November 2003

The Incredible Bouncing Trooper
Submitted Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 6:00:45 PM by Klaitu

Okay, follow closely, this guy:

1. Is hit by a truck
2. Bounces into the cab of another truck
3. Bounced back out of the cab
4. Gets hit by the first truck again
5. Is thrown to the side of the road, and
6. Lives

http://www.newscoast.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20031129/NEWS/311290379/1060



You can make it a combo for 40 cents extra
Submitted Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 5:45:04 PM by Klaitu

No, really...

You Can



Awesome Psychic Powers
Submitted Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 1:06:01 PM by Klaitu

I'm in a psychic mood today, but I don't have to use my awesome psychic powers this time. Today's lesson is: "Why Battlestar Galactica 2003 will suck"

As you may or may not know, soon now there will be a remake of Battlestar Galactica by the Sci-Fi channel. The original Battlestar Galactica was a HUGE hit, but was cancelled because it's production ratings were humungous. It has only 24 episodes, but it has lasted for the past 27 years or so with only those 24 episodes. It is a testament to classic television sci-fi.

Ron Moore is in charge of Battlestar Galactica 2003. You might remember him from being in charge of Deep Space 9. When he got done with DS9, Moore was looking for something that he could "exercise his imagination on" and it turns out, the victim was Battlestar Galactica.

So, without further hesitation, here are the reasons why BG2003 will suck:

1. Starbuck is now a girl. That's right! In the original, Starbuck was a ladykiller, gambler, Han Solo type with a heart full of honor. The new Starbuck is a woman, but shes supposed to be a female version of the original, so she gets into fights. Unlike the original, she is one-dimensional and has no room for character growth.

2. Boomer is now a girl. In the original, Boomer was the Token Black Guy. Not only is the new Boomer a girl, but she's not even black. Boomer in the original was a master radio technician as well as a good pilot.

3. The new show is shot in "shakycam". Thank you Blair Witch Project for inventing this technique. This is the kind of camera style where the camera is handheld, it's supposed to "bring you into the action" but actually, it's just DISTRACTING. It might work in a tense moment or two, but it should be used sparingly, if at all. The original BG was filmed on standard 70's camera lines, which made it GOOD.

4. The original Battlestar Galactica had one important and overriding premise: Humans originated on a planet called Cobol. Cobol was losing it's ability to support life, so the inhabitants set out in 12 tribes to colonize 12 planets.. but there was legend of a 13th tribe, a smaller tribe that wandered across the galaxy and settled on the far side. That colony formed earth.

In this new Battlestar Galactica, Earth is just some colony that nobody is sure where it is. The origin of Humans is not explained.

5. Cylons Cylons Cylons. Ask anyone "What do you remember about Battlestar Galactica" and they will say "I remember these big silver guys with one red glowing eye that went back and forth". Why do they remember the Cylons? Because the cylons are COOL and the cylons are UNLIKE ANYTHING ON TV.. even to this day.

In the original, the Cylons were created by a reptilian race. The reptilian race were actually the Cylons. Then, 1000 years ago, Count Iblis appeared as a messiah-like being and offered to lead them to prosperity. He actually betrayed them, and somehow caused their machines to revolt against them. The result is that the reptilians were wiped out, and the mechanical Cylons developed into what you see in the show.

In the new version, Ron Moore thought the Cylons were a little over the top (of course they were, it's science fiction). He decided that it should be mankind who made the cylons, and because the mean old humans were oppressing the cylons, they revolted. Oh, and the Cylons look exactly like human beings too. Not only is this Cliche, but we've seen it before when it was called "The Matrix" oh.. pardon me, I meant "The Terminator" oh, no wait.. it was "Frankenstein". Oh, nevermind, you get the idea. Way to be original there.. Ron Moore.. you know, when the culons can be anywhere among you and they're undetectable.. or was that the Changelings.. I am so confused.

6. The actual ship. The Original Battlestar Galactica was one of 13 super-colossal amazing battleship/spacecraft carriers. The might one of these ships could bring forth was nothing short of incredible and awesome to behold. When the Cylons did their sneak attack, they destroyed 11 of the 13 battlestars, leaving only Galactica to retrieve the survivors of the colonies and set out for earth. The remaining battlestar was Pegasus, which everyone thought was destroyed, but actually was in a remote part of space.

The New Galactica is an obsolete vessel scheduled to be decommissioned. Wow. That's fantastic.

7. Commander Adama in the original was a very amazing guy. He had to be the best in order to get command of one of only 13 battlestars. He was the best of the best, and his son Apollo was in his line.

In the new Galactica, Adama is a burnt-out relic from an old war whom few people respect.

8. In the original, Adama and Apollo were very close to one another. Adama had another son who died while on Apollos wing, the tragedy forced them to be closer to one another and support each other.

In the new version, Apollo blames Adama for his brothers death. He believes his brother was an incompetant pilot and the only reason they let him fly was because Adama was his dad. This is stupid because Apollos brother was a good pilot, but a Rookie, and in the original he nobly sacrificed himself to warn the Galactica that they cylons were going to attack.

In fact, the only one person who can be directly attributed to saving mankind is Apollo's Brother... and I forget his name. I think it was Zack.

9. In the original, all the style of the show was created from Earth's history, like Earths history was based on a different history. The fighter pilor helmets, for instance, looked like sphinx headresses. Then you have the names, like Apollo, Sheba, Athena, Cassiopeia. And you have the names of the 12 tribes, which of course are the Zodiac.

In the new version, all of that is gone. The character names are not explained, and in fact, all the given 2 names. "Baltar" has become "Gaius Baltar" for instance. In the original, people only had one name at a time. They were given a name at birth, and given another when they came of age.



The new Battlestar Galactica might be OKAY, that is, if you disregard the fact that it is supposed to be Battlestar Galactica. It will turn out like a Space: Above and Beyond ripoff (which in turn was a ripoff of Battlestar Galactica).



Spock + Hobbits = Hilarity
Submitted Friday, November 28, 2003 - 12:28:26 PM by Klaitu

Don't say I never did nothing for ya!

http://homepage.mac.com/evanbaumgardner/iMovieTheater6.html



Happy Holiday!
Submitted Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 1:06:52 AM by Klaitu

I know it's a little early, but everyone out there have a great holiday.. it's unlikely that I will post until after the weekend, but hey.. maybe I will. you never know. Go ahead and check back Monday, I'm sure I'll have nifty stuff for you.



More FF12
Submitted Friday, November 21, 2003 - 11:48:00 AM by Klaitu

Here's an Interview.. I dunno where it came from:

November 20, 2003 - A day after a press briefing which brought to the world the first true flood of details on Final Fantasy XII, Square Enix made the unprecedented and bold move of giving access to the game's development core to a bunch of shabbily dressed and notably smelly members of the foreign press. The following is a transcript of a Q&A session with FFXII character designer Akihiko Yoshida, art director Hideo Minaba and background director Isamu Kamikokuryou. Not present (but referred to numerous times, so remember his name) was the game's producer and director Yasumi Matsuno.

