May 2004

The Shamelessly Stolen List of Songs
Submitted Monday, May 31, 2004 - 11:52:54 PM by Klaitu

the idea going around that everyone's doing is the "soundtrack of your life", so I guess I'll join in on the fun since I am bored!

Please note that this list is without classical musics, otherwise it would probably be all classical, and since nobody knows the names of classical music, it would be useless to you.

Opening Credits: Peter Gunn Theme - Henry Mancini

Growing Up Life Changing Event(s): Drive - The Cars

Waking Up: Sunlight - DJ Sammy

Love Scene: (preferred classical) Evenstar - Howard Shore / (nonclassical) Song for a Winter's Night - Sarah McLachlan

Fight Scene: "Kirk vs Gorn" - Alexander Courage

Breaking Up: Take My Breath Away - Berlin

Getting Back Together: We Are The Champions - Queen

Secret Love: (I wouldnt ever have a secret love, but if I did) Lovefool - The Cardigans

Life's Okay: New Years Day - U2

Mental Breakdown: In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida - Iron Butterfly

Driving: Total Eclipse of the Heart - Nikki French

Learning a Lesson: (preferred classical) Kaleidoscope of Mathematics - James Horner / (nonclassical) Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer

Deep Thought: Lifeboat - Aranda

Flashback: A-HA - Take On Me

Partying: (I don't party, but) Hella Good - No Doubt

Happy Dance: Bust A Groove (Kitty N) - Avex Trax

Regretting: (I don't regret, but) Dear Friend - Stacie Orrico

Long Night: I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meatloaf

Death Scene: Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin

Closing Credits: I'm Alright (Caddyshack Theme) - Kenny Loggins

Shrek 2
Submitted Monday, May 31, 2004 - 12:23:55 AM by Klaitu

Did you see Shrek 1? If you did, you know what to expect, this is more or less the same sort of clever banter and spin on fairy tales. This time around, the King and Queen of "Far Far Away" have sent for their daugher, Fiona and her husband, who they believe is Prince Charming because of the storybook legend.

SUPRISE, it's Shrek! Hilarity ensues. Amongst the hilarity is Puss-in-boots, who steals the show with Antonio Banderas's voice, and cute kitten ways.

Among some of the things you'll see:
- Flaming gumdrop buttons
- Pinocchio's dirty secret
- Shrek with hair
- Puss-in-Boots
- KYLE
- KNIGHTS, a COPS parody

A definate must see, especially for families!

8 out of 10.

Twister!
Submitted Sunday, May 30, 2004 - 12:43:25 AM by Klaitu

What does a tornado look like on the most advanced weather radar system in the world?

G4TechTv
Submitted Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 2:30:56 AM by Klaitu

The G is for.. uh.. SUCK!

Now, I'm not a crazy technonerd or anything, but I used to watch TechTv pretty regularly.. Just because when you're flipping through channels, and there's nothing on, there's usually something at least remotely interesting on TechTv.

Tech Tv was really moving up the expanded cable market. You might have remembered it originally as ZDnet, but it was apparently sold and remarketed and out came Tech Tv.

They apparently had a competitor that was seen in approximately 4 households. This competitor was called G4 TV - TV 4 Gamers. The company that owns G4 bought Tech TV, and in a clever move, decided to merge the two networks.

Let's use an object lesson:
Do you like Pizza? Most everyone does. Imagine a pizza.. with your favorite fixins right on top. Thick slice.. thin slice.. however you like it.

Now imagine that someone took a dump on it.

Pizza is still good, but would you still eat it after someone dropped off the chocolate turtles? Of course not.

So then, by merging a failing sucky network with an incredibly successful network, there has been created a network that nobody wants to eat. Follow me?

Why does G4 suck?

Well, to be quite frank, most gamers out there are complete and total idiots. It's true, just play any online game. You will encounter levels of stupidity that you never knew existed. These extremely stupid people earn money, and then they spend that money on very stupid things.

How do you market a show about games? You hit the target audience (stupid people) with people they can identify with (more stupid people).

Let's get specific with E3 coverage. While it was going on, both G4 and TechTV sent people into E3 to check out what's going on.

G4 had a panel of "experts" who weren't actually experts, just guys who play video games. The coverage was a "roundtable discussion" of the "best of E3". Slight problem: this show was airing the DAY OF E3, and therefore two days of the show had yet to happen.

The "experts" on the show told me how they were looking forward to little-known titles like "Halo 2" and "Metal Gear Solid: Snakeeater". They began to discuss how amazingly good the "Madden" series is, and how they wanted to play the latest incarnation of it.

The program didn't include much actual footage from E3, considering it was probably taped before E3 even happened. Later in the show, there was a "live" segment from the middle of the E3 floor. Where again the hosts told us how great "Halo 2" would be, and how the new Zelda game is radically different from Wind Waker (which is readily obvious).

