want this, don't you? I can feel your anger. Strike me down with it and your journey to the dark side will be complete."

Luke: .... (LD) ....

Darth Vader: "Master, it would appear that he either crashed, or had to leave."

***Luke is online at Thur June 09 02:24:31 2005. If you are on Luke's friendlist, try /findfriend Luke to find them.

Luke: "Sorry, was afk too long, I crashed."

Emperor: "Okay, as I was saying, strike me down with this lightsaber, you know you want to."

Luke: "Okay, hold on a sec."

Luke waits another 20 minutes til his 12 hour respec period is up, so he can get Master Defender finally, while watching Lando suffer through the HORRIBLE lag in space, due to all the ships in one spot, plus the Death Star being like, right there in everybody's faces.

Into the West
Submitted Tuesday, June 21, 2005 - 11:56:30 AM by Klaitu

It's been awhile since my last update.. due to the fact that summers are the most boring time on earth.. but there are little bits of goodness in summer, like Into the West.

At first, I thought "oh, another wannabe western, big deal", but it was produced by Steven Speilburg. The guy has a pretty good track record, so it goes into the TiVo recording pile.

I was pleasantly suprised. It's the story of a Virginia wheelmaker who travels west to California, with adventures had by all. It's also a set of miniseries, only two of which have aired, so I don't know the full story yet.

There's also a completely uninteresting Indian storyline. What is it with Indian storylines that forces them to be completely boring and redundant, anyway?

Hey, guess what? The Indians are having a big debate over wether or not they should give up their old ways and buy guns to fight the white man. Yeah, I know you're just as shocked as me.. It's not like that has ever happened before with Indian stories.

Next thing you know, Lucille Ball's going to be cooking up some hare-brained scheme that gets her husband in trouble.. because THAT's innovative.

So, anyways, It's not done yet, so no overall score, but check it out over on TNT.. they replay it a jillion times, so you shouldn't have a problem finding it.

Samurai Western
Submitted Thursday, June 16, 2005 - 11:59:02 AM by Klaitu

The latest game in my Gamefly experiment, Samurai Western is probably better known by another title: Way of the Samurai 3.

As the name implies, this time you're a samurai in the American west, slicing and dicing cowboys while on a quest for revenge against another samurai whw does the bidding of the local crook.

Gameplay is pretty close to previous Way of the Samurai episodes, but this time you're mainly fighting guys with guns, as opposed to guys with swords. This simply means they die much easier. It also means you have to do a lot more evasion.

Each chapter of the story sets you up in an arena, of sorts.. A small area to finish the bad guys. Once you defeat them all, you move onto the next arena and beat up some more.

The game is moderately fun. The gameplay is fluid, the animations are cool, and the concept is pretty neat. It is, essentially, a hack and slash.. and that's all you'll ever do in the game. The game is also very short.

This one is definately worth a rental. I wouldn't ever buy it.

Overall Score: 7 of 10

HOOOO!!
Submitted Wednesday, June 15, 2005 - 12:40:27 PM by Klaitu

Sure, I know you like Michael Jackson's Thriller.

But I think you'll like Michael Jackson's Lego Thriller better.

http://www.koreus.com/files/200408/lego_thriller.html

It starts out a little slow, just wait until the part where MJ turns into a werewolf.. you'll be hooked after that!

IT has lyrics
Submitted Friday, June 10, 2005 - 11:17:19 PM by Klaitu

Since I've restarted Star Wars Galaxies, I've been bombarded by obscure, and mostly unneccessary Star Wars trivia.

There is one bit of trivia that is just.. disturbing. As if a billions voices cried out and were silenced, even.

If you were born in the 1970's or 80's, you remember that originally, the Return of the Jedi had a cute little finale number sung by Ewoks. Perhaps more disturbingly, you prefer this music to the new music added in the 1997 version.