Q: Can you tell us how the Final Fantasy XII camera system works?

Minaba: The camera system is fully 360 degrees and closer to FFXI in that you can see from the first person and third person. We aren't just working on backgrounds, but we're also creating things like the ceiling. You'll be able to view the ceiling as well.

[ NOTE: we think by saying "first person," Minaba is referring to being able to look around at the world rather than moving around in first person. This would be in line with comments from yesterday. Whatever the case, having an FFXI-like behind-the-character perspective is a change for the series.]


Q: Can you comment on some of the equipment from the game and your possible role in designing it?

Minaba: I was not in charge of the design of any of the equipment - swords and shields, etc. That intertwines with the battle system so I can't say much, but there will be a lot of equipment.


Q: There seems to be a trend of FF games towards younger looking, more effeminate male leads. Did you ever consider making a more rugged looking hero?

Lot's of laughter as the super translater person tries to figure out how to describe Vaan as "effeminate."

Yoshida: In the early stages of development the hero character was more rugged -- big and tough. As we started shaping up the scenario and taking into consideration the target demographic, the character became what you see today. There were other ideas tossed around.

Until motion capture and voice actor Kohei Takeda was cast for Vaan, the main character was actually a little more effeminate. With him playing the role, the character became more active, upbeat, bright and positive. The character would have been even more effeminate had Takeda not been cast.

Q: Compared to other FF games, there seem to be more emphasis on airships. Will airships be an integral part of gameplay in FF12?

Minaba: In a sense, yes, airships will have a more prominent role, whether it be just a stage for an event, or just used as a means of transportation.


Who's in charge of mechanical design (airships, vehicles, etc.)?

Minaba: Me. Plus some other staff.


Q: For Mr. Yoshida, there's been some comments that the characters in the game are similar to the style of Tetsuya Nomura (famous Square Enix character designer who heads up the Kingdom Hearts project). What do you feel about this assessment?

Yoshida: You're very direct for a journalist.

[everyone laughs]

Yoshida: I didn't have anything in mind about Nomura's style or anything Nomura related when starting out FFXII. I actually begin with designing Vaan, the main character. I don't hink my first rough version of Vaan looks anything like Nomura's style.

If I were to say one thing though, the perceived similarity to Nomura's style may be because of the colors that I ended up using on the characters. In FF games until now, the design of the characters and the feel and design of the world were connected. The two were very much together because the colors were consistent between the characters and the world. In this game, the colors really stand out. It's probably the different kinds of colors that I've never really used that's adding the Nomura flavor to my work. Pink is a new color for me, for instance.


Q: Is the Ivalice of FFXII the same Ivalice as that of Tactics?

Minaba: If you ask me what the world of Ivalis in FFXII is, it's something that's only in the director's mind, so it's hard to say what it's going to be or how different it's going to be. But I would say that it's another version of the world you've seen previously. We'd like to show a different version of Ivalice.

To the staff, many of whom worked on the previous Ivalice worlds, what does the world of Ivalice feel like, what does it mean and what feeling are you trying to bring to the game?

Minaba: Yes, a lot of our staff has worked on the previous Ivalice world, so in that sense the feeling we get from the world is that we get to portray the world in a different way. It's a world that we all love that we can present in a different game and in a different way.

Q: A lot of people talk about change. What has changed the most in FFXII?

Minaba: I've been asked not to reveal details on the changes. All I can say is that once you play it, the game will give a fresh, new feeling, but also at the same time shock you in a good way. From the trailer that you saw yesterday, I hope you saw that the controls and gameplay are quite different. I'll leave it to your assumption as to how that's going to tie in with the meaning of change in the game.


Q: It seems that non-human characters take a big role in this game. Can you comment on the importance of race in this game?

Minaba: The human races will have the primary role, but the non human races will play a big part in the game as well.

You might have heard Matsuno say that he and myself are big history fanatics. I don't think we can talk about history or present anything about history without talking about races and the social classes. Races and social classes are things that should exist for the Final Fantasy XII story to progress as it does.


Q: It was said yesterday that some of the influences for the art style and environment were Mediteranian in nature. Many in the audience also saw some possible influence from Episode 2 of Star Wars. Can you comment on some of various influences for the game?

Minaba: I am a big fan of star Wars -- I will admit that. But, if we say Star Wars is our influence and create our game, you won't end up with an FF game nor will you end up with FF12. I'll just say that I'm a fan. I wouldn't say that was necessarily an influence though.

Kamikokuryou: These days, user demands and expectations for our games are very high. It's true that we still have do things such as, for instance, going to Turkey as we did for this project. The reason we went there is so we can see what's really out there. But if we just took that and made the game we wouldn't be able to satisfy everyone. So, we're still keeping true to creating something that's original and a fantasy world while referring to something that exits. We try to take something out of what exists and create our own original work.


Q: Are there any other influences outside of Turkey?

Kamikokuryou: Outside of Turkey, Matsuno mentioned the entire Mediterranian region yesterday. Outside of that, maybe a little bit of India. Also parts of New York, actually -- the art deco areas and the regions of New York. You'll see, hopefully sooner than later, that throughout the game, we're trying to maximize the variation from each location of the game. We're trying to maximize what you see in each of the regions and create a sense of variety.

I think that in FFX there was one very strong world and one very whole world. But in FFXII you'll see more a variety of influences that I've had in creating some of the areas.


Q: Considering Matsuno's heritage, will there be any strategy-style gameplay outside of the standard RPG strategy?

Minaba (laughs): I'll leave it up to your assumption. It's too early to tell.

It's obviously too early too comment on the gameplay -- if there'll be any war strategy elements coming into gameplay, for instance. The setting of FFXII is a place where a lot of races, beliefs and countries meet, though. Of course there are battles and wars. In terms of gameplay, though, it's too early to say.

Q: FFXI is an Online-exclusive game, different from other titles in the series. Will there be any Online component for FFXII?

Minaba: FXII will be an Offline game. Matsuno has been involved with Play Online before and has mentioned that he'd like to have an Online project, but in this game there will be no Online elements.


Q: FFX had lots of Japanese influence. FFXII has lots of Western influences Are you keeping the western audience in mind as you design the game? Do you think western audiences will receive the game differently from who they received FFX and FFX-2 as a result of the art style?

Minaba: I think everyone might have a different opinion.

Kamikokuryou: The american/western audience wasn't in my mind when I started designing.

Square Super PR Person: That's not a good enough answer...

[everyone laughs]

Kamikokuryou: When designing, I look and refer to tons materials, references and drawings -- anything I can absorb. What I feel is going to be good and is going to work out is different for each project that I've worked on. If I feel it's going to be right, it comes natural to me that I should go with it.

With FFX, I worked on background design, so there may be an overlap with my personal desire to make FFXII different from my previous work.