On the other side of things was TechTV's coverage, which was simply stellar. They had lots of video from the show floor. They had no "roundtable discussions" with "experts" and didn't discuss what would be the "best games to buy". Instead, they told you what each of the developers had on display, and a couple notes about each thing. The hosts drew no conclusions whatsoever in what would be "the best games to buy", and instead let the viewer decide. In addition, the coverage was not just limited to Halo 2 and Metal Gear, they covered everything, including the N-Gage 2.0 that nobody will buy.. but they covered it anyway!

But aside from the fact that G4 sucks butt at actual *news* coverage, the founding premise of the two channels is completely different. Tech TV was all about technology.. be it a night scope on a tank, a PDA, or a USB camera. G4 is all about idiots telling me what games I should buy, because those are the games that everyone buys. They do only video game junk.

So, goodbye Tech TV. Alas, you were a year old, but were beginning to carve your place among the pantheon of expanded cable. With only one good show (X-play) and the firing of the most intelligent host (Leo Laporte) you don't have much reason to exist in my channel lineup.

Welcome to Sealab
Submitted Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 2:06:30 AM by Klaitu

There are two types of people on this chunk of rock we call Earth. People who like Sealab 2021, and people who don't.

You remember Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast, right? Well, think that, except a remake of another older series.. Sealab 2020.. only insane.

People keep telling me that Aqua Teen Hunger Force is better. I don't think so. Not to disparage Frylock, Meatwad, and Master Shake, but they just don't have it where it counts.

Never heard of Sealab? You're missing out. Check out some episodes on WinMX, Kazaa, or soulseek. I highly recommend the episode entitled "der deib" sometimes also called "Martian Law". That'll pretty much give you an idea of what the whole thing is about.

Sealab is the best show on TV.. on Cartoon Network anyways.

Andromeda's not-so last episode
Submitted Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 1:57:37 AM by Klaitu

Okay, I generally don't religiously follow Andromeda, but with JAG, Stargate, and Enterprise on hiatus, I don't have that many choices for sci-fi. Enter Andromeda's "series season finale".

There's a whole slew of things that I don't like about Andromeda, but I'll just ignore those for the moment and say that this is probably the strangest "ending" to a TV series ever.. except that it isn't.

See the "final episode" was written and produced and everything before Sci-Fi renewed it for another season. The result is a strange collection of seemingly random weirdness.

... and I'm gonna spoil it because Andromeda is not all that great!

First, the robotic avatar of Andromeda is shot in the abdomen and explodes.

Secondly, the genetically engineered bone-arm guy gets mobbed on by magog.

Thirdly, all the peons on the Andromeda die.

Fourthly, The first officer chick with the color-changing hair dies, though we don't see her die. Her ship blows up.

Fifthly, Harper the annoying engineer is killed by Magog.

Sixthly, The gold chick, that was once the purple chick sacrifices herself to destroy the Magog worldship... with a tree. A tree.

Seventh, The Andromeda is destroyed also with Trance

Eighth, Captain Hunt lives. Yep. The only one who lives, because he took a stupid looking fighter thingy and flew into a giant rotating square in the middle of space, where he meets himself. He smiles at himself, turns around, and walks off. The end.

Now, I don't ordinarily write about Andromeda, but this one I have to give props to. It isn't every series that ends with the entire cast dying in some fashion or another. Thumbs up for that.

Thumbs down for inventing a ship that has a sun in the middle, is invincible to nova bombs, and has planets wrapped around it in chains.

but I digress.

Richard Biggs Dead
Submitted Monday, May 24, 2004 - 11:11:23 AM by Klaitu

You probably know him better as Dr. Stephen Franklin from Babylon 5. He died last Saturday at his home. He was 43 years old.

Actor Richard Biggs, best known to genre fans for portraying Dr. Richard Franklin on BABYLON 5, has passed away. According to a news report written by series creator J. Michael Straczynski and posted to Usenet's BABYLON 5 moderated group, Biggs died yesterday at his home shortly after waking up. He was 43 years old.

Information about the exact cause of death is unknown at this time but due to Biggs' young age and the news that he collapsed without any prior symptoms, two possibilities are that Biggs suffered a fatal stroke or an aneurysm.


In breaking the sad news to the B5 community, Straczynski said "This is a terrible loss for all of us. Richard was a consummate professional but more than that he was an honorable, stand-up guy. If he gave you his word on something, you never had to wonder about it afterward. He was always helpful and supportive of all the cast, even those who only came in for one episode, always with a ready smile and determined to do whatever it took to make the scene work. He was, quite simply, a terrific guy, and everyone here is just devastated at the news."


Calling Biggs "one of the sweetest guys in the world," Peter David, one of the writers who contributed to the B5 universe, also expressed his condolences to Biggs' family. "I'm horrified to learn this," David said at his website. "I was supposed to see Rick at the Motor City Con but he wasn't able to make it, so I didn't, and now I won't get to again."


Before his five years on BABYLON 5, Biggs was a series regular on DAYS OF OUR LIVES playing Dr. Marcus Hunter for six years. He appeared in an episode of TREMORS last year and had also made guest appearances in such shows as ER, NYPD BLUE, JAG and CROSSING JORDAN, to name a few.