But if you thought that was bad, that original version has official lyrics, and the Ewoks have an actual fictional language. Here, feel the pain:

Yub nub
eee chop yub nub
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene
g'noop dock fling oh ah
Yah wah
eee chop yah wah
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene
g'noop dock fling oh ah
Coatee chah tu yub nub
coatee chah tu yahwah
coatee chah tu glowah
allay loo ta nuv
Glowah
eee chop glowah
ya glowah pee chu nee foam
ah toot dee awe goon daa
Coatee cha tu goo (Yub nub!)
coatee cha tu doo (Yahwah!)
coatee cha tu too (Ya chaa!)
allay loo ta nuv
allay loo ta nuv
allay loo ta nuv
Glowah
eee chop glowah
ya glowah pee chu nee foam
ah toot dee awe goon daa
Allay loo ta nuv

It's not just the Japanese Anymore
Submitted Friday, June 10, 2005 - 1:22:16 PM by Klaitu

The French are insane, too. I had my suspicions, of course, but now it's all out in the open.

PARIS — Almost 40 per cent of French men told a recent survey that they would like to, science permitting, become pregnant.
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The poll — conducted by Ipsos and published in the current issue of Children Magazine (Enfants Magazine)— showed that 38 per cent of the more than 500 fathers of children up to seven interviewed by phone said they would like, or would have liked, to be the one to carry their offspring to term.
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A slightly higher percentage of women respondents liked the idea of their spouses taking on the nine-month job.

Junk Mail
Submitted Wednesday, June 8, 2005 - 3:14:46 PM by Klaitu

As I usually do, I went to retrieve the mail from the mailbox today.. and as usual, it was filled with mail for people other than me. Junk Mail, Bills, that sort of thing.. but one piece of Junk Mail caught my eye.

It was addressed to "Theatre Patron" and on the reverse it said "BIG NAMES ARE COMING TO TOWN!!" in big letters.

This piqued my curiosity. Theatre Patron? Big Names? Was someone famous going to perform at our Civic Center in some obscure play production that nobody had ever heard of before?

So, I popped it open and took a look, and what should I see?

Dorks just got even Dorkier
Submitted Wednesday, June 8, 2005 - 12:22:55 PM by Klaitu

Bran sent me this article, and I must say that is most Dorkilicious.

Have you ever wanted to play virtual pac-man? Have you ever wanted to walk around your town going "wokka wokka wokka"? Have you ever wanted to play as a ghost and totally PK pacman?

Well, now you can.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4607449.stm

Battlestar Galactica
Submitted Tuesday, June 7, 2005 - 9:02:30 PM by Klaitu

Well, folks, here's what I can tell you about Battlestar Galactica the Video Game.

Stick to the shows. They're much better.

BSG is essentially a flight sim in space.. not unlike Star Trek: Shattered Universe. You fly as William "Husher" Adama during the first cylon war.

That's pretty much it. The game is almost precisely like Star Trek: Shattered Universe in every respect, except that you don't get new ships.. you only keep to your old tried and true Viper Mk. 2.

The story? I'm not sure I could tell you. The missions are hard. REALLY hard.. and once you fail one, you get to do them ALL over again.

The Music is repetitive and useless game filler music.

The graphics are about the same as you would see in a first generation PS2 game.

If there is any upside to the production of the game, it is that Dirk Benedict and Richard Hatch.. the original Starbuck and Apollo provided their voice talents to the game, and I must say, their work is certainly the bright point of the game. The rest of the voice actors need serious help.

I knew this game was going to be a mid-flop when I got it, but I thought that maybe my nostalgia could pull it out of the bargain bin. It couldn't. The game gets neither the original universe, nor the new universe right.. and lies somewhere in between the two.

The biggest problem I had was that the game is just not very fun at all.

Overall Score: 2 of 10

More Episode 3 Parody
Submitted Monday, June 6, 2005 - 5:00:31 PM by Klaitu

That last one was funny, but this one is just ridiculous..

http://www.sequentialpictures.com/moviestarwarsepisode3.html

Episode 3 converted to l33tspeak
Submitted Sunday, June 5, 2005 - 10:05:09 PM by Klaitu

If you've ever played any online game, this video will have you rolling in the aisles. The sad thing is, it's so funny because this is really how most gamers behave online.