Besides the countries or regions mentioned earlier, I do have a lot of other ideas. For example, this bottle that's on the desk. I'll just stare at it for a long time and in pops an idea. I'll look at water running in the sink and there may be an airship idea or an idea for a building. One method of designing is to look at reference materials, visit countries -- that is to say, to look at things that exist. But just putting this into writing or drawing with my own hands obviously isn't original -- not my idea. There are times when doing something completely different and I'll come up with an idea for a building or a structure and so-forth.

Minaba: There wasn't anything in particular that I had in mind for the overseas audience. The game is built both for the domestic and overseas audiences. However, I personally think that some of the Arabic culture, even the stuff that we see in the news, reference materials, or even in the world of music, are a popular underground thing in European hot spots. I wanted to bring that out and show people that there's this world that you might have never seen or felt. I spoke to Matsuno and he agreed that that's something that while not necessarily "undiscovered," is something that should be shown in one way or another. There is a lot of influence from this area behind this game.

Yoshida: I think that many members of our team are huge fans of non Japanese games. What you see in Vagrant Story is a product that results from our putting as many non-Japanese influences as possible into a game. We didn't want to take the same strategy with FFXII. I hope that with FFXII you won't see our having worked so hard to put in foreign elements. I hope you'll something that is a couple of steps back from Vagrant Story in how influenced it is by foreign concepts.

I'm curious about what you saw yesterday. Is it natural too you? Does it look like we were forcing something?

[ Final Fantasy expert, who shall remain namelss, comments that the game looks more Japanese than Matsuno's previous games ]

Square Rep: That's what we wanted.


Q: Parts of the trailer featured dark battles. Are there any historical eras or war periods that have influenced the design?

Minaba: Probably the Roman Empire - maybe a little past. A lot of our staff has had influence in that area.


Q: Is it fair to say that war is a prominent theme in this game?

Minaba: The setting of the game -- yes, it is war. There's obviously a story, but the setting is war.

Q: Can you comment a bit on the Judge character He makes the logo very big.

Minaba: I thought the logo was big too.

Square Super PR Rep (to members of the press): It may be hard for you to use the logo as an image in your publication.

FF Expert: It may be hard to fit it on the box.

Minaba: It probably won't fit on the spine. However, by making the logo bigger we may get more exposure in game magazines.

[Laughter]

Minaba: The judge plays a key role in the game.

Q: Does he have a name?

Minaba: Yes.

Q: Is there more than just one judge, or is there just one?

Minaba: Not one. But we can't say more than that.

Q: Are the Judges the forces behind the Empire, or are they servants of the Empire?

Minaba: He is called the judge, so...


Q: How many people will be in your party? Will it be a standard three-party system?

Minaba: As you can see from some of the assets yesterday, there are three members of the party. Anything beyond that is up to your imagination at this point. We'll be revealing more info on FFXII before the end of the year in Japan.


Q: How about support characters that can be switched into battle? How many of these can we expect?

Minaba: To be continued...

Q: How does Vaan compare to previous FF protagonists?

Minaba: Well, the person who's creating the characters is different -- that's one difference. I don't think he can be compared to any of the FF characters.


Q: Can you see all three characters on the world map at the same time?

Minaba: Yes, it's possible.


Q: What games have impressed you in this generation in terms of art direction?




Samurai Ghost


Minaba: It's an old Japanese game -- you may not know it. Genpei Toumaden Kannoni (Namco PC Engine game from 80s, also known as Samurai Ghost).

Yoshida: Metal Gear Solid 2. I'm really looking forward to part three.

Kamikokuryou: The entire Front Mission series -- even though it's our own game.


Q: We noticed that Hironobu Sakaguchi was at the presentation yesterday. Will Mr. Sakaguchi have more of an influence on this FF or other FF games, or was his presence just out of respect for Mr. Matsuno?

Minaba: We may not have any communication with Mr. Sakaguchi, but Mr. Matsuno, as the game's director, has respect for him since he is the father of the series. If changing the direction of the series, Mr. Matsuno will probably discuss the issue with Mr. Sakaguchi.


Q: (from special Final Fantasy Expert who will still remain nameless): If you look closely at one of the pamphlets from yesterday, the pamphlet that has the release dates for of all the Final Fantasy games written in it, you can see the release dates for Final Fantasy Tactics and Final Fantasy Tactics Advance hidden in the background in a light shade of gray.

[ Pauses dramatically ]

Does this mean that the team feels that they are mixing the Tactics world view with the main FF world view?

Minaba: What the!? Oh wow, it is there, isn't it!

Actually, as you hold on to the pamphlet, the numbers become darker and darker.

[Laughter]


Q: Will there be a romance in this game?

Minaba: Obviously, there's a hero and a heroine, so there has to be some kind of relationship. However, the relationship may not be as obvious or serious in terms of love as in previous games.

Q: So it may be just like "Let's just be friends."

Staff laughs.

Yoshida: It may not be just love between the two -- it may be other love.


We'd like to thank Mr. Yoshida, Mr. Minaba and Mr. Kamikokuryou as well as all the fine folks at Square Enix Japan and America for their time during the Q&A session. Be sure and check out all our information on Final Fantasy XII for the full scoop on next year's biggest RPG."



Jonathan Brandis.. dead?
Submitted Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 6:31:39 PM by Klaitu

Yeah, you know him as the nerdy Lucas Wolenczak from seaQuest DSV, but now he's dead! Go figure!

Apparently he was found in his apartment in Los Angeles with no signs of foul play. He was 27 years old.



Stargate Atlantis
Submitted Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 6:28:50 PM by Klaitu

There was a press release earlier today about the new Stargate spin-off, Stargate Atlantis:

"SG-1 centers on the Stargate, an ancient portal that allows instantaneous travel across the galaxy. STARGATE ATLANTIS will take viewers on a brand new adventure, with a whole new team. In the new series, a secret base left by the originators of the Stargate is discovered in the most unlikely of places – on Earth, buried among the ruins of the legendary city of Atlantis. The implications of this amazing discovery lead the Atlantis team to a distant galaxy where a primitive human civilization is threatened by a sinister new enemy."


It'll air in the summer of 2004.



Video Update!
Submitted Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:23:20 PM by Klaitu

http://www2u.biglobe.ne.jp/~nanko/movies/ff12-2.wmv

Here's the Video from the official Square-Enix Press Conference. It's not very good video, but it's video nonetheless.



Final Fantasy 12
Submitted Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:13:08 PM by Klaitu

I'm about to scoop both FFextreme and FFonline with news about Final Fantasy 12!

You can now view screenshots of Final Fantasy 12 at http://www.ff12.com but unless you can read japanese, it's not a lot of help about specific game info.

Here's what I pieced together from several news reports:

- It's not a Massively Multiplayer Online Game like Final Fantasy 11 (though it may have Multiplayer capability)

- It appears to have a more traditional battle method, like you would be used to from other Final Fantasy games.

- It takes place in the world of Ivalice, this is the world of Final Fantasy Tactics and Tactics Advance.

- It's scheduled for a Summer 2004 release in Japan, the US date is still pending.

- The Main Characters are Ashe and Vaan, both are Hume.

