February 2005

Stargate Runs the Table
Submitted Monday, February 28, 2005 - 4:52:11 PM by Klaitu

Well, that's about all there is to it. Stargate has been snapping up all the disenfranchised sci-fi actors for some time now, and they've just scored their latest victory

Andromeda co-star Lexa Doig has been cast in a recurring role on Stargate SG-1, actor Michael Shanks reportedly told fans at this weekend's official Stargate convention in Dallas, Texas. Fans returning from the event report that Doig's character will be connected to General Hank Landry, the new series regular played by actor Beau Bridges, according to Shanks.

According to unconfirmed news at fan site LexaDoig.org, her character will be Stargate Command's new chief medical officer and the daughter of General Landry. GateWorld will confirm details about the character when information becomes available.

The 31-year-old actress hails from Toronto and has also appeared on such series as Earth: Final Conflict and The Chris Isaak Show, and in films such as "TekWar," "Jason X," and "Human Cargo."

Shanks, who is Doig's real-life husband, assured fans that he was not involved in the actress's being cast. The two met when Shanks guest starred on Andromeda in the show's first season, playing an android with whom Doig's character fell in love.
Original Article



The Laws of Anime
Submitted Monday, February 28, 2005 - 4:03:38 PM by Klaitu

This one's pretty good:

Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The normal laws of physics do not apply.



Law of Differentiated Gravitation

Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.



Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics

In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.



Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.



Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.



Law of Temporal Variability

Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.



First Law of Temporal Mortality

'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.



Second Law of Temporal Mortality

It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.



Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).



Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.



Law of Inherent Combustability

Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.

Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".



Law of Phlogistatic Emission

Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.



Law of Energetic Emission

There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.



Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude

The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.

First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.



Law of Inexhaustability

No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.



Law of Inverse Accuracy

The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)

Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.



Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability

Minmei is a bimbo.



Law of Hemoglobin Capacity

The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.



Law of Demonic Consistency

Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.



Law of Militaristic Unreliability

Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.



Law of Tactical Unreliability

Tactical geniuses aren't....



Law of Inconsequential Undetectability

People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.



Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.



Law of Americanthropomorphism

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)

Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.



Law of Mandibular Proportionality

(from A. Hicks)

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.



Law of Feline Mutation

(from A. Hicks)

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

be female,
will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.


Law of Conservation of Firepower

(from U. Williams)

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.



Law of Technological User-Benevolence

(from U. Williams)

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.



Law of Melee Luminescence

(from U. Williams)

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.



Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism

(from U. Williams)

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.



Law of Follicular Chroma Variability

(from Spellweaver)

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.



Law of Follicular Permanence

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!



Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.



Law of Probable Attire

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.



Law of Musical Omnipotence

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.



Law of Quitupular Aggultination

(from Daniel Mikula)

Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:


The Hero/Leader
His girlfriend
His Best Friend/Rival
A Hulking Brute
A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:


Extreme Coolness
Amazing intelligence
Incredible Irritation



Law of Extradimensional Capacitance

(from Jason Bustard)

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.



Law of Hydrostatic Emission

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.



Law of Inverse Attraction

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.

First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...



Law of Nasal Sanguination

(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.



Law of Xylolaceration

(from Lyndon Harris)

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.



Law of Juvenile Omnipotence

(from Erin Alia)

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.



Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia

There is no Law #43.



Law of Nominative Clamovocation

(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.



Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis

(from R. A. Hubby)

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.



Law of Flimsy Incognition

(from Conrad Knauer)

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.


Original Article (easier to read)



Domo-Kun
Submitted Monday, February 28, 2005 - 12:43:31 AM by Klaitu

I'm pretty sure that the following video was made specifically for Goldberry. In fact, I'm quite certain of it.

There are, however, several others of you who may also be interested in the adventures of the Domo-Kun.

Will Smith is involved.

http://www.domo-kun.com/media/Domo-Kun%20of%20Bel-Air.avi



Shaolin Soccer
Submitted Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:16:56 PM by Klaitu

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Comedy.

Everyone knows the Japanese are strange, but the Chinese, they're just a little strange as well.. as evidenced by this imported comedy.

Shaolin Soccer is kinda like.. well.. It seems kinda like a Chinese version of "baseketball". A washed up soccer coach forms a team of Shaolin Kung fu masters who dominate the field.

The movie is primarily not funny, but there are moments of worthy jocularity, mostly dealing with the ridiculous effects during the soccer games.

So, Shaolin Soccer.. not particularly good, not particularly funny. Not horrible, though.

Overall Score: 4 of 10



Smokey Bones
Submitted Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:08:47 PM by Klaitu

Oi, another restaurant review.

Some of you have probably heard of Smokey Bones. They're a "TGI Friday's" restaurant chain predominately in the Ohio/Michigan/Indiana area. The cuisine is barbeque.

The decor is a more relaxed affair that you might expect in your standard Chili's/TGI Friday's/Fudrockers. There are no vintage signs on the walls, no old sleds or toys or farm implements. Just TV's.

My choice of food was the 10 ounce Top Sirloin.. but before the main course came the Cornbread. The cornbread was decent, above average. The Top Sirloin was cooked properly, but was really your standard fare among steakhouses. The fries were not particularly good, but not bad either.

Prices are the draw here. We're talking $6-$7 for your standard sandwich/hamburger, or in my case, $12 for the 10 ounce top sirloin. It's on average 2 bucks cheaper than Outback.

It's pretty much the standard steakhouse with a different decor.

Overall Score: 6 of 10



Core American Values
Submitted Thursday, February 24, 2005 - 8:11:28 PM by Klaitu

Ran across an interesting snippet from a book called "Consumer Behavior". According to them, they've got a list of American Core Values.

Achievement and success, activity:
Hard work is good; success flows from hard work
Keeping busy is healthy and natural

Efficiency and Practicality:
Admiration of things that solve problems (e.g. save time and effort)
People can improve themselves; tomorrow should be better than today

Material Comfort:
“The Good Life”

Individualism:
Being oneself (e.g. self-reliance, self-interest, self-esteem)

Freedom:
Freedom of choice

External conformity:
Uniformity of observable behavior; desire for acceptance

Humanitarianism:
Caring for others, particularly the underdog

Youthfulness:
A state of mind that stresses being “young at heart” and having a youthful appearance

Fitness and Health:
Caring about one’s body, including the desire to be physically fit and healthy



Hollywood Out of Touch
Submitted Thursday, February 24, 2005 - 3:46:38 PM by Klaitu

Wow, it's almost as if Fox News is reading Special K. They commissioned a poll to see if Americans believe that hollywood reflects their values. The results are obvious, but they are more than just speculation now. Here's the skinny:

NEW YORK — With the Academy Awards just around the corner, a FOX News poll finds few people believe moviemakers share their values, and there is widespread agreement that Hollywood is out of touch with Americans.

From young people to seniors, the story is the same — Hollywood is out of touch. Overall, more than 7 in 10 Americans think Tinseltown is out of sync with "average Americans." Self-identified conservatives (81 percent) are more likely than others to think Hollywood is out of touch, but majorities of moderates (74 percent) and liberals (58 percent) also agree.

Opinion Dynamics Corporation conducted the national telephone poll of 900 registered voters for FOX News on February 8-9.

Similarly, it is a small minority of Americans who believe Hollywood moviemakers share their values. Thirteen percent of the public thinks moviemakers share their values, while a sizeable majority — 70 percent — disagrees.

At 19 percent, Democrats are more than three times as likely as Republicans (6 percent) and twice as likely as independents (9 percent) to say filmmakers share their values.

Who are Hollywood moviemakers? A 61 percent majority of Americans think most people in Hollywood are liberals, 8 percent think they are conservatives and 14 percent say "both."

And as for the Oscars, while winning the gold statue can improve ticket sales, fewer than one in five Americans (17 percent) say movie awards influence which films they see.