Vana'diel Census
Submitted Sunday, May 23, 2004 - 11:10:21 AM by Klaitu

One of the cool things about Final Fantasy 11 is that there is almost no communication with the developers, and they don't generally do stupid things.. like patch a game before it has been bug tested. As a result, FF11 is pretty much bug-free, and when there is a bug it's fixed before you have a chance to report it. They also don't try to change the entire game with a single patch.

Another thing that is unique about this is that Square is releasing numbers about their services. Sony and EA would never, ever do this, as if their statistics were some closely guarded secret that competitors were going to pounce upon. The statiscical report is called the Vana'diel Census, and it's really cool.

But before we delve into our analysis, let's first discuss the scale and direction of our community. As indicated in the chart below, the number of active FINAL FANTASY XI players (or, the number of paying customers with at least one character) has topped 500,000. Among similarly priced Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs) and Persistent State World (PSW) titles - which at this level are centered on North America - a number this high means we could claim the title of world's most populated game. However, when people talk about the number of subscribers for an MMORPG, it's generally unclear if the figure includes the users from a free trial period, or the number of users that once held but have since canceled their accounts. When we refer to our base of FINAL FANTASY XI players, we take neither of those figures into account. We have actually broken through the 500,000 mark for paying customers with at least one character.

Enterprise Renewed
Submitted Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 2:59:00 PM by Klaitu

Just as I predicted.. renewed on Fridays at 8 PM, so now I have to figure out how to watch JAG, Stargate, and Enterprise all at the same time. Thank you, Viacom, for being stupid and putting it up against two huge-rated shows.

Ahh well.

Good Enterprise News?
Submitted Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 2:10:32 PM by Klaitu

Here's something from TrekToday:

UPN has decided to renew Star Trek: Enterprise for a fourth season, the SaveEnterprise.com fan campaign reported today.

The official UPN press presentation of the network's Fall schedule isn't scheduled until Thursday, but a press release from the campaign quoted unnamed production sources as saying the show would definitely be back. The site reported Star Trek executive producer Rick Berman would be flying into New York this week in order to make the official announcement himself.

Red Dead Revolver
Submitted Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 1:54:09 PM by Klaitu

You play the part of Red, a boy whos family was killed by no-good scoundrels. Now that you're all grown up, you've taken the role as bounty hunter and Clint Eastwood lookalike. While rustlin up some bandits, the local sheriff is hurt, so you have to escort him to Brimstone, which is where the real story begins.

Brimstone is inhabited by all sorts of people, people like Jack, who you rescue from.. bloodthirsty carnies. There's also a tomboy woman trying to defend her farm from the governor. You even get to play as an Indian!

The style of this game is amazing. It's got the feel of a 60's western, everything about it oozes nostalgia. The music especially sets the mood for this style. The sound effects, while the proper fidelity retain some of that 60's flavor, and yes, you're going to hear the cheezy ricochet sound frequently.

The gameplay, well... that's another story. Rockstar Games must have missed the memo, you know, the memo that says "FPS on a console does not work". I know, you're thinking Halo right now, but you just compare the console Halo vs the PC Halo, and you'll know what I mean.

At any rate, Red Dead Revolver is not technically a FPS, it's a Third person shooter, and it plays a lot like SOCOM or Syphon Filter. The controls are touchy, and you're going to miss.. a lot. Fortunately, the clumsy controls are not a major hassle, as your opponents are worse shots than you are.

Occasionally, you're going to run into a throwdown, which is essentially a duel in bullettime. This is a very very cool idea, and the music and cutscenes for the throwdown is amazing. Unfortunately, the actual experience of doing throwdowns leaves something to be desired. What happens is that you have to draw your gun, then when the gun is drawn, you have to move this targeting reticle over the critical points of your opponents body. Places like the feet, groin, and head work well. Once you put in all 6 shots, you fire and either win or lose.

Sounds neat, don't it? Well, let me clear that up for you. In order to draw your gun, you have to move the right analog stick down (to pick up your gun from the holster) and then up (to bring the gun out of the holster). The second that the gun leaves the holster, the controls INVERT! Which means that if you want the gun to continue to go up, you have to push DOWN! What kind of moron thought this up? For your first few throwdowns, the only way you can win is by shooting people in the feet and kneecaps.

Oh, but wait, there's more. Later in the game, you have to draw against computer opponents who cheat. In order to kill them, you have to hit them at least 3 times, and one of those times has to be the head. On the other hand, they only have to shoot you once.. and this is when you can actually get your gun out of the holster before you die. The end result is that you're going to replay the final 2 battles at least 70 or 80 times simply because the computer cheats.

Thankfully, the throwdown is a minor part of the game that usually takes place as a gateway to another chapter in the story. Most of the game is run and gun action with some elements of stealth. You can take cover behind rocks, fences, troughs.. whatever you can find.. and then pop out and shoot people. You can also sneak around and stab people in the back of the neck with a dagger.

