November 2009

Angels and Demons
Submitted Wednesday, November 25, 2009 - 2:45:52 AM by Klaitu

What a whopper!

If you've been living under a rock, or in a community that shuns such things, you may not have heard about Angels and Demons, a movie based on a book by Dan Brown. You know.. the guy who wrote the Da Vinci Code.

Except this movie is about 9 bazillion times better than the Da Vinci Code. For starters, here's the premise: the illuminati want to blow up the Vatican... with ANTIMATTER!

Antimatter of all things!

Who are the illuminati? They're a secret society of scientists who supposedly pull the strings of the world's most powerful people. Galileo was supposedly one of them, and in the 1600's, the Catholics apparently killed a lot of tiem.

I say supposedly, because the illuminati are entirely fictional, but they're well constructed for this story.

As it turns out, they need Robert Langdon to consult with the Vatican Police in order to track down whodunnit, and hilarity ensues.

The mystery is well thought out, but if you've seen Da Vinci Code, you'll have an eye on the writer's style, so the secrets that are supposed to be really sneaky are pretty obvious. Even with that, it's pretty decent.

I really have only one problem.

Antimatter. Okay, well the antimatter in itself is not a problem, antimatter is cool, and it's depicted semi realistically, if a bit hollywoodized. During some exposition, it's said that the antimatter has the explosive force of 4 Kilotons. By way of comparison, the Hiroshima bomb had an explosive yield of 13 kilotons. So, we're talking something with about 25% of the explosive force of Hiroshima. The Antimatter is taken aboard a helicopter and flown straight up, directly above the Vatican.

Here's the deal, Helicopters can get up to maybe 17,000 feet, (just over 3 miles), so essentially what they've done is stuck a bomb straight above Rome. This bomb will explode in the form of Gamma Radiation.. pretty much the most deadly kind of radiation there is. Gamma Rays are like X-rays, they go pretty much anything, including air.. and walls.. and people. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I want to be WAY more than 3 miles away from a gamma ray explosion with 25% the power of Hiroshima. Nobody in the movie seems to be affected by the light show, though.

Fortunately.. in real life producing that amount of Antimatter would cost 18.6 quadrillion dollars. Nope, I didn't make that figure up. $18,600,000,000,000,000. I think there's going to be some pretty tight security on something worth that much money.. not that it matters, since it would also take the Large Hadron Collider something like 10 billion years to produce that much antimatter anyways.

Aside from that, the Catholics seem to find antimatter to be somehow blasphemous, and the scientists insist that antimatter is "like looking at creation" when in actuality, antimatter is just matter with reversed charges.

Pretty good movie, with some good ideas, though a tad predictable at times.

Overall Score: 8 of 10

Voyager for people who hate Voyager
Submitted Friday, November 20, 2009 - 3:36:20 AM by Klaitu

NERD ALERT!

Voyager for people who hate Voyager

Because you're a Trek fan, you've probably already seen an episode of Voyager here and there, and you probably didn't like what you saw. After all, that's why you didn't watch the entire run, right?

Oh, I know there are some of you out there who actually like Voyager (go figure) this guide isn't for you. This guide is for people who:

- Find Neelix to be annoying
- Think Chakotay is a meathead
- Hear chicken clucking whenever Janeway speaks
- fast forward through Seven of Nine and the Doctor's unfortunate bouts with singing

If you find yourself agreeing to those 4 basic tenets, you've come to the right place!

This guide lists episodes in the order of their airing, and not in any order of preference.

So here we go, Star Trek Voyager, with most of the suck removed!

Season 1:

1. Caretaker

This is the pilot, so you're probably stuck watching it either way. It's somewhat entertaining, although you'll probably wonder why Janeway purposefully strands her crew in the Delta Quadrant while violating the prime directive. Oh well! There are explosions!

2. Parallax

Time travel paradox story. Ultimately forgettable, but not atrocious.

3. Time and Again

Reset button episode. No reason to watch it.

4. Phage

Vidiians beam Neelix's lungs out of his body. Ridiculous use of hologram technology here, but the episode isn't horrible. Watchable.

5. The Cloud

The crew fiddles around with a space amoeba. Not bad, not good.. just there. Watchable, but not good.

6. Eye of the Needle

The crew finds a wormhole too small to fly through. One of the best of Season 1. Watchable, mildly interesting.

7. Ex Post Facto

Tom Paris accused of murder. Does anyone in the universe believe he is guilty? Easily skippible. Watchable, but boring.

8. Emanations

Harry Kim's first foray into being Voyager's official "displaced out of reality" guy. Watchable, somewhat entertaining. It's like a mediocre TNG episode. Chakotay gets a little annoying.

9. Prime Factors

Tuvok's illogical behavior is, for the first time, a plot point.. not that this makes it excusable. A completely forgettable episode. Watchable but boring.

10. State of Flux

The beginning of the Chakotay/Seska soap opera drama. This particular episode is alright. Watchable.

11. Heroes and Demons

Holodeck malfunction (the first of MANY). Pass.

12. Cathexis

Chakotay is a ghost. If you're like me, that pretty much seals it into the "pass" category.