Original Article
Raw Data PDF



A Sad Day for Trek
Submitted Thursday, February 24, 2005 - 3:24:42 PM by Klaitu

In the news today:

A former head of Paramount Television, a producer of Disney's Inspector Gadget movies and a screenwriter new to the franchise are working with longtime Star Trek executive producer Rick Berman to develop the eleventh Star Trek feature film, a trade newspaper has revealed.
I dunno about you, but this pretty much seals Star Trek's fate for the next decade.

I mean, the guy who did Inspector Gadget? Can't we find someone, ANYONE else? Can't we get a rock and paint a human face on it and have that be our producer? How can the producers of a show be so out of touch with the audience? I mean, Star Trek was good for so many years, how long can they make crap, stamp the "STAR TREK" logo on it, and have people buy it?

The only ray of sunshine in all this is that in 5 years, Rick Berman will be at retirement age. We can only hope that he does, or is forced to retire by someone with a brain cell.



Sir Mixx A Lot, he is not
Submitted Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 10:02:47 PM by Klaitu

Oww. I'm in pain. I'm in "oh no I went swimming within 40 minutes of eating" pain. Seriously! I could drown here!

Being a Christian, I sometimes wonder where people get the idea that Christians are just a little wacky. Well, I think I've finally found the source.. "White Boy DJ".

http://www.whiteboydj.com/babygotbook/index.html

He's turned Mixx-a-lot's "Baby Got Back" into a Christian anthem entitled "Baby Got Book". Right message, wrong mode of delivery.. really wrong.

Yeah, you're rolling your eyes now, but just WAIT until you see the video. It is.. how do I put this.. bad. It's really bad.

You know that one time you accidentally flipped on the Lifetime network and saw that made-for-TV movie? Yeah, it's worse than that.

So, go ahead and watch it, just be sure you're sitting down, because you're going to be laughing for 30 or 40 minutes.. and then there's the cramps.

Oh, the agony.

Update: The link got farked, so there's user overload on whiteboydj.com (and I bet that's never happened before) It might be awhile before that link is accessible)



Unique Marketing
Submitted Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 5:13:05 PM by Klaitu

Okay, for all ONE of you out there that hasn't seen the new Battlestar Galactica series, it's time to freggin pony up and get with it. The ENTIRE FIRST EPISODE is now available online for FREE on the Sci-Fi channel's website. All you need is to have realplayer installed.

Eat it, it's good for you.
http://www.scifi.com/battlestar/33_full_episode/



Mein Wabbit
Submitted Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 4:11:24 PM by Klaitu

Came across an interesting website regarding obscure propaganda cartoons. It's quite an interesting read.. and just in case I haven't convinced you, check this out:




Yeah, I know you're gonna check it out, it's just too strange.

http://www.rotten.com/library/culture/banned-cartoons/



Battlestar's Back
Submitted Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 1:41:19 PM by Klaitu

The much-anticipated specifics have finally arrived!

Battlestar has been renewed for a second season, and the entire cast has re-signed. The new season will have a whopping 20 episodes (that's 7 more than the first season had). It's set to premiere in the Summer of Sci-Fi promotion alongside Stargates SG-1 and Atlantis.

Original Article



News Flash
Submitted Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 4:06:13 AM by Klaitu

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've just been handed an important bulletin:

TUMS, the over the counter heartburn medication, can be spelled backwards. The resulting word produced by this means is SMUT.

You can now rest assured for the rest of your lives that yet another mystery of the universe has been solved, and everything is going according to plan.

In related news, my hand soap exploded and I got some in my eyes, and now they're all puffy and filled with what one witness described as "nasty eye goo". Police aren't really sure how the soap exploded, but they're pretty sure they don't want to know.

Oh, and I'm pretty exhausted, too.

More as it develops. Keep it tuned to Special K for ground-breaking news.



The Future of Stargate
Submitted Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 3:56:55 AM by Klaitu

News so awesome, that it might just hurt your trachea or something.

This post contains spoilers.. minor spoilers, but spoilers nonetheless.

1. Jack O'Neill

Everyone loves Richard Dean Anderson, but alas, he won't be around much for season nine (though guest appearances are planned). His character will be promoted to the head of Homeworld security (the position that General Hammond presently holds). No word on what is actually going to happen to Hammond, though.

2. The open SGC seat

Replacing Jack O'Neill's seat as the big cheese of Stargate Command will be none other than Beau Bridges. The character's name is "General Hank Landry". You've heard of Beau Bridges, right? He was the grumpy old astronaut in "Rocket Man".. you know, the one forced to take the fart.

Bridges' character is also legally designed so that he can show up on Stargate Atlantis whenever with no legal problems (which is why SG-1 characters don't crossover to Atlantis all that often)

3. Jaffa king

There's another new role, though it appears to be a recurring guest role. The Jaffa will apparently gain independance somehow, and they will form a new nation. Teal'c will be nominated to lead this new nation, but his opponent will be.... Lou Gossett Jr. No further details on him right now.

4. Trouble in Atlantis

If you don't know about how Atlantis season 1 ends, there's no way I can really get around it. At the end of this season, Atlantis is no longer cut off from contact with Earth. You might have recalled how the colonel sent on the Atlantis expedition died in the pilot. The SGC will send another colonel to Atlantis to see to military affairs, and he will be played by Mitch Pileggi, whom you know better as AD Skinner from The X-Files. His name will be "Colonel Caldwell". This role is apparently also recurring, and not a regular role.

5. The Main Attraction

Shanks, Tapping, and Judge are reprising their roles as Jackson, Carter, and Teal'c in season 9. As previously reported, they will be joined by Ben Browder, who will play "Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell" and fill up SG-1's empty seat. Tapping, who is pregnant, is said to be missing from 5 of the episodes in season 9, and will be replaced by Claudia Black for those 5 episodes. Her character name is "Vala".

You're also going to see more of the Russian officer asigned to the SGC, his name is Colonel Chekov, and he's played by Garry Chalk. The character has, thus far, appeared in 6 SG-1 episodes.

6. The unknown man

Atlantis will be dropping one character. Lt. Aiden Ford will become a recurring role, and is being replaced by Ronon Dex, an alien warrior who is supposedly very cunning in avoiding the wraith.

7. Non-spectacular Production Information

Both SG-1 and Atlantis are confirmed and go for 20 episodes of Season 9. The episodes will begin to air this summer in yet another "Summer of Sci-Fi" promotion, where the seasons will be chopped in half, and you won't get to see the later episodes of the season for more than 6 months.

8. Spaceballs: The Merchandising


Apparently, Stargate has just now figured out that franchise merchandising makes money, and so they have started taking advantage of this. Now, you can buy a T-shirt, just like the one to the left! Aren't you excited?

Also upcoming is a SG-1 based FPS game, which I will be sure to deadpan for you when it comes out. Aside from all that, there are some dorky books you can buy too!

9. The Articles

So many references. Aren't you glad that I compile this stuff together for you? That's what I do, I stick crap together.


Original Article
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Get it on Ebay!
Submitted Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 6:10:59 PM by Klaitu

You can find anything on E-bay.. and when I say anything, I mean you can find your very own working life-sized star wars landspeeder.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=790&item=3873979525&rd=1



Join the Devolution
Submitted Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 1:45:35 PM by Klaitu

Whip it, whip it good, my friends.

http://users2.ev1.net/~robertl25/devo/devomain.htm



Robot Chicken
Submitted Monday, February 21, 2005 - 5:33:11 PM by Klaitu

I just went to go ahead and say that I invented the concept behind Robot Chicken when I was just a wee teen, and Carson will back me up on this.

Robot Chicken is essentially a TV show made with stop-motion photography of really old action figures. What kind of action figures? Well, just about anything you can get your hands on.. from transformers to dukes of hazzard to battlestar galactica.

The premiere was last night, and it was pretty freakin good. I'm gonna keep watching it, even if it is only 15 minutes per episode.

It worked for Sealab.



Police Quest 1 VGA
Submitted Monday, February 21, 2005 - 12:40:24 AM by Klaitu

Here's another oldschool favorite. I had originally played the EGA version of the game, so I decided that this time I would try out the VGA remake.

