May 2005

X-Files: Resist or Serve
Submitted Saturday, May 28, 2005 - 1:51:31 PM by Klaitu

As promised, a review of X-files: Resist or Serve.. because I KNOW you've been waiting for it!

I first heard about this game around 2 years ago. I saw a trailer for it from E3 2003 I think, and I kept it in the back of my mind, because with an X-Files game, I just had to try it out.

So, what is X-files: Resist of Serve like? It's basically a Resident Evil 1 clone with the X-files characters thrown in. In fact, it's so similar that I'm just going to compare it to Resident Evil 1, and you'll get the idea of what it's all about.

First off, the controls are a bit different. In RE, you've always got your gun out, but in X-files, you can holster it.. which comes in handy when you're in places like the FBI headquarters, or a biomedical firm with security guards.

Secondly, you've got your handy flashlight, which can be equipped and used just like a gun, except in the alternate hand.. so you can use both the flashlight and your gun at the same time.. and it's a good thing, too, because this game is so dark, that you're using the flashlight most of the time.

Inventory is unlimited, thank goodness. No running back and forth through a maze of hallways and staircases to get that octagonal-ended crank you left on the other side of the world.

Like Resident Evil, there are both puzzles and keys, but thankfully, the keys are not terribly difficult to find, and the puzzles are not particularly hard to figure out. It's enough to make you really search through the rooms, but not enough to have you wandering around for hours because you didn't know to push a statue onto a special tile.

Like RE, X-Files features an auto-aim feature, but unlike RE, X-Files will also autotarget up and down at angles.. so you can shoot up a staircase, or down at an evil mutated kitten with the greatest of ease.

The Sound Design for this game is nothing short of amazing. All of the original voice actors have reprised their roles. That would include both Mulder and Scully, but also people like Skinner, Krycek, The Cigarette Man, and the Lone Gunmen. Even AD Kirsch has his correct voice.

Add to the excellent voicework some excellent music. The score sounds like it belongs in an actual episode of the X-Files, but to my knowledge, it is completely new music written specifically for the game (with the exception of the theme song, of course).

And, as if that wasn't enough, the sound effects are crisp and clear. Footsteps capture the eerie mood of your location. If you're on wood, footsteps sound like wood.. if you're on pavement, they sound like pavement. That's not such a new idea.. but if you're in a concrete bunker, your footsteps echo in Dolby Surround. Gunshots echo in the distance as well. Most delicious.

All this excellent audio leads to a letdown when you get to the video portion of the presentation. Mulder does, indeed, look like Mulder.. and Scully looks like Scully. I'd even go so far as to say that during gameplay, they walk like their real life counterparts, and hold their guns like the real people.. but in the cutscenes.. animation is terrible.

The first thing you'll notice when you see the first cutscene is that neither Mulder, nor Scully blinks. at all. ever. Also, their eyes remain fixed inside the sockets.. the characters don't look around. So, when Scully turns to Mulder, she rotates her entire body in his general direction, and then speaks to him while staring through him. It's pretty creepy.

Some cutscenes it seems like they forgot to give the characters any animation at all. There is one in particular when there are 5 characters standing as if in a lineup at the Police Station. There is talking, but no lips are moving.. in fact, nobody is doing anything.. it might as well have been a still photo.

Other characters have varying looks. The Cigarette man, for instance, looks very very accurate to his real self, but Skinner looks nothing like Skinner (especially since his glasses don't have lenses in them for some reason).

The story is pretty good, it's your standard X-Files fare, and in fact, the game covers the span of 3 "episodes", each serves as a different mission, complete with location crawls at the bottom of the screen, just like the TV show. You're even treated to the full-length opening of the TV show during the first of each mission.

Near the end, the story does take a little turn for the worse. Things start getting just a little too weird. There's one mission where Mulder is tripping out, and the mission is you going through his acid trip, for lack of a better word.

The plot also has sort of a "movie" touch to it, where everything you wanted to know about the plot is revealed at the end.. I always thought that part of the X-Files mythos was that nothing was ever revealed.. but oh well.

You can choose to go through the episode as Mulder or Scully.. much like RE, each character has their own path through the game, and different solutions to the same problems. Mulder's path is more action oriented, while Scully's path is more puzzle oriented. Scully also gets to perform autopsies.. which is particularly nasty.

I enjoyed my time playing X-Files: Resist or Serve. It's not a particularly long game, clocking in at about 7 hours to complete the game with one of the two characters. It's also not an innovative game, and there's nothing in it that's going to blow you away in terms of stuff you haven't seen before.

It's creepy, it's dark, there's nasty guts all over the place.. what's not to love?

This one is definately a renter. It doesn't have enough playtime to be a buyer, and while the game does have secret features, you unlock them all naturally as you play through the game, so it's not like you're going to miss one.

Bottom line.. if you liked Resident Evil 1, but were annoyed by the inventory system, you'll love this game.

Overall Score: 7 of 10

The Blessing and Curse of HDTV
Submitted Friday, May 27, 2005 - 9:56:19 PM by Klaitu

You might remember a couple of articles I put up earlier about how enterprising nerds (pun intended) had extracted the text on viewscreens from HDTV copies of Enterprise.

Those same nerds are at it again, this time with the series finale.

As you well know, the series finale for Enterprise takes place entirely on The Next Generation's Enterprise D. They rebuilt part of the sets, but they also used digital technology to add characters into scenes.. just like they did for Deep Space 9's "Trials and Tribble-ations".

whoever picked the scenes, though, forgot about one minor problem: the characters appearing twice. Check this out:

Here we see the opening scene of Enterprise's series finale, complete with title and UPN logo. What you don't know is that the only part of this shot that is new is Riker, Troi, and their table.. looks pretty good, huh?

The key to finding the original shot here was the ferengi standing to the right of the waitress. You can count the number of Ferengi that have ever been in Ten Forward on one hand, which brings us to this shot:



Here we are, the original shot. It not only demonstrates the difference in quality between NTSC and HDTV, but also shows us what exactly they pulled from the scene.

In case you were wondering, this shot is from "Menage a Troi" in which Riker, Troi, and Lwaxana are captured by an evil ferengi who forces Lwaxana and Troi to be naked (oh no!).

If you remember the episode, you know that Riker is also in this scene, he's playing chess against a Ferengi.. but will that show up in the episode of Enterprise? Let's find out:



This scene is again from Enterprise's finale. (again, notice the UPN logo)

Well, there you go. They replaced old Troi with 2005 Troi. 2005 Riker is behind the waiter, and TNG Riker is still playing chess against the Ferengi.

The truly nerdy will recognize that old Riker is in the incorrect uniform. This episode takes place during the 7th season of TNG, but old Riker is from Season 3.

Double Whoops!

But, it isn't just old Riker that snuck into the shot:



Here we see Old Data sneaking himself into the scene, as well as:



Captain Picard himself.

So now, the question you're asking yourself.. how many times does someone have to watch an episode to notice these things? I don't know, but they went right by me at first, too.

I can't take credit for the pictures or the research legwork here, that was all done by a guy named Kethinov over on trekbbs. Most insightful and nerdy!

Original Article

Gamefly Update
Submitted Friday, May 27, 2005 - 7:57:18 PM by Klaitu

Well, Gamefly was true to their word, as my delicious new "X-Files: Resist or Serve" has arrived in the mailbox.. and on day 3, to boot! I could certainly get used to this sort of delivery time.

I'm still slogging through the game. First impressions are favorable, but I'll give you the full skinny when I get somewhere on it.

Then will come the true test.. the return to Gamefly.

Tomb Raider 101
Submitted Friday, May 27, 2005 - 4:09:56 AM by Klaitu

I've never done much talking about Tomb Raider here on Special K, and I suppose that's because of the downfall the more recent Tomb Raider versions obtained.. but there was a time when Tomb Raider was pretty smooth.

In the beforetime, when Windows 95 was new, 32 bits were all the rage, and 3d was in it's infancy, there were really only 2 games that held my interest: Resident Evil and Tomb Raider. Tomb Raider was the first.. for me, anyway.

In those days I owned the mighty Sega Saturn.. a powerful gaming console that nearly nobody used because it was difficult to program for. One company that took up that challenge was CORE, who through Eidos made Tomb Raider on the Saturn a reality.

It was the first truly 3d game I ever played.. and in those days, it was pretty good.. despite Lara Croft's poorly rendered triangle-shaped cartoon boobs.

The most important thing for Tomb Raider was the excellent level and puzzle design. You couldn't just run and gun your way through the levels.. there's a point where you would get stuck, and have to look around for some obscure ledge to shimmy across, or some lever to pull to open that all-important door.