13. Faces

Torres gets a lot of stories about her Klingon half vs her human half through out Voyager. This is the best one of them all. Watchable, and interesting.

14. Jetrel

An excellent performan by James Sloyan makes this one watchable, despite being a Neelix episode. This is the Manhattan Project with alien juice hosed on.

15. Learning Curve

It's "Heartbreak Ridge" except without all the stuff that made Heartbreak Ridge good. Pass.

Season Two:

1. The 37's

Apparently aliens love to kidnap humans from Earth and drop them on far flung planets. Heck, it happened to Amelia Earhart! The next thing you know they'll kidnap cowboys! Watchable, but just barely. Easily skippable if needed.

2. Initiations

43 minutes of "Is that Nog? I bet that's Nog. Yeah, it's got to be Nog." For the record it IS, in fact. Nog. Unfortunately, the episode is a complete pass.

3. Projections

Holodeck malfunction. pass.

4. Elogium

Kes and Neelix may or may not have a baby. No redeeming quality here. Pass.

5. Non Sequitur

Harry Kim is (again) shunted to an alternate reality. This episode is pretty good except for Tom Paris' completely nonsense handheld "personal transporter". He might as well have a wormhole belt. Watchable, interesting.

6. Twisted

Voyager get's so distorted, it's as if the set crew moved the sets around! Watchable, but boring.

7. Parturition

Paris and Neelix fight over Kes. As if that weren't bad enough, they also find a baby. Unfit for human consumption, avoid at all costs.

8. Persistence of Vision

Holodeck Malfunction. Reset Button. Pass.

9. Tattoo

Chakotay episode. Indian mysticism. Megapass.

10. Cold Fire

Kes episode. End of the Caretaker story. Watchable, but just barely.

11. Maneuvers

Chakotay/Seska soap opera arc, part 2. This is the one where she impregnates herself. Pass.

12. Resistance

The crew does irrelevant things on an irrelevant planet. Not atrocious, but no reason to watch.

13. Prototype

Robots trick Torres into building more of them. Darn those robots! Watchable, but not terribly interesting.

14. Alliances

Voyager steals an episode of Stargate and replays it almost line for line. Aliens who suck more than the Kazon are revealed. Pass.

15. Threshold

Going faster than warp 10 causes Paris and Janeway to turn into salamanders and have babies together. Absolutely the worst episode of the Star Trek franchise ever produced to date. It's so bad that the guy who wrote it even admitted it was his worst work. It is unfit to be watched by anyone, and may God have mercy on your soul.

16. Meld

The episode that shows why Vulcans shouldn't mind meld with serial killers. Watchable and suprisingly interesting, but you'll solve the "mystery" about 10 minutes in.

17. Dreadnought

An AI controlled cardassian missile is on course to explode a nearby planet, which it has mistaken for it's target. A Torres episode. This episode is actually more than watchable.. in fact, it's almost good.

18. Death Wish

Q is in it. Riker is in it. Beginning of the Q arc. Quinn plotline is mildly interesting. Ultimately unfulfilling, but watchable.

19. Lifesigns

A great one-off Doctor character piece with romance element. Watchable, and pretty good.

20. Investigations

Neelix is the host of a morning talk show.. and then things get worse from there. Part of the Chakotay/Seska soap opera arc. Pass.

21. Deadlock

Duplicate Voyagers occupy the same space. The real Harry Kim dies and is replaced with an alternate from another dimension. Same for Naomi Wildman. Watchable, and somewhat entertaining.

22. Innocence

Tuvok is trapped on a planet. With old people.. who look like children. I think you know where I'm going here: pass.

23. The Thaw

Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley is the most awful clown you could ever possibly imagine. He's actually worse than Neelix. Awful, do not watch.

24. Tuvix

You know how the government is always trying to create super soldiers in the movies? This episode shows you what happens when the transporter combines the annoyance of Neelix with the boredom of Tuvok. The result? The perfectly engineered most annoying character ever created for any Star Trek episode.. ever. This episode is completely awful, and should be locked away for public safety. Just thinking about it gives me the willies, I wish I could unwatch it. There's still hope for you! Avoid at all costs!

25. Resolutions

Janeway and Chakotay spend the entire episode thinking about humping each other, but never do. In Janeway's defense, Chakotay is a meathead. They would make meathead children. You made the right call Chakotay. Pass.

26. Basics, Part 1

Displaying extraordinary incompetance, Voyager is captured by the Kazon and the crew is stranded on a matte painting.. I mean a planet. Part of the Chakotay/Seska arc. Just barely watchable, and it's a season finale 2 parter, so if that adds weight for you, so be it.

Season 3:

1. Basics, Part 2

Last appearance of the Kazon (yay!). End of the Chakotay/Seska Soap Opera (yay!). Death of Seska (yay!). Interesting performance with Suder the serial killer. In all, not terrible at all. Watchable, and somewhat entertaining.

2. Flashback

Sulu is in it. Grace Lee Whitney is in it. Unfortunately, their parts are reset button. Nostalgia factor gives this episode extra points, but the plot is really boring. This was what Voyager came up with for the 40th anniversary. They got completely rolled by DS9's "Trials and Tribble-ations". Watchable, but boring.