- It will contain Judges, like Tactics Advance, though it's not known what their role will be. Their prescence will be crucial to the story, as the logo for FF12 features a Judge.

- It will contain Moogles.

- Nubuo Uematsu is only doing ONE track for the soundtrack. BOO! He should do them all!

- The graphics system of Final Fantasy 12 only uses half the polygons as Final Fantasy 10. Apparently those resources were needed elsewhere.

- Final Fantasy 12 is supposed to give you full freedom of movement.. I.E. It will be like every Final Fantasy game except 11, 10, 10-2, Tactics, and Tactics Advance.

- The story is about two empires at war, our characters are caught in the middle, and oh yeah.. apparently Ashe is a princess. (imagine that)

- Vaan wants to be an air pirate, Airships are said to be prominent in the game.



Voyager. wow.
Submitted Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 10:50:58 PM by Klaitu

Star Trek: Voyager is coming to DVD on February 24, 2004. Wow. As you will recall, Voyager was that sucky Star Trek with the clucking chicken.. errr.. I mean the female captain.

Perhaps as fitting, the Voyager boxes are also the ugliest of all the series to date. This one sports colors like Neon Orange, and Hot pink. When you collect the whole set and put them together, the boxes form a NEON RAINBOW.

Yes. You read correctly. A Neon Rainbow. I wish I was joking, but I am not.

The season one DVD at least will contain one tidbit of interesting information: it's rumored to contain the one scene filmed with Genevieve Bujold, who as you know was the first person to get the part of Captain Janeway.



LOTR, you have some 'splaining to do!
Submitted Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 10:22:34 PM by Klaitu

Alright, you all know I'm a nerd, and ever since this LOTR thing became big, I've been nagged by the nerdy things that go on unexplained in the movies. So, I did some research. I asked some of my LOTR nerd friends, and turns out that even THEY did now know the answers I was seeking.

Turns out, I had to scan 5 LOTR books for my answers.

1. What's up with Gandalf? He looks human, but he's got super magic power.

To really understand what's going on here, we have to go back to the beginning. The beginning of what? The beginning of TIME!

Iluvatar is the one true god of Middle-earth, the most powerful, and the only one who can breathe life into things (or so I understand). He created everything else through something called the "song of creation" which, apparently is a mystery to everyone else.

Iluvatar, in addition to creating the world of Middle-Earth created a group of powerful overseers called the Valar. The Valar are like lesser-gods. They have the power to manipulate the world.. rain, mountains, oceans, animals, trees... that sort of thing. They're generally the custodians of Middle Earth. Iluvatar himself dosen't really get involved on that level I guess.

One of the Valar, named Melkor became jealous of Iluvatar, and tried to learn the song of creation. He also did other evil things like.. exinguishing light and killing trees. He also changed his name to "Morgoth".

Around this time, the other Valar created the wizards, or Maiar. Well, they were either created or formed by the Valar to fight Morgoth. Gandalf is a Maiar, as is Saruman, and also Soron. Soron was apparently corrupted by Morgoth to be his second in command.

Morgoth was eventually "cast out" of the world, leaving Soron as the ultimate badguy.

Maiar are said to be spiritual beings who can take a physical form in any shape or appearance they choose.

2. Okay, so where is Middle-Earth, and where are the elves going?

Middle earth is a continent in the middle of an earth-like planet. There are at least 3 other continents. Aman, for instance is a continent west of Middle-Earth, this is where the Valar and the Maiar live. Between Aman and Middle-Earth was a land called Numenor. Numenor was deatroyed when men living there tried to achieve immortality. There is also a continent to the north of Middle-Earth, but there is little information about it. It's generally assumed that the Elves are moving to Aman.

3. What's the deal with those rings, anyways?

Theres a buncha rings in Lord of the Rings. The big one, is the One Ring, which controls all other rings. It was also the last of the rings to be created. There were also 9 rings given to men, 7 to dwarves, and 3 to elves. These rings contained special powers intended to benefit their wearers.

The 9 rings for men totally corrupted them, once the One ring took control.

Sauron was apparently unable to affect the world of dwarves through their rings, I can't find what happened to them.

The three rings of the Elves were protected by some greater power, so the elven ringbearers were not affected. Galadriel's ring holds a power of building. The second of the elf rings was wielded by Gandalf (even though he isn't an elf) and had the power of fire.

That's about all I can find about the rings.

4. What's up with Aragorn?

You know, I like Aragorn's story the best of all the movie stories (I like the Frodo story the least). Here's some fast facts about Aragorn:

- I wondered how Aragorn came to stay at Rivendell with Agent Smith and Liv Tyler. Turns out that all the heirs through Isildor's line are raised there.

- Aragorn's family has gone through 16 generations since the defeat of Sauron.. that is to say, he is the 16th heir to the throne.. and Yes, Tolkien has names for all 15 of his ancestors.

- Aragorn is genetically derived from Numenor (that's the continent that was destroyed). He has blood ties to 3 of the Nasgul (ringwraiths).

- The Numenorians had 2 kindgoms.. Arnor, and Gondor. Gondor was ruled by stewards, and Arnor went into remission. The heirs to Isildur decided to disguise themselves as Rangers. They would generally run around and smite evil.

- Aragorn's lifespan should be about triple that of normal people. Numenorians live three times longer than normal humans, and Aragorn is at least part Numenorian.

So, just in case you were curious, this is what I have discovered.. enjoy!



CLONES!
Submitted Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 1:06:05 PM by Klaitu

Alright, here's some crazy questions to consider:

Let's say you have a pet starfish. You cut one of the arms off this starfish. Being a starfish, it regrows the missing arm.. AND the arm regrows another starfish. Now you have 2 starfish. Which one of them is the original, and more importantly.. why?

The two starfish are identical.. even in their DNA. They're exact copies of one another. Part of both of them is "original" and part of both of them is "regrown". Does it matter what percentage of them is original, and what part is not? If it does, what if a starfish was divided exactly in helf.. then what?

Are either of the starfish any less a starfish because of the way in which they were created?

Let's say someone takes one of your cells. They take that cell, and through science they clone you. They create a whole new person, identical to you in every respect. In the meantime, your body replaces that removed cell. Both you and your clone contain original parts, but is your clone any less a human because of the way it was created? Are You the original because you contain more original cells, or because you were around first?

Let's say that you amputated your own arm. Sure, you'd be a weirdo, but are you guilty of a crime? After all, You've only removed our own arm, and sure the detached portion is going to die, but it's your arm, and your body. No crime has been committed.

Let's say you killed your own clone. Have you committed a crime? After all, your clone is just something that happened to a detached section of your own body. It's yours just as surely as your arm is... or is it?

Is cloning a form of reproduction? Is it creating a new life? After all, your clone didn't ask to be created.. just like babies don't ask to be born. If cloning is a form of reproduction, then at what point does your clone become it's own being? With a natural birth, this would be at conception, but a clone isn't concieved.

What makes someone Human? Is it their DNA? Is it the prescence of a soul? Is it sentience?