I'd have to recommend the EGA version over the VGA version. Sure, the graphics are a little better in the VGA, but that's about it. The text interface of the original allows you much more flexibility of options.

If I want to draw my gun, I type in "draw gun". In the new one, you have to be careful what you click the gun icon on. The draw, you must click it on yourself.. but if you don't.. game over! You're a crazy gun lunatic!

That being said, the remake is a pretty faithful translation of the original, it just lacks the sparkle and polish of an actual full-blown game, like Police Quest 3. It seems like the skimped on the resources a little, that's all.

Set your DOSbox to Tandy mode and play the original version for a real kick.

Overall Score: 6 of 10



Her brother is coming for you
Submitted Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 2:19:32 AM by Klaitu

Look out, Harkonens.. Her brother is on his way, and he has the weirding way.

Leave it to fark to find this:

An Atreides



Step Right Up
Submitted Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 1:19:58 AM by Klaitu

And see the Two-headed baby.

Original Picture

No trick. It's disturbing.



Whatever Happened to JAG?
Submitted Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 3:39:14 PM by Klaitu

I have an answer!

Why JAG Discharged its Star


David James Elliott did not jump ship; he was forced to walk the
plank. Elliott, who plays Navy attorney Cmdr. Harmon "Harm" Rabb
Jr. on JAG, is leaving the show when it concludes its 10th season in
May.

Elliott, 44, has already signed a series development deal with
ABC. "David left, and we wish him well," JAG creator Donald
Bellisario says. "His contract was up, and we never expected it to
go on. We had to cut costs. [So] we started doing episodes with less
of David, and it became obvious to him the we were not going to
renegotiate." Elliott's manager says CBS never responded to his
client's salary request for another season, but "David loves CBS
[The role] has run its course. He has made a lucrative deal with
ABC."

That said, there may not even be another season. CBS won't announce
its fall lineup-including JAG's fate-until May, but Bellisario has
made a preemptive strike by adding a new attorney to anchor the
show. Chris Beetem, a 32-year old As The World Turns veteran, joined
the cast February 18 as Lt. Gregory Vukovic and has already been
signed for a potential 11th season. "We want a younger, hipper JAG,"
Bellisario says. JAG attracts nearly 10 million viewers on average,
but only a quarter of them are in the 18-to 49-year old demographic
coveted by advertisers.

One character who won't be swept overboard is Lt. Col. Sarah "Mac"
MacKenzie, played by Catherine Bell. "It was always intended that
Catherine would be [on] the show next season but [Elliott] would
not," says Bellisario, who promises a surprise in May that will wrap
up the relationship between Mac and Harm. But don't pick out wedding
gifts just yet.



More Numb3rs
Submitted Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 2:43:28 AM by Klaitu

This Numb3rs show is really sucking me in. I don't know why. I mean, sure the characters are moderately developed, the plots are somewhat interesting, and the math stuff doesn't hurt.

This week, the bad guys kidnapped a math dude's daughter. They did this because the math dude had apparently solved a 150 year old math problem upon which Internet encryption is based.

The explained it pretty good, actually so good that I might even be able to convince my mom that buying stuff over the internet is, in fact, secure.

Basically, a 128-bit encryption has 3.4 trillion billion billion billion combinations. It's not that the encryption is hard to crack, the problem is that there is just so much math involved that it would take forever to do it all. You have to know where to look in order to obtain useful information.

Pretty snazzy stuff. This is why computers turned the tide of World War 2 codebreaking. The Axis Powers came up with secret codes that would take a human being forever to break, but a computer.. not so long. Today's codes are designed to be so difficult that even computers are taken aback.

But anyways, this Numb3rs show rocks my socks, it's like watching Mathnet all over again, but this time, instead of calculating the volume of something to solve a crime.. they're doing complicated stuff. It's really quite yummy.



Penny Arcade Rocks
Submitted Friday, February 18, 2005 - 1:36:03 PM by Klaitu

I keep saying this over and over, but Penny Arcade freggin rocks. With one comic, they manage to stomp both Microsoft AND IGN. Kudos!



(click it!)



Loonatics
Submitted Friday, February 18, 2005 - 3:40:37 AM by Klaitu

Ever wonder what would happen if bad animation took a dump on Looney Tunes?

This:


Oh, it's real.
Original Article



733+ $p34K
Submitted Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 9:06:16 PM by Klaitu

Ever wonder what the heck those kids are yelling at you as you shoot them with a rocket launcher?

Microsoft can help.

http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/children/kidtalk.mspx



Japanese Still Insane
Submitted Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 3:13:15 PM by Klaitu

I've been checking up on the Japanese, hoping that one day that they would become more sane. I like the Japanese, but sometimes, they're just too strange. If an American did the kinds of things that the Japanese are doing, I'd suspect drug use.. but the Japanese manage to find completely insane things to do without the use of illegal narcotics.

Today's example of Japanese Insanity: Sexy Ronald McDonald.


This is Ronald McDonald, he's been the spokesman for the McDonald's Corporation since.. well.. forever. You all are probably familiar with him unless you've been hiding under a rock for the last 35 years or so. Just in case there is any doubt, Ronald is, in fact a clown. A boy clown.


Here's the Japanese Ronald.. hmm.. something has changed.


Wow, that's not the Ronald that *I* know.. I am both repelled and strangely attracted by this new McDonald.


What the crap? What's she doing? She better not be doing what I *think* she's doing, because that would just be wrong.


Is it wrong to admit that the Japanese Ronald is way hotter than our lame American Ronald? I mean, I know it's wrong that Ronald Mcdonald would be a hot chick holding a burger, but at the same time.. I.. I kinda like this Ronald better.

That's how the Japanese get you. They mess with your mind. Next thing on their agenda: Sexy Dave Thomas.

What? It couldn't be any more whacked out than Sexy Ronald McDonald, could it?

Orignal Article



JMS + Trek?
Submitted Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 11:18:13 PM by Klaitu

J. Michael Straczynski, he created Babylon 5, so he's a cult favorite. He also regularly communicates with fans, which is extremely odd for a TV person to do. Apparently, he wants to be the next king of Star Trek. TrekToday had an interesting article:

Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Straczynski, aka JMS, asked fans to lobby Paramount to have himself and Bryce Zabel made executive producers of a new Star Trek series, then said that since no new Star Trek series was likely to be produced for at least a year and he had an offer to oversee a new series for 2006, he was no longer interested.

In an entry at The J. Michael Straczynski Message Archive, which collects posts by the writer-producer from rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated and other newsgroups and forums, Stracynski said that he and Zabel, the creator of Dark Skies, had "out of a sheer love of Trek as it was and should be" written a series bible for what he labeled "a return to the roots of Trek...to re-boot the Trek universe." However, when they brought the proposal to Paramount, the studio rejected it "because of 'political considerations,' which was explained to us as not wishing to offend the powers that be."

Straczynski said that he and Zabel were both passionate fans of the original series who felt that none of the spinoffs (with the exception of The Next Generation, "because Gene [Roddenberry] was still around to shepherd its creation and execution") had lived up to the promise of the original. "That's why I had Majel appear on B5, to send a message: that I believe in what Gene created," he added. "When Enterprise went down, those involved shrugged and wrote it off to 'franchise fatigue,' their phrase, not mine...there's a tremendous hunger for Trek out there. It just has to be Trek done *right*."

After citing his own track record and implying that Paramount would not risk offending Rick Berman by bringing in outsiders, Straczynski asked for the large number of fans who had "called for a jms take on Trek" in a poll at SciFi.com to "let the folks at Paramount know" because if they did, "there'd be a new series in the works tomorrow."

However, Straczynski later posted that he had heard from a trusted source that Paramount would give the Trek TV franchise a rest "for maybe one to two years", and said that he has received an offer to run a new TV series for fall of 2006, "and since there's no way anything Trek can happen in the interim, I've said yes."
Original Article

I don't have complete faith in JMS. I mean, sure, he made Babylon 5.. but he also made Season 5 of Babylon 5, Crusade, and the much-disgusting "Legend of the Rangers". Odds are not in his favor here.