3. The Chute

Harry Kim and Paris are trapped in an alien prison. Will they escape before the episode ends? If you said no, you obviously haven't seen any Voyager before. Pass.

4. The Swarm

First appearance of Lewis Zimmerman. Watchable, but nothing special.

5. False Profits

Kudos for pulling from a (superior) episode of TNG. Wacky Ferengi antics. Janeway loses yet another chance to get home. Watchable, somewhat boring.

6. Remember

Torres relives an old woman's life through psychic dreams that are boring and uninteresting. Pass.

7. Sacred Ground

Janeway goes through mystic nonsense trials to save Kes. Pass.

8. Future's End

2 part episode with the Voyager crew on 1996 Earth. Though the plot is fatally flawed (the guy with a time machine yells "NO TIME!") it is mildly amusing to see the crew interact with "modern" Earth. Watchable.

9. Warlord

Kes is taken over by a Warlord, and screams at people in her high pitched woman voice from her 5 foot tall waif body.. Awful. Do not watch.

10. The Q and the Grey

Q and Q make a baby. The Q Continuum is displayed as US Civil War era America. Watchable, but meh.

11. Macrocosm

You should only watch this episode if you have no knowledge of physics or virusses, because this episode is completely ridiculous. I hesitate to call it "watchable" but you could probably watch it without turning it off in disgust. It's on the border.

12. Fair Trade

A Neelix episode. Does it really matter what happens? Pass.

13. Alter Ego

A girl alien stalks Tuvok. Holodeck malfunction. Pass.

14. Coda

A brain-bending hallucination reset button episode with no redeeming qualities. Pass.

15. Blood Fever

B'Elanna Torres is HORNY ENOUGH TO KILL!! Does the idea of a sweaty Torres with heaving bosoms in a starfleet tank top appeal to you? I'll let you make the call on this one. The plot? Well, it was phoned in.

16. Unity

Chakotay episode with Borg in it.. which will be forgotten about by the entire crew next week! Pass.

17. Darkling

A Kes romance episode. Need I say more? Pass.

18. Rise

Neelix and Tuvok trapped in an elevator. Suprisingly, not as atrocious as it sounds. Watchable, but just barely.

19. Favorite Son

Harry Kim has secretly been a Delta Quadrant alien for the entire run of Voyager!! Or maybe.. not. I'll let you guess which one is true. Pass.

20. Before and After

Kes actually does something interesting. You'll be shocked at the prospect of a solid Voyager Time Travel episode. Watchable, interesting.

21. Real Life

The holographic Doctor programs a holographic family that you'll never see again. There might be some drama here if it had an kind of impact on his character in the future. It doesn't. Watchable.

22. Distant Origin

Dinosaurs track down Voyager and kidnap Chakotay. Unfortunately, they return him. Watchable despite Chakotay.

23. Displaced

Aliens use the most ridiculous invasion strategy ever to take over Voyager. It's a good thing the crew is used to ridiculous aliens. Pass.

24. Worst Case Scenario

Holodeck malfunction. Pass.

25. Scorpion

Introduction of species 8472. Beginning of the end for the Borg. Many, many continuity problems. Watchable, but barely. It's a 2 part season ended too, if that matters to you.

Season 4:

1. Scorpion, part 2

Introduction of Seven of Nine. Introduction of Fluidic Space. First of many Borg technobabble plot solutions. Watchable, but annoying.

2. The Gift

Kes leaves the main cast, and is only seen in one more epiosde (yay!). I assume that's what the title refers to. Pass.

3. Day of Honor

Beginning of Paris/Torres romance. Aliens steal the warp core. Pass.

4. Nemesis

Chakotay episode. Pass.

5. Revulsion

Nonsense hologram ethics. Seven wants to hump Kim. Kim is a chicken. Pass.

6. The Raven

The story behind Seven of Nine's assimilation. Not horrible, but awfully convienient. Watchable.

7. Scientific Method

Aliens experiment on the crew.. oddly, they do not use the scientific method to examine the results. Pass.

8. Year of Hell

2 part reset button episode. Mildly entertaining, but ultimately a waste of time. Watchable.

9. Random Thoughts

Telepathic nonsense episode. Pass.

10. Concerning Flight

Aliens steal Voyager's computer and a Leonardo da Vinci hologram. Completely obtuse? yes. Awful? not entirely. Watchable.

11. Mortal Coil

Not just a neelix episode.. a Neelix morality episode. Doublepass.

12. Waking Moments

Telepathic nonsense episode. Pass.

13. Message in a Bottle

The Doctor is sent back to the alpha quadrant and ends up fighting the Romulans. Episode is entertaining despite the prescence of Andy Dick. Multi-Vector-Assault-Mode demonstrates the writer's complete disregard for common sense. Watchable.

14. Hunters

Hirogen. Ugh. Pass.

15. Prey

Hirogen. Ugh. Pass.

16. Retrospect

It's one of those "it's all in your head" episodes. Pass.

17. The Killing Game

Hirogen. Ugh. Pass. Need more? Janeway is a klingon. Ugh.

18. Vis a Vis

It's like an even worse version of Turnabout Intruder. Pass.

