April 2009

Burfday
Submitted Sunday, April 26, 2009 - 11:09:06 PM by Klaitu

Happy Birthday to me, you get to enjoy my new annoyingly-pastel Segata Sanshiro background!



Segata Lyrics
Submitted Sunday, April 26, 2009 - 11:01:26 PM by Klaitu

While I'm on the topic of Segata Sanshiro, here are the translated lyrics to his theme song! They are truly inspiring!

The solitary man who devoted his soul to the way of games
Today, he comes again
He will punish those who do not play seriously
Their battered bodies will never forget!

Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!

They play tennis, sing karaoke, flirt around in clubs...
Are there not more serious tasks to be done?
Those who do not play maturely
He questions them deep inside their hearts

Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!

(voice of Segata)
Youngsters... is there something in your life you are completely devoted to?
Something you sink into so deep you put your life on the line?
You must play Sega Saturn!
Play... until your fingers break!
Until your fingers break!

Even if they chase after sex, that petty pleasure
Their soul will remain hollow
Those who do not immerse themselves to the extreme in gaming
Will find their bodies beaten harshly!

Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!

The white clouds floating on the great blue sky
And the boiling red bloodshed in fierce gaming
Those who give up halfway through
Their battered bodies will never forget!

Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!



My Hero
Submitted Saturday, April 25, 2009 - 4:49:37 PM by Klaitu

Remember when the console wars were all about Playstation vs Sega Saturn? Remember how the Saturn didn't do too well here in the US?

Well, it didn't deter one man.. one hero from making his mark. His name: Segata Sanshiro. His quest: make everyone play the Saturn.

If you weren't playing the Saturn and you were in Japan, Segata Sanshiro might just show up at any moment and kick your butt. Then he would either throw you onto the ground, or strangle you in a deadly Judo hold.

No kidding, Segata Sanshiro is kind of like the Japanese version of Chuck Norris. He can throw a guy so hard that he explodes, and stop a missile with his bare hands!

You don't have to take my word for it though!



Legend has it that the Dreamcast had to be created becuse Segata Sanshiro was no longer around to force people to play the Saturn. Where's he go? He died a hero.



Keep it real Segata Sanshiro, wherever you are!



Alternate Reality
Submitted Friday, April 24, 2009 - 11:38:50 PM by Klaitu

What if there were an alternate history where America lost the cold war? What sort of things would we see?

Perhaps something like this?



This picture wasn't taken from the other side of a transdimensional rift, it was taken in 1988, during some of the final years of the Soviet Union.

You are looking at the Buran, a sort of Soviet Space Shuttle. Looks kinda familiar, doesn't it? Looks kinda like little Ivan copied someone's homework.

So, why aren't there Russian space shuttles zooming all over the place? When the Soviet Union fell and converted into the Russian Federation, there was a massive financial crisis, and funding for the Buran program stopped. The working spacecraft saw only one launch, where it was controlled entirely by computers.

After its one successful flight, the Buran was stored in a hangar at the Baikonur Cosmodrome for 14 years, when eventually due to disrepair, the roof of the hangar collapsed and wrecked it.

As a result, the Russians have been flying their Soyuz capsules into space ever since the beginning of the space race, and they still use them today.. but that could soon change.

The Russians have a new space shuttle program, called the Kliper. It's not much like our Space Shuttle, or the Buran. It's much smaller, designed only to carry people and a small amount of cargo.. whereas both the Buran and the Space Shuttle were built to construct space stations.

While the Russians are looking forward to their shuttle, the US is going retro with the Orion Spacecraft. It's a sort of blend of our old Apollo technologies (the ones that sent people to the moon) and the shuttle technologies.

Both the Orion and the Kliper are expected to begin testing in 2011, and be in service by 2014.. assuming politicians don't muck up the works.



No Country for Old Men
Submitted Thursday, April 23, 2009 - 5:34:25 PM by Klaitu

You know, for a movie that was nominated for about a jillion rewards, it sure did suck.

A retired Texas welder is hunting in the wilderness where he comes across the remains of a drug deal. He takes 2 million bucks in drug money, and the drug dealers want it back.

He spends his time running from a psycho killer who has been assigned to retrieve the money. In fact, he spends pretty much the entire movie trying to get away with the drug money.

He doesn't make it.

Tommy Lee Jones is also in the movie, but I couldn't tell you why, he doesn't do anything. He just sort of wanders around lamenting the fact that he's old, and has absolutely no connection to the main plotline.

What little of a story is there is somewhat neat. There are clever scenes where the Welder is trying to outsmart the hitman, and it's engaging.. but it never pays off.

In fact, the psychopath killer gets away at the end.

No Country for Old Men is one of those movies that wastes your time, but doesn't let you know that you've wasted it until the very end. It's a lot like Planet of the Apes in that regard.

Overall Score: 2 of 10



Glow in the Dark Puppy
Submitted Thursday, April 23, 2009 - 12:54:27 PM by Klaitu

Behold what the labors of science hath wrought!





Yep, it's a genetically modified glowing puppy. It apparently contains the bioluminescence gene from glowing fish.