Don't say I didn't warn ya!
http://www.planetvids.com/html/Star-Wars-Preview-with-L33t-Captions.html

The Gamefly Saga: Episode 3
Submitted Friday, June 3, 2005 - 5:15:38 PM by Klaitu

Well, just a little update because I know everyone cares so much. My most recent game, X-Files: Resist or Serve got back to Gamefly A-OK, and now my next game is on the way. Be prepared for "Battlestar Galactica: The Videogame".

I know you fear it!

Top 10 Ways to Destroy the Earth
Submitted Wednesday, June 1, 2005 - 1:45:23 PM by Klaitu

This website is truly fascinating. Check out this quote:

By any means necessary, to render the Earth into a form in which it may no longer be considered a planet. Such forms include, but are most definitely not limited to: two or more planets; any number of smaller asteroids; a quantum singularity; a dust cloud

Star Wars Galaxies: Two Years Later
Submitted Wednesday, June 1, 2005 - 1:04:40 PM by Klaitu

This recent hubbub of Star-Wars-Ness got me thinking about my time in Star Wars Galaxies, and how much fun I had before everyone was obsessed with killing creatures for Jedi lewts.. So I decided to give it another shot. After all, two whole expansions have gone by, there's got to be some changes, right?

First, let's start with this Jedi thing. When I left, you became a Jedi by maxing out 6 random skill trees. The trick was that you didn't know what which of the 30 or so skill trees were your "jedi" trees unless you were to use something called a Holocron. A Holocron would direct you to one of the skills you needed to max out, so the idea was to get 6 of them, one for each neccessary tree.

This resulted in everyone and their dog farming for holocrons.. because they only came off of like 3 things in the entire game, which means the entire population of Star Wars Galaxies was in a cave on Dantooine. A Dark Jedi would spawn, and then be instantly shot by about 500 people simultaneously. The sad part was, the holocron only dropped off these guys maybe once out of every 150 times.. and then only one person in the group would get it.

So anyways, I didn't want any part of that. All the roleplayers were in that cave too, and so there was nothing to do. This resulted in my departure.

The new Jedi system is by far superior in design, but has the unfortunate side effect of allowing more players to be Jedi. There aren't massive armies of Jedi or anything, but I've seen at least a dozen since I restarted last Saturday.

To become a Jedi now, you must first collect a specific set of badges. about 25 of them to be exact. Most of them are point of interest badges.. meaning you need to go and visit places like Ben Kenobi's Hut, and the Jedi Temple of Yavin 4. Then, you also need to do all the content missions in the game except for two. One exception will be your opposing faction (rebels can't do the imperial mission) and the other will probably be a starfighter mission. After you've done all that, you get a message saying that the Force is with you.

Then you wait.

As luck would have it, I already had all these badges from my first bout with Star Wars Galaxies, so I was instantly Force Sensitive. I noticed the message, but wasn't really pursuing it when an NPC named "An Old Man" came up to me and told me to hang onto this thing called a Force Crystal.. so I did. I was curious, so I looked all the information up.

After you get this Force crystal, some guys named Sith Shadows will attack you. Once you defeat them, they are carrying a waypoint to a secret place on Dantooine, which is apparently a secret Jedi city. In this village, you get the quests you need to become a Jedi, but you can't get them all at the same time. There are 6 sets of quests you need to do, and only one is available at a time, and they take 3 weeks to cycle. You're looking at a 3 month wait just right there.

Another slowdown is XP for Jedi. Jedi requires more XP as a profession, and gets 2/3 less XP than everyone else. That grind time just makes me shiver.

On top of that Jedi cannot group with other players. Technically, they can, but when they do, they show up on the bounty hunters board with a jinormous reward.. and Bounty Hunters can be pretty mean to a Jedi.