19. The Omega Directive

The Omega Directive requires Starfleet personnel to be overdramatic.. i.e. "Oh my God, we have to implement.... THE OMEGA DIRECTIVE!" Watchable, but boring.

20. Unforgettable

Chakotay falls in love with a woman who makes him forget her, but then she wants him to remember, but he can't and in fact, never does.. and then later forgets her again. Watchable if you can tolerate Chakotay romances.

21. Living Witness

Future aliens make a museum about Voyager, but they get all the facts wrong. Good thing the Doctor is part of the exhibit. Watchable.

22. Demon

Alien doppelgangers. Pass.

23. One

The crew needs to go into stasis to pass through some space phenomenon. This is a direct rip of the Wizard of Oz, and Seven is dorothy. Pass.

24. Hope and Fear

The episode starts with an interesting premise, but it turns out that the whole thing is just the world's most complicated ploy to get Voyager assimilated by the Borg. Watchable, but predictable.

Season 5

1. Night

Voyager passes through a starless void, despite that not exactly being quite possible in space. Watchable.

2. Drone

Seven accidentally assimilates the doctor's mobile emitter, which turns into Robocop. The advanced drone blows itself up at the end. Watchable, but useless.

3. Extreme Risk

Torres goes bonkers (a theme that will get more and more boring) the Delta Flyer is created. Pass.

4. In the Flesh

8472 creates the most ridiculous invasion program for Earth, but Voyager finds it and convinces the gardener to call it off. Pass.

5. Once Upon a Time

This episode is home to the abomination which is referred to as "Flotter". It's also home to a continuity error where holodecks existed before they actually existed. Do not view, completely awful.

6. Timeless

Geordi is in it. Janeway dies. Harry Kim gets stuff to do.. this is my kind of episode! Watchable, and mildly entertaining.

7. Infinite Regress

Seven goes bonkers. I think they mislabeled the show, it should have been "infinite lameness". megapass.

8. Nothing Human

I hate it when plastic aliens attach to crewmembers. This is a medical ethics drama about using researched obtained through torture. A for effort, and it's watchable for that reason alone.

9. Thirty Days

Tom Paris disobeys order over an irrelevant space-borne ocean. Preachy. Awful. Do not watch.

10. Counterpoint

Janeway romance. Pass.

11. Latent Image

The Doctor is somehow ethically confused by doing his job as he was programmed to do it. The episode makes no sense, but the mystery portion of it is solid. Watchable.

12. Bride of Chaotica!

Holographic aliens "from the fifth dimension" invade the holodeck. Holodeck malfunction. This works as a send-up to 30's serial sci-fi, but has no place whatsoever in Voyager's continuity. Barely watchable.

13. Gravity

A Tuvok love story episode. Pass.

14. Bliss

Voyager is nearly eaten by a space monster. Pass.

15. Dark Frontier

Borg nonsense and continuity condradiction. Megapass. This is a 2 part sweeps episode.

16. The Disease

Harry Kim gets an alien STD. Seriously, I'm not joking. At least Kim gets to do something. Suprisingly watchable.

17. Course: Oblivion

Reset button, spoiler: It's not even the actual voyager crew you watch. Pass.

18. The Fight

Chakotay episode with indian mystic nonsense. Pass.

19. Think Tank

Jason Alexander attempts a protection racket scheme on Voyager. He fails. Mildly watchable.

20. Juggernaut

Torres gets sweaty on an alien freighter, is naked in a sonic shower. You be the judge, because you're not gonna watch this episode for the plot.

21. Someone to Watch Over Me

Doctor falls in love with Seven. "Hilarity" ensues. Viewers disgusted. Pass.

22. 11:59

Star Trek decides to freak out about Y2K in this completely irrelevant and useless Janeway story. Pass.

23. Relativity

As if "Future's End" needed a sequel, they went ahead and made this show, which stars an entirely different Captain Braxton than the first Captain Braxton. Aside from the screwy time travel "reintegration" nonsense, it's an interesting episode. Watchable.

24. Warhead

Uh oh, someone saw the 1974 movie "Dark Star" and stole the plot. Oops, we noticed. Pass.

25. Equinox

Janeway is shocked to discover that a Starfleet captain even more incompetant than she is is in the Delta Quadrant! Somewhat interesting. Watchable. This is a 2 part finale.

Season 6:

1. Equinox, part 2

The Equinox is destroyed, even though it looks way cooler than voyager. This made me sad. Watchable.

2. Survival Instinct

Seven discovers more unassimilated borg. Apparently de-assimilation happens all the time in the Borg collective. Too bad, I kinda liked tough borg. Pass.

3. Barge of the Dead

This episode is famous for being Ronald D. Moore's last Star Trek script. It features klingon mysticism nonsense. Too bad RDM. Pass.

4. Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy

The origin of the "Emergency Command Hologram" which is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing anyone has ever done in Star Trek... oh wait.. I forgot about that salamander thing and Tuvix. Okay, this is the THIRD stupidest thing in all of Star Trek. Awful Awful Awful, do not watch!!

5. Alice

Tom Paris' shuttle falls in love with him.. or something like that. Anyways, it also wants to kill him. Pass.

6. Riddles

The biggest riddle is how this episode made it to air. Tuvok story with mystical nonsense. Pass.