Now you can own a hyperactive, uncontrollable, stinky, crotch-smelling pet that won't get lost in the dark!



Failure to Launch
Submitted Thursday, April 23, 2009 - 12:48:24 PM by Klaitu

The title also describe's the movie's box office take!

OH SNAP!

The film is about Matthew McConaughey living with his parents, despite being nearly 40 years old. His parents hire Sarah Jessica Parker, who agrees to try and trick him into moving out.

It's described as a romantic comedy, but it's neither romantic, nor a comedy. In fact, the two stars are both shown up by guest star Zooey Deschanel, who is on a slightly insane mission to kill a bird that has been keeping her awake.

Aside from the McConaughey curse, which states that Matthew McConaughey can't actually be in a good movie, the movie also suffers from a bad case of Uggo.

Sarah Jessica Parker is, perhaps, the ugliest woman on the planet. She's nearly 50 years old, and she's had so much plastic surgery that she might as well be a mannequin. On top of that, her wrinkly skin is draped lifelessly over her skeleton. I spent most of the movie trying not to look directly at her hideous face.

Overall Score: 2 of 10



The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Submitted Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 10:21:05 PM by Klaitu

You saw the trailer for it. It's about the kid that ages in reverse.

What the trailer doesn't tell you is that this is Forrest Gump all over again. Button lives (in reverse) through various stages in American history. He is obsessed with a girl, Spends a lot of time on a boat with a grizzled captain, grows up in a boarding house, goes to war, and has a kid.

That doesn't mean it's a bad movie, it's just the same movie as Forrest Gump, and that wasn't a bad movie at all.

Overall Score: 7 of 10



Caprica
Submitted Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 2:23:54 PM by Klaitu

Everyone I know who saw the previews for Caprica during the Battlestar Galactica finale said "Wow, that looks like total garbage!"

I was also one of those people.

Now that I've watched it, I can say that Caprica is WAY better than I ever thought it could possibly be. That doesn't mean it's particularly good, but it certainly isn't complete trash.

Caprica takes place 58 years before Battlestar Galactica, and follows Admiral Adama's father, Joseph. The pilot episode (and the only episode to date) deals with the origins of the Cylon God, and the origins of the Cylons themselves.

As a self-contained story, this show works really well, but I am having trouble seeing the concept behind a TV series. The plot was slow and meandering, and while interesting on an intellectual level, there was next to no action. None of the characters are particularly action oriented (A lawyer and a scientist are the main characters).

In order for this to work, the producers will have to advance time in the series. The Cylon Rebellion won't happen for another 6 years.. and there are only so many emo kid stories you can tell before things get stale and you need cylons to shoot people.

On another note, this pilot episode has more naked people than you can shake a stick at. Fortunately, it tends to be more female people since nobody wants to see naked dudes. Still, I found these scenes to be a little excessive, and completely unneccessary.

Another stupid notion is that 16 year old people would create a night club that practices murder and human sacrifice, even if it is virtual. Most 16 year old people I know can't even construct a proper sentence.

Anyway, if you were going to pass on Caprica because of the lame preview, I would say it's worth a look. I'm not giving a blanket pardon to the series just yet, but I will give it a chance based solely on the quality of this pilot.

Overall Score: 7 of 10



City of Ember
Submitted Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 2:05:42 PM by Klaitu

The world's greatest scientists, architects, and tradesmen construct the City of Ember, an underground city designed to protect it's inhabitants from a forthcoming unexplained cataclysm which will supposedly kill all human life, except the life in the City of Ember.

They design a box which is designed to stay locked for 200 years, at which point it will open. They place in the box the instructions and tools to escape the city and return to the surface when it is safe. The box is given to the mayor of Ember, who is the sole person who knows the truth about the city.

The Box is passed from generation to generation, until one of the Mayors dies prematurely, and nobody is sure what the box is all about. It gets put into a closet, forgotten, where it's counter runs out and it opens, but nobody notices.

That's the backstory for the City of Ember, which would have greatly benefitted from not explaining this plot point in a prologue. The entire movie takes place in the City of Ember, and the characters are always trying to find the secrets of the strange box. It would have been much more dramatic if the audience didn't know what the box was all about until near the end of the movie.

It's an action adventure movie where 2 little kids find the box and try to decipher what it means.. though it is not particularly actiony or adventury. It is, however, well acted and the children are not annoying.

Bill Murray is a complete suprise in this movie. He's the corrupt present mayor of Ember, but he is not comedic in the slightest. He absolutely plays his role as a fatcat perfectly. He's almost good enough to make me think he actually has some acting chops.

My main complaint with this film is that it underestimates the kids in the audience.

First off, what kind of cataclysm lasts only 200 years? A Nuclear winter would last longer. Earth wouldn't have recovered yet from an asteroid impact (and the citizens in Ember would have certainly noticed that). the movie never really explains what's going on there. Perhaps it's something more biological, perhaps a plague or something like that. I don't know about everyone else, but this bugged me for the whole movie.

Secondly, the City of Ember has the most implausible design ever made, especially when purported to be created by the "world's best". In order to escape the city you have to Submerge the generator wheel in water, and float over it in the worlds most rickety boat.