Plus, about halfway through the game, Lara jumps into a river in a CGI sequence and comes out with wet boobs!! OMG!!

Well, it was quite the coup back in the day, at least.. this is back when you felt embarassed for buying the game at Best Buy because the packaging was nothing but Lara Croft's boobs.

No, seriously.. take a look! See, I told you so.

At any rate, the Tomb Raider story was actually kind of interesting. You remember it, don't you? One of the three leaders of Atlantis is put into suspended animation A-la General Zod, and then awakens during nuclear testing in the 40's. She hires Lara Croft to find the three parts of the Scion, which is a key to Atlantean technology.. which she plans to use to make horrible mutant creatures and take over the world!

So, we've got a pretty deep story (for an adventure/puzzle game), excellent gameplay for the times, and superb level and (giant cartoon boobs) puzzle design. How could the game not be a hit?

It was such a hit with me, that my decision to buy a Ps1 and switch from my beloved Saturn was solely based on the fact that there would be no Tomb Raider 2 for Saturn.

Speaking of which, Tomb Raider 2 was another game I enjoyed.. and it's personally my favorite of all of them.. Tomb Raider 1 had you stuck in musty dusty old pyramids and crypts and stuff.. Tomb Raider 2 had some pretty awesome locales such as Venice, an Evil Oil Rig, and an upside down luxury liner at the bottom of the ocean! Lara got some upgrades.. like her ponytail, and got new outfits, and now her boobs weren't triangles anymore, they were hexadomes! Sweet! Oh, and you also got flares, which you used everywhere because the game was always too dark.

In case you've forgotten (or never knew in the first place) Tomb Raider 2 is the one where she's after an ancient chinese dagger that apparently.. turns people into dragons if you stab em in the heart.. alright, so the story was not so great.. but the gameplay and level design of the first one was still there.. AND there were vehicles you could drive.

And that brings us to Tomb Raider 3.. which is where the series took a turn for the worse. It had some cool ideas, like a Kayak and an ATV you could drive. It also attempted to have a non-linear storyline.. which failed miserably. Oh, and Lara's boobs were even rounder than before.. she got a butt-tuck, too!

Tomb Raider 3 didn't improve on the gameplay of Tomb Raider 2 all that much. I think they added some ziplines and vine climbing.. but essentially, you were playing a crappy version of the previous 2 games with better graphics, and worse level design. The puzzles made no sense (pulling a lever attached to a tree? huh?) and everything about it was generally uninteresting.. especially the subtitle "The Adventures of Lara Croft". It essentially has no story whatsoever.

This is where my association with Tomb Raider ended pretty much. I had discovered Final Fantasy 7 a year earlier, and so this one I played, but it wasn't even close to the bar..

They came out with Tomb Raider Chronicles, which was.. so far as I could determine, Tomb Raider with a younger Lara Croft with pigtails, smaller boobs, and no guns (until the second level anyways). By this time, they were just throwing levels together and not even bothering with a story.

When they brought out Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness, I didn't even bother with it anymore, even though I'm sure that with the PS2 Lara's boobs would be the roundest EVAR!

Now, I'm only bringing this all up because Eidos put the Tomb Raider franchise to rest for awhile, simply because they realized that they were starting to suck. At this year's E3, they announced a new TR game, so I took a gander, more out of nostalgia's sake than anything else.

The new one is Tomb Raider: Legend, and is said to feature an actual storyline, as well as a completely redone maneuvering system (no more counting the number of steps in each cube!). They've also blended some stealth-action in, as well as some splinter-cell style gunplay. It all looks very impressive, but I want to try it in action before I'd shell out any money over it. I don't care how good it looks, I don't want to climb a mountain to flip a switch (attached to the mountain, no less) and then have to climb all the way back down because the door it opened was at the very bottom.

Another interesting turn: Lara's boobs got smaller this time around.. and this suprises me, because previously Lara Croft was essentially two walking boobs with guns.. it was like her signature feature. I'm glad they "tamed the beasts" a bit here. This kind of attitude toward the game is promising.

I read through the Tomb Raider press kit, just to see what I could see, but there is just your usual Eidos garbage information.. and usually when I say something like that, I'm exaggerating just a little bit.. but this time it's true.. check it out:

- Lara comes to life - the dual-pistol - wielding adverture's polygon count and animation set has been increased significantly, presenting Lara in the finest fidelity to date.

Translation: Boobs even rounder than before!

Return to the Tombs: Lara's new quest brings her to lost ancient realms that guard the Secrets of the Past.

Translation: This game, "TOMB RAIDER" takes place at least partially WITHIN TOMBS.

Fluid movement: The revamped control system provides intuitive and fluid character movement.

Translation: We built the world in something other than giant 5x5 blocks.

Dynamic animation system puts focus on continuous motion, giving lara the ability to seamlessly handle any obstacle and interact dynamicly with any surface.

Translation: We added transition animations between Lara's different function animations so you don't have to pause inbetween. This is another good thing.

Move and shoot. Lara uses her physical prowess to combine gunplay with unique signature moves.

Translation: You can still shoot guns.

Variety of player choice-intelligently use the enviroment, technical gear and weapons to overcome challenging situations.

Translation: You can walk on the debris from the stuff you blew up.

Physics, Water and Fire systems bring the perilous enviroments of Lara's world alive, and challenge the player to improvise solutions to obstacles.

Translation: When you jump, you come back down, also the game contains both fire AND water (because, you know.. you couldn't jump before, and there was no water or fire in Tomb Raiders 1-6)

Visit a vast array of cinematic and exotic locations including ancient tombs, dangerous jungles, snowy mountain ruins and numerous unexpected surprises in between!

Translation: We couldn't think of anything other than Tombs, Jungles, and Mountains to put in the game, so we reused ideas from all the past games.. I mean.. Airplane, submarine, outside of a volcano, grand canyon, the beach, Antarctica, a space station, the moon, mars, New York.. we couldn't think of any of that other than "jungles, mountains, and tombs"?

Alright, so anyways.. Tomb Raider Legend looks partially good, and partially weak. They've convinced me enough for a rental, but not enough for a blind-buy.. and it's a shame, because I did a blind-buy on TR2, and I didn't feel cheated in any way.

Coincidentally, this article wins the "most times Klaitu has ever said the word 'boob' consecutively" award.. Oh well, check the boobs out, you know you want to.

Advancements in Boob Simulation Technology

Tomb Raider 1 (1996)      |      Tomb Raider 3 (1998)

DONUT!
Submitted Thursday, May 26, 2005 - 5:16:14 PM by Klaitu

Please enjoy this picture of a donut.




What were you expecting with a post entitled "DONUT!" A crepe?

Left click for original size! Right click to make it your wallpaper! YUM!

The Fandom
Submitted Thursday, May 26, 2005 - 12:59:19 AM by Klaitu

Alright, I've mentioned this site before, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorite ways to waste time: thefandom.com is sucking my brains, and it's saying "Mmmmmm.. them's good brains!"

If you don't know about thefandom.com, I don't blame you.. it's an incredibly obscure website that is essentially a weekly radio show. They have two hosts: Chase Masterson and Liz Shatner. Yep, THAT Shatner. Of the two, Chase clearly dominates in the talent department.

So, why should you listen to this obscure radio show on an obscure website? Because they get the big names.. probably because Chase Materson is the friend to every person she's ever met. I even met her once, and she was all crazy-friendly on me.. she freakin hugged me, man! (OMG! I am never washing my BODY AGAIN!!!!!one!1)

And just so you know, I ain't so huggable. I'm kinda like Wolverine in that way, but I digress...

Alright, so anyway.. They've got interviews with Connor Trinneer, George Takei, Rene Auberjonois, Armin Shimerman, William Shatner, Max Grodenchik, John Billingsley, Anthony Montgomery, Dominic Keating, Jeffrey Combs, Mark Hamill, Manny Coto, and Vaughn Armstrong.

The coolest part about this whole thing is that they talk about things other than the show they were on. If you've ever been to a convention, you get an hour with the "guest of honor" 50 minutes of which are wasted with questions like "What's your favorite episode?" and "In episode 113, why didn't you fluctuate the antimater field?".

thefandom.com provides these interviews in MP3 format, and they're about 12 megs each.

Check it out:
Related Website

Grey's Anatomy
Submitted Thursday, May 26, 2005 - 12:39:17 AM by Klaitu

While watching ABC's Blind Justice (that was cancelled) I caught an interesting commercial for a show I had never heard of before: Grey's Anatomy.

Now, some of you may recall that last year around this time, I was all on an Andromeda and Smallville kick. This sort of thing happens in May/June because all the good TV shows have gone off for the season, and there's nothing to watch on TV.. at all. Not even with a TiVo. There are two choices you get: Watch stuff you've already seen, or watch crap you don't care to see.