The Second change they've made is the Space Expansion, called Jump to Lightspeed. I have to say that right now, this is my favorite part of the game. It plays pretty much exactly like Wing Commander with Star Wars ships. I haven't advanced far enough, but there are capital ships like the Millenium Falcon-type ship you can get and haul like 8 of your friends around in. Your friends can sit in the co-pilot chair and redirect the shields and power like Chewie, or they can get in the turrets and fight off nasty bad guys.. or they can repair the ship as it gets damaged. There's even a medical facility for your doctor friends to take care of those wounded by exploding conduits and stuff. Very cool.

The Third change I would have to say is Rage of the Wookiees. It's the second expansion, and pretty disappointing. So far, the only thing I can see that it adds is: Robot parts (top of the line makes you look like Grevious), Space mining, and Kashyyyk (the wookiee homeeworld).

I haven't tried mining yet, but I have seen guys with cybernetic arms and legs.. and I think they look kinda goofy. I'll have to re-evaluate my opinion as more people get them. I think the only ones I have seen are the low level ones. Kashyyyk, however, I HAVE been to (I flew my starfighter there myself!). Kashyyyk isn't as big as the other planets.. it's maybe 1/6th the size.. and you can't go just anywhere on it like you can on the other planets. There are paths that you have to follow. Personally, I thought it was a major letdown as a "new planet". There are, however, tons of wookiees on the planet, and Jedi are safe there because there are no bounty missions on Kashyyyk.

The Fourth and Final substantial change to Star Wars Galaxies is something called the "Combat Upgrade". Longtime players hate this upgrade, because it completely changed the way that Star Wars Galaxies works.. not unlike Age of Shadows for Ultima Online did. Every object in the game was converted to a new stat system, and players found that their old prized gun of awesome was either junk, or required a completely different skill tree and they couldn't use it anymore.

This is what happened to my beloved Scatter Pistol. When I first logged in, I couldn't use them anymore. It made me sad at first, but then I tried some combat, and I must say the combat is a lot better.

The old queue system is gone. You can now only be incapped by health alone. Special moves still take action, but the only reason for the action bar is to prevent you from spamming your highest move over and over.

The game is also a ton easier. It's still challenging, but not super impossible hard. In the old days, one on one, a Stormtrooper would kick your butt with little effort. Now, you can beat them without a whole lot of trouble, but they're extremely killer if there is more than one.

There's also a sort of stealth action element to the game. I did a mission where I went into a secret imperial base to stop a mad scientist from experimenting on people. I was able to sneak by most everything in the whole base, and when something did catch me, I was able to run and hide in closet or something.. the guy would follow me in there, and I would do him in.

This mad scientist had an AT-ST with a Krayt Dragon Brain grafted into it, controlling it, too. Needless to say, stealth was the only way I was getting past that one.

In the end, I completed the mission and only had to kill 2 things.. both times because the stuff spawned right on top of me, and there was no way I could sneak to avoid.

While I'm here, I might as well address all those other little annoying things about Star Wars Galaxies:

1. There are still bugs, but there are a lot fewer of them. Many of the bugs from the old times are completely gone now, however.

2. People still have stupid names, but there are a lot fewer of them now than there were back in the day. The stupidest one I have seen to date was "Chef' Boyardee", and he was getting violated every which way by an imperial sharpshooter.

3. People seem to be slightly less disdainful in game than they used to be. Star Wars Galaxies has lost a lot of the "go away, I'm grinding" mentality that it once had. It's still there though, just tamer.

4. We all thought Overcrowding would be a big problem, but it hasn't turned out too bad. There are in my opinion too many player cities (there are 12 on Naboo alone) but the upshot here is that players living in player cities reduce the urban clutter on the rest of the wilderness. The Urban clutter outside player cities is not too bad.

Star Wars Galaxies has changed quite a bit, primarily for the better. I think that today's Star Wars Galaxies is the one they should have released originally. It's a much stronger presentation.. and if you're looking for a MMO, or are disenfranchised with the one you have, come back and try Star Wars Galaxies.

If you're an old player like me, your character is probably even still there, although Sony makes no guarantee that it will be. Those of you who are named Keebo Gul and want to be the Rodian Han Solo will love the new Star Wars Galaxies. Especially because the Z-95 Headhunter is the first ship you get as a rebel.