I mean, couldn't you just make the boats enter the river on the far side of the generator wheel?

As if that wasn't enough, when you're on the boat, you have to slide down a waterpark-inspired splash mountain style amusement ride, where you have to JUMP (that's right, jump) your boat into a lake. This seems like a bad design.

What? You didn't plan on people being sick 200 years in the future? You want an entire city of people to go down this ridiculous boat jump?

For all its problems, City of Ember is still pretty entertaining, and if you've got kids, it's not the stupidest movie on the block. I'd recommend it for that purpose.

Overall Score: 7 of 10



Outback Tonight
Submitted Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 1:43:42 PM by Klaitu

There is a certain amount of irony, as the man pictured is from New Zealand.



Looking a little scruffy
Submitted Tuesday, April 21, 2009 - 4:40:30 PM by Klaitu

Beep BOOOOOP.




More Global Warming
Submitted Tuesday, April 21, 2009 - 12:26:33 PM by Klaitu

Some time ago, scientists in Antarctica discovered that they could take ice samples, and those ice samples contained the history of atmospheric Carbon.

Why is Carbon important? It's an element, and scientists tend to believe that the amount of carbon in the atmosphere has a relationship to the temperature of the Earth.

They believe this for good reason, there is a direct correlation in the ice. For thousands of years, the amount of Carbon in the ice also reflected the estimated temperature of the Earth. More Carbon appeared in hotter years.

The scientists drew a conclusion: More Carbon means hotter Earth.

They drew this conclusion based on nothing but speculation, there is no scientific evidence to support that conclusion. In fact, you may as well surmise that hotter temperatures cause more Carbon in the atmosphere.

You see, in those ice samples, you can see when the Industrial Revolution began. Carbon in the atmosphere suddenly jumped up something like 200%.. truly frightening news for those scientists, as I think it's safe to say that Earth can't survive a 200% Temperature increase.

But something else happened, the Earth's Temperature did not increase by 200%. The correlation between the carbon amount and the Earth's Temperature has been proven false.

There is more to Global Warming than Carbon emissions, though. There are greenhouse gasses, Volcanic Eruptions, Fluctuations in the sun's radiation output, fluctuations in the Earth's orbit, and Ozone depletion.

All of these have a similar story. Scientists have measured these things for a limited amount have time, and have estimated values for the past, when no recordings were actually made.. and they have forecasted the same data into the future, which always spells destruction for the Human race!

In 1997, scientists predicted that the Earth's temperature would increase by 2.5 degrees per year.. an increase which would turn the Earth into a barren wasteland sometime around the year 2010. In fact, in the 12 years since 1997, every year has been cooler than 1997 with the Exception of 2005, which was 0.4 degrees warmer than 1997. The scientists were wrong.

How old is the Earth? Nobody knows for sure, but we Humans have about 6,000 years of recorded history. We've only been taking temperature readings for maybe 200 years, and we've been doing climate surveys for less than that. That's 5800 years of no data! That's just in the history of mankind, the Earth is supposedly millions of years old. How can we even begin to think we know anything about climate change when we have such a small amount of data?

Imagine you're a scientist, and you've been observing the sun with your scientific instruments for about 12 hours. You discover that the Sun's path through the sky is not constant. You take this data and project it, and you discover that the amount of daylight will keep increasing until the sun never sets, and it's always daytime! You also predict that in about 2 years time, the Earth will be plunged into darkness as there is no daylight!

What you've done sounds logical, and it even sounds scientific, but your conclusion was speculation, and not science. It ended up being wrong, because 12 hours of observation is not enough data to understand the cycles of the Earth's orbit.

My point here is not anti-enviornmentalism.. by all means, plant a tree, and stop driving your fuel-thirsty SUV's. The Earth is where we live, and if you want to live in a nice place, you have to clean up after yourself.

My point is that Global Warming is not science. If you choose to believe in Global Warming, that's your business, but you're not believing in fact, you are believing in speculation.. and you have to be open to the fact that this speculation may be wrong.

In a way, that's the heart of science, disproving hypothesis until you find one that works.. and we don't have nearly enough data to prove or disprove this one.

I'm just tired of people having a chip on their shoulder about global warming.

Oh, and Happy Earth Day, you hippies!



You've just been Smurfed
Submitted Monday, April 20, 2009 - 12:19:37 PM by Klaitu

Why, The Internet.. why this?





Best Day Ever
Submitted Sunday, April 19, 2009 - 10:15:30 PM by Klaitu

Be it so proclaimed that Sunday, April 19, 2009 is the best day ever since days were invented!

So let it be written. So shall it be done.



Punky Power, or the Curse of Brewster
Submitted Saturday, April 18, 2009 - 11:46:13 PM by Klaitu

On September 21, 2004 I wrote a review of Punky Brewster Season 1.

On September 23, 2004 I ran a feature starring "Special K's Most Hot Chicks" of which Soleil Moon Frye was an entry.

On March 6, 2005 I wrote a review of Punky Brewster Season 2.