To be honest, the stealth action elements of the game desperately need help. It's impossible to sneak around too much, much less clear a level without firing a shot. It's better just to go through and clear out each section of a level one at a time. There's also a level where you have no weapons and are "required" to sneak, which resulted in my just running through the level with everyone chasing me, and I lived on the first time through.

The bulk of the game is the Story Mode, which is unfortunately short. I beat the entire game start to finish in 12 hours and 11 minutes exactly. The game also has a Showdown mode, which is basically a multiplayer deathmatch. Showdown mode is novel at best, and not very fun.. considering you're put into splitscreen. The game does not support online play.

Pros:
- Made by Rockstar Games, who know how to kill people
- Art design is amazing
- Graphics are great
- Music kicks butt
- Nostalgia factor in high gear
- Tons of unlockables
- Excellent voice acting (no celebrities even)

Cons:
- Third Person Shooter on a console
- Duel system annoying and near impossible to use
- Story mode waaay too short
- Shortage of Stealth Action elements
- Story is a little juvenile (you killed my father, I want revenge)
- No online multiplayer support
- You don't care about any of the unlockables because they all suck

I highly recommend this one as a rental. The only reason you'd want to buy it is if you were collecting Rockstar Games, or if you were really into the old west. This is, quite safely, the best Old Western shooter since Sunset Riders.

Overall Score: 6 of 10

I'm not *that* dorky
Submitted Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 12:12:16 PM by Klaitu

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2244199646

Strange Connections
Submitted Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 12:20:17 PM by Klaitu

When I was researching for my review of "Pump Up the Volume" I came up with some interesting facts in a 6 degrees of seperation sort of way..

Samantha Mathis is the offspring of Bibi Besch. You probably know Bibi better as Dr. Carol Marcus of Star Trek 2.. but dig this, Christian Slater appeared in Star Trek 6, and his mom, Mary Jo Slater, cast him in it.

Samantha Mathis also dated River Phoenix and was present when he suicided.

On top of that, she is buds with Sandra Bullock.

Strangely, she and Christian Slater were also on film together on Broken Arrow, which is where I know her from.

Pump Up the Volume
Submitted Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 12:07:27 PM by Klaitu

Another one out of the sister's collection. This time from the Bargain Bin department. I hadn't ever heard of this movie before, and I don't know why.

Christian Slater is a nerd. I know, it's hard to believe! Anyways, he has a shortwave radio with which he pirates the airwaves and becomes popular anonymously with his classmates through this forum.

On his pirated radio program, he is particularly lewd and suggestive, but he is also honest. The kids in his school, being lewd and honest themselves are very attracted to this.

By day, Christian Slater is a mild-mannered high school student who just moved into town from the opposite coast. He has hippie parents who leave him unsupervised for most of the time. His dad is the School Superintendant for the district.

Meanwhile, the school principal is rounding up people with low SAT scores and finding reasons to expel them. The state provides her school with money based on number of students, so when she expels them, she does not remove them from the enrollment list. This means her school recieves too much money for the number of students it has.. and all the while, the school's SAT scores improved because the lower scores are not averaged in (the students dont take the SAT because they're expelled).

The kids know something is wrong. People are getting expelled for making F's in math class. The corrupt principal has a zero tolerance policy, and the whole school is wound up.. and they unwind with Christian Slater's radio program.

During all this, Samantha Mathis is really turned on by Christian Slater's brain. She pieces together clues from what he says on the radio and is able to figure out who he really is. Slater can't really talk to her, as he is overwhelmingly shy in real life. Samantha Mathis is confused by this.

Then one day, Slater gets a letter from a nerd who wants to commit suicide. Slater calls the guy up on-air and talks with him. Apparently, Slater is not convincing and the nerd kills himself.

The next day, Slater learns of what has happened and believes that he is the cause. This is distressing to him, and although Mathis tries to help, it dosen't really help. He goes on the air anyways, and again strikes a chord with the kids talking about the incident.

The parents and teachers have also started listening in and interpret what he is doing as sort of radio vandalism. Since Slater's dad is a big cheese in the school system, he has access to internal memos and such, which he reads over the air. This, of course, really goads the teachers into action, because most of them are on the student expelling scandal.

Since pirate radio is illegal, the teachers find an effective ally in the police, who investigate his P.O. box where people mail him. They also trace his phone calls. All of this bears no frout, though.. as Slater has already thought of the phone thing. The teachers have also somehow implicated him criminally with the death of the suicide nerd.

Throughout all this, Samantha Mathis is trying to get into Slater's brain, but Slater still can't talk to her.. unless he is on the radio.

Eventually, the FCC is called in, and they have special trucks that can triangulate a radio signal. Slater hooks his radio set up to his moms jeep, and Mathis drives while he broadcasts. It makes it hard for the FCC to track him down.. except for that helicopter.

The movie ends when Christian Slater reveals himself to the students and faculty who have gathered in a field where there is good reception of the pirated signal. He is dragged away by cops.

This time, I'm going to start with the cons:

It's easy to triangulate a radio signal, you wouldn't have to call in the FCC.. the police can easily do it (police cars have radios). Moreover, the FCC comes in with two trucks, which is enough to triangulate a signal, but optimally, you would want three. Aside from that, the trucks never get far enough apart to track diddle squat, especially moving diddle squat.