At the same time, it's not like he could do a worse job than Rick Berman.. and JMS actually seems to care about Trek, so I'd favor him as a Berman replacement.

Who knows what the future will hold.



Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis
Submitted Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 11:05:23 PM by Klaitu

I've got an obsession for old, very cool games. This is one of them that I was missing. This is one of the very first LucasArts games (they were called Lucasfilm games before).

This game uses the Lucas-style SCUMM system. You might recognize this system from "LOOM" or "The Secret of Monkey Island". It's not as smooth as Sierra's SGI, but it gets the job done.

Fate of Atlantis puts you in Indy's shoes, a man approaches you at the college and wants a certain statue artifact. Turns out the guy is a Nazi, and he runs off with the key to what could be Atlantis, and now you've got to track him down. Along the way you'll meet Sophia, an archaeologist turned psychic performer. your journeys will take you throughout the Atlantic and into the Mediterranean.

Graphics are genuinely decent for a game of this era. The sound, however, is hideously below par. Lucas games don't come with setup programs so you're depending on the (often faulty) hardware identification code to pick up your sound card. Many of the sound effects are just downright annoying.

The plot is pretty good, but Indiana Jones is terribly out of character. It's not so bad, because he doesn't say all that much. The woman, Sophia, comes off as a pretty good foil, but they use her as an excuse in too many puzzles. There's one part where she's in a cage, and even though you have opened the door, she doesn't want to come out because she's afraid you'll close it on her. Pathetic.

Fate of Atlantis is not that bad a game, though it is easily outclassed by Last Crusade. It's worth a try!

Overall Score: 6 of 10



Anarchy Online
Submitted Monday, February 14, 2005 - 8:08:23 PM by Klaitu

Wow. It was free. You get what you pay for, really.

I played this game for about 45 minutes, after which point I couldn't take it anymore.

1. Horrible, horrible, atrocious, horrible graphics. Worse that World of Warcraft, Worse than Dark Age of Camelot.. worse even than Ultima Online 3D. My head was a hexagon, and my fingers were welded together.

2. Character Customization is not even worth the effort. You can choose from among 20 or so heads, all of which are the same shape.

3. Character models are pathetic. They look like a confluence of poorly-rendered polygons that somewhat resemble a human shape.

4. Chat Room interface. There's never been a truly great MMO with one.

5. Clipping distance is not very far. It's like walking around in a fog.. err.. it's like sliding around in a fog, because your legs don't move. My first mission was to find some scientist guy who was "just over there". It took me 20 minutes to find him. Turns out he was just about a 15 second walk away from where I started.

I didn't play enough of this game to give it a completely fair and unbiassed rating, so I'm not going to bother, I'm just going with the bottom line: If you want Sci-Fi MMORPG, play Star Wars Galaxies. It you want a better MMORPG, play anything else.



Anarchy Online.. Free?
Submitted Monday, February 14, 2005 - 6:37:15 PM by Klaitu

Well, it is! Finally, an MMORPG at the right price. Now's your chance to try it out.. I haven't yet, but I'm going to, and I'll let you guys know how it goes.

http://www.anarchy-online.com/free/ad_campaigns/freecampaign/

No, I don't know what the catch is yet.

Update Ahh, here's the catch!

*You can play free of charge until January 15th 2006. Should Funcom deem that a too high-increase in server load or other unforeseen events will lessen the experience for existing players the offer will be terminated at our discretion. The free version does not include access to any of the three expansion packs. Should you wish to upgrade to any of the expansion packs monthly subscription and client fees will be added.
That's not so bad, I mean.. it's free, you can't ask for much more than that. At least I'll get to demo it.



Space Quest 6
Submitted Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 11:56:38 PM by Klaitu

It's almost humorous seeing that up there.. but you know, I never played Space Quest 6 when it first came out.. nor for years afterward. Originally, the problem was that instead of Windows, I was running OS/2.. and by the time I had a Windows computer, Space Quest 6 was already pretty hard to find.

Well, thanks to the people over at http://www.spacequest.net I've been able to to check out for the first time ever! Imagine that! After almost 10 years, I'm experiencing a Sierra game for the first time.

I was pretty jazzed.

My first impression was how good the game looked. Sure, it's a little dated, but it has this feel that never gets old.. it feels a lot like playing Space Ace. It's also very similar to King's Quest 7 in terms of graphic style.

The game retains the hallmark of Sierra goodness: lots of different mouse pointers to use. It's not uncommon for me to go around licking the walls, just to see what the game says about them. Many of the later Quest games (Quest for Glory 5, King's Quest 7, Syberia) forget that small element. They usually just have a one-for-all pointer.

This is one of the few Sierra games to have voice acting. It's alright, I suppose.. but the real draw here is Gary Owens, who narrates the story with much gusto.

This Space Quest is totally amped. Better graphics than those before it, better music, voice acting, some 3d models. Underneath all of that, you can still feel the Space Quest heritage of cheesy humor and total joke ripoffs.

One of the planets is called "Delta Burkison V". On this planet you encounter a scientist. If you look at him, the Gary Owens says "A scientist here on Delta Burkison V? I wonder what he's doing.. perhaps Designing Women".

Pure. Genius. Who designs an entire section of their game around one joke? Apparently Scott Murphy does.

Truth be told, if I had to choose, I'd choose Space Quest 6 with no voice acting. Sure, you can turn it off.. but I didn't. Gary Owens is simply hilarious, even though he mispronounces several of the words. I dunno, though.. I grew up with Space Quest, and it seems like when voices are added, it's just not my old Space Quest anymore.

The same can be said for Space Quest 4 CD, which also stars Gary Owens. The CD version offers a different take on SQ4, but if I had to pick, I'd pick the diskette version every time. You can download that version of SQ4 at spacequest.net too, as well as all the other games as well.

Aside from that, the story is pretty simplistic compared to other games in the series. It has no real running plot, and the conclusion is simply unsatisfactory (just like Space Ace). The game is also immensely short. It took me 2 and a half days to beat it.. but then again, I grew up with these things.. your mileage may vary, depending on your problem solving abilities.

Overall Score: 7 of 10 (1 point for nostalgia!)



WinZIP vs WinRAR: The Final Showdown
Submitted Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 11:13:30 PM by Klaitu

People of extreme nerdosity have debated this for years: which compression utility compresses better? Well, my friends, I have an answer for you.

You see, I wondered as well, as I have both programs, I decided to give them a spin. My test subject: A disk .ISO image of Gabriel Knight 1!

Original file size: 619488K

I set WinZIP to maximum compression, and it took it about 15 minutes to come back with the results..

WinZip file size: 373455K

So then, I tried WinRAR, and this took, oh, about an hour and 15 minutes to produce..

WinRAR file size 347234K

So, as you can see, in terms of "most squishiness" WinRAR wins the day, but if you're pressed for time, it looks like WinZIP is your winner. It took WinRAR an extremely long time to produce a 26221K advantage.

Don't say I never gave you data you couldn't use!



Fat People Sue
Submitted Saturday, February 12, 2005 - 4:13:52 AM by Klaitu

I've been following this one. It's the "Fat people sue McDonald's because they ate too much and got fat" story.

This time the debate is over "Trans Fat", a scientific term that means "grease" to you and me. Some San Francisco dude has successfully sued the Clown for his French Fry vats. For Shame.

So, here's my problem: I don't like vegetables. Sure, some plants are worse than others.. Peas, for instance, are ranked number 1 among the hideous plants. Peas feel and taste like green baby poo. Corn, however, is pretty mild. It's still disgusting, but at least the taste can be drowned out by consuming mass quantites of soda.