What makes Humans different from one another? Is it their DNA? Is it their different souls? Is it their different personalities?

What does this say about identical twins? As you know, twins are identical clones of one another. During their gestation, one egg forms two people. Imagine a starfish divided exactly in half.. each half grows what it is missing. That's a good analogy for what twins are. There is no original, there is no copy. A cell divided into two identical parts, they both share the same amount of original material.

Unlike our starfish, however, both twins are composed of 100% original material.

What makes twins different from one another? It can't be their DNA, it's identical. Is it their personalities? It could be.. many twins have seperate and distinct personalities. Is it their different souls? We probably won't know that answer here on earth.

So, here comes the brain scrambling part.

Like most Christians, I believe that a new Human being is created when the egg is fertilized.. that is to say, when the fathers DNA and the mothers DNA combine into something new, it ceases to be a cell, and becomes a whole new person.

But what about twins? I said when the DNA combines and becomes A whole new person.. but twins can result from one fertilization. There is potential for twins, for triplets.. for septuplets in there. All the offspring from that particular cell will share a common origin.

If you were to extract that fertilized cell, there's no telling how many people you'd be killing off.

Alright.. back to clones here.

With twins, there is a point at which neither exists. DNA combines, and creates something that has never been created before. It creates something unique. While the twins are identical to one another, they are not identical to their parents. As the cells divide, they split into equal groups, one for each child. There is no originator of twins, because the material is incorporated into each child.

With a Clone, the material for it's existance has been around since your parents created you. A clone is not unique. While a clone can be concieved (that is to say, ceases being a cell and becomes a human) it is not unique to the world. The parent is identical to the offspring. Like as twins, you share the same genetic material, unlike twins, you are the originator of that material, and you still exist.

So, here's the answers I am inclined to give regarding these topics. I haven't done any biblical research into this or anything, I am merely going with reason alone here, so I reserve the right to be completely wrong.

1. What makes people different?

I believe that what makes people individuals is their souls. All humans have souls, so in order to be truly human, a clone would have to have a soul. If a clone does not have a soul, then it is nothing more than a human-looking animal.

2. Does a clone have a soul?

I honestly don't know. I am inclined to say yes, because twins have seperate souls, and all things are possible with God.

3. Should cloning be practiced?

I would have to say no. Aside from the issue of the diversity of genes, I can't think of a reason why you would want to create a human being identical to yourself. Sure, you could grow a clone to replace a kidney or something, but then you would have to kill the clone, and I'd be loathe to do that without some evidence that it is, in fact, an animal.

So, there ya go. Any thoughts? lay em on me.



Japan Strikes again
Submitted Monday, November 17, 2003 - 3:03:38 PM by Klaitu

Every schoolkid knows Japan is insane, and Final Fantasy, being a Japanese product, also has bouts with insanity. I've got some newsbits for you all regarding the Fantasy's return.

Final Fantasy: Advent Children

What once was thought to be a game has turned out to be a hour-long DVD. Apparently the story takes place 2 years after the events in final Fantasy 7 proper. the movie is scheduled for release in the United States on September 10, 2004.

Final Fantasy 12

Ask any Japanese person, or any game nut about Final Fantasy 12, and they will tell you "INFORMATION BEGINNING! 2003.11.19!". They will tell you this because it is the ONLY official release from Square about the game. In fact, the FF12 booth at the Tokyo Game show was A POSTER. Just one, single poster. What was printed on that poster? "Information Beginning 2003.11.19"

Now, if you'd like to see the poster, which is actually pretty cool for a poster.. or read "Information Beginning 2003.11.19" for yourself, check out http://www.ff12.com

There's also a scan from Jump Magazine making it's rounds on the net. It supposedly explains what FF12 is all about.. in Japanese. you can see that picture here: http://www.ffextreme.com/ff12/other/ff12_screen.jpg



The Purloined Pulse Pistol
Submitted Monday, November 17, 2003 - 2:50:36 PM by Klaitu

Alright, here's some detective work for you Farscape fans.

Let's look at the facts, see:

1. When Farscape was cancelled, the sets were destroyed, and the props were sent to the 4 corners of movieland for use in other productions.

2. Some of the props wound up in the hands of the actors, the most notable of these is 'Wynona' which would be John Crichton's Pulse Pistol. It ended up with Ben Browder and his wife in California.

3. Browder recently recieved a letter asking for the return of 'Wynona' to Austrailia. Austraila, of course, being where Farscape was filmed.

4. Claudia Black announced earlier that she was "working on a project" and "she couldn't say what it was". This project is "in Austrailia"

5. Rockne S. O'Bannon mentioned that Brian Henson and David Kemper (Farscape produced bigwigs) were "working on a project" and this project was also "in Austrailia".

All this info came out.. or rather, did not come out at a Farscape convention that was held this very weekend.

Now, there's also reports from IGN Filmforce.. and I hesitate to include this because IGN is complete crap for news, but it does seem to fit..

IGN thinks Farscape is about to make a comeback, but not as a series, and not on the sci-fi channel. They believe it to be most likely a 5 or 6 part mini-series.

So, Farscape looks like it's coming back.. it might be limited release, it might be a movie, it might even be another series.. but most everyone figures it's gonna happen sooner or later.



Master and Commander
Submitted Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 8:46:35 PM by Klaitu

Hoobah, I've seen another movie. I know, it's uncharacteristic that I should see so many movies in such a short stretch of time, but I just got lucky (and spent all my brownie points).

So, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, it's a naval movie set during the Napoleonic wars (1805). Captain Jack Aubrey sets sail with orders to destroy or capture the Acheron, a French privateer ship.

The Acheron is faster, stronger, and has more cannons than Aubrey's ship, the Suprise. It also has a competant french commander, who gets the drop on Aubrey.. an event Aubrey intends not to repeat.

During their first encounter, the Suprise is badly damaged, but escapes in the fog. Instead of returning home, the stalwart Captain Aubrey decides to patch up his ship as best he can and give chase.

He chases them down the coast of South America, around the cape, and over to the Galapagos Islands.. all the time accompanied by his best friend, the ship's surgeon.

The Captain and the Surgeon have differing views about how to go about things, but ultimately believe in the same goals.. much like Professor X and Magneto. It's an interesting dynamic that isn't overplayed in this movie.

Special effects are used extremely well in this movie, almost solely through the use of miniatures instead of CGI. While probably 99% of the movies you see today are solely CGI in special effects, they've apparently made some great advances in miniatures technology. The effects shots fit seamlessly into the live action shots, and vice versa. Even the shots done on a stage match up with the real-life ship.

Acting, of course, is great.. headed by Russell Crowe. It also stars Pippin from Lord of the Rings... so keep an eye out for him.

While this is a great movie, it's not for everyone. It isn't action packed, and really comes off a lot like a "Horatio Hornblower" movie.. except with a huge budget. It's an accurate portrayal of ocean warfare, so the action scenes are intense, but don't last long. If you're looking for an action flick, this isn't it. This movie is more about character development.