There is also brief nudity involving Samantha Mathisses bosoms. As much as I like bosoms, I can't find a significant purpose for the nudity. It's tastefully done, and it's not blatant, full-screen nudity. Still, it appeared to me as if the nudity was thrown in "just because".

The film ends stereotypically. Rather, I should say, prematurely. you want to know more of what happened, but the emphasis is put on the wrong place.

and then the Pros:

Some people are going to see this movie and say "Hey, it's pretty lewd" and I think that's probably fair. It is lewd, but it's no more lewd than your basic american teenager, except that the character is broadcasting over the air without regard to taboo.

The film does a good job of portraying the idocy of the average teen while still not alienating a teen audience. Teens do stupid things, and these characters are no exception.

The film is excellent at showing the downfalls and problems with inattentive parents and teachers, and I think the characters here accurately portray the general state of families in America.

While the film is teen-geared, it is not preachy like most teen films. The scandalous principal pays for her crime, as do Slater and Mathis. Ordinarily in a film like this, you'd expect the protagonist to go free.

I am completely unlike anyone in the film, and yet I can remember my foolish teen years, and identify with parts of this film. As a teen, I was as un-teen as anyone could possibly get. If I can identify with it, you probably can too.. if you're in the age range of 16-30 or so.

Overall Score: A very suprising 7 out of 10

Donnie Brasco
Submitted Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 11:30:55 AM by Klaitu

Do you remember that DS9 episode where O'Brien was working for Starfleet Intelligence in infiltrating the Orion Syndicate? He makes nice with an old guy on the syndicate who vouches for him. When O'Brien sets up the sting, the old guy gets killed by the syndicate.

I pulled this one out my sister's "OMG Johnny Depp, I must own it" collection.

Johnny Depp is an FBI agent undercover as Donnie Brasco. He befriends Al Pacino and gets in as an underling with the mob. Over time, he advances in mob rank to the point where he can take down the big guns. When he does this, the mob retaliates and kills Al Pacino, because Al vouched for him.

Not much more to say about this one. Production value is decent, acting is good, story is not really enthralling.

Overall Score: 5 of 10

E3 Condensed
Submitted Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 10:53:03 AM by Klaitu

You know about E3 don't you? If you haven't, what rock have you been hiding under? E3 is like a giant Star Trek convention, except it's all about video games. Developers just love to take their latest creations to the show to impress the media and attract buyers.

So, what's the big news? I'll focus on the big 3:

1. Nintendo

Nintendo continues its idiotic steategy and has decided to make yet another system which supports only cartridges. It's called the Nintendo DS, the DS means "Developers System". It's a portable console with 2 screens and is backwards compatible with GBA. Why does it need 2 screens? Good question. Conspiracy Theorists, I submit to you that Nintendo is in league with the battery industry and has designed a console that drains your batteries twice as fast!

Nintendo is planning a new home console, apparently. According to them, it's going to be a "revolution in gaming". They then go on to say that the "technical specifications are irrelevant" which in english means that they either 1. Have no idea what they are or 2. are making another failure of a mid-generation console a-la Nintendo 64.

2. Microsoft

Microsoft showcases a lot of junk at E3 because, let's face it, they're all over electronics. The Xbox is no exception here.

Microsoft is not planning to develop a new console at present.. at least, they're planning not to tell anyone if they are developing one. They're touting better software (read: games) for the console to keep it competitive.

Microsoft's online gaming element was suprising, even to me. According to MS themselves, there are 14 million xboxes floating around out there, but only about 1 million people playing online through the omnipresent xbox live. This is suprising because the xbox comes with online support built in.. you don't have to buy an adaptor. By way of comparison, Sony has sold 2.5 million network adaptors, which means that double the people went out of their way to take the PS2 online. All this is, of course, info from MS. Sony says differently, but more on that later.

On another note, Microsoft was really trying to generate some hype, they downplayed those figures with.. Donald Trump. Yeah, The Donald. I guess when you have money like MS does, you can just throw it wherever and get a celebrity.

Speaking of celebrity, they had Jenny McCarthy demonstrate some new xbox live features.. namely voicemail and webcam support. My problem is this: voicemail is useless because when you MAIL someone you need to TYPE otherwise you just call them on the PHONE. Webcams are useless unless you want to do PORN because NOBODY CARES what you look like.

MS also announced the release of Halo 2 to be November 9th.

Other upcoming "hits" for the xbox are: DOA Ultimate (naked japanese chicks), Doom 3 (FPS), Jade Empire (RPG from Bioware), and Forza Motorsport (racing game that is supposed to be better than GT4 but isn't).

They also touted that future EA games would provide online play on the box. Previously, you could only play online with PS2.

3. Sony

Traditionally, the press conferences for "the big three" go in the order I have put them here.. Nintendo goes first, then MS, then Sony.. which means Sony has to deal with The Donald and McCarthy presentations and whatnot.. and they do it well, they do it by actually telling people what's coming up.