In an attempt to thwart the former, I get saddled with the latter.. which brings us once again to Grey's Anatomy.

How can I describe Grey's Anatomy? Take "Chicago Hope" (the less-popular ER alternative), throw in some "Scrubs", And then skim the froth off the top of "Desperate Housewives", and you've got Grey's Anatomy, which is essentially a less-popular hospital drama with comedy elements in which all of the main characters are sleeping with one another (except for one, who is ironically, a model).

Or, condensed.. It is a crappy version of "Providence" with a lot more sex.

Now, when I say "more sex", I'm not really saying that it's graphic, or that there are a lot of sex scenes.. there are just tons and tons of "alluded to" sex scenes.. most usually in the form "Passionate, unexplained kiss leads to hands all over, and then... cut to innocent scene".

In between the Crap.. I mean "Sex", there is actually some talent to the writing. The characters all are Medical Interns, none has any experience. They each respond to problems in ways that match their characters.. and thus far (9 episodes in) they haven't deviated from this pattern.

Another odd circumstance to this show is that none of the main characters is particularly attractive.. in fact, all of them are pretty ugly.. Usually TV shows like to throw in some super-babe to draw the male sudience to a chick-flick show like this.. no luck.. drat.

So, is Grey's Anatomy good? It's meh. (Think Judging Amy.. ironically containing a character named "grey")
Is Grey's Anatomy funny? Occasionally, but not consistantly.
Is Grey's Anatomy Watchable? Only when the good shows are on hiatus.

In a comparitave analysis, I'd say it's probably the least-crappy show that everyone didn't watch.. or rather, did watch (because it's number 8 in the Nielsen's this week).

If you're looking for something good that you missed while the "good stuff" is on hiatus, try Blind Justice. Yeah, I know.. it looks like Daredevil. Just go with me on this one.

Overall Score (first 9 episodes): 4 of 10

The Great Gamefly Adventure
Submitted Thursday, May 26, 2005 - 12:26:14 AM by Klaitu

It sounds like a good idea. 13 bucks a month, unlimited rentals from a national stock. 2-4 day delivery, self-included envelopes and postage. It's a nice plan.

So, I've known about Gamefly for awhile now, longer than G4 has been showing the ads for it.. if you can believe that.. and ever since I've heard about it, I wanted to try it out.. Finally, after scrimping and saving and pinching and mising (and a little birthday money help) I was able to assemble enough money for 3 months of the service.. and just to be sure I wasn't going to let any of it go to waste, I assembled a list of the top 42 games I always wanted to try out for PS2, but never got the chance because I was either too broke, or Blockbuater didn't carry it (because they have the worst. selection. ever.)

Hence, our Gamefly adventure begins. On Saturday, May 7 I joined Gamefly. The game at the top of my list: Star Wars Episode 3 (you may have read the review below).

So, I faithfully checked the mail after the alloted 2-4 days had passed. No dice. The game finally arrived, on May 12. 5 days after I had joined. 2-4 days? Well, at least it was close, and I had my game (that Carson had rented at Blockbuster on the 11th, so the whole "it came in the mail" was less than stellar).

Since I had played the Blockbuster Copy, I popped that baby in the snazzy return envelope, pulled off the stickem and dropped it off at my local post office on May 13.

Those of us with ligical minds think like this: If it took 5 days to get here, it will probably take about 5 days to get back (maybe less if we're really lucky). Well, 5 days went by, and Gamefly didn't get it.. or at least, their computer said they didn't. So, I did wha unthinkable, I sent an E-mail to their customer service inquiring as to more expediant means of shipping.

I mean, 5 days here, 5 (or more) days back.. that's 10 days in transit, or 3 games a month.. roughly $4.30 per game.. we're tinkering on the edge of Blockbuster price, here.. but Gamefly has the selection, so they still have the edge thus far.

But then another day went by, and another. Now we had a 7 day return, and domestic mail is considered lost if it doesn't transit in 7 days, so I reported a shipping problem to Gamefly (they have a special form for that) and also with the USPS.

Aside from that, Gamefly customer support was.. well.. nonexistant. I would have called them, but amazingly, they don't offer any kind of telephone support. That would turn out to be a problem for them later, but I'm coming to that.

After I reported the game as lost in transit, I thought certainly that some human being at Gamefly would get the report.. after all, $40 bucks of their merchandise is missing somewhere. That's a lotta money.. but no luck.. and that brings us to May 19. Gamefly still didn't get the game, and still no contact from their customer service. I let them ride through the weekend.

On May 23 (that would be Day 10 of the return.. if you're counting) They still hadn't gotten their game, and their customer support was still not responding. No Telephone support, so they earned themselves a mark from me on their Better Business Bureau report. They had 12 complaint reports filed in the last 3 years.. now they have 13.

Guess what should happen the very next day, on May 24? Hey, what do you know, I got a response from Gamefly Customer Support! To their credit, they were no-hassle about what had happened, and they offered to give me a complete refund, or extend my account by 10 days and credit the missing Episode 3 as returned. I chose the latter option at this junction... after all, I had only been through this once.. maybe it was a fluke, or some sort of random chain of unfortunate occurrances.

We'll let it ride one more time, just to be sure. I give Gamefly an A+ for idea, but F- for implementation.. but we'll see. Today is technically day 2 of my second game "X-Files: Resist or Serve". Of course, I won't know if it's gotten here until about 12 hours from now (because it's like the middle of the night) but odds are against it. I'm expecting it Saturday if I'm lucky, and Monday if I'm unlucky.

Part of their problem is that they're sending the games out of Los Angeles, California.. which has just about the worst postal system in the whole US. If they had a mailing center in like.. Moosefart, Nebraska, everyone could get their games in 1 or 2 days, instead of like.. 5.. (and maybe my return wouldn't have gotten lost).

I'll keep you guys posted.. and stay tuned for my X-Files: Resist or Serve review, which should be coming your way sometime late next week.. maybe.

Fans Are Nuts
Submitted Monday, May 23, 2005 - 1:59:19 PM by Klaitu

The other day, I was checking out some of thefandom.com's archive interviews, and it seems like the go-to-guy for whenever there is blank air is the TrekUnited guy, Tim Brazeal.

The first time I heard about Trekunited was around the time they came up with this "let's fund a new season of Enterprise with fan donations" thing. Apparently TU had been around before that, but I never heard of it.

When that first came up, I thought those TrekUnited guys were nuts. It was obvious to me that they would never raise the 30-some-odd million they would need to completely fund it. Furthermore, I was somewhat disturbed that someone would go to that much effort for a simple TV show.. and a TV show that had serious writing problems at that.

Though later, hearing this TrekUnited Tim guy on thefandom's broadcast, he seemed more or less normal.. as normal as you can be for a guy who raised 3 million in support of a TV show.

I'm whatcha might call a softcore fan. I don't own any Star Trek merchandise.. unless you count DVD's of the movies. I don't dress up like a klingon, or wear my uniform to a court case. I've attended many-a-convention, but only when they were nearby, and only because I wanted to meet celebrity-folks.

For me, Star Trek is a TV show. It's a TV show I like, and I follow it.. and I obviously post about Star Trek, but there are a lot of things that fans do that I just can't justify.

Things like paying $100 for special convention seats, or transforming a minivan into a shuttlecraft, or running around pretending like I'm Kirk (especially with a camera on me).

I'm not trying to bash these people, it's their money and time, so they can do whatever.. but I myself can't see how people are inspired to make that jump from "ordinary human being" to "I wear rubber hair and paint myself blue".

So, I still think that a lot of fans are nuts.. and I still think those TrekUnited guys are nuts, but at least they're harnessing their strangeness to a productive end.. so maybe they're more on my end of the spectrum than I thought.

Then again, maybe not.

Obi-Wan has taught me well
Submitted Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 10:56:43 PM by Klaitu

So, I went to see Episode 3 again today with Bran (her Star Wars Galaxies name was "Branakin".. isn't that awesome?) and outside the theatre is a Gamestop store.

The display there is set up for the Episode 3 Star Wars game.. and being in duel mode, I just couldn't resist the urge to dominate complete strangers with my lightsaber skillz.

First up, a 5 year old kid. No problem, he kept running into a wall, and I just sliced the crap out of him until he died.. twice.

Then, the kid's dad.. who was agressive and never blocked. Too bad for him. He fell at the end of my lightsaber.. twice!

It wasn't really even a contest, because my lightsaber skillz are like that of Master Yoda. MRWOOOOOFFFZZZTTT!!!