These are the only 3 things I have ever written about Soleil Moon Frye, or Punky Brewster.. but despite all that, the term "Punky Brewster" is the number 1 search term that people use to find Special K!

In fact, 82.9% of all traffic generated from search engines has the search term "Punky Brewster"!

The next entry, at a mere 4% of my traffic is the search term "soleil moon frye hot".

Oh, but that's not all. I run the Eve University Class Library, which generates a HUGE amount of traffic to the site (it's the reason the site went down for 6 days last month).. and even with that huge amount of traffic, the search for "Punky Brewster" generates 6 times more hits than the Library!

Here's the real kicker.. 41.7% of my traffic is consistant repeat traffic. Almost half of you who read this will come back to read it again.. and 82.9% of coming in from a search page will come for Punky.

Just three little articles made all that.

Redlow gets all the cool search terms. Sheesh.



The Simpsons Movie
Submitted Saturday, April 18, 2009 - 4:51:35 PM by Klaitu

I haven't watched the Simpsons in years. I remember watching it when I was a kid and thinking it was funny, but now when I watch the Simpsons, it's almost always lame.

I don't know what changes.. maybe I got older, maybe the Simpsons got lamer.. or maybe Family Guy rendered the Simpsons irrelevant. All I know is that the TV show has been pretty lame for over a decade.

The movie is no exception here. It takes all the lame and not funny jokes from the show, and makes them lame and not funny on the big screen.

The Simpsons doesn't in any way take advantage of the big screen, except perhaps to remind everyone that Futurama's movies were better.

Overall Score: 2 of 10



Australia
Submitted Saturday, April 18, 2009 - 4:48:03 PM by Klaitu

The movie, not the nation.. although the movie does have a lot to do about the nation.

I don't know exactly how I would sum up Austrailia.. its a western, its a WW2 movie, it's a love story. it's a movie about Native Austrailians.. its just sort of a strange little movie.

Most of the plot has to do with Nicole Kidman coming to Austrailia from England in order to run her Husband's farm in Northern Australia. There is a corrupt, neighboring Cattle Company who insists on murdering people and resorting to underhanded suspense-driven plot devices to stop Nicole Kidman, and her newfound beau, Hugh Jackman.

I wouldn't call the movie "epic" though it certainly isn't a short movie. Nothing about this movie is particularly memorable or amazing. It's a solid film however, and not a waste of time to watch.

The director occasionally chooses odd camera angles, but most of the film is shot traditionally. It has the effect of pulling you out of the movie.

Overall Score: 6 of 10



Golden Ticket
Submitted Friday, April 17, 2009 - 5:13:06 PM by Klaitu

The new Star Trek film has been on everyone's minds for quite awhile. It was originally supposed to come out at Christmas time, but it didn't. It got pushed back to May 8, 2009.

Here in Oklahoma, we lucked out and got the most technically advanced theater in the nation with all digital THX certified theaters. The large theaters have balconies.. adult exclusive balconies where you can eat and watch the show. There are only about 60 of these coveted seats.. and yours truly has managed to snag 6 of them!

What's more, the showing is on May 7th, a full day before the movie officially opens. How slick is that?

I've been excited about this prospect for a long time now. Balcony seats are reserved like airplane seats, or concert seats. You buy a ticket for a specific seat for a specific showing, and nobody can take it from you. There's no need to rush to the theater and get there early, you're already guaranteed a spot.

Most Excellent.



Dead or Alive 4
Submitted Thursday, April 16, 2009 - 3:16:27 PM by Klaitu

Having been a Playstation fan for the longest time, I missed out on an extraordinary number of "Dead or Alive" titles. Since my cousin had Dead of Alive 4, I decided to borrow it and try it out.

DoA4 is an older 360 title, one of the earliest ones, so I'll go easy on it in terms of how "next gen" games should be.

As with my previous review of Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2 this edition of DoA follows much in the same vein.

As a Licensed Bosomologist I can safely say that the breast physics are fully endorsed by the Bosomologist society. The rest of the game.. well.. its not that good.

DOA4 is more of a game than Xtreme 2 was.. at least there are actual gameplay elements here. It's a fighting game, but it's a japanese fighting game. I don't mean that it's from Japan, I mean that it's made for Japanese people.

DOA4 is the kind of fighting game where if you are hit even once by the CPU, you're going up in the air, and you are never coming back down. All of your attacks are effortlessly blocked by the CPU.. and while you do have a block button, it might as well not be there, because you can't block the CPU anyway.

The game wants desperately to have some strategic gameplay, but the only way to win at it is to button mash and get lucky. Your CPU opponent knows every combo and every move of their character, and can effortlessly defeat you whenever it feels like it.

You on the other hand, barely know which button punches and which one kicks, and you have no idea how one character differs from another. You might be able to eventually learn some of the character's moves if you had some time to work them out.. but you don't. You're going to be flying through the air as the CPU juggles you to your death.

Oh, and the game doesn't have an easy setting. It only has "normal" "hard" and "very hard". I played on the normal setting, and I cringe to think what atrocities the computer will commit on "very hard".

Other than the cheating AI, the game is pretty much a straightforward fighter. There's not much differentiation between the characters. There's a lineup of 16 of them, but 11 of them are ninjas with ninjitsu combat style.