That wouldn't be so bad, but I also don't like fruits. Fruits are a whole 'nother matter, though. Fruits taste good, for the most part.. except Watermelons, Grapefruits, Peaches, and Cranberries.. all of those are completely nasty. You got some other kinda fruit? Let's talk. First off, warm fruit just doesn't cut it. Secondly, most fruits are nasty in their natural state. You want me to eat it? Turn it into a popsicle, jolly rancher, kool-aid flavor.. or preferrably just juice the crap out of the sucker and lemme drink that fruit.

Mmmmmm! Grape Juice!

I really like stuff like red meat, sugar, and bread.

Where's all this going? Well, back to the clown. The clown and I are buddies. He's not my best friend, that honor is reserved for Taco Mayo... but the clown is dependable. You always know what he's dishing out, and you also know that if you eat too much of it, you're going to eventually die.

That's why the clown and me.. we don't get together regularly. I don't care about freggin Trans-Fats, calories, or serving sizes, because I'm not eating there for my 3 squares every day.. it's not that I couldn't eat there all the time, mind you.. it's just that.. well, I don't know anyone who would. It's freakin McDonald's.

At least they haven't gotten rid of my beloved 50 piece super-bowl chicken mcnugget bucket. That thing is one bad mamma jamma.

If you want to read about that San Francisco loser and his lame lawsuit (he sued Kraft over the fat in Oreos, too.) You can check it out:

Original Article



Retro Game Help
Submitted Saturday, February 12, 2005 - 3:57:16 AM by Klaitu

Ahh, the good old days. 300MB Hard Drives, 2x CD-ROMs, Mouses that had rollers in them. I'm sure that like me, a lot of you really dig the olden days of Video Gaming.. that era between 1984 and 1994 that brought us the wonderful games of yore.

I'm a collector, you know, as evidenced by the extensive set of links over on the right. I've collected so many cool old games that I've pretty much run out of good ones to play.

So, its up to you guys to help me out! What are some of your oldschool favorites from the beforetime? I'm in desperate need of 8 or 16 bit ownage!

Help meeee!



Numb3rs
Submitted Saturday, February 12, 2005 - 1:38:45 AM by Klaitu

It all began with an innocent episode of Sliders.. the pilot episode that they showed late one night on the Sci-Fi channel. Sure, it's been 10 years since I had seen it, so I collaborated with TiVo, and I checked it out once again.

There she was again on my TV screen, the most delicious Sabrina Lloyd. It's been years since I've seen her in anything, and I had almost completely forgotten about her.. she's not really been in anything since Sliders, you see. I took a trip to IMDB to see whatever happened to her.

I lucked out! She's on Numb3rs!

Okay, now generally I wholeheartedly disapprove of putting numbers into my words.. which should, by definition, contain only letters.. but this show has Sabrina Lloyd, I decided to make an exception. TiVo and I conspired once again, and before I knew it, I had myself a brand new episode.

I guess I should talk about the show now.

The premise.. two brothers: on e an FBI agent, the other a mathematical genius. Put them together and whaddaya get? They solve crimes with math! Kinda reminds me of Mathnet, except this time they have Sabrina Lloyd.. so I guess it's more like... Mathn3t.

Anyways, the episode I saw involved an engineering student who jumped off a bridge. The math guy doesn't believe that it was a suicide, so he looks at the student's work. Turns out the guy was obsessed with this skyscraper. He knew it had some flaw, but he didn't know what. Math guy to the rescue!

Turns out that some fraudulent construction work was going on during the building of the foundation, which caused the building to be unstable in a 60 mph wind.

Character development is pretty good. I learned a lot about the characters from this one episode, and it's not even the pilot. Aside from the two brothers, you have Sabrina Lloyd, who is the FBI dude's partner and ex-girlfriend, the brothers dad, and the token black guy.

I found the show mildly entertaining, much in the same way that I find Joan of Arcadia entertaining. I've put this baby on season pass. It'll be a great tide-me-over for the weekend void.

And while I'm here, I'd like to say that it is, in fact, possible to record so much stuff on TiVo that it will take the rest of your natural life to watch. I'm backed up at least 20 hours on this thing, and I dunno when I'll ever catch up.

Overall Score: (based on only one episode) 7 of 10



Bad Vibes
Submitted Thursday, February 10, 2005 - 8:58:13 PM by Klaitu

You know, out there in gaming-land there are really two extremes. One extreme would have all video games banned on the grounds that they "corrupt children". The other extreme would see all video games produced regardless of their content. Neither extreme can function, really.. that's why most of us favor ratings systems and responsible parenting.

Here's a game that will have both sides at each other's throats yet again, it's called 7 Sins. The premise? Manipulate digital women into having digital sex with your digital dude.

This sort of premise is not new, far from it. There are more PC Strip Poker games than there are First Person Shooters. In Japan, this sort of game is all the rage. It's the niche market of the "Date Sim".

So, you're probably wondering why I'm mentioning this 7 Sins game if this genre is so common. Well, this particular game has you drug the women in order to "get it on" with them. Suprisingly, this game is set for widespread release in the US.. make no mistake, you're going to be hearing about it in the news, particularly if it manages to pull off an M rating instead of the Ao rating.

I'm a big-time advocate of video games being taken seriously in society. They've been put on the shelf with comic books, action figures, and creepy guys with B.O. I long for the day when developers turn out digital masterpieces instead of exaggerated breast physics..

For those of you wierdos who see this game and think "Wow, cool!" I ask you "Why bother with fake women when you can bother with real ones?"



Galactica Renewed?
Submitted Thursday, February 10, 2005 - 4:59:35 PM by Klaitu

The BBC thinks so, and I guess they're somewhat respected.

Sci Fi announced the news of a second run after the show got good ratings for its first five episodes in the US.

Details of how many episodes have been commissioned and who will be returning from the first season are expected to be announced soon.

There has been concern that ratings for the US run of the series would be low, as many fans had reportedly downloaded the episodes after its run on Sky One in the UK.
Original Article

UPDATE!

Sci-Fi Wire, the Sci-Fi Channel's magazine is reporting this news as well, and I it really doesn't get any more official than that!
SCI FI Channel has ordered a second season of its hit series Battlestar Galactica, which has aired five episodes of its first season of 13 episodes. Details of the renewal—including which cast members will return, how many episodes will be produced and when the second season will commence—were still being worked out at press time.

Battlestar Galactica has been a ratings winner for SCI FI since its Jan. 14 premiere. The latest episode, Feb. 4's "You Can't Go Home Again," scored the show's best ratings yet, with 3.2 million viewers.

For the show's second season, creator and executive producer Ronald D. Moore previously told SCI FI Wire that he has already been working on as many as six new scripts to resolve the multiple cliffhangers that will end season one. Moore added that he wants to delve deeper into the show's religious themes and open up the Cylon world a bit more in the coming season. Moore continues to post his thoughts on a personal blog on SCIFI.COM. Battlestar Galactica airs Fridays at 10 p.m. ET/PT, part of the channel's SCI FI Fridays lineup.
Original Article



The Trogdor Comes in the Night!
Submitted Wednesday, February 9, 2005 - 11:12:29 PM by Klaitu

Comes in the night... to a THEATRE NEAR YOU (kinda)!

http://www.homestarrunner.com/filmstyle.html



Browder Speaks!
Submitted Wednesday, February 9, 2005 - 11:10:45 PM by Klaitu

Okay, so he actually speaks "some more" but anyways, this is new, so here you go:

Stargate SG-1's upcoming ninth season won't be exactly like the years before it, actor Ben Browder suggests. In a new interview with Maureen Ryan at the Chicago Tribune, Browder, who will play SG-1 newcomer Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell, said that he expects the cast changes will introduce a new evolution to the long-running series.

"Shows change, they evolve, they become different," Browder said. "That's all due to the producers and where the story is going and the persons involved in telling the story. Season Nine will probably be different from Season Eight and my only problem is that people will attribute that to me."

Browder joins newcomer Beau Bridges ("General Hank Landry") and series veterans Michael Shanks, Amanda Tapping, and Christopher Judge for the show's ninth season. (Actor Richard Dean Anderson's level of involvement has yet to be finally determined.)