7. Dragon's Teeth

Voyager discovers aliens in stasis (wow, haven't seen that before). Not bad, but pretty boring. Watchable.

8. One Small Step

Once again, Voyager encounters crap from Earth alllll the way out in the delta quadrant. This time hauled off by a graviton ellipse. Watchable, but not memorable.

9. The Voyager Conspiracy

Seven goes bonkers again. Pass.

10. Pathfinder

A very good episode, mostly because it's a Barclay episode. Very Watchable, almost good.

11. Fair Haven

Janeway romance. Pass.

12. Blink of an Eye

An interesting take on time travel. Voyager is orbiting a planet that develops from stone age to super advanced in a matter of hours. Watchable, and even good.

13. Virtuoso

The doctor sings. A lot. He sings opera. Awful. Do not watch.

14. Memorial

A giant stone alien penis makes everyone hallucinate. Pass.

15. Tsunkatse

The Rock beats the crap out of Seven of Nine. Finally! Watchable and amusing.

16. Collective

Seven deassimilates.. borg children. As sad as that sounds, it's better than it seems. Sort of interesting to see borg children. Sort of annoying too. Sort of watchable.

17. Spirit Folk

Holodeck malfunction and Janeway romance in the same episode. Doublepass.

18. Ashes to Ashes

Kim's girlfriend died, and now she's an alien zombie. The Doctor fixes her, but she'd rather be dead. Poor Kim. Pass.

19. Child's Play

An Icheb/Seven story that is better played in Icheb's side. Lame, but watchable.

20. Good Shepherd

Janeway decides that all the losers on Voyager should all go on the same away mission at the same time... shocker.. things go wrong. Zoe Mclellan guest stars (yay!) Watchable, but predictable.

21. Live Fast and Prosper

A completely awful episode in which con artists impersonate Voyager crew.. poorly. Do not watch.

22. Muse

A completely awful episode about a society creating Shakespeare-like plays based on shuttlecraft logs. Do not watch.

23. Fury

Kes is back, and girlfriend's maaaaaadddd. Pass.

24. Life Line

A Voyager episode that features Troi prominently.. One of the best Voyager episodes. Most watchable.

25. The Haunting of Deck Twelve

Neelix tells ghost stories to children. Pass.

26. Unimatrix Zero

The Zero is for how much plot there is. Season finale. Pass.

Season 7:

1. Unimatrix Zero, part 2

Janeway, Tuvok, and Torres are assimilated, and then deassimilated. Sorry, Picard, that whole locutus deal was just a hat trick. Awful, do not watch.

2. Imperfection

One of Seven's brain implants malfunctions.. but this is an Icheb episode.. and darned it he doesn't rock it. This Voyager episode is actually GOOD. It makes you want more Icheb. Too bad you won't get much more Icheb.

3. Drive

A space race episode with ridiculous racing outfits. Pass.

4. Repression

Tuvok goes bonkers. Pass.

5. Critical Care

The Doctor is kidnapped. Watchable but boring.

6. Inside Man

The Ferengi reprogram a holo-barclay to kidnap Seven of Nine for her nanoprobes. Interesting depiction of Starfleet from an Admiral's perspective. Watchable.

7. Body and Soul

The Doctor makes Seven of Nine act like an idiot. Pass.

8. Nightingale

Harry Kim botches his first command, and is assisted by Seven of Nine, who has never commanded anything. Watchable, but not interesting.

9. Flesh and Blood

Hirogen.. urgh. Malfunctioning holograms.. double urgh. Pass.

10. Shattered

Voyager is split into different timeframes.. and only Chakotay can save the ship! Did you know that when you inject your body with a formula that allows you to travel in time, it also injects your clothes? Watchable, but lame.

11. Lineage

Torres goes bonkers again. Awful. Do not watch.

12. Repentance

An overly preachy commentary on prison systems. Pass.

13. Prophecy

Klingons think that Torres' baby is the Klingon messiah.. and another useful alpha quadrant ship is destroyed meaninglessly! Not only that, but none of the Klingons stick around! LAME! Pass.

14. The Void

The universe finally gets tired of Voyager and flushes it down a cosmic toilet bowl that nobody can get out of.. oh wait, they get out of it. I am so shocked. Watchable, and entertaining.

15. Workforce

The entire crew's memory is erased and they are programmed to believe that they are minimum wage workers in an alien factory town. To make matters worse, the Emergency Command Hologram is back, AND it outranks Harry Kim, an actual starfleet officer. AWFUL. Do not watch.

16. Human Error

Seven wants to get it on with Chakotay, but the Borg have programmed her to self destruct if she gets too turned on. At least Chakotay isn't stuck with stupid Seska. A shame Seven doesn't have better taste. Watchable, but ultimately forgettable.

17. Q2

O's son is having a discipline problem... so he has Janeway babysit. The worst Q episode ever created. Pass.

18. Author, Author

The Doctor's awful holonovel is plagarized by people in the Alpha Quadrant. The legality of the doctor's sentience is called into question. Watchable, but bland.

19. Friendship One

Dumbass aliens blow themselves up with an ancient Earth space probe. Janeway assumes responsibility for the stupid aliens. Barely watchable.