Sony, like MS, is not currently planning a new console. They have a development strategy which is apparently a 10 year process. This includes the Psone and the PS2 together. Apparently they've sold 170 million units (and xbox has sold 14 million? ouchie)

Sony is planning to support the casual gamer (Read: people who like sports games) while they continue to support Hard-core gamers (Read: people who play RPG's). They're planning to start selling PS2's with the network adaptor bundled for $149, which makes Sony very competitive in the market.

Sony also really likes the eye toy, which is a webcam for the PS2. Basically, you stand in front of yur TV and flap around like an idiot, and the eye toy registers how stupid you look and declares if you win or lose. Supposedly, this technology is going to be used for a new DDR game.

Sony's numbers were different than Microsoft's. Sony is claiming 3 million people online with 1.7 million bundles (PS2 + adaptor) and 1.3 standalone adaptors sold.

Upcoming games with online support are GT4, the new Mortal Kombat, and the new Metal Gear Solid.

Sony went out of their way to stress that they have no plans to have an online thing like xbox live, and instead promotes individual success without going through a central source, though they plan on developing a unified protocol, and a central billing services that game developers can choose to use or not use.

Sony is interested in developing persistant worlds and downloadable extensions to games.. things like new downloadable levels.

Perhaps more interestingly, Sony announced its entry into the portable market. It's the size of your palm, uses the Universial Media Disc for its software, and features a 4 inch screen. Not only that, but it also has connectivity via Wi-Fi. Supposedly it will be released early next year.

Graphics are somewhere between PS2 and Psone. They've already signed some developers.. namely "Konami, Capcom, Namco, Bandai, EA, Activision, THQ, Take2, Ubisoft, Atari, Codemasters, and all Sony development houses."

Want to know more about E3, but think that Gamespy, Gamespot, and IGN are colossal idiots and you don't want to touch them with a 39 and a half foot pole?

Never fear, X-play's all over the E3, and they don't charge you extra for information that was given out freely.. I want to rant so bad about how charging for news is like charging for a copy of your credit report.. but I digress.

http://www.techtv.com/xplay/e3/

Also, Penny Arcade is doing E3 sketchbooks with limited observations. They also are not charging for free information:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/

Food Wars
Submitted Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 6:45:58 PM by Klaitu

Trivial Pursuit Unhinged
Submitted Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 6:25:14 PM by Klaitu

My sister, she is into board games. What is better than a board game? A board game for Playstation.. that way you can't lose the dice.

Trivial Pursuit Unhinged is basically an electronic version of Trivial Pursuit. There is a new "unhinged" version with different rules that make the game a little more fun in a console format. The basic idea is the same: Get all the wedges, answer the final question.

Questions are voiced by Bill Nye, Terry Bradshaw, Whoopi Goldberg, John Cleese, Cliff from Cheers, and some other chick that I don't know who she is but apparently is a celebrity.

Some of the questions are video or picture based.. somewhat like Jeopardy.

I probably don't have to tell you that this game sucks butt single player (which suprisingly you can do). It's a good thing that it's compatible with the PS2's Network Adaptor! Oh, what's that? Nobody owns Trivial Pursuit? Nobody at all?

Seriously though, I searched for an online game with the widest search possible, and I came back with zero results. Zero! Nada!

This one's good for the family. If you have a family that isn't afraid of high-tech things.. like.. fire. If you have people who are into board games, this one is exceptionally well done. If you're not into board games, don't bother.

SSX Tricky
Submitted Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 6:18:59 PM by Klaitu

Another blast from the past, and yet another snowboarding game. Snowboarding games are as old as the hills, so when Bran picked this out at Blockbuster, I expected it to be a dog.

I was somewhat suprised. EA has taken a boring concept.. car racing downhill on a snowboard.. and made it somewhat entertaining. Characters are cartoony, but well modelled. They're voiced by actual, real life voice talent.

There are generally 2 modes of play. The first is racing, which is pretty straightforward. The second is Trick play, where you do flips and jumps and tricks to earn points, which in turn earn you medals.

Completing courses unlocks new courses and new boards and outfits for your riders. Racing is pretty easy, the controls are responsive and functional. Tricks are easy to pull off, if you can find a place where you get enough air to do them.

The downside is that the game is almost too easy. I've been playing for 3 days now and I have unlocked almost everything there is to offer. This, however, dosen't really matter because there is a code you can put in to unlock everything.. which leads me to a pet peeve:

Developers, DON'T build in secret codes to your video games. If you do, I will rent your video game, put the code in, play it for a week, and then take it back.. and I will not buy your video game because I have already seen all there is to see and thus have no reason to own it.

I recommend this game highly for rent, or for play with a friend in 2 player mode. There really isn't any reason to buy this game, unless you are just crazy for snowboarding games.

The Client
Submitted Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 6:07:11 PM by Klaitu

An oldie from I don't know when. I suspect it's 90's as the cell phones in the movie are particularly primitive. I picked up the DVD out of my sister's stash of "crap movies" that she gives to people for birthdays, etc.