DoA has potential as a Fighting game franchise. The levels are interestingly designed with a lot of interactive elements.. and again, theres the jiggly bosoms.

DOA4 is not the worst Fighter ever made. That dishonor belongs to Killer Instinct.

Jiggly Bosoms score: 9 of 10
Overall Score: 4 of 10



Sticking it to the Man
Submitted Thursday, April 16, 2009 - 12:49:41 PM by Klaitu

I have never been one to stick it to the man, but my Uncle has. He's been sticking it to the man for quite some time. My Uncle is the sort who listens to talk radio, you know "that" talk radio?

So, when I got a call about going down to the state Capitol for the "Tea Party Protests" I was not surprised. Actually, I considered it for a few moments, and having never been to any sort of political rally, I decided to go along, if for no other reason than to see what all the hubbub was about.

My only concern was that people would see me there and assume that I was one of the protesters, which would be inaccurate, as I am usually a member of the "All politicians suck" party. I decided that my construed participation was probably irrelevant, as the protests would likely be ineffective.

I travelled with my cousin and his friend down to the State Capitol, where traffic was exceptionally horrific due to the massive crowds. We had to park about a mile away and hoof it the rest of the way. After some time, we eventually made it to the main group of protesters.


My view of the protest


We were near the back, as the crowd was so dense that it was difficult to get any closer.. not that there was anything of particular interest at the front of the crowd.

Before the day, I had never heard of Tea Party Protests, I had no idea what they were about, or why they existed. Officially, the organization putting the whole thing together is protesting:

- The Homeowners Affordability and Stability Plan
- The Troubled Assets Relief Program
- The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009
- The Omnibus Appropriations Act of 2009

All of these acts are attempts to regenerate the economy by having the government intervene in various markets and buying investments that the bankers can't sell otherwise (because they are bad investments).

You wouldn't know any of that by attending the protest, however. As near as I can determine, people were just protesting the various things they thought sucked. There were people protesting Abortions, Gun Control, and Higher Taxes. The most vehement protestations were on the election of Barack Obama, the whole crowd started chanting "vote him out!" on more than one occasion.

In keeping with the theme of the "Tea Party", there were many people carrying reproductions of colonial-era flags, the most popular of which being the "Don't Tread on Me" variety. Occasionally there were people dressed in colonial-era costumes as well.

On the steps of the capitol, there was a podium at which many different people would stand during the hour-long event. The first person, I am told, was a local talk radio host, whose first sentence was "So, they thought only 1500 people would show up, I guess we showed them!" Looking around, my cousin and I thought "yeah, they were about right, this is 1500 people." In the end, estimates put it from 1500 to 2000 people.

The radio host continued, comparing himself to William Wallace of Braveheart fame, uttering such melodramatic lines as "They may take our taxes, but they will never take our freeeeeeeedoommm!"

After the radio host, there was a woman. I don't know who she was, but she basically assembled a bunch of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton quotes that were taken out of context. I don't know what quotes were used, as once either of those names came over the speakers, there was a deafening "BOOOOOO" from the crowd.

3 other speakers came to the podium, but they all sort of run together now in my memory, as none of them said anything unique, nor indeed, anything particuarly inspiring. We stood there, part of the crowd, basiclaly just chatting amongst ourselves for most of the time.

One of the people in the crowd remarked at how young we were, which was a little unique in the crowd, as it was formed mainly by people of the Vietnam era. The guy warned us that the CIA was taking photos of us and we would now be considered terrorists by Obama.

There was another fellow who was pretty interesting behind us. Whenever there was a lull, he would shout "THE PEOPLE SHALL PREVAIL!" at the top of his lungs. It was amusing the first couple of times, but he ended up saying it about 5 billion times.

Some of the signs that people carried were amusing.


I Heart Capitalism


Among the more interesting ones were "Tea or Kool-aid, which are you drinking?" and "Change is the only thing I can believe in because it's all I have left!" There was a sign with the Obama O with a hammer and sickle in it.

One guy had a sign that said "Send Obama back to Africa!" which was particularly amusing since Obama is actually from Hawaii. We wondered who exactly he was trying to help out with that sign.

At the end of the planned hour, the protest disbanded, and the traffic became pretty atrocious.

In the end, I think my initial conclusion was correct: The protests will do absolutely nothing in terms of changing anything. I don't deny people's right to assemble and protest, and perhaps it made those people feel a little better, knowing that there were other people out there who think the same way they do.

It didn't seem to me like the group was coherant with one another's beliefs. The only thing they seemed united about was they all were against raising taxes.. which seemed like a moot point since each of them will probably see an infinitesimal tax reduction.

One thing that bugged me for the whole protest was the "Tea Party" theme. I don't understand how the there is any relation between the Boston Tea Party and the protests. The Boston Tea Party was a protestation against Taxation without representation, however in 2009, all of these people were represented to Congress. Their opinions were merely ignored because the majority of people supported the legislation they are protesting. Just because representation doesn't go your way doesn't mean that you are no longer represented.. it just means your opinion is irrelevant.