Browder observed that most successful, long-running shows have had to eventually make alterations to their casts. "At a certain point, you have to keep swimming or die, you have to keep moving or die," he said. "Most shows, you look at great shows in TV, Cheers or MASH, any long-running shows, they have their transitions. NYPD Blue, too. The show itself, the story being told, is what's important. You can change out cast members and the show will survive. Shows add characters, they lose characters, that's the nature of a solid show.

"Even in four years on Farscape, we lost characters and added characters. Whether the audience embraces that [on Stargate] or how they respond -- there's absolutely nothing I can do about that. Other than enjoy the experience and see where the thing goes and hope the producers feel that they made a good decision.

Despite the high challenge of meeting the expectations of an established crew, cast, and fan base, Browder is looking forward to beginning production next month -- and getting to know Cameron Mitchell. "The great thing with introducing a new character is that he's got no powers. He's useless. That's a great thing. He can't sense when a symbiont is present. He doesn't know anything about Ancient technology. He's not a translator. If nothing else, it's going to be interesting."
Original Article
Other Original Article



Dusty Files
Submitted Wednesday, February 9, 2005 - 9:14:48 PM by Klaitu

You all thought I was a complete nerd, but you actually have no idea. The depths of my nerdosity go far beyond that of normal people. Some would perhaps say that this is a disease, but I digress.

I was looking at a file listing earlier today from a friend's computer, and it occurred to me that all of the files on the listing were dated 2001 or later.. in essence, everything on the computer was from the 21st century.

It got me curious.. did I have any files from the 20th century? Perhaps more disturbing was that I actually really hoped that I DID.

So, I did a search, and you know what? I DID have old files! The oldest legitimate file I had was dated February 6, 1986.. I had a couple that dated into 1980, but those weren't legitimate considering they were file types that did not exist until at least 1990.

You might be wondering what sort of ancient software I've been hauling around with me for the past 20 or so years. Those of you who know me will probably have an easier time of guessing.

Give up?

The February 1986 file (actually multiple files) comes from Sierra's "Donald Duck's Playground", which was released, not suprisingly, in 1986.

Oh, and in case you were wondering (because I know you are) You can't search for files older than January 1, 1980, nor can you set your computer's clock to before 1980. It doesn't go any higher than 2099 either.

I guess that settles it, I'll be buying another computer sometime during my lifetime... and I'll have to preserve my old dusty files on that one, too.

I wonder if one day my files will become so old that I won't be able to search for them.



Uh-Oh, Politicio's!
Submitted Monday, February 7, 2005 - 3:11:52 PM by Klaitu

The Israelis and the Palestinians are declaring a cease-fire. The first paragraph of the article reads:

SHARM EL-SHEIK, Egypt — Israeli and Palestinian leaders said they will declare a formal end to more than four years of fighting during a summit Tuesday in this Egyptian resort — a breakthrough in Mideast peacemaking that comes after both sides also accepted invitations to meet separately with President Bush at the White House.
Alright, so it's news.. but only four years of fighting? Jews and Arabs have been fighting one another since before the Roman Empire was formed.. that's a little longer than four years.

How's this going to work? Let's look at history. The last time Israel and Palestine got together was with Bill Clinton at the historic "Camp David Accords". How did that one turn out? Well, Israel abided by all the terms of the agreement, and Palestine abided by none of the terms of the agreement. Hmm.

Here's my future predictions: Palestinian suicide bombings will continue to kill people. Israel will approach the Palestinian leadership, who will say "It wasn't us!". Israel will demand that Palestine do something to police it's own population. Palestine will agree, and then do nothing about it.

We've been here before, we've done this. I hope this time is different, but we're talking 3000 years of theologically ordained conflict here.. I'm not optomistic.

Original Article



Ron Moore's Star Trek Eulogy
Submitted Monday, February 7, 2005 - 2:41:38 PM by Klaitu

The new head of the Battlestar Galactica franchise was once a big-time writer of the Star Trek franchise. He posted his thoughts on his BSG Blog over at scifi.com:

Now that Enterprise has been cancelled, we're about to enter a period not seen since the orignal series ended its run just a few weeks before Apollo 11 landed on the moon: a time without a Star Trek film or TV project on the horizon. From the reaction I've seen thus far, the consensus view seems to be that this is merely a pause in the trek, and that before too long, we'll be talking about the newest take on Roddenberry's universe, be it television, feature, animation or sock puppet. I tend to agree, insofar as I know first hand that Viacom considers "the Franchise" to be one of their crown jewels and I've personally heard them refer to the "next fifty years of Star Trek" as a corporate priority.

So Star Trek isn't dead and it isn't dying. It has, however, entered into an interregnum, a pause in the treadmill of overlapping productions that have become the norm for the series that was once considered "too cerebral for television."

Certainly there is sadness in this news. There has been a Star Trek production either in prep or being filmed on Stages 8 & 9 on the Paramount lot since 1977, when Star Trek: Phase Two began initial construction for a second series featuring all the original characters but Spock (these sets were then revamped for Star Trek: The Motion Picture). An entire infrastructure has been built around the productions, staffed by people whose involvement in the Franchise goes back over two decades. The dedication, passion, and talent of these artisans and craftsmen cannot be overstated. The unsung heroes of Trek, the people who sweat every detail, who take the time to think through continuity and try to make the vast universe consistent, people like Mike and Denise Okuda, Dave Rossi, Michael Westmore, Herman Zimmerman, Bob Blackman, and many others, are about to leave and take with them an enormous body of knowledge and talent that cannot be and will not be replicated again. That is cause for both tears and eulogies as the close of Enterprise signals the true end of an era.

However, there is another side of this story, one that perhaps is somewhat more hopeful and positive: Star Trek has now been returned to the care of its community of fans.

I say returned because there was a time when the fans were the exclusive owners and operators of what would later become the Franchise. From 1969 until 1979, a genuine grassroots movement of fans gathered together in conventions, published newsletters (in the primordial ooze of the pre-internet era, no less), wrote scads of fan fiction, created their own props and uniforms, and dreamed the dream of what it was to live aboard the good ship Enterprise.

I was one of those fans; I was a kid growing up in the 1970's who found Star Trek in strip syndication and bought every book and magazine I could lay my hands on and every piece of fan merchandise I could con my parents into buying and I can tell you that some of those efforts were abysmal and some were brilliant, but all of them were driven by a sense of passion rooted in a belief that Trek was our secret club. We, the fans, embroidered the Trek tapestry while the powers that be at Paramount dawdled. In those years, the best stories told not those written by Gene or any other "professional writers" (no offense to the short-lived, but well intentioned animated series), but by people like Sondra Marshak, Myrna Culbreath, and Jacqueline Lichtenberg. Who are they? Fans. People who loved Star Trek and were able to breath life into it during the interregnum between the show and the Franchise.

Star Trek now returns to the care of its fans and its fans can decide for themselves what kind of experience they want to have during this next interregnum. They can consume the seemingly endless licensed products available to them from the Franchise, everything from barware to shower curtains, and read only the mainstream, officially licensed and sanctioned books, or they can go their own way. Some of the most daring and creatively challenging Star Trek material has been created not by Paramount, but by amateurs, who simply had an idea for an interesting twist on the Trek universe. Think Kirk and Spock were secret lovers? Wonder about the social and cultural history of the planet Vulcan? Believe the Mirror Universe is more fascinating than our own? All these topics and many others were, and are, tackled by fans in their own fiction, their own stories, their own dreams.

Step back from the merchandising. Rediscover the joy and wonder of the universe Roddenberry created. Talk to people who share your common interest and who understand the difference between phaser mark I and mark II (duh!). You don't need another series to enjoy Star Trek. You need only your own imagination and the desire to boldly go where no man has gone before.



KlaiTV Guide
Submitted Saturday, February 5, 2005 - 11:23:51 PM by Klaitu

I've just been informed that Carson and his posse have decided to go with the full package of Cox Cable programming, so since I happen to have a lot of time on my hands, and I tend to watch a lot of TV, I thought I'd create a cool KlaiTV viewing guide. (Don't you wish I had the TV Guide font?)