Tommy Lee Jones is a District Attorney. He's investigating the murder of a Louisiana Senator. They think the mob is responsible, and have arrested someone, but they need the body as evidence in the case.

The mobster told his attorney where they body is. Being one of only two people who know where it is means he's a dead man, so he decides to commit suicide. He drives all the way to podunk Tennessee to asphyziate himself with the exaust of his car.

A kid sees this and tries to thwart the suicide attempt by removing the hose from the guys tailpipe. The guy catches him, and locks him in the car with him. He tells the kid he's going to kill him too. He also tells the kid the location of the body.

Well, you guessed it.. the mob thinks the kid knows where the body is, and so they want to kill him. The FBI also believes that the kid knows where the body is, and are after him as well. The kid, of course, does not want to tell because if he does, then he is dead.

Performances are alright, but the movie is light on Tommy Lee, and heavy on the kid. The kid is supposedly poor white trash, but is also apparently a genius because he knows things that 10 year old kids just shouldn't know. There is also way more cussing than is neccessary.

In the end, I can't say the movie sucked, but I can't say it was good either. The best I can give you is that it's not a waste of time to watch, and if you have a stack of DVD's sitting around, and you've seen every single one of them except "The Client", you could probably watch it.

4 out of 10.

Freak of the Week
Submitted Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 12:22:32 PM by Klaitu

Moral to this story: Never launch fireworks from your buttocks.

McGill traditionally lodges a tube in his buttocks, into which bottle rockets are inserted and then launched.

More Enterprise Cancellation Rumors
Submitted Monday, May 10, 2004 - 6:03:18 PM by Klaitu

There have been all sorts of cancellation rumors floating around, most of them I don't post because nobody really knows, but there was one prediction that caught my eye because it was in Variety.

UPN requires a "signature Wednesday drama" to establish itself as a "consistent player", according to Variety's analysis. The network has several detective dramas in development, including Veronica Mars, Mystery Girl and Nikki & Nora, two of which could pair up on Wednesday night. There is also Silver Lake, starring Kerr Smith (Dawson's Creek) as a psychic record store owner, and Kevin Hill, with Taye Diggs (Chicago) as a playboy laywer.

The Last Samurai
Submitted Monday, May 10, 2004 - 1:18:09 PM by Klaitu

As always, I am behind the times. It seems hard to imagine that any human has not yet seen the Last Samurai, but I know some of you are out there. Here, then, is my review for The Last Samurai.

The premise: In the late 1870's, a US army Captain has turned to alcoholism to suppress his feelings regarding several massacres he has seen in the Civil war, and the later Indian campaigns. He has an old war buddy who says he has a job offer.

The Japanese want someone to go to Japan and train the new Imperial Army. The Japanese Emperor wants to "modernize" Japan, which is still using thousand-year-old technology and out-dated just about everything.

Our hero finds himself in a situation where his superiors decide to attack the Samurai before the army conscripts can be properly trained. He ends up getting captured, and spends the winter months as a stranger in a villiage of samurai. During his stay, he learns about the samurai ways, how to use a katana, and even a little Japanese.

His return to "civilization" reveals that the Imperial Army now stands a chance against the samurai, especially with the delivery of gatling guns. He must choose between his samurai friends, or progress, which he knows cannot be defeated.

This film is one of those rare films that is a period piece, has good acting, and is rewatchable. The story is more or less "Dances with Samurai" but it dosen't seem repetitive or distracting in the least.

Cinematography, sound, and special effects are all top notch here, as well as the acting. A good portion of the movie is in Japanese, so I couldn't tell you if they are good actors or not, but the English performances are not lacking in the least.

This is, perhaps, Tom Cruise's best role ever. It's hard to say, though, because I stopped watching Tom Cruise movies after MI-2. If he has more performances like this, he could easily reclaim his position among the hollywood uber-actors.

There is only one con:
There is a trend in hollywood to shoot sword fights as if they were some sort of gun battle, or perhaps a fist fight. This style is most apparent in "the Count of Monte Cristo" where the director hides the fact that actors are not swordsmen by making confusing cuts and camera angles so that you cannot follow the actual progress of the sword blows. It should have followed the camera work in "The Mask of Zorro" or "The Phantom Meance", neither of which cuts from a shot in mid-swing. Samurai isn't as bad at this cutting as Monte Cristo or Kill Bill, but it still does it.

Overall Score: 9 of 10

And That's the Tooth
Submitted Monday, May 3, 2004 - 5:54:44 PM by Branwen

Root canals hurt -- that is my news for you today.

I've had teeth pulled, my wisdom teeth cut out and braces for almost five years, but this was probably my most scary experience in the dentists chair. Why? Well, not for the reason you're expecting.

The drilling itself did not hurt, which was quite a surprise given that they were drilling directly into and obliterating the nerve of my tooth. This lack of pain was chiefly because of the numerous shots I was given. I seriously lost count of how many they gave me in my gums, cheek and roof of my mouth. THAT, and not the drilling, was the worst part of my harrowing hour and a half of torture. If I had any sort of fingernails I'd have left them in the chair arms.