I highly recommend this movie, even if you're not really into history of naval warfare, it's still a good showing. 7 of 10.



ELF!
Submitted Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 10:03:11 PM by Klaitu

Yes, my friends.. I went and saw ELF. I saw it at the theatre with Bran! I'm EXCITED! It was really good! It really really was!

Alright, so here's the down low: Will Ferrell is baby orphan, santa lands at the orphanage, and Ferrell crawls into his sack. When Santa returns to the North Pole, he is suprised to find a baby in his bag.

Will Ferrell grows up into.. Will Ferrell, and he isn't really good at any elf-like things. Seems he can only produce 85 etch-a-sketches a day, with his quota being 1000.

So, being a bumbling fool, he decides to go see his real dad in New York City, so he sets out through the candy cane forest, and past the twirlie swirlie gumdrop ocean and through the lincoln tunnel.

Happy Elf + Grumpy New Yorkers = Hilarity.

GO SEE ELF! You'll experience:

- Claymation Snowmen
- Bob Hewhart explains the operation of jet engines
- Will Ferrell getting hit by a cab
- Rapid-Fire snowball scene
- Lots and lots of Maple Syrup
- "You're not Santa! You're sitting on a Throne of LIES!"

This movie rates a 7! YES! That's RIGHT! a 7! GO AND SEE IT IMMEDIATELY.. and if you have kids.. you'll probably want to bring them too.



MWHAHA!
Submitted Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 12:22:49 PM by Klaitu

In 5 episodes, Trip and T'pol will make whoopie.

Explicit vulcan neuropressure whoopie.

..and it's all Major Hayes' fault!



How I Rate Movies
Submitted Wednesday, November 12, 2003 - 12:52:10 PM by Klaitu

or:

"Klaitu, why don't more movies get 10's?"

Here's how I rate a movie:

First and foremost in the factoring is the "overall enjoyment" of the movie. That is to say, when the credits started rolling, what was my impression of the movie?

Second factor: Direction and Editing. Is it like Shawshank, or is it like Kill Bill?

Third Factor: Acting. Is it a good performance, or do they just scrape by?

Fourth Factor: Is the film accurate, or technically feasible established by the laws of the movie.

Now, that being said, it dosen't tell you why most movies score so low on my scale.. here's a rundown of what my scale means:

1 - This movie is horrible and absolute filth, avoid seeing it as it is really that bad.

Example: Punch-Drunk Love, Kill Bill, The Bear, Contact

2 - This movie would be absolute garbage, but has a saving grace that makes it slightly better than the more nastier category

Example: Fight Club, The Fast and the Furious, Crouching tiger Hidden Dragon

3 - This movie is just blah. It's not horrible, it's just unlikable, but still worth seeing if the subject matter is of particular interest to you.

Example: Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, Wing Commander, Tomb Raider, etc (most all video game movies)

4 - This movie is blah, but has some redeeming qualities that make parts of it actually enjoyable.

Example: Mortal Kombat, XXX, James Bond films

5 - An enjoyable, well rounded "nothing special" movie. Keeps your interest, but dosen't blow you away.

Example: Clear and Present Danger, Enemy of the State, Crimson Tide, Kundun, Princess Mononoke

6 - An enjoyable movie with segments of niftiness or awesomeness.

Example: Tron, Dune, The Hunt for Red October

7 - A movie that deserves respect because of some outstanding quality that makes it better than the average.

Example: The Last Starfighter, Battlestar Galactica, The Princess Bride, The Time Machine

8 - This movie is interesting, entertaining, and makes you think. It lingers in your brain well after you're done seeing it.

Example: The Shawshank Redemption, The Patriot, A Beautiful Mind, Memento

9 - This is a landmark movie, of which few ever come along. It's enjoyable, entertaining, interesting, makes you think... AND it totally blows you away in how they did it.

Example: The Matrix, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Titanic

10 - The Perfect movie. Not regularly, if ever, used.

Example: none, as yet unattained.



The Hulk
Submitted Wednesday, November 12, 2003 - 12:20:38 PM by Klaitu

Hooboy, I know all of you have already seen the movie, but I just now got ahold of a copy.

Alright, if you don't know the story of the Hulk, you've been living in a cave or something. Bruce Banner.. yadda yadda.. gamma radiation.. yadda yadda.. Hulk smash. Oh yeah, Jennifer Connelly is in the movie.

In this movie you see Jennifer Conelly happy, you see her forlorn, you see her worried, you see her converse with many people. Naturally, Bruce Banner is in love with her (who wouldn't be). There's a scene where the wind blows back Jennifer Connelly's hair, but that happens in all Jennifer Conelly movies. I'd just like to say that Jennifer Conelly's performance was excellent!

Oh.. and then theres this side-plot about this guy who is a misunderstood superhero.

Pros:
- There are lots and lots of scenes with Jennifer Connelly.
- I dunno if it was a relly well done DVD or what, but the pictures of Jennifer Connelly were crisp and sharp with vibrant color.
- When Jennifer Connelly is not on screen, there is usually explosions or some special effects to tide you over until she comes back.
- Nick Nolte makes a freakin cool badguy
- Josh Lucas gets the crap beat out of him! "This one's for Sweet Home Alabama, sucker!

Cons:
- Not enough Jennifer Connelly
- Story about the Hulk, his father is really boring
- Ending fight sequence contains no Jennifer Connelly
- Ending fight sequence too abstract to make any sense
- Story is inconsistant with itself
- Laws of physics blatantly forgotten
- The Army is incredibly stupid and can't stop the Hulk

Alright, I don't usually expound upon the cons, but I'm going to this time.

1. Physics: Let's do the math
Let's say offhand that Bruce Banner, being a mild mannered scientist and all is 6 feet tall. Let's say he weighs 120 pounds and can lift about 100 without strain.

When Bruce Banner Hulks out, he gets bigger, and taller.. Let's say he got about 15 feet tall (and that's being conservative). At 15 feet tall (and without accounting for his Hulk muscles) he would weigh 1,875 pounds and be able to lift 1,562 pounds.

In the film, they don't even account for this calculation. you see, the Hulk apparently travels from place to place by jumping. When Hulk lands on sand (as he does in the film) or on metal (as he does in the film) or on concrete (as he does in the film) There is going to be a LARGE HOLE with a Hulk in it. He is simply too heavy to go bouncing around like that.

Don't believe me? 1,875 pounds traveliling at 200 MPH (the rate at which stuff falls, roughly) you can go and calculate the force of the impact.

2. The Army is not that stupid
How do they want to stop the Hulk? Guys in Humvees. Yeah, like that's gonna work. DUH! Okay, so what's plan B? FOAM! Yes, they hose him with foam. Wow, suprise when that dosen't work. Plan C? Artillery. You know, Artillery is really good against stationary things, but sucks against a moving target.. like the Hulk.

Now, we get to Plan D, which is the first _almost_ good idea the Army has.. A scatterbomb Artillery shell. It explodes in midair and blankets the desert floor with smaller explosions. Unfortunately, Hulk can jump crazy high, and it does no good.