Everyone seems to have completely forgotten that Bush started the whole "Government Bailout" bandwagon. It's not an Obama thing.. at best you can claim it's a bipartisan thing. When you have rich republicans and rich democrats agreeing on a course of action, there has to be some basic common-sense logic to what has been proposed.

I'm still not an Obama fan, and I don't pay attention to the news.. but when I do read the news, I don't ignore the parts of it that I disagree with. I had the distinct impression that I was better informed on the news than any of the protesters.. and that's saying a lot, because I actively avoid political news.

One final observation: I didn't see any black people, any latin people.. I didn't see anything but grizzled white people. While there's nothing wrong with that, there is a certain sense of irony of a crowd of white people "Stickin it to the man".. the black man.

Welcome to the complete circle.



Butt Receptacle
Submitted Monday, April 13, 2009 - 4:21:38 PM by Klaitu

My chair is where my butt hangs out most of the time.. not that my butt hangs out of my chair, more like my butt hangs out at the chair, because that's where I park my posterior.

For the last year or so, one of the arms of my computer chair has been busted. Sheared the bolt right off, amazingly enough, so it would just hang there, lifeless.. with me unbalanced.

Inspired by MacGyver, I Jury rigged a solution that involved an old PS2 controller extension cable and a judicious knowledge of boy scout knots (I KNEW that stint in the Weebelos would come in handy one day). It wasn't pretty, but it held my armrest on.. most of the time. Occasionally it would fall off again.

Ordinarily, I would just replace the bolt on the armrest.. but it was broken in two, and there was still most of the bolt in the chair side of the bolt hole.

Then, as fortune would have it.. the same exact thing happened to my dad's armrest, and his chair is identical to mine (now even the arms are identical!)

The thing about the older generation is that they like to fix things "the right way" as opposed to the "only way I can figure out way". He whipped out his drill and decided to drill those bolts out of there!

He was only partially successful. Sure, he stuck the drill bit in there and turned it on, but instead of making a hole, it just screwed the bolt remains the rest of the way through the nut, clearing the space for a replacement bolt!

So now, here I am, sitting pretty in my brand new, old computer chair.. with functioning armrests.

Now I know you're thinking "What's so great about armrests?" and I say to you: This is the biggest thing to happen to me for months! Don't knock it!



The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
Submitted Monday, April 13, 2009 - 10:20:54 AM by Klaitu

You may have recently heard about those Somali pirates. I've been following the story, and now that it's pretty much over I think that a recap would be entertaining!

On April 8, Somali pirates boarded and took over a container ship called the MV Maersk Alabama. The ship was carrying 17,000 metric tons of cargo to Somalia, including 5,000 tons of relief supplies for the Somali.

Don't worry though, these were perhaps the most incompetant pirates ever.

When the pirates arrived aboard, they destroyed the speedboat they used to board the Alabama. The crew saw them coming and locked themselves in a room, but the pirates manages to capture the Captain.

The crew came out from hiding and reclaimed the ship from the pirates, despite the crew having no weapons, and the pirates having an arsenal of weapons. The crew captured a pirate. For 12 hours they tried to trade the pirate for the Captain, but when the crew released their prisoner, the pirates did not release the Captain.

The pirates took their captive into one of the Alabama's lifeboats and cast off.

The attempted piracy drew sharp attention from the US Navy, seeing as how it was a US crew aboard a US registered freighter. The USS Bainbridge (a cruiser) was dispatched to the Alabama almost immediately, as it had been in the area.

The Bainbridge offloaded some armed guards into the Alabama, and the freighter was allowed to continue to its destination. The Bainbridge then tracked down the lifeboat that the pirates stole, which had run out of gas and was now drifting.

The whole situation was more of a hostage situation now. The Navy dropped a radio phone to the pirates while the Bainbridge stayed out of the pirates weapon range. The pirates, being complete and total idiots, demanded a ransom.

During the standoff, the captive Captain managed to jump overboard and nearly escaped, but he returned to the lifeboat after the pirates fired some warning shots. The pirates dumped their radio phone into the ocean, because they were afraid the captain was getting "secret messages" from it.

Other pirates, apparently part of the same "piracy association" in the meantime were reportedly bringing 4 other pirated ships to the scene with a total of 54 hostages aboard. The Navy dispatched the USS Halyburton (a guided missile frigate) and the USS Boxer (A Jumpcarrier) to the scene.

Meanwhile the Captain of the Bainbridge was negotiating with the pirates via satellite phone, getting some assistance from the FBI's negotiation specialists. The Alabama made it to it's intended port, and the FBI secured the ship as a crime scene.

The lifeboat was drifting toward the coast, for the pirates a better position as it made survival more likely. The Navy didn't want that to happen, so they hooked up the lifeboat to a tow line and hauled it back out to sea. The Captain of the Bainbridge managed to convince one of the pirates to board the Bainbridge "for negotiations", leaving only 3 pirates aboard the lifeboat. At some point, the pirates pointed one of their guns at their captive, after which all 3 of them were killed by snipers.. who had shot them in the dark, on the ocean. The final pirate was taken into custody, and the recently freed Captain was taken to the Boxer for Medical Treatment.