20. Natural Law

A completely boring episode involving preserving cavemen from a technologically advanced society. Pass.

21. Homestead

Neelix LEAVES VOYAGER FOREVER! This is my kind of episode. Watchable!

22. Renaissance Man

The Doctor is spying for aliens. Boring. Pass. Neelix isn't in this episode though, so that's awesome.

23. Endgame

About 40% of this episode is reset button. Janeway finally makes it back to earth some 20 years after the show ends, but she's sad that Chakotay died, so she goes back in time to save herself from her own incompetance... and her younger self screws everything up anyway. Perhaps most distressing, you never do see Voyager get home, even though the last scene is it approaching Earth. Seeing Voyager get back to earth and the conclusions to all the characters is a no brainer, and still they couldn't deliver. Awful, but you have to watch it because it's the finale. On the up side, Alice Krige is the Borg queen, must better than that other lame one they had in the series.

Dragon Age: Origins
Submitted Saturday, November 7, 2009 - 2:43:22 PM by Klaitu

The latest Bioware game that I made predictions about a week ago. Does it live up to the Bioware hype, or does it suck as bad as Neverwinter Nights did?

I am happy to report that Dragon Age is nowhere near as abysmally bad as tho Bioware games of the past. A lot of their traditional flaws have been corrected. The gameplay is no longer painful, and there are few, if any, problems with the camera control.

Being a Bioware game, the focus here is on the plot, and Dragon Age doesn't disappoint here. It has a Good/Evil plot choice system, but it is not so grandiose as Fable 2. Actually, the Good and Evil thing isn't that big of a deal in Dragon Age as the story progresses the same way on either path, it's merely the means by which you achieve the ending that changes. There are consequences to the choices, but they are easily predicted.

The story involves the Grey Wardens, who are a sort of monster hunting guild who beat back demon creatures every time they try to appear on the surface.

Character development here is well done, but lacks a bit of content. Still, it's more pronounced here than in Mass Effect.

The music is done by Inon Zur, one of my favorite video game composers who previously did the most excellent Star Trek Klingon Academy game. I'm glad to see him return! This is probably the best music out of any Bioware game.

The Voice cast is ridiculously large, among the big names: Claudia Black, Tim Curry, Kate Mulgrew, Tim Russ, Cam Clarke, Dwight Shultz, and Steve Blum. There are 144 voice actors in all. Maybe they stole them from SWTOR's production.

Then there's the gameplay, which is not bad, but is probably the largest flaw in the game. Many times when you go to attack something, you can't hit it because another party member is standing where you need to be. This results in the computer maneuvering your character around in circles trying to get into just the right position to swing your weapon.. and when you finally get there, whatever it was is probably already dead. It's very frustrating.

Another problem is that you use the ssme button to talk to the party, loot stuff, and open doors. Your party has a nasty habit of running right in front of you all the time, so you spend a lot of time backing out of conversations because your dwarf ran in front of you as you were opening a door or looting.

The Box promises "tactical gameplay" but if you played the game in "tactical mode" it would take eons to beat. Using the tactical ring pauses the game, and so is useless for everything except emergency healing and sustained duration talents. The game also lets you "command your squad" though why you would ever command them to do anything but follow you around is beyond me.

Other than that, the game plays almost identically to Final Fantasy 12. Gambit controlled AI party fighting monsters zone by zone in a world connected by a world map. I would like to have seen more open world gameplay here. The game is pretty free in where it allows you to travel, but you're still just going through zones and loading on the other side. It's much like Fable 2 in that regard.

Another flaw in this otherwise outstanding game are the graphics. The graphics here are on par with Final Fantasy X, a game that is nearly a decade old. Yeah, they're in HD resolutions.. but you'll often find yourself wondering "Why is that guy's armor so blurry?" because their textures are crazy low resolution.. in addition to which, when there are many enemies on the screen at once, there is a noticeable slowdown. There really is no excuse for churning out graphics this bad. This game even has FMV's consisting of the game graphics because the game can't actually generate that many people in realtime. These problems are not new to Bioware, even the mighty Mass Effect had graphical problems.

Animations here are wooden and crappy, but they are less wooden and crappy than both Fallout 3 and Oblivion.. so at least that's something.

So, in summary, Dragon Age: Origins is a game that is rich with plot, character, and sound.. but the gameplay and visuals really hold back the game from its true potential.. and so it is merely a great game instead of a masterpiece.

Next time, Bioware.. spend your time playing Uncharted 1 or 2 and then put that level of quality into your game and you will dominate.

Overall Score: 8 of 10
Quality Rating: 3 of 5
Buy it.

Star Trek Nemesis
Submitted Tuesday, November 3, 2009 - 9:48:55 PM by Klaitu

The final Star Trek movie, where Picard confronts his own clone who grew up in the mines of Remus.

Nemesis is the final Star Trek movie that takes place in the "prime universe" of Star Trek. The new film from JJ Abrams takes place in the "new universe".

Nemesis is also the most controversial and split decision movie among fans.. for one reason and one reason alone: The death of Data.

Naysayers claim that Nemesis is "the worst Star Trek movie of them all" because Data dies. The Naysayers are idiots.