Shortly thereafter, I started getting lightheaded. Because this was my "number 2" tooth, i.e. the molar furthest to the back of my mouth on the top, the dentist had me tilted at an angle in the chair with my head on the lower end so he could see what he was doing. So, let me set the scene. All the blood is rushing to my head, they have my mouth pried open so far I can't swallow (and the assistant with the suction thing, well, she sucked), and then my jaw decides to pop out of place.

It's done this to me for years if I sleep on it wrong or something, but this was the absolute worst time for it to happen. When it does this I cannot open my mouth, as there is nowhere for the bottom jawbone to pivot. To make a long story short, after I began gesturing and speaking incoherently in trying to explain why I was not opening wider as they were instructing me, they finally caught on. The assistant had to push down on my lower teeth once I manually moved my numbed jaw back into place. Then she placed a block in there to keep it from closing again. Great, I'm thinking. I so needed more stuff in my mouth.

So then they are putting the actual giant filling into my tooth and I noticed immediately that the tool they used to dry the porcelain looks a lot like a white Nintendo zapper gun. I believe my geekhood was confirmed at that very moment.

They gave me scripts and sent me to the receptionist to finish filling out paperwork, where I was presented with the grand total for their one and one half hours of services -- $1,075 not covered by insurance and payable over the next 12 months.

Dangit, I knew I picked the wrong profession!

Mike Tyson's Punch Out
Submitted Monday, May 3, 2004 - 4:29:02 PM by Klaitu

I recently started replaying Mike Tyson's Punch out again, just to see what it was like. I had played it at a friends house nye onto 15 years ago, and the only things I remembered.. other than Glass Joe and King Hippo was that the game was reeely hard. At least for a 10-12 year old.

Turns out the assumption was wrong. The game is reeeely hard for anyone. I worked out some strategies, and got in some punches.. and before I knew it, I was up against Iron Mike himself.

Now, I've been trying on and off for the past 5 days to beat Mike Tyson, but I just can't do it. It's a good thing his entire body blinks different colors before he punches, or I'd get creamed! Well, heck.. I get creamed anyway.

I hate to admit it, but I have started seeing 8-bit Mike Tyson beat the crap out of me in my sleep.. and every time he KO's me, he winks. It's very frightening.. i think this is how it all started for Rok Hagor.

I think he's flippin me off, too.

Resident Evil Outbreak
Submitted Saturday, May 1, 2004 - 11:19:22 AM by Klaitu

If I had to write a review for the entire Resident Evil series, it would be simply: "Crap! I'm out of ammo!". Outbreak is no exception to the general philosophy.

Imma cut you guys some slack and just assume you've heard of/played a Resident Evil game before, so I won't go into the evil Umbrella Corp, or the whole zombie thing.

The story of Outbreak is spread across the time periods of all the games. The first scenario, also entitled "Outbreak" has you in a local pub when a zombie bursts in. Things just get worse from there.

Unlike some of the other Resident Evil games, you can't kill all the zombies. In Resident Evil 1 or 2, if I was trapped in a bar and zombies were about to bust in, I would just wait and shoot them, then explore the bar for goodies. This tactic dosen't work in Outbreak, because the zombies just keep coming. You'll find yourself pushing barrels in front of doors, building barricades, and running away.

Of course, there are some times when you're trapped and have no choice but to have it out with the undead. The handgun, the Shotgun, and the Magnum make a reappearance here.. and you can now use just about everything as a weapon.. Toilet Brush, Broom, Iron Pipe, Nail Gun.. anything to keep those baddies away.

One of the coolest aspects of Outbreak is that you can choose from a multitude of characters, each with his own different strengths and weaknesses. The Policeman is a really, really good shot with handguns. The Security Guard is an Ex-Vietnam vet and knows how to kill a man 246 ways with a melee weapon. The Doctor can whip up all sorts of neat curative items.

The coolest idea for a character, I think, is the plumber. He's like MacGyver. He carries around Duct Tape and can build new weapons from extraneous parts. For instance, Pole + Knife + Duct Tape = Spear. Another good one is Pesticide Spray + Lighter = Flamethrower.

Not only does each character ger advantages and disadvantages, but they also can take slightly different paths through the game, and of course, they all have different endings... not that I'd know as I can't get past the first level yet.

Another cool thing about this game is that it has an Online component.. but not just any online component. You can't directly communicate with anyone else in your game. Each character has a general series of phrases you can say to get the point across.. sayings like "Help me out!", "Go that way!", "Come with me!", and "Give me that!". The AI in single player obeys commands you issue in this manner.. I am not so sure that people online would be the same. I don't presently have the Network Adaptor, so I can only guess.

This game is creepy and crazy fun. It's got a lot of the Flavor of Resident Evil 1, and not so much the "Dino Crisis" sort of flavor. If you liked Resident Evil 1, but thought the others in the series came short.. this one is for you. Heck, you'd probably like it even if you liked the other 2 as well.