Then we're back to stupid for plan E, which is tanks. Compared to a Tank, Hulk is fast and agile. Admittedly, if you could hit the Hulk with a tank shell, it would hurt him bad.. it's just too bad he is way faster than tanks. Play F is equally stupid.. they use helicopters to SHOOT HIM WITH BULLETS. We already know that bullets do not work against the Hulk. Why try again? Good news is that they're getting closer.

Plan G: Hey guys, while you're shooting the bulletproof Hulk with bullets, how about you try some of those missiles out. Now, Missiles are a good idea, they explode on impact, they can damage the Hulk. Unfortunately, EVERY SINGLE ONE MISSES. Okay Army, train these guys, will you? The Hulk goes so far as to catch one, bite off the warhead, and spit it at a helicopter. The truly unique part is that the missile isn't powerful enough to blow up the helicopter, but a similar missile levels a mountain later in the film.

Plan H is a lot better.. F-22 Raptors. They travel at nearly Mach 2 and have missiles! Surely a wing of Raptors can take down the Hulk! Unfortunately, Hulk is on top of the Golden Gate Bridge, so they have to use bullets again. That's okay, because Vulcan cannon shells, travelling that fast hurt the Hulk. (They actually penetrate his skin). I know that the Raptors would have eventually smacked the Hulk down.. but one of the Raptors is thrown out of control by a news helicopter. It's going to crash, so.... Hulk jumps onto it?

Yes, in order to save the poor pilot, Hulk adds his 1,875+ pounds to an aircraft with an effective payload of only 2000 pounds (and the raptor hasn't fired any missiles. If this were real life, Hulk would have just slammed the jet into the water.

As it turns out, not only dosen't that happen, but the Hulk is also aerodynamic enough for the pilot to control the plane with him on it. This pilot though, is the smartest one in the movie. He takes the Hulk so high that there isn't any atmosphere for him to breathe, he falls off the plane, unconscious.

Unfortunately, the pilot dosen't flip around and nail the Hulk with every missile at his disposal while the Hulk is helplessly falling.

Later on, they have the Hulk, and the Hulks dad in the same room. Their failsafe if they get out of control is to electrocute them to death. That sounds like an okay idea.. IF HIS DAD'S POWER WASN'T ENERGY ABSORPTION. They know his power, they just go and do it anyway. Dummies.

3. The End Battle: Lame.
See Hulk fight Rock.
See Hulk Fight Lightning.
See Hulk fight Water.
See Hulk fight ice.
See Hulk get Gamma Bombed.. and survive.

See, when you've got a guy that can ABSORB ENERGY, you probably don't want to hit him with a GAMMA BOMB, which is an BURST OF GAMMA RADIATION. I dunno, that's just me.

So overall, because of Jennifer Connelly, the movie gets a 5 of 10. If Rene Zellweger were in Jennifer Connelly's place, the movie would get a 3 of 10. You'll like the movie if you A: like Jennifer Connelly or B: loved the Hulk comics.



Psycho! PSYCHO!
Submitted Saturday, November 8, 2003 - 8:28:01 PM by Klaitu

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

Quiz:

The preceding person is completely paycho because:

A. He lives in California
B. Head trauma as a child
C. Incredible amount of Meth
D. Escaped from Insane Asylum



Braindead
Submitted Friday, November 7, 2003 - 5:01:29 PM by Klaitu

I have just seen the most disgusting, goriest, most sickeningly revolting, poorly written, nasty, unneccessarily violent movie that has ever been created.

Is it "Kill Bill"? Nope. Exorcist? no way.

The film I am referring to is Peter Jackson's Dead Alive, AKA Braindead.

Carson came over "I have this movie" he says. "It's by Peter Jackson" he says. "It's unrated" he says. Okay, so I let curiosity get the better of me. In the past 97 minutes I have seen:

- A zombie baby in a blender
- A giant, naked zombie grandma absorb her son into her zombie womb
- A ninja priest get impailed on a statue
- A guy chopping up zombies with a lawnmower
- A car salesman with 2 meat cleavers make a wall of zombie entrails
- A nurse zombie with a wooden duck stuck in her head
- Softcore zombie sex
- A zombie head in a food processor
- A zombie with a lightbulb jammed in its head.. turned on
- The disembowled digestrive tact of a zombie farting
- A man prying apart the giant zombie womb, expelling 3000 gallons of blood
- peoples faces falling off
- A man whos legs were eaten by zombies (just the meat, not the bones)
- Gnome-Fu

Yeah, and I saw a lot more than that, too, it's just that my mind has blanked it out. This is a "horror" film, but its not very scary. It would be more accurate to say that this is a "gross out" film, because it is incredibly nasty. I don't use this term lightly.

You saw the uncensored Robocop.. that was kid's stuff. Yeah, exorcist.. thats a sunday morning cartoon comparitavely. This is by far the most violent and disgusting movie I have ever seen in my entire life. The box claims it's the goriest movie ever made!

I'm inclined to believe that statement.

but the movie is more than just about gore and violence... oh, who am I kidding, no it's not.. thats ALL it's about! A guys mother gets bitten by a Samoan monkey rat, which somehow turns her into a zombie. She turns her nurse into a zombie. Then they bury the mother, and she busts out of her grave and turns a biker gang into zombies. Then, the ninja priest comes and kicks all their butts, but is turned into a zombie. Then the Ninja Priest and the Nurse get it on and have a baby zombie. The main character locks them in the basement, but they get loose during a party, and then all the party guests are turned into zombies.

Well, I'll save the end for you, because I know you're wondering what happens.

I dunno if I would recommend this movie to anyone. There's no doubt that it's a horrible movie, but it's also hilarious... in a ankle deep in entrails sort of way.



Star Trek Programming
Submitted Thursday, November 6, 2003 - 4:11:39 PM by Klaitu

If (Enterprise.Viewers < 3000000) Then
{
Call UPN.CancelShow(‘Enterprise’, Now)
Call UPN.SackProducer(‘Rick Berman’)
Call UPN.SackProducer(‘Brannon Braga’)

Call UPN.LayOffCast(‘Enterprise’, Now)

Call UPN.StaffResponse(‘Rick Berman’, ‘Creatively, ENT was great’)

Set UPN.StillOnAir = False

Call Fans.Gushers.Response(‘WAHHHH!!!’)
Call Fans.Bashers.Response(‘TOLD YA!’)