Nobody else came to play.. I think I intimidated them with my prowess. That's probably it.

National Treasure
Submitted Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 12:21:18 AM by Klaitu

The title of this movie does not refer to Nicholas Cage's performance.

National Treasure is one of those action/adventure treasure-hunt movies like Sahara or Indiana Jones.. but National Treasure stomps Sahara into the dirt in terms of plot consistency. In terms of historical accuracy, it also beats Sahara, but it's obviously fantasy.

Essentially, the movie is Nicholas Cage searching for a mysterious treasure that was passed down since the first crusade, through to the Founding Fathers, who hid the treasure underneath a church in New York.

What is the treasure? Oodles of ancient golden plunder from before the Roman Empire, including scrolls from the Library of Alexandria.

Pretty good haul.

The movie is pretty predictable, and you can figure out the clues before Nicholas Cage does. It has alright acting, but nothing spectacular. For a lighthearded adventure comedy, it does the job well.

Overall Score: 6 of 10

Star Wars Episode III
Submitted Thursday, May 19, 2005 - 3:24:06 AM by Klaitu

The movie.

This will be a spoiler-free review, so don't fret if you haven't seen the movie yet.

First, the fanboy's no-spoiler review, it goes something like this:

OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!!eleven Obi-Wan all like ROOOWWWWFSSTT and then like Anakin all like BZZZTTRRRRR and then like the emperor's all like "Meh heh heh heh" and then Mace Windu is all like "Bssssttttttt rrrrrwrrrrrrr, punk" then like Chewbacca goes "rawwwwwr".. OMG!! OMG!!! OMGZORZZZ!!!!!!! Lightsab.. rwwwaaasfzzzztttt!!!! Yoda!! OMG OMG OMG!!!!

And then the review for the non-fanboys.

I'll keep it simple: Star Wars Episode III is the best Star Wars movie that has ever been made.. ever. C-3PO provides no comic relief. Jar Jar Binks has one line.. and there's a swordfight about once every 10 minutes throughout the entire movie. Limbs are hacked, people are shot, and explosions happen frequently.

There really is no con to this movie.. I'm trying to think of one right now, and I can't come up with anything. It's got everything in it you'd ever want out of a Star Wars movie.. namely few padme scenes, and a lot of people being cut up by lightsabers.

Overall Score: 9 of 10

But that's just the movie.. remember how I went to the nerd showing at 12:01? Well, how early do you think you have to show up for a Star Wars premiere that happens at 12:01? Try 8:30 PM.

As we got in line, we saddled ourselves at the end.. past the wookiees, past the jedi, past the guy dressed like Darth Maul, and past the guy dressed like Jango Fett.

Jawas? Don't even get me started.

So anyway, the line for this thing stretches outside of the theatre and almost entirely around the theatre.. and they did something very smart. The theatre cancelled the showings on 12 of the 24 theatres. That is to say, the cancelled their non-star wars showings.. so instead of standing in a line for 3 and a half hours, I was able to sit in a comfy theatre chair. My buttocks is suprisingly unscathed from the 6 hours it sat parked on that cushion.

Carson had brought his own portable DVD player with screen, where we watched Episode II on DVD sitting in the theatre we had seen it in some years ago, now waiting for Episode III.. how trippy is that.

Then, two guys with plastic lightsabers went up front and fought each other. The Theatre manager guy broke up the fight.. I guess there's some unwritten rule about slaughtering evil with a plastic lightup toy.

I got to see the worst. Chewbacca. Costume. Ever. Period. Imagine Grizzly Adams wearing the Fozzie suit from Muppets on Ice and you have the general idea.

As always at this theatre, the sound wasn't particularly great. This time, they did turn on the surround sound, so that's a plus. However, the didn't turn on the air conditioner.. and their seats are made of red polyester. Let me tell you, 6 hours in a polyester seat with no air conditioner = nasty seat 6 hours later. I feel sorry for that Chewbacca guy. Worst costume ever AND wettest costume ever.. guaranteed.

I also saw two guys sword fighting with Star Wars light-up cereal spoons, and that was pretty amazing. I saw only two people with a PSP in the crowd, but many more of them had brought laptop computers.. (who brings a Laptop to a movie?). The Theatre people went around selling everyone thirst-inducing food items, including nasty hot dogs, nasty nachos, and suprisingly not-nasty popcorn (it's hard to screw up).

The crowd was not terribly annoying this time around. They applauded at the sight of "Lucasfilm Limited" they applauded at the "star wars" traditional opening, and they applauded at the very end as well.

The rest of the time, they were pretty quiet, thank goodness.

So, there you have it. Awesomeness. I had an excellent time hanging ut with some buds, and watching people get chopped in half. A lot.

Sweet.

Morons at the Wheel
Submitted Wednesday, May 18, 2005 - 4:41:25 PM by Klaitu

Those of you who are regular readers know of my avid distaste for TV executives, who get to decide what you and I watch without any input from we, the viewers. Thus, I bring you another story of woe from the land of TV Executivism (I made that word up!).

CBS usually is on the ball with their programming. They're consistantly the number 1 network, but next fall, they're trying for a "younger demographic". In english, this means they want to produce shows with eyecandy so that teens will watch.

So, let's take a look at which networks already do that: WB, FOX, UPN, and ABC, and NBC. So, essentially, CBS is the only network that does not produce teenybopper TV.. and now they're going to start!

To this end, they've cancelled several of their hit series, in a move that is pretty shocking, especially in the case of Joan of Arcadia, which won 2 emmys. They've also canned the Wednesday edition of 60 minutes, JAG, and Judging Amy.

Thankfully, CBS is so chock full of "old people shows" that they couldn't eliminate them all. Making a return next season: NCIS, Numbers, and all three CSI's.

ABC is doing a similar process. In an unsuprising move, they have retained Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy, but have dropped Blind Justice (which was the only good show on ABC since Whose Line).

NBC Hasn't released their fall schedule yet, but they know they're keeping "Joey" which contributed to their fall to 4th place in the ratings war.

More Firefly
Submitted Wednesday, May 18, 2005 - 2:45:18 AM by Klaitu

I figured that since I had the entire set, I'd give Firefly another chance, this time with a different episode.

Now we're starting to make sense. The pilot episode was full of useless drivel that made absolutely no sense.. I learned a lot more about the universe of Firefly from the second and third episodes than I did for the first. I also had a little help from the Internet, researching the story a bit so that I could figure out what was what.

So, if you bother to do some research on the internet and watch multiple episodes, Firefly becomes a show somewhat comparable to Andromeda's first two seasons. That is to say, not terribly good, but better than most.

For those of you with the same dilemna, Here's what Firefly is:
Imagine the A-Team in the wild west, and add spaceships.. because that's about it.

So, I'm going to revise my advice about Firefly. If you're desperate for something you haven't seen before, try it out, but watch the Pilot last. Just start with the second episode and you should be alright. It explains more in the first 5 minutes than the entire pilot explains in the whole hour.

Heck, it's better than Smallville.

PS3 Stomps the Industry
Submitted Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 6:51:52 PM by Klaitu

Take it as propaganda if you will.. I'ma huge Playstation fan, but the raw data on this thing is pretty impressive.

CPU:
- PowerPC-base core @3.2GHz
- 1 VMX vector unit per core
- 512KB L2 cache
- 7 x SPE @3.2GHz
- 7 x 128b 128 SIMD GPRs
- 7 x 256KB SRAM for SPE (1 of 8 SPEs reserved for redundancy)
- total floating point performance 218 GFLOPS

GPU:
- RSX @550MHz
- 1.8 TFLOPS floating point performance
- Full HD (up to 1080p) x 2 channels
- Multi-way programmable parallel floating point shader pipelines

Sound: Dolby 5.1ch, DTS, LPCM, etc. (Cell-base processing)

Memory:
- 256MB XDR Main RAM @3.2GHz
- 256MB GDDR3 VRAM @700MHz

System Bandwidth:
- Main RAM: 25.6GB/s
- VRAM: 22.4GB/s
- RSX: 20GB/s (write) + 15GB/s (read)
- SB: 2.5GB/s (write) + 2.5GB/s (read)

System Floating Point Performance: 2 TFLOPS

Storage:
- HDD: Detachable 2.5" HDD slot x 1
- I/O: USB 2.0, Front x 4, Rear x 2
- Memory Stick: standard/Duo, PRO x 1
- SD: standard/mini x 1
- CompactFlash: (Type I, II) x 1

Communication:
- Ethernet (10BASE-T, 100BASE-TX, 1000BASE-T) x 3 (input x 1 + output x 2)
- Wi-Fi: IEEE 802.11 b/g
- Bluetooth: Bluetooth 2.0 (EDR)

Controller:
- Bluetooth (up to 7)
- USB2.0 (wired)
- Wi-Fi (PSP)
- Network (over IP)

AV Output:
- Screen size: 480i, 480p, 720p, 1080i, 1080p
- HDMI: HDMI out x 2
- Analog: AV MULTI OUT x 1
- Digital audio: DIGITAL OUT (OPTICAL) x 1

Disc media:
- CD: PlayStation CD-ROM, PlayStation 2 CD-ROM, CD-DA, CD-DA (ROM), CD-R, CD-RW, SACD, SACD Hybrid (CD layer), SACD HD DualDisc, DualDisc (audio side), DualDisc (DVD side)
- DVD: PlayStation 2 DVD-ROM, PLAYSTATION 3 DVD-ROM, DVD-Video, DVD-ROM, DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+R, DVD+RW
- Blu-ray Disc: PLAYSTATION 3 BD-ROM, BD-Video, BD-ROM, BD-R, BD-RE

Firefly
Submitted Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 4:35:47 PM by Klaitu

What do you get when you combine Science Fiction, Poor Writing, and country music?