1. Andromeda

Andromeda is pretty much dead. If you follow Special K, then you'll know that Andromeda is not a particularly good show.. it does, however, contain one very hawt Lexa Doig. It is for this reason that we suffer through until the end.

Andromeda airs Fridays at 6 PM on the Sci-Fi channel. The episode that airs in Syndication is always a week behind Sci-Fi. The show is currently in the 5th and final season, and has approximately 9 episodes remaining. Andromeda airs again on Friday at 1 AM.

Repeat episodes from earlier seasons can be seen every weekday at 3 PM. The weekly episodes are currently airing the last half of Season 1.

2. Stargate SG-1

You all know it, you all love it. Stargate SG-1 airs on Friday nights at 7 PM.. where it conflicts with Enterprise. Luckily, the same episode airs again at 10 PM. The syndicated version is almost exactly one year behind the Sci-Fi version of the series, so you're definately going to want to catch up. That year makes a lot of difference.

Rerun episodes of Stargate SG-1 air every single weekday at 5 PM on Sci-Fi, and Sci-Fi also runs "Stargate Monday" Which is essentially a 4 hour block of SG-1 every Monday night from 5 PM to 9 PM.

Stargate Monday is presently broadcasting shows from Seasons 1-5.
The Weekday Stargate is presently broadcasting Season 6.
The First-run Stargate on Friday is on Season 8.
Season 7 remains only in syndication. (it will return to Sci-Fi after the Syndicated run lapses)

3. Stargate Atlantis

The spinoff series to SG-1 is readily easy to make a schedule for! The only time it airs is Fridays at 8 PM, and then again at 11 PM. It only has one season, so far. There are, at present, 7 episodes of Stargate Atlantis remaining until a repeat of the first season begins.

4. Star Trek: Enterprise

Not a cable show, but still worthy of mention in the KlaiTV Guide. The recently cancelled series will air Fridays at 7 PM on UPN for its remaining 9 episodes. The same weekly episode repeats on Sunday at 11 PM. Next fall, Enterprise will be replaced by "America's Next Top Model 2". For shame.

5. Joan of Arcadia

The network that brought you "Touched by an Angel" busts loose with another "angel-like" show. The lead-in show for JAG collects some most impressive ratings, and is worthy of inclusion to my guide. Particularly interesting is that the show assumes that there are no coincidences, which in itself warrants a medal. Joan airs Fridays at 7 PM on CBS. If you're keeping track, that's Enterprise, SG-1, and Joan.. all on at the same time.

6. JAG

The Navy Lawyer powerhouse isn't going to last much longer. The Main Star, David James Elliott has announced that he's going to leave the show, and has inked a deal with the ABC network. He will be replaced by Chris Beetem, who will play Lt. Vukovic. The character will pop up on February 18. CBS has not announced that JAG will be renewed, but without Elliott, it needs to die.

JAG airs Fridays at 8 PM.
Jag reruns appear 3 times every weekday at 12:30 PM, 6 PM, and 7 PM.
The Hallmark Channel owns rights to certain episodes and plays them irregularly.

7. Battlestar Galactica (new)

Everyone's buzzing about the new Battlestar Galactica which airs Fridays at 9 PM, and then again at Midnight. USA Network will also occasionally air the episodes to promote the show, but the episodes are weeks old.

8. Quantum Leap

The Time Travel masterpiece airs Monday-Thursday at 1 AM. It also airs in a strange daytime rotation schedule in which it rolls around once every 47 days. Why so strange? I dunno. If you manage to catch it on the right day, it'll be on at 7 AM. Things like this are the reason I like TiVo.

9. Buck Rogers in the 25th century

Biddi Biddi Biddi. I know you want to see Buck Rogers.. just don't think too hard about the wardrobe, okay? Buck is on an incredibly strange schedule. There will be a Buck Rogers Chain Reaction (that's what they call a marathon) on February 8 starting at 7 AM and ending at 2 PM. Buck Rogers also appears weekdays at 3 AM on the Sci-Fi Channel.

Like Quantum Leap, Buck Rogers appears once every 47 days in a strange daytime rotation schedule.

10. Battlestar Galactica (old) and Galactica 1980

Classic BSG airs in a Chain reaction on February 11 from 7 AM to 2 PM. It also airs in the strange 47 day daytime rotation at 7 AM. It doesn't have any regular schedule.

If you want to catch the horrendous Galactica 1980.. well, you're out of luck at present. It's not considered in the same rotation as the Classic BSG, and is not in the strange 47 day rotation.

11. The X-Files

You missed some episodes.. you know.. the ones with no Mulder? Yeah, you missed ALL of those and so you have no idea what happened after Mulder was kidnapped by aliens!! That's why you have to watch X-Files on Wednesday/Thursday nights from 11 PM to 4 AM. You can also catch them on the Sci-Fi channel Weekdays at 4 PM AND on the strange 47 day schedule at 7 AM. X-files also gets air time on WGN Superstation and UPN 43, though you'll have to find those times yourself!

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That's about all I have for now, my brain hurts! Anyways, if you're looking for something on TV, I can find it! I'm like a TV bloodhound! Leave a message over on the new and improved message boards, and if it's on, I'll find it!



Sci-Fi News
Submitted Saturday, February 5, 2005 - 10:10:37 PM by Klaitu

First up, HALO.

Everyone's favorite Master Sergeant is coming to the big screen.. maybe. Microsoft has apparently hired Alex Garland to adapt the story to the big screen. You might remember Alex Garland for his involvement with "28 Days Later", a not-completely-horrible zombie movie.

Variety is reporting that Spaceballs: The TV series might be on its way to your tube soon. Yogurt himself, Mel Brooks, is set to be an executive producer on the show, with script approval power. That's one to look out for!

The upcoming episodes of Stargate SG-1 Season Eight involve a great deal of time travel, alternate realities, and an old villian not seen since the movie: Ra. Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis air in advance of their US counterparts in the United Kingdom and in Canada. Ben Browder is still set to appear in SG-1's season nine, which begins filming in March.

Stargate Atlantis Season 2 begins filming this month, minus Rainbow Sun Francks (Lt. Ford).. well, more like missing some of Francks. He will be recurring in Season 2. Oddly, Atlantis Season 1 will finish airing on March 28, almost a month after Season 2 begins filming.

Battlestar Galactica Season 2 has yet to be announced, but the general feeling is that BSG will be renewed for another year, what with the ratings being what they are. I'll have official word on that whenever it comes through.



Gateworld.net is back
Submitted Friday, February 4, 2005 - 2:00:33 PM by Klaitu

It appears their technical difficulties are over.



Even More Trek Cancellation News
Submitted Friday, February 4, 2005 - 1:57:59 PM by Klaitu

They're getting their money's worth out of this whole cancellation thing..

This time Ronald D. Moore speaks up. You might recognize that name from a little show called Battlestar Galactica.. but before BSG, Moore was working on The Next Generation.

Meanwhile, former TNG, DS9 and Voyager writer Ronald D. Moore spoke to the Boston Globe about Enterprise's cancellation. "''My sense of the franchise is that it needs a rest," Moore said. "The franchise is a strong idea. The character concepts are great. It just isn't being written in a fashion that is grabbing the audience anymore. In some ways, the continuity of the show is starting to work against it. There is such a complete universe with so many characters that it's a bit daunting for new audiences."

Moore did add that he felt Star Trek would return eventually, as the success of his own new show Battlestar Galactica has proven there is still a market for space-based SF shows. "You can count on Paramount's greed to bring it back."
Additionally, Berman announced that they weren't going to try to put Enterprise on a cable network because the shows are "just too expensive". I guess he never watched Farscape, Stargate, Andromeda, or BSG.