Nemesis has a lot of redeeming qualities, and a lot of problems, but I think the good outweighs the bad.

The Good:

- Inclusion of Wesley Crusher and Guinan provides continuity with the TV series.

- Picard/Shinzon conversations are interesting and well acted.

- The best starship battles of any TNG movie hands down.

- Romulans not portrayed as bloodthirsty, arrogant xenophobes.. an excellent change for them. (thank Spock? I like to think so)

- Scimitar is freaking cool, you believe it could blow up the Enterprise.

- Thalaron radiation is a particularly nasty WMD that would, of course, be only used by someone who was extra evil.

- And of course.. Data DIES.. forever, and never ever comes back.. and STAYS DEAD. Not because I don't like Data, but because it's better than him falling off a bridge, or being flashed by an evil blobmonster.. or getting killed by Dukat and wiggling your arms like a doofus.. or "getting too psychic and leaving the ship, and dying of old age" or.. how did Trip die? I don't even remember.

The Bad:

- Data/B4 plotline is 100% android dung and exists only for stupid fanboys to bring Data back to life in their comic books.

- B4 is annoying.

- LCARS screens are absolutely not low resolution LCD screens.

- Troi and Riker getting married.. but no actual marriage occurs? The term "blueballing" comes to mind here. Poor Riker, poor female Star Trek fans.

- Shinzon is days from death, but he makes Picard wait for 17 hours in orbit of Romulus?

- Enterprise detects B4 body parts on a planet the ship is not close to.. and pinpoints them from orbit? They must have Voyager sensors.

- Picard goes down to a preindustrial planet that lacks warp technology.. skirting the prime directive. He picks up B4's parts (arguably protecting the prime directive by preventing the inhabitants from getting their paws on the android).. and the WORF SHOOTS AT THEM WITH A LASER GUN. Whoops. Prime Directive? who needs it.

- Data's emergency transporter is stupid.

Anyways, movie looks great in Blu-Ray. Lame commentaries. who cares about a commentary by Rick Berman?

Star Trek Insurrection
Submitted Tuesday, November 3, 2009 - 9:34:43 PM by Klaitu

CGI Chipmunks? Worf singing the lyrics to HMS Penifore? Trois boobs "firming up"? Insurrection highly regarded as being a horrible, horrible movie.. and not even blu ray can fix that.

Or can it?

The Insurrection Blu-Ray contains a commentary track by Jonathan Frakes and Marina Sirtis wherein they acknowledge how horrible the film is and proceed to make fun of it as if they were on Mystery Science Theater 3000.. and that alone makes this disc worth the purchase.

For those of you who put this abomination out of mind.. I don't even feel like recapping.

It's the one where Starfleet is trying to relocate some stupid villagers to attain the fountain of youth.

The commentary reveals the script was so terrible that some of the actors refused to say their lines, otherwise the movie would have been.. EVEN WORSE!

I don't know if that's even possible.

Star Trek First Contact
Submitted Tuesday, November 3, 2009 - 9:30:09 PM by Klaitu

Widely regarded as the best TNG film, First Contact recently got the Blu-Ray treatment.. and the results?

If you're like me, you've seen First Contact about a bajillion times, and it's a good movie, but a lot of the excitement of the movie is gone because you can quote it. The blu-ray doesn't fix that.. but it does include a new commentary track by Ronald D Moore, the writer.. and a commentery by Jonathan Frakes which are both amusing and informative.

The visuals here are much improved. In the theatrical release and on the DVD versions, the CGI effects had film grain applied to them so that they would supposedly look like models.. but instead they just looked blurry. The Blu-ray fixes that by removing the film grain entirely, and the effects look great. In fact, they look almost modern.

First Contact on Blu Ray is a must buy for a Trek fan with a Blu-Ray player.

Star Trek Generations
Submitted Tuesday, November 3, 2009 - 9:25:39 PM by Klaitu

Carson was kind enough to let me borrow the latest set of Star Trek movies on Blu-Ray, and I dove right in with Generations.

Generations is a mixed bag, and is oft cited as one of the worst Star Trek films, but even taking that into account, Generations still has some good moments.

For those of you who don't remember, Generations is where Captain Kirk attends the launch of the Enterprise-B and is "killed" in an attempt to rescue some ships caught up in a plasma ribbon.

In the TNG timeframe, Soren blows up the Amagosa Star, Data gets his Emotion chip, Geordi gets brainwashed, Troi crashes the ship, and Picard and Kirk fight off Soren. Remember that one?

The main problems with this movie are the plot holes:

- The Nexus Ribbon passes "through the galaxy every 78 years" If would have to be going pretty freaking fast.. faster than the speed of light, and yet it clearly is not going that fast.

- Scotty's lines are too obviously written for Spock. Chekov's lines are too obviously written for McCoy. They could have fixed that part of the script once it was apparent that Nimoy and Kelley would not be in it.

- Picard wonders why Soren just doesn't fly a ship into the ribbon to get to the Nexus. Data says it's because every ship that encounters the ribbon is either damaged or destroyed.. yet this didn't stop Soren from entering the Nexus when aboard the ship that was destroyed.. and it didn't stop Kirk from entering the Nexus either. Soren's sun-exploding probes are irrelevant, he could just fly a shuttle into it.