You get Firefly.. at least, you get the pilot. I've heard for the longest time how amazing Firefly is supposed to be. Many is the thread I have seen comparing it to Farscape as one of the best Science Fiction shows in history. I looked it up, and it was created by Joss Whedon.

I am not a big fan of Joss Whedon. I throw him in the "crap" pile with Quentin Tarintino and Tim Burton.. but there have been so many good reports of Firefly, I decided to overlook Whedon's involvement, and just watch the show, so I got ahold of the pilot episode, and I figured that would give me a pretty good idea of what the show was all about.

It begins with a black screen. There are sounds of a battle and people talking. They're trying to hold some valley on some planet.. at least, that's what I was gathering. Occasionally, there's an explosion and you can see an actor for a brief second. Otherwise, the first 5 minutes of the show are in complete darkness.

The guy on the planet wants to call in air support, but his air support buddies think it's too hot, and they give up. Then, six years later, he's in space.

Why was he fighting? How'd he get into space? What's he doing there? Apparently they didn't think you'd care, because the show addresses none of these questions.

Apparently he's some sort of space scavenger criminal. They're loading a couple boxes when, Nazi's.. err.. I mean Spaceballs.. errr.. "the bad guys" show up. Our heroes get away with the help of the oldest trick in the sci-fi book: the disctess call decoy.

Oh, and there's also a guy that plays with dinosaur toys.

Then, the theme title rolls. I know from research that this thing was on the Fox Network, but it could easily be on the WB. It's got a little cute folk song and pretty cursive letters!

From this point on, everything gets a little fuzzy. They land on planet texas, where there are horses and school marms.. because they apparently need... something. The Captain guy keeps telling people to pick up their passengers, but nobody ever does.

Then, they run into what can only be described as "Space Pirates". And you can't run away from these Space Pirates, because if you run, they'll chase you.. but if you don't run, they'll chase you anyway. The Captain decides not to run.

Did that make any sense to you? No? It didn't to me, either.

So, how does it end? I'll let you watch it and decide. They do a lot of exposition scenes, but nothing is really resolved.. and you're not really sure what they were talking about in the first place. They make references to Firefly-specific universe things which makes no sense to people who haven't ever seen the show before (like me).

This was one of the most painful hours of television I have ever watched.. I wanted to give it a chance, I really did, but it was so incredibly bad that it was all I could do to just sit there and take it all in.

The acting, particularly, was horrendous.. and coupled with nonsense writing, it became downright unwatchable. Seriously, I have a specific example:

"I'm gonna die!"
"Hey, you know what? We're not going to die. Wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"It's because we are so... very... pretty."

Was that supposed to be a joke? Was that supposed to be drama? What was that? Maybe it would have helped if we were looking at more than a black screen, but that's all we get.

Want another example?

"They said they were going to waltz through Serenity Valley, and we choked them with those words. We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty! Just a little bit longer, and our angels will rain fire on those arrogant (unintelligble word), so you hold.. YOU HOLD!"

This is a prime example of what I like to call "Bull Crap". Is this supposed to be inspirational? You can see that it's bad now, but just imagine a horrible actor performing the line. It gets even worse.

So, the series lead is both poorly written and poorly acted. If only it ended there.. so far as I can tell, there is not a single redeeming quality about the actors or their lines. The women get a special mention for being the Gilmore Girls in space. They might as well be reading from a cue card in between having sex with the male characters.

If there is any bright point in Firefly, it is the special effects department. They've done a really good job with the styling on the display screens, as well as a decent job on exterior shots.. although it seems Firefly has opted for the "Kubrik-style" of space flight, where nothing makes any sound at all. At least things look decent, even if they don't sound.

Firefly was cancelled after 14 episodes, and it's no wonder why. If all the episodes were like this one, Fox was just throwing money down the toilet.

It's one of those shows made for teenagers to think is "cool" when in actuality, it is merely crap with sci-fi juice hosed all over.

Overall Score: 1 of 10. I'd give it lower, but that's the lowest I have. Please, Joss Whedon, give up. Alien 4 sucked. Stick to children's films.. that's what you're good at.

Berman Bashing, Continuity Errors, and Actors.. oh my!
Submitted Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 3:10:50 AM by Klaitu

Wow, my first very original post in some time. Seems like I have less and less time to do these things these days.

This time, I thought I would take the chance and spill my beans about Star Trek Enterprise, the Franchise, Fans, and unhappy Star Trek Actors (among other things Trek).

Ever since the Enterprise finale aired, the fans have been up in arms.. and most of them agree: the finale sucked. I am not in that camp, but nevertheless it's the overwhelming opinion (go figure). To this end, they've brought up a bunch of "problems" with the finale that simply don't hold true.

Scenario 1: Poor, Poor Riker.

The Enterprise finale links in with the TNG episode "The Pegasus". Pegasus was an extremely well-written TNG episode done by Ron D Moore (the BSG guy.. check out his blog over there on the right). As originally written, the story was not designed to support an interlocking story like Enterprise's "These are the Voyages". As such, people have taken to finding "problems" with the plot, even though there actually aren't any with Riker in this episode.

Argument: Riker didn't decide to tell Picard in the Holodeck, but the finale contradicts this!

Answer: Wrong. Riker decides to tell Picard about the cloaking device because of Troi's advice, his Holodeck experience, and his own personal moral code. At the end of Enterprise, Riker states that he's "decided he's going to tell Picard" but he does not mention when.

All that has happened is that we learned that Riker was going to tell Picard about the Cloaking device regardless of if it was recovered or not.

Argument: Riker's costume clothes are holographic, but TNG-era technology can't do this.

Answer: Irrelevant, as just because we don't see any holoclothes in Season 7 of TNG (the season Pegasus aired) doesn't mean that the technology doesn't exist.

Also, the technology does exist just over a year later in Star Trek: First Contact.

Additionally, the EMH Mark 1 was developed during this period. Holotechnology was experiencing a boon.

Scenario 2: Tittering Troi

Many fans thought that Troi was drunk in this episode, or just really giggly.. and they're right, she giggles, snickers, and generally percolates her way through the episode. To these people, I say this:

Where were you for all 7 seasons of TNG? That's who Troi is! She's an annoying busybody who runs around providing no help whatsoever to anyone.. most of the time. She can occasionally tell if someone is lying, so that's nice.

So why choose Troi to guest on your Enterprise finale? 1. She's cheap. 2. You've got Riker already, and she and Riker have a thing.

And while I'm here, this makes Riker the only character that has appeared on all the next-generation Trek series. Troi gets a runner up, she missed DS9.. she's tied with Quark, who didn't appear on Enterprise.. and Q, who misseed Enterprise as well...

and in case you're wondering, the only character to grace all Star Trek series thus far is the disembodied computer voice. We all love you, DCV.

Scenario 3: That Holodeck thing

Most fans hate that most of the story takes place inside the Holodeck. Essentially, you're watching a recreation of events that took place hundreds of years ago, and which may or may not be accurate. Fans don't know which parts of the story are real, and which are just extrapolated by future historians

My answer to them is to remind them about two things: 1. Recording devices like security monitors and flight monitors.. and 2. Ship's Logs. I think overall you can consider the episode to be "pretty accurate".

Something that I don't hear fans talking about is the REAL errors in the episode. If you're going to complain, you might as well have a legitimate gripe, right?

- The Federation Logo is used
Yeah, the UFP logo shows up in the grand hall where Archer is set to make his speech. It shows up 4 times throughout the series.. Twice in an earlier time-travel episode, and twice in the finale. It's above the red carpet entrance, and is part of the CGI arena model...