Original Article



Gateworld.net Down
Submitted Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 5:34:42 PM by Klaitu

Apparently due to some mysterious technical difficulties. My money is on an incursion of Replicators, but nevermind that.. just like in the show, the boys over at gateworld have an Alpha Site. Isn't that cute?

http://www.gateworldalphasite.com/



More News About Less Trek
Submitted Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 5:30:18 PM by Klaitu

This just in: Rick Berman is blaming the failure of Enterprise on something called "franchise fatigue".. where everyone else is blaming the failure of Enterprise on something called "Rick Berman".

Berman also said that there would be a "minimum of three years" before any possible future Trek show would be released. Additionally, Paramount has no plans to produce any Star Trek features in the immediate future.

The Cancellation didn't come as much of a suprise to the cast and crew of Enterprise. The Season Finale was written as a Series Finale "so we have our bases covered" Berman said.

Enterprise raked in 5.9 million viewers for its first season, but only 2.9 on its 4th season.

Eugene W. Roddenberry (Gene Roddenberry's son) has taken the opportunity to speak up:

"Star Trek will come back," Roddenberry told SyFy Portal. "But right now it needs a break....maybe if they kept it fresh and exciting the whole time, it wouldn't need a break."

Roddenberry, who said that the news of the cancellation of Star Trek: Enterprise affected him although he never worked on the series, said he believes that Paramount brought the franchise to its current state, and that he wondered whether the Sci-Fi Channel's Stargate or Battlestar Galactica might become the benchmark for science fiction television. "CBS doesn't know what they have with Star Trek," he said of the attitude among the Star Trek staff. "They don't know what it's about, they don't know what it is. I thought Paramount had enough issues on how important the fans are, now we have to start all over again."
Roddenberry accurately reflects the feelings of many fans who do not buy Berman's party line.

In my opinion, there really was no alternative to the cancellation. When shows in an expanded cable market get better ratings, and you're on a broadcast network, something is seriously wrong. I think Trek will come back in the future, and if we're lucky, it will some back without Rick Berman, Brannon Braga, or Jeri Taylor.

Original Article 1
Original Article 2



La Pucelle Tactics (redux)
Submitted Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 5:10:13 PM by Klaitu

You guys might remember last month when I scored an ultra-rare copy of La Pucelle Tactics. I hadn't played very much of the game at that point, so I've decided to update my review a little bit.

La Pucelle is straight out of the vaults over at Nippon Ichi Software. It's a Japanese company who has produced a very Japanese game. It's no wonder this game is ultra-rare.. it's ultra-Japanese.. almost to the point where it can't be tolerated by a normal human being.

If only there weren't such solid gameplay packed in! Curse you, Nippon Ichi!

Let's get the bad and the ugly out of the way first: The voice acting is bad. Very very bad.. and when I say "bad" I really mean "perhaps the worst voice acting ever done anywhere". Especially on the part of the main character, Prier. The male voice acting is almost tolerable.

With the music, at least you can tell they put a little effort into it. The soundtrack is a confluence of "happy action pop" and the background music has a repeat time of about a minute. The music will drive itself into your brain and get stuck there.

The graphics are really well.. drawn. There's no 3d here at all. The game board isn't even 3d like Final Fantasy Tactics had. EVERYTHING is 2d.. even the spells and magic animations. The only 3d effect I have seen thus far was when a bad guy mysteriously appeared during one of the story sequences. He appeared in a cloud of black smoke, which could have been drawn, but looked like it was 3d to me.

If you can get past these three problems, you'll find a pretty compelling game. It's not as good as Final Fantasy Tactics (or Tactics Advance) but is still worthy of your time.

Aside from the standard gambit of weapons, potions, and special moves.. the big thing with La Pucelle is "Dark Energy". It radiates from a particular tile on the game board in a particular direction. It gets redirected if it encounters a player or enemy in its path.. so if you can manage to make a square out of it, you can "purify" it and cut loose with a supermove. The game provides multiple means to accomplish the goal of your mission, which is very nice.

In the world of Tactical RPG's, the selection is slim. There are only 6 of them that I am aware of, and if I had to rank all of them, I'd stick this one at number 3 (Right after Final Fantasy Tactics Advance).

Chances are if you do find this game, it'll be at a low price because of the low demand. Go ahead and pick it up, it's worth $15 to 20 bucks certainly.

Overall Score: 7 of 10 (original score 8 of 10.. but that voice acting.. OUCH)



Mercenaries
Submitted Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 4:46:57 PM by Klaitu

New game for the new Special K!

Lucasarts tends to do a lot of Star Wars games. Until recently, that's just about all they made. Sure, they made Gladius and Loom, but now we've got Mercenaries!

How can I best describe Mercenaries? It's basically Grand Theft Auto in a war zone. See, the son of Kim Jong-Il has staged a coup of North korea, and apparently he's even battier than his old man. Just about everyone got involved, and now North Korea is a Vietnam-esque war zone. The Allied Nations (the UN basically) has issued a deck of cards for the 52 most wanted bad guys in the area.

Here's where you come in! You work for a mercenary company named Executive Operations. You want to capture or kill all 52 of the bad guys so that you can be rich.. and that's pretty much it.

The game plays a lot like Grand Theft Auto. It's essentially free-roam, you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want. You can steal cars from just about anyone and use them in your quest.

Along the way, you'll need some intel to find those pesky terrorists, and that's where the obligatory missions come in. You do missions for one of the 5 factions in the game, and you get intel that leads you to your targets.

Another cool feature is your support gear. Need a humvee? No problem, just have one air dropped to you. Ran out of ammo? No sweat, just make a call. Pesky tank in your way? Just call in some air support. No problemo.

Mercenaries has a lot of nice features and ideas, but unfortunately, it has a lot of problems pulling it off.

The Primary reason here is that it's a third-person shooter on a console. I don't know why people keep making these, because shooter + console = sucky game. There is just no way to avoid the fact that it is hard to aim a cursor with thumbsticks.

Another problem is that the controls are sluggish. It seems as if the game does what you told it to a split second afterward. It's very similar to that mission in GTA: Vice City where you drive Gary Busey to the hospital after his junkyard explodes. It's very distracting, and really sucks a lot of fun out of the game.

Op top of that, the car handling physics are insanely comical. On the rare occasion that you can get a car to leave the ground (you drove it off a cliff, for instance) the car will gently glide down to the ground and land softly. Cars can tip onto their sides, but are always rightable.. and no vehicle can be upside down.

The cars have their problems, but that's nothing compared to the helicopters. You can go up to the maximum height in about 10 seconds by holding down the throttle button. You can go forwards and backwards really really fast.. but it takes you about a minute and a half to rotate 180 degrees. Helicopters are extraordinarily fragile, so flying one is a waste of time.

Production values on this game are sky-high. The music, in particular, really sets the mood of the whole game. They've got great voice acting by the likes of Bruce McGill. The graphics seem a little outdated though. The ground is somewhat blurry most of the time.

The game carries no multiplayer support. No online support, no coop support, no nothing. Have to deduct some points for that.

This game is not worth the 50 dollar retail price. It might make a good rentsl if you're bored, but that's about it. Perhaps the main problem is that the game just isn't all that fun. It's not bad, it's just.. bland.

Overall Score: 6 of 10



Enterprise Dead?
Submitted Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 7:12:57 PM by Klaitu

Well, you can just ignore that question mark. UPN announced today that Star Trek: Enterprise is officially cancelled.

"Star Trek has been an important part of UPN's history, and Enterprise has carried on the tradition of its predecessors with great distinction," UPN Entertainment president Dawn Ostroff said. "We'd like to thank Rick Berman, Brannon Braga and an incredibly talented cast for creating an engaging, new dimension to the Star Trek universe on UPN, and we look forward to working with them, and our partners at Paramount Network Television, on a send-off that salutes its contributions to The Network and satisfies its loyal viewers."
That's the official word from Paramount.

There are still some fans out there that are in denial regarding Enterprise, and are raising money for ad campaigns to bring back the show.. perhaps on another (less sucky) network.

There's no word on the fate of the entire franchise, however.

Original Article