Set Enterprise.Gushers.AtWarWith = 'Bashers'
Set Enterprise.Bashers.AtWarWith = 'Gushers'

Request.TrekBBS.ServerUpgrade = True

}
else
{
Call UPN.ShowIsSafe(‘Enterprise’)
Call UPN.StaffResponse(‘Rick Berman’, ‘We are very pleased’)
}

If (Enterprise.GetWriterForNextEpisode() == ‘Mike Sussman’) Then
Enterprise.Viewers = Enterprise.Viewers + 500000

If (Enterprise.NextEpisode.CastMember(‘Hoshi’).WearsShortSkirt == True) Then
Enterprise.Viewers = Enterprise.Viewers + 500000

If (Enterprise.NextEpisode.CastMember(‘Hoshi’).WearsMiniSkirt == True) Then
Enterprise.Viewers = Enterprise.Viewers + 600000

If (Enterprise.NextEpisode.CastMember(‘Hoshi’).Naked == True) Then
Enterprise.Viewers = Enterprise.Viewers + 6000000

If (Year == 2005) And (Enterprise.DVDsOutYet == False) Then
Call Fans.Response(‘Wot, no DVDs yet?’)

If (Enterprise.NextEpisode.Promo.ShowsTandA == True) Then
Fans.RollEyes = True

If (Enterprise.NextEpisode.XindiAppearence == True) Then
{
Xindi.ShowSubTitles = True
Xindi.OurFutureIsAtStake = True
Xindi.ReasonForNotAttackingEnterprise = UnDeclared

Call UPN.ExtraSFXBudgetRequired(‘Enterprise’, $3000000)
}

If (UPN.Enterprise.CastMembers('Travis').Speaks == True) Then
UPN.Enterprise.CastMembers('Travis').Speaks = False

If (UPN.Enterprise.CastMembers('Trip').CantSleep == True) Then
{
Call RelocateCastMember('Trip', 'TPols Quarters')
UPN.Enterprise.CastMembers.TPol.BreastShot = True
UPN.Enterprise.CastMembers.Trip.GettingSome = Undeclared
}

Set UPN.RealTVNetWork = False
Set Enterprise.ThemeTune = Crap
Set Enterprise.Improved.SeasonThree = True
Set Enterprise.TimePeriodInTrekUniverse = UnDeclared
Set TrekCaptains.GotBalls('Archer') = True

If (UPN.Staff.RickBerman.Speaking == True) Then
Set StaffFeedback.Enterprise = 'BS'



Chicago
Submitted Tuesday, November 4, 2003 - 12:21:55 PM by Klaitu

Ahh Chicago.. Pizza, Da bears, Da Cubs, Wrigley Field, O'hare international airport, Michigan Avenue, WGN, and John Daley. Oh wait, don't forget the MOVIE chicago.

Before I watched Chicago, I really hadn't heard much about it. I knew it was about Jazz and it had Catherine Zeta Jones in it.

Here's the plot:

Renée Zellweger is a jazz-singing wannabe. She's married, but is sleeping with another dude because she thinks he has connections in the showbiz industry. Of course, he's lying, he just wants da bootah. When Renée Zellweger finds out, she just whips this gun from outta nowhere and shoots him (3 times).

She's put into a women's prison until her trial, which is chock full of other women who shut their husbands for cheating. This would include Catherine Zeta Jones. Jones was a popular Jazz performer with her sister. Her man fooled around with her sister, so she killed both of them. Hence, thee big house.

Both of the women are egomaniacs, enter Richard Gere, the lawyer who has never lost a case to a female client. He manipulates the media and creates a sensation around Zellweger to help the momentum of his trial. This makes Jones jealous. Hilarity ensues.

Here's the Pros:

1. The movie is in a sort of musical format. Zellweger percieves things in Jazz format. It's unclear wether they are in her head, or if they are "flashforwards" of her telling the story in jazz prose. This results in about 11 or 12 dance sequences throughout the movie. I am not a musical lover, but I found the music and dance sequences to be appropriate to the subject at hand.

There's a scene where Richard Gere is talking to the press on the steps of the courthouse, this transforms into a musical number where Zellweiger is a dummy puppet, and the reporters are marionettes, complete with strings.

There's another scene where all the murderesses are talking about why and how they killed their mens, they use a red scarf to represent murder, so they will be dancing around all nice and everything, and then they pull this red scarf out of the guys collar, and he drops dead. It looks really cool as a concept.

2. The Lighting and staging of the film is excellent. I assume this is just Theatrical lighting effects put onto film, though (I am not a live theatre goer, unfortunately). There is a scene where Zellweger is singing in complete darkness, and the camera makes a small movement, and suddenly, there are like 5 of her, all created by mirrors you cannot see. You can tell they're there, you just can't see them.

3. Wardrobe and technology is actually appropriate for the era. Many musical productions put reality on the backburner for fringe and glitz.. Chicago sidesteps the issues because the dance numbers are in flashback.

Here's the Cons:

1. Renée Zellweger. Shes a good performer, and I don't want to be mean to her because it's not her fault.. but holy moly. Chicago is a movie that shows a lot of skin.. and Zellweger is a bony blonde girl with pasty white skin. It's like someone grafted a girl head to a man's body.. a scrawny man who has been locked in a basement and not eaten. you get to see her ribcage, her spine, and various arm and leg bones. There's no nudity though, so even if she had boobs, you wouldn't see them.

2. Renée Zellweger's hairdresser. Yeah, I hate to rag on her again. Let me first start out by saying her hair is appropriate for the era, but MAN is it UGLY. It's like a solid blonde helmet glued to her bony, pasty white head. I ordinarily wouldnt mention this, but it's so distracting! I found myself being repulsed by her entire look instead of enjoying the movie.

3. Richard Gere can't sing. So, apparently, they replaced his singing voice with someone who could. Unfortunately, this guy sounds nothing like Richard Gere. It's alright though, it's only distracting in 2 or 3 scenes where you see his mouth move out of synch with the music.

4. In Chicago, all the guilty go free, and the only innocent person in the whole prison is hanged. I dunno if this is a commentary on 1920's justice or what, but their point would have been better served if one of the other 8 guilty parties had been hanged.

5. There are 2 special effects shots in the movie, both of which totally suck. The first is an establishing shot of Chicago.. just so you're not cloudy on the setting of the movie. It's a forced perspective matte painting, unfortunately, the perspective is off, so it obvious. The second shot is of a jail cell door, when it locks zellweger into her cell, there is a musical sequence going on, so the idea is that the door seems endless. It keeps sliding and sliding across her face as she sings. Unfortunately, it dosent cast a shadow on her like it should, making it obvious that it was added in post-production.

Overall, I would say this is a good movie. It's not my usual style, but it's good to have a change of pace. If you're curious, it would be a good one to check out. Out of 10, I give it a 6.



Kill Bill
Submitted Tuesday, November 4, 2003 - 11:46:13 AM by Klaitu

Don't believe the hype. A monkey could produce a better movie than this.

Here's the "story" (if you want to call it that):

Uma Thurman is an assassin, working in an assassin squad. She becomes pregnant, and decides to drop out of the business. Bill, her boss, dosen't like this. Uma decides to Marry, but suprise, suprise.. Bill shows up and kills everyone, and shoots Uma in the head.

But, Uma survives. I guess you dont actually *have* to be a good assassin to be an assassin boss. Anyways, she goes into a coma and comes out 5 years later, where she proceeds to go and kill all her former squadmates.

Now, you're thinking "that dosen't sound like a