- The Incorrect Federation Logo is used
Alright, so even if you're using the Federation logo, the one they used wasn't developed until Picard's era. Until that time they had been using the red and yellow "UFP" pennant logo. It should also be noted that the next-gen Federation logo has never been used to symbolize anything other than the Federation. (The United Earth and Starfleet logos look nothing like it).

- Enterprise-D Corridors and Turbolift
They're incorrect. The Enterprise-D corridors are too thin across.. but not only that, they are actually the Voyager corridors. The turbolift.. I dunno what they were thinking. it looks absolutely nothing like the TNG turbolift. Maybe they ran out of money?

- Security on NX-01 sucks
This isn't really a "continuity" error. Archer and Trip are having a nice conversation when alarms go off. T'pol says there's intruders aboard. Archer and Trip rush out, presumably to help.. and they run smack-dab into the intruders.. with nobody else around.

Not only is there nobody else around, but the alarms have gone strangely silent as well, and T'pol has apparently completely given up on trying to call Archer on his communicator.

On top of all this, Archer gets knocked out, and Trip leads the aliens away.. very slowly.. into a death trap of his own choosing.. and during this entire time, not a single Enrerprise crewmember catches sight of the aliens.

So, Trip blows himself up.. and why not? It seems the crew wasn't really helping him out all that much.. and this leads me to..

Scenario 4: Tripping over Trip
Fans are outraged in the manner of Trip's death. I don't really blame them, he being killed in a plot-device and all.. but hold on, I seem to remember Captain Kirk himself falling off a rickety old bridge and dying. Trip got a better death than Kirk did, so what more can you ask of Berman and Braga? I think Trip's death scene took every ounce of their creative fiber.

They're also hot to trot about Riker's life-lesson being learned from Trip's death. I think that Riker knew all along, he just needed some reminding.

Anyways, back to continuity errors!

- Early in the episode, Troi says something to the effect of "wait until they hail the Andorian, then things get exciting!" Then later in the episode, she says she's never run the program, and furthermore can't even remember what the NX-01 looks like. She can't be simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar with the same thing, can she?

Well, I guess she is Troi, after all. Any woman who can be tricked into turning old because she touched some guys rocks..

- Archer's Dress Uniform (the cracker-jack one) is missing his Strafleet Command patch on the right shoulder. They updated the uniforms for this episode, but leglected the dress one.

Alright, so enough complaining.. the finale did get some things really right..

Firstly, major props to those CGI guys who made some beautiful shots of the Enterprise-D saiiing through the Devilin system's asteroids.

Secondly, excellent final scene with the three Enterprise Captains saying their Enterprise motto. Thumbs up!

Also, Kudos for whoever wrote the episode actually looking up the birth of the Federation and not compromising the date (or the Romulan War)

Finally, Connor Trineer.. the Trip man himself is probably the best actor on the entire show, and struts his stuff royally in the finale. Of course, he can't beat his own performance in "Similitude", but he still comes out likable.

Which brings me to my next subject, pissed off actors.

In the beginning, there was Chakotay. He was pissed because he didn't get to have more time fondling Seven of Nine in Voyager. He also wasn't happy about being killed in the Finale of Voyager, and was generally unhappy about everything Voyager.. not that we can really blame him, because Voyager sucked.

But come on, dude.. you're an actor, you got paid zillions of dollars to freaking be on Star Trek. You signed a contract that said "I'll do whatever those louts Berman and Braga say". What did you expect? Quality?

Well, now there's T'Pol. She's pulling her own Chakotay. She's unhappy about how the Enterprise finale was actually a Franchise Finale. Tough love, sugar.. I have no sympathy.

And as much as I like Connor Trineer's acting, he did it too in TV Guide. He's kinda pissed off about dying in the finale.. and who wouldn't be. Again, though.. you're rich, you got killed better than Kirk, and you're the only person on the show that everyone seems to like. Get over it!

And that brings me to.. the powers that be! I am the master of segue tonight!

Berman has been running this whole franchise for a long time.. since the middle of TNG, when Roddenberry died.. but you know, I think it's more than just Berman that's screwing over trek.. I think it is a collaborative effort between Berman, UPN, and Paramount themselves. They've hired horrible writers and casts that have no off-set chemistry.. so it's not like Berman is taking an active role in crushing the franchise, he's just set it up with substandard parts.. at least, that's my opinion.

This "Star Trek break" could turn out to be good. Maybe they'll toss Berman and hire someone else instead. I'd wait a few years for that. It's like ripping off a bandaid.. it hurts, but the bandaid is gone.

So, in the meantime, I will watch the Trek-nemesis Star Wars, and I will watch the Star Wars TV show, and I will cringe as it is teen angst hosed with Star Wars juice.. and then I will turn to Battlestar Galactica and Stargate, and all will be somewhat alright until my beloved trek returns.

Hopefully with William Shatner.

Star Wars Revelations
Submitted Monday, May 16, 2005 - 11:08:28 PM by Klaitu

Carson is all up on this Star Wars kick.. he's all buzzed about the new movie.. and sure, I'm a little jazzed too, but he's taken to downloading fan films. I keep telling him that any form of fanfic just leads to heartache, but I think he's addicted.

So, he roped me in with one "Star Wars Revelations" a fanfilm about.. I'm not exactly sure what. Here's a recap:

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away"

"Star Wars" preamble crawl.. says something about seers or something, and about some chick wanting to upstage our man Darth for the emperor's right hand-man.

This is where everything gets a little blurry. There's some bad actors saying lines about.. something. They're in really bad british accents, too!

There's also some sort of cave in the movie.. you know, a really dark place so that when lightsabers go off, all you can see is glowing sticks.. no swordfighting skill required.

Oh, and Darth Vader's voice totally sucks.

I'm not really sure how the movie ends, it's really confusing and porly written. Suffice to say, Darth Vader wins. He always does.. even when he loses, he wins.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that a Star Trek nerd like me can't get along with Star Wars nerds. On the surface, we seem similar, but.. oh heck, I watched Star Trek: New Voyages.. what am I saying?

Anyways, I'm sure you can find this dog of a film out on the internet.. they spent 20,000 bucks on the thing.. (ouch, what a waste of money!).

Come to the Dark Side, if you're going to watch fanfic films, you could at least watch Bring Back Kirk or New Voyages, both of which were horrible, but not atrocious.

I think Carson will come to his senses when he sees the Anakin vs Obi-Wan duel tomorrow night. There's simply no substitute.

Enterprise Finale
Submitted Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 11:45:58 PM by Klaitu

I don't have so much comment on the Enterprise Finale than I do on the magical viewscreens that display information that you're not supposed to be able to read, but you can in Hi-def.

This one is rather funny:
http://www.wright.edu/~garling.2/text.jpg

In case you're tired of squinting, here's what it says:

...those rumors. But Starfleet Investigative Services cleared him of any wrong doing.

I wonder if this will be readable in Hi-Def?

And this sentence will take us off the end of the page in such a way that it it ends in the middle of a very important sentence of a very important thought. Unreadable biographical text goes here. It would be telling us vital information about the handsome fellow pictured to the right, but let's face it; writing all that up for every single person would take more time I care to spend. In the end, it will be so small no one will be able to read it.

Instead I will write sentences of sufficently different length so that it looks like regular english usage.

See how nice and short that last sentence was? This will be a longer paragraph made up of several sentences, as if listing the many amazing accomplishments of the too soon departed Ensign Wallace. After all, Riker remembers him so fondly he must have been a pretty terific guy, I mean, sure these were...

Someone's Paying Attention
Submitted Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 3:45:56 PM by Klaitu

That someone is Penny Arcade. They put up this article about The Devil.

The Sims 2
Submitted Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 10:39:58 PM by Klaitu

Alright, so I'm still stuck on the Sims 2.. this time the "University" expansion. I guess I should say that I don't really enjoy the game itself, I just really like to build houses and stuff.. that and I like to download new parts to build houses with different wallpaper. This scares me. I think I have a sickness.

I'm not nearly as sick as some people are, though. There are 5 kinds of Sims fans:

1. The Casual Fan.. they own the game, play around with it, but aren't too hardcore. They think it's "neat".

2. The mid-Casual Fan.. that's me. I think it's neat, but I also have downloaded a few mods (1786 according to my file list).

3. The "I'm handicapped or stuck in a hospital/hospice/nursing home" fan who creates entire neighborhoods of intricately designed castles with functioning moats and custom-modelled alligators.

4. The modders who spend hours upon hours on end creating new clothes for their little sims which are identical to the basic clothes you get on the CD, except they're different colors.