- The Nexus exists outside of time, so Kirk and Picard can return to any time they want to. Why not have Kirk return to the Enterprise-B and stop Soren there? That way all the people on the Amargosa observatory wouldn't have to die, and Soren wouldn't have invented Trilitium weapons.

The movie does have some strong points, though:

- The lighting in this movie is absolutely gorgeous.

- This is the only place where you can see the Enterprise-D physical model shot oldschool in High Definition.. and it looks amazing.

- Picard gets some serious character workout time, not that he needed it.. but he does a good job. This movie also created the Picard family album.

- While Kirk's death was a little weak, Shatner's acting was absolutely perfect during the death scene.

Anyways, the Generations Blu-Ray is an excellent copy, especially the crisp, vibrant reds of the command officer uniforms.. and the amazing lighting schemes just make it pop even more.

Star Trek Countdown
Submitted Tuesday, November 3, 2009 - 9:06:45 PM by Klaitu

This is the comic series that is a prequel to the 2009 Star Trek movie. It's written by the movie's writers and is "official" but thankfully not "canon" in the Star Trek universe.

Carson gave it to me so that I could evaluate it's place in the Star Trek universe.

In summary, I can say that it's not the worst Star Trek comic I have ever read, but I can also say that if I was in charge of such things, I would not have licensed this comic.. at least, not for the creative content it contains.

Anyways, Star Trek Countdown is largely the story of Nero and Spock. Whereas Nero's portion is somewhat interesting, Spock's part is somewhat flat. Along the way various Star Trek alumni make their apperance as well, but more on that later.

The comic starts with Spock addressing the Romulan Senate, who apparently has reformed after being completely turned to dust by Shinxon in Nemesis. Spock begins his address with a joke from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.. and the Romulans actually get the joke, despite the fact that Shakespeare was from Earth nearly 800 years in the past, and the Romulan government's very oppressive xenophobic regime. Have these Romulan senators secretly been reading Human books?

Anyways, Spock is there to tell them that a star is about to go supernova and make a BS shockwave that will destroy the entire universe, and the Romulans don't believe him.

Apparently the Romulans have somehow turned into morons, because in the TV series and movies, Romulan science is on par with that of the Federation.

At any rate, Nero believes Spock, so they team up to form some Red Matter to collapse this evil star in on itself before it destroys.... the UNIVERSE!

This leads us to the Enterprise-E and..(sigh) Captain Data.

These writers were really good at getting to the essence of the original series characters (except Scotty, who got screwed up) they they have apparently missed The Next Generation characters.

In particular, they missed the entire point of the Data plotline in Nemesis. Data started out as very machine like, then become more human. In Generations he got an emotion chip, and that pretty much topped out the "quest to be more human" that defines Data's character. Data trades his life for Captain Picard's in Nemesis, an act that is meant to be the "human thing to do" and is _the_ ultimate moment in his quest.

When you bring Data back to life in B-4's body, you cheapen the whole of his actual character arc.. and not only that, you replay Spock's katra transfer ritual.. and let's face it, the Star Trek universe only has room enough to hold one logical Jesus.

So, it's Captain Data. What happened to Picard? He became Ambassador Picard. Ambassador Picard is BS. In "Future Imperfect", when Riker is presented a fake future in which picard is an Admiral and the ambassador to Romulus, Riker can't buy it because it's completely out of character. In "All Good Things" Picard does become an Ambassador, but regrets the decision as an old man.. and if that weren't enough, in "Generations" Captain Kirk straight up tells Picard "Don't let them take you off the Bridge of your ship." so how did we end up with Ambassador Picard anyways?

While Picard is a diplomatic person, it was one of the tools he used as a Starship Captain, which is Picard's primary character purpose: he is the perfect Starfleet Captain always.

So anyways, Spock and friends attempt to build this ship which will collapse this nova and save the universe, but the star blows prematurely and kills Neros wife, and this causes him to.. attack Klingons for some reason.

Oh, and while we're talking Klingons, let's talk "General Worf".

A Klingon General is like a Starfleet Admiral, so now all of a sudden Worf went from Lt. Commander to Ambassador to General.. which is just weird. It would be like a US Navy Lieutenant becoming the Ambassador to Canada and then put in command of Canada's military. Does that make any sense at all? I mean, he's friends with Martok, sure.. but come on.

Furthermore, Worf is not wearing his baldric, which is crazy because he wore it for over 20 years in Starfleet, and now he's in the Klingon fleet and he doesn't wear it? How does that make sense.

It doesn't matter anyway, because Worf gets his butt kicked by Nero in a process called "making the bad guy look stronger by having him defeat Worf... again"

In the end, Spock and Nero are sucked into a "black hole" which in all other instances of Star Trek would kill them, but in this instance sends them back in time.

There's really nothing interesting in this comic, except as a footnote to the story for the movie. The writing is half-hearted and the art is not all that great. Additionally, the Comic inserts "Star Trek Online" into its canon, which is ridiclous because the TV show's canon overrides the video games.. it's just a huge mess.

I don't really want to give the comic book a score, but I'd say if you find one lying around, thumb through it real quick. Otherwise, it's not worth tracking it down to read it.