The leader of the "pirate group" to which the now-dead pirates belonged vowed revenge on the US.

You know, it's hard for me to understand why extremists do what they do, but at least piracy makes at least a little bit of sense.. but these pirates aren't actually pirates, they're boat ransomers.

The idea is that you take over a ship, hold the crew and cargo hostage for a few million bucks, and then when the company that owns the ship pays up, everyone just goes on their merry way. This works because the crews of cargo ships are not armed (for some ridiculous reason), and because companies actually pay the ransoms (for some ridiculous reason).

That part of it at least makes some sense, but after the crew took back the ship.. what did they think was going to happen? Did they expect to escape? So then the Bainbridge shows up. You're in a lifeboat, what are you going to do against a Cruiser? It can blow you out of the water with one shot, and your bullets won't even go far enough to bounce uselessly off its armored hull.

The pirate solution was "ransom the Captain". A completely ridiculous idea! Let's set aside for a moment that the Navy would pay anything to pirates..

Let's say that that the deal goes through. Pirates get the money and release the Captain. BOOM, lifeboat explodes, pirates die.

Let's say that the Navy refuses, and you're forced to kill the Captain. BOOM, lifeboat explodes, pirates die.

Let's say that the Navy refuses, and you were bluffing about killing the Captain. You just sit there making impotent threats that you'll never carry out until the Navy positions snipers and BOOM, pirates die, Captain lives.

In what sort of insane fantasy world is it when the Pirates get money and get away safely? Particularly when they are aboard a lifeboat that has no gas?

Pirates, there is a reason why nobody has messed with US shipping since the 19th century. That reason is "don't poke the bear".

Hirohito poked the bear, he got nuked.
McVeigh poked the bear, he was captured within 40 minutes.
Osama poked the bear, and the bear thrashed around his infrastructure and is stlll sniffing for him.
Hussein didn't poke the bear, he just pretended like he was poking the bear, and the bear thrashed him anyway.

Moral to the story: don't poke the bear.

Or, by all means, continue to poke the bear so we can watch your antics on TV, because this is probably the most interesting news story to come along in a decade.





Kings
Submitted Tuesday, April 7, 2009 - 9:22:48 AM by Klaitu

Take the story of King David from the Bible. Translate it into modern technology. Strip the spiritual message from the story. Now, what do you have? You've got Kings, the NBC show.

I have to give these writers credit. Taking a story from the Bible and changing it? That's pretty brave, but taking someone like King David.. who is considered the founder of Israel.. and changing his story into a TV show is gutsy.

There is no end to the amount of people who can whine about this show. It's shocking that it was ever produced.

Watching the show, it is obviously no substitute for the actual Bible story. The show's writers have seemingly either missed the point of it all, or merely disregarded the point of the story. That being that David was a man of God, and Saul who once was a man of God, was no longer. They retain the Saul part of the story, but neglect the David part of the story.

Then again, it's a TV show, and it isn't a religious program. As a storytelling element, the story of David is quite compelling. Translating it into the modern day makes the show fun to watch.

They made a lot of bold (for TV executive) choices with the show. It takes place in the nation of Gilboa, which is fictional, but on the map takes the place of ancient Judea. So, it's set in this sort of alternate reality where it's the year 2009, but things are still ancient.

The show is intelligently written, and the major plot points of the Biblical story are used.

It's certainly interesting, and I'll keep watching it so long as it stays so. They certainly have a lot of drama if they keep following the Biblical story.



A Message to Sony
Submitted Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 2:45:16 PM by Klaitu

Hire a gamer.

Just one.

You seriously need someone who plays games on your team, because the features you're introducing to the PS3 are completely useless. Text Chat? Really? Do I really want to spend 10 minutes trying to type out a message using the PS3 controller? Get real!

Here's what you need to do:

1. Put a PS3 bluetooth headset in every box
2. Lose the flashdrive, SD card, and Minidrive slots
3. Make it so you can play PS2 games on the PSP through system link
4. Steal Nintendo's Virtual console idea and emulate classic console games on PSP.
5. Forget PSHome
6. Fix your Wi-Fi protocols so that you can support AES encryption.
7. Fix your DLNA client so that it doesn't error out when using Windows Media Player 11 as the server.
8. Start using the other 4 cores to that fancy cell processor that nobody uses, make games that are obviously better visual quality than 360 games.
9. Destroy Apple TV by adding native RSS support.

Do these things and you will be on the right track.



The Grumpy Gamer
Submitted Thursday, April 2, 2009 - 8:34:06 AM by Klaitu

Apparently my recent review of Dead Space has caused quite the feedback. I've been told to "stop being so grumpy". The truth is that I don't really feel grumpy about games, I just get tired of seeing the same things over and over. I remind everyone that I actually played Dead Space all the way through to the end.

There's a misconception that I hate FPS games. I can understand why that is, because I really do hate MOST FPS games. I don't hate them because they are FPS, I hate them because they are boring.

I was told that Dead Space is a "survival horror" game. It isn't. Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Echo Night Beyond, The X-Files game. These are all survival horror. Dead Space has much more in common with Left 4 Dead or Bioshock, both of which are shooters.