5. The "please die right now and don't spread your genes" fan. I reserve a special hatred for these people. What makes them so obnoxious? They're basically number 4's who produce things that nobody could ever possibly want. Things like women with weeners, men with boobs, purple/green/orange skintones, demon wings, giant babies, people in bunny costumes, and 16 different sets of naked sims with customized... ... hair (pink bows anyone?).

Anyways, if you're looking for cool sims downloads, but you don't want to pay some lame pay site for downloading stuff that should be free, there are a few good sites you should check out:

http://www.modthesims2.com - It's essentially a mod community message board with tons of downloads. It's registration required, but it's free (use a junk E-mail). This is my favorite place so far, because there's tons of variety.

http://www.parsimonious.org/ - This is one of those "fan sites" that doesn't offer a lot f variety, but everything is high quality, and it's all free. This site is also devoid of "number 5's" who are all over the modthesims site.

You'll come across other links from those two sites.. each with varying quality.

Oh, and if any of you guys out there are closet Sims nuts, send me a lot with your peeps in it. (you can package them into a witty bitty file from inside the game)

Star Wars: Episode 3
Submitted Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 11:14:02 AM by Klaitu

Not the movie, the game!

Usually, franchise games are sucky. The development house thinks they can just slap a franchise name on a game, and people will buy it just because of that. EA's LOTR games were especially prone to this phenomenon, and most Star Wars games are, too (lookin at you SW: Battlefront).

I'm happy to report that while Episode 3 does have problems, the gameplay isn't part of them. In fact, it's the smoothest Star Wars game I've ever seen. They paid a lot of attention to the lightsaber moves.. which not onlu look great, but they move great, too! The method of control is easy to learn, and once you do, you can pull off some pretty complicated stuff.

Another thing that I like is that you can actually cut through droids with one saber slice. I absolutely detest it when game designers decide that I need to swing my saber like 50 times to kill a simple infantry droid.. I mean, did they not watch the movie? Jedi cut through them like butter.

The story mode contains footage from episode 3, and actually spoils a bunch of the plot point.. most particularly "Who fights whom". It also reveals who kills Mace Windu, but I won't tell you. Suffice to say, if you don't want to know, don't play until after you see the movie. I will, however, say that the new way of getting R2 out of his little housing on the ship is awesome.

Episode 3 has problems, though.. primarily being that there isn't enough Episode 3 action to hold you. I beat the thing in 5 hours without much difficulty. The game has almost no replayability, as you cannot change characters in story mode missions.

In this regard, Lego Star Wars, and Jedi Power Battles both trump Episode 3. It's a shame, too.. because Episode 3 is a much better game than those two.

Oh, and one of the coolest things in the game is the "Final Battle". You know how in most games, you might expect the final boss to be some big evil dude.. or in a game called "Episode 3" you're probably thinking the bad guy is Anakin himself. If you thought that, you'd be wrong. The big bad guy at the end of the game.. is Obi-Wan Kenobi!

Because the final boss battle happens in the middle of Episode 4.. on the death star between Oln Bean and Old Weezy.. and I dunno how, but they actually got Mark Hamill to sign off on using his image and voice for the game.

That was very cool.

So anyways, Episode 3 is a great game to rent. It won't hold you for as long as you'd like, and once you've played it, you're pretty much done with it. It is a step in the right direction though, and I highly recommend it to anyone, even non-Star Wars fans.

Overall Score: 7 of 10

DVD Shrink
Submitted Friday, May 6, 2005 - 3:56:00 PM by Klaitu

I'm a little behind the times when it comes to DVD Authoring.. primarily because I don't have an enormous cause to do so.. but recently, my expertise was called upon to duplicate a disintegrating DVD before it completely bit the dust.

Now, as you enterprising peoples out there know, you can't just duplicate a DVD because the only DVD's you can buy are 4.7, and most commercial pressed DVD's are over that size. It's about the best copy protection you could possibly have.

So, in the end, the only thing I was able to do to save this poor ailing DVD was to create a binary image of the thing, in the hopes that one day, technology would advance to the point where I could save it.

That day is at hand! DVD Shrink is an amazing application that lets you compress those videos to fit precisely in that 4.7 GB space on a blank DVD.

Another thing it allows you to do is completely remove space-consuming extras.. like foreign language subtitles or other language audio tracks. You can even rip out the menus and use that space for your main feature.. or you can choose to leave it all intact, and DVD Shrink will calculate the best quality you can get with what you leave on the disc.

I don't know what kind of Compression routine it's doing, but it seems to work very well. It also has features that help to remove compression noise, which I think is a very nice touch. It even preserves your Dolby Digital Surround.

Finally.. we have the technology, we can rebuild them! We can rebuild broken DVD's! (not that it really happens too often, but it sure is useful when it does!)

Check out DVD Shrink (It's FREE!) at:
http://www.dvdshrink.org/what.html

You might also want to check out Nero Burning ROM (It's not free, but it's worth the money) for your burning needs:
http://www.nero.com

It's so easy, everyone can do it! Check out this Guide for the basics!
http://www.rip.corusa.com/dvd_00.htm

Why you need HDTV
Submitted Tuesday, May 3, 2005 - 2:28:58 PM by Klaitu

For the little nerd in each of us, we need HDTV. We can't always quantify exactly why we need HDTV, we just need it because it is "better".

But also, we need it so that we can read the biographical information screens displayed for like 2 seconds in "In a Mirror Darkly, Part 2" so that we can learn all sorts of stuff.

Like Archer being the President of the Federation.

But I'll let you do all the legwork yourself.

http://ds180.net/junk/archerscreen.jpg

Here's a GINORMOUS HDTV screen capture of Archer's biography.

http://ds180.net/junk/hoshiscreen.jpg

Likewise a GINORMOUS picture of Sato's bio screen.

Nerds of the world, enjoy.

Mike Sussman (the guy who wrote that junk) had some comments:

For those who are curious, here's the complete text I created for the Archer/Hoshi on-screen bios. Some of the text on-screen was taken directly from the Star Trek.com bios on the characters; this is the stuff I made up.


STARFLEET PERSONNEL FILE: Archer, Jonathan
Serial Number: SA-022-9237-CY

Rank at retirement: Admiral, Chief of Staff, Starfleet Command
Former Assignments:
Commanding officer, Enterprise NX-01, 2150-2160
Ambassador to Andoria, 2169-2175
Federation Councilman, 2175-2183
President, UFP 2184-2192
Birthplace: Upstate New York, North America, Earth
Parents: Henry and Sally Archer

Son of famed warp specialist Henry Archer, Jonathan Archer was appointed captain of Starfleet’s first warp five starship, Enterprise NX-01. As an explorer and peacemaker, his name is among the most recognized in the Federation, and his pioneering voyages aboard the Enterprise are known to school children on dozens of worlds, many of which were unknown to humans in Archer’s lifetime. Historian John Gill called Archer the “greatest explorer of the 22nd Century.” Archer earned an impressive list of commendations during his career, including a Medal of Valor, with clusters, the Star Cross, the Preantares Ribbon of Commendation, and the Federation Citation of Honor. Archer was also appointed an honorary member of the Andorian Guard by General Thy’lek Shran in 2164. He’s the only human to have two planets named in his honor: Archer’s Planet in the Gamma Trianguli sector, and Archer IV, which orbits 61 Ursae Majoris. Archer IV was the first M-Class world charted by the famous explorer. Although the planet was uninhabitable throughout the 22nd Century due to toxic pollen in the atmosphere, an antidote to the pollen was discovered early in the 2200’s. Today, the population of Archer IV numbers more than seven hundred million.

When I wrote this, I assumed the text wouldn't be legible (silly me). There are probably some errors in here. One I can spot -- Archer took command of Enterprise in 2151, not 2150. Some of this text would seem to be contradicted by the finale (which obviously had not been written yet). The name Sally, unless I'm mistaken, is also the name of Scott Bakula's mother.

Moreover, there was a final section of text that didn't actually appear on screen:

Archer died peacefully in his home in upstate New York in the year 2245, exactly one day after attending the christening ceremony of the first Federation Starship Enterprise, NCC-1701.

Yeah, he would've been old, but pretty close to McCoy's age in "Encounter at Farpoint."

This is the text I created for Hoshi's bio:

STARFLEET PERSONNEL FILE: SATO, HOSHI
Serial Number: SA-037-0198-CL
Rank at retirement: Lieutenant Commander
Former Assignment: Communications and Protocol officer, Enterprise NX-01
Birthplace: Kyoto, Japan, Earth

Hoshi Sato served as translator, and protocol and communications officer on Starfleet’s first warp five starship, Enterprise NX-01. Born in Kyoto, Japan on July 9th, 2129, she was the second child in a family of three. After leaving Starfleet in her late thirties, Sato created the linguacode translation matrix, which is still in use aboard Federation starships today.

Since the dialogue stated that the file contained info on Hoshi's marriage and death, I created a final paragraph -- it's worth noting that this was NOT shown on-screen:

Tragically, Hoshi and her family were among the four thousand people who died on Tarsus Four in 2246 when a food shortage caused by an exotic fungus threatened the colony’s population. Governor Kodos ordered the deaths of Sato and the others in order to save the rest of the colony. She was buried in Kyoto with her husband, Takashi Kimura.

I wouldn't really consider any of this "hard canon," so take it all with a grain of salt. Both bios were slapped together hastily and weren't approved by the exec producers. Some trivia -- the name of Hoshi's "husband" was cobbled together from actors in some favorite Japanese films -- Hoshi and Linda Park share the same birthday.

Tim Gaskill and I discuss this some more on the podcast at startrek.com.

No Taste
Submitted Tuesday, May 3, 2005 - 1:29:09 PM by Klaitu

It's official: The gaming populace has absolutely no taste. Well, maybe they have taste, but they certainly lack objectivity.

Take, for instance, a Recent IGN Article proclaiming the "Top 100 games" of all time. Their list is complete and utter crap!

The top 10, in particular, contains games that were made THIS YEAR for cripes' sake. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is number 9? How can you tell, it's only been out for a few months! Resident Evil 4 made number 1, and while it's a great game.. how can you know that it's number 1? It's only been out for a little while.

In particular I disagree with:

98. Ace Combat 05: The Unsung war
- The game isn't worthy of being top 100.

96. WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain
- The game should be in the 50's.

94. Pikmin 2
- This game is crap, shouldn't be on the list.

91. Soul Calibur 2
- This game makes 91, while Soul Calibur 1 ranks in the top 10? What kinda crack have they been smoking?

90. Shadow Hearts: Covenant
- Too New

82. Final Fantasy X
- It comes in at 82? try top 10.

80. The Legend of Zelda
- number 80? try top ten!

59. Grand Theft Auto 3
- I think it deserves to be rated a little high than 59.. maybe in the 30's.

34. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
- This is around where GTa 3 should be, and VC should be up ahead some.

29. Final Fantasy 7
- The best-selling game of all time is number 29? This game is easily top 3.

27. Devil May Cry 3
- The Devil May Cry series is crap, and shouldn't even be in the top 100.

26. Gran Turismo 4
- Waaaay too new.

20. Final Fantasy 3 (6)
- Placement in relation to FF7 is debatable, but this is definately another easy top 3.

17. Panzer Dragoon Saga
- I like Panzer dragoon, but nobody likes it better than both Halos and the three big Final Fantasies.

14. World of Warcraft
- World of Warcraft is 14, but Ultima Online isn't even on the list? Don't think so.

4. Chrono Trigger
- This one is actually placed about right, but placing Chrono Trigger ahead of the Final Fantasies is a bit weak.

And then there's a lot of totally awesome games they forgot to mention:

- Toejam and Earl
To this day, there's no game like it.

- Final Fantasy Tactics
Disgaea made it on the list, and FFT was better than Disgaea.

- The rest of the Final Fantasy series
Look at the sales, luke.

- Tetris
Alright, I don't LIKE Tetris, but you know that Nintendo DS you own? You can thank Tetris for that. It sold the original Game Boy.

- Metroid
The list has a lot of "Metroid Prime" and stuff like that, but completely forgets the one that started it all.

- Mortal Kombat
Is there anyone who hasn't heard of the original Mortal Kombat? This game is the reason the ESRB was invented for goodness sake.

- Pong
The origin of all video games doesn't even get an honorable mention?

- Sierra's "Quest" games
I'm suprised that King's Quest didn't make it onto the list. Sierra produced enough good games to stuff at least 50 of the slots just by themselves.

- Ultima/Ultima Online
Richard Garriott was completely shut out, despite having revolutionzed the industry with his eccentric games.

- Sly Cooper/Sly 2
Ratchet and Clank got their slot, and Sly is way better than that.

I could go on, but I won't. Everyone's top 100 list would be different, but at least maybe we should put some thought into this thing, right? I mean, God of War being in the top 10 is just ridiculous.

Party Pictures!
Submitted Monday, May 2, 2005 - 4:11:13 PM by Klaitu

Because I know you can't wait to see all the fun and excitement!

January 2005

This one is just for reference, because look at this pic taken on April 30 of the same year:


Spring 2005 Oh, how I wish it were still January. I scored some pretty good weather, though.. mild 70's temperatures and some light sunshine.


Partygoers That's Carson's Mom and Dad over on the left, and then that crazy Carson himself on the left side of the couch, then in the middle is his wife. The chick at the bottom of the screen is my sis, Rachael Love.. and finally, the person desperately trying to avoid being in the picture (but failing) is Bran. Though you can't see her face, you can still check out the rest of her body.

I guess that backfired, didn't it? MWAHAHAAHAH!!!


Final Frontier No party would be complete without a mock celebrity appearance! This time by newly-acquired gifts Lr. Commander Data, Captain Picard, and Ensign Mayweather. does it get any better than that?

Not unless you're Outback bread!

I love Outback bread.

Slow News Day
Submitted Monday, May 2, 2005 - 3:36:01 PM by Klaitu

It's been pretty slow since my last update.

Friday I helped to dig out rotting fence posts for about 10 hours, then we ate at the Outback in celebration of my birthday. I don't know why I love that place so much, it's just freakin awesome. The spice on the fried always gets to my stomach, though. Usually trips to Outback (or TGI Friday's) are accompanied by a rush home to sit upon the porcelain throne.

Like tons of other people, I have a complex about using public restrooms, especially in regards to the dreaded "Number 2". On this occasion, I decided to forgo the rush home sequence and just the Outback potty.

I have to say, I was pleasantly suprised by the Outback restroom. It was clean! Usually Men's restrooms come complete with pee on the floor, walls, and the ceiling.

So, I've decided that the optimal public bathroom order is thus:

1. The Library
2. Outback
3. A Bank

The worst ones are:

1. State Fairgrounds
2. Portolets
3. Truck Stop/Gas Station

Anyways, on Saturday we all held a shindig get together. Barbecue and video games! Got to love that combo.. you can't really go wrong with meat and games. We also played a few rounds of "Scene It" which should actually be entitled "Carson Wins" because he always does. This time, though, he got beaten by his mom. Ouch.

We went to blockbuster and perused the pre-viewed DVD selections for treasures. I have to say, that Blockbuster is completely insane in their previously-viewed prices.. in particular for games. Would YOU pay 30 bucks for a previously played Metal Gear Solid 2 (especially knowing that it's a "grestest hit" and you can buy it for 15 bucks new at best buy)? However, if you're looking for any version of madden game that isn't 2005, you can find them all here.. they have every single one of them.

So anyways, we scored some sweet DVD action. Elf is on sale for 7 bucks pre-viewed, so get em while they're hot. We also scored the Last Samurai, King Arthur, X2 (widescreen this time), and Starship Troopers (the first one, not the crappy second one).

Bran came over late at night and we watched the final episode of JAG, and we watched some Whose Line's. I had a really good time, and I hope we do something like that again soon. Watching stuff is a lot more fun when you have someone to share it with.

Sunday was the regular routine, me and Bran did the church thing, rocked out to a new song the band had cooked up, then I had to take her home. Went and visited the people over at my Uncle's house.. that's the globetrotting Uncle who visits strange places (stay tuned for pictures from TURKMENISTAN).

Anyways, I ate a shrek cupcake.. the first Shrek Cupcake I have ever eaten in my life, and hung out with Carson's bro a little bit. Then it was off to finish that fence.

That took me from 4 to 9 PM to get that thing finished up. If you've ever put up a fence before, you probably know why. All I know is that putting gates in sucks beans, and I hope I never have to do it again, even if I was doing the easy part.

During this process they sent me to do a food run to Long John Silvers, where I procured 11 fish, 2 large fries, and 2 cole slaws, and that ran about 19 bucks total.. but the interesting thing about that advanture is that there was a bus full of senior citizens ahead of me in the driv-thru, and they had ordered 100 senior combo meals with 50 additional fish. I'm glad that they were almost finished by the time I got there. That could have taken awhile. The disembodied Drive-Thru voice said "so, you only want 11, huh? That's easy".

Today my feet are all swolen up from that fence business, and my legs hurt... but the good news is that I think I still have some of that outback bread stashed in the fridge somewhere.

Sweet.