I hate to pick on Dead Space, but it's just a burning example of what I don't like to see in games. The opening sequence is pretty cool, and it makes you think there could be a story here. Then, when you play the game you find out that the story is almost nonexistant. It's so simple you've deduced the ending by the third level.

Now, a lot of you are saying "Dead Space isn't a game that is all about the story". You're right. It's obvious that the game's designers were not intending to create a compelling story. So, with no story the other half of the equation is gameplay.

The gameplay in Dead Space isn't horrible, you've just done it before about 3 billion times. You've been shooting monsters with guns since Wolfenstein. What does Dead Space have to offer that every other game doesn't? The only novel things it does are some combat in Zero-G and some combat in a vacuum.. the latter of which is just a time limit. The zero-G thing is a cool idea, but when you play the game, you just stick yourself to one area and kill everything before floating around.. so it's just like the rest of the game.

It seems like I'm picking on Dead Space, but there are many games like this.. some of which might make your jaw drop. What about Half-Life and Half-Life 2, which are almost universally accepted as "amazing games". Personally, I don't see it. Same game mechanics as every other FPS ever invented. Actually, you could make the case that Dead Space does everything that Half-Life did, except Half-Life did it better.. at least it had a better story.

Another thing that FPS's like to do is give me "busywork". Of course, this isn't limited to FPS's, but they're the biggest culprit. Want to open that door? You'll have to go up 3 levels, fight 300 enemies, and defeat a boss to get the key. Oh, but this door requires 3 keys.. It's hard to express how much I absolutely detest wandering around aimlessly, hoping to bump into my objective.

Busywork is often coupled with the dreaded maze. I HATE MAZES. To be fair, there's a certain amount of "mazing" that I am willing to do in any given game, but some games are designed purposefully to frustrate and confuse the player. Frustration and Confusion are not fun. Bioshock is a perfect example of a game that gives you busywork that is ALWAYS on the other side of a maze.

To be clear, I don't expect games to be completely free of all these things. They're part of games, the problem comes when you use too much of a single cliche. Mass Effect has some mazing, and some busywork, too.. but it doesn't stack it all at the same time, and most of the time you can choose what you're in the mood for.

All of this begs the question: What kind of game am I looking for?

I am looking for games that:

- Have a great story
- My decisions and gameplay make an impact on the game
- I am able to customize weapons/stats/attributes/appearances
- Have gameplay that compliments the story
- Have gameplay that requires thought about the best way to accomplish tasks
- Aren't designed to fight and punish me by being nearly impossible.
- Are not "on rails" linear

A couple examples:
- Grand Theft Auto series
- Final Fantasy series
- Mass Effect
- Fable series

Games that don't have a story need to make up for that lack with some kind of incredible gameplay, like:

- Katamari Damacy
- Shadow of the Colossus
- Sly Cooper series
- Guitar Hero/Rock Band
- Portal

For me, story is the most important element of a video game. In the days of yore, we used to play Super Mario Bros because it was a great game, and because the gameplay was awesome. That was okay when I was 8. My tastes have changed. Most of the time I just can't play a game merely for the gameplay anymore.

There are many kinds of gamers out there. There are people who love Tetris.. and that's fine. I'm not one of those people, and I can only review games based on my own perceptions. Just because I give a game a 4 of 10 doesn't mean that you can't like it. Some of you, I know when I give a 4 of 10, it means you should go buy the game because our tastes are opposites.



Dead Space
Submitted Wednesday, April 1, 2009 - 10:01:25 AM by Klaitu

The title refers to the area between the ears of the developers!

OH SNAP!

I recently borrowed the game from my cousin. I borrowed it yesterday, in fact.. and I've already beaten it.

Dead Space is essentially Resident Evil in space. Instead of zombies, it's aliens. Instead of pistols and shotguns, it's space guns. Instead of a mansion or a lab, it's a spaceship.

The only difference is that Resident Evil does this well, and Dead Space.. well, just did it. Dead Space is by no means a horrible game, it's just.. blah.

There isn't anything you haven't seen before. The gameplay is just like any other shooter game you've ever seen. The monsters aren't particularly unique.. and the story was perhaps written by a third grader.

Fortunately, the game is pretty easy. I think the game knows that it's easy, because occasionally it will trap you in a tiny room with 500000 monsters at the same time, which results in you dying about 20 times until you get lucky and beat that part.

Particularly annoying are the sections that take place in a vacuum. Then you have to kill 15 or so monsters, but you have a time limit of 60 seconds. This doesn't even make sense as the guy is wearing an spacesuit.

Speaking of which, the art in this game is, for the most part, boring. In particular the main character looks like complete garbage, and you spend the entire game looking at his ugly self. The game has some moments that almost show some graphic potential, but most of the time you'll find yourself in a dark hallway killing monsters that take far too many shots to kill.

Overall Score: 4 of 10.



We're back!
Submitted Wednesday, April 1, 2009 - 9:11:46 AM by Klaitu

With the new month, the bandwidth counter has been reset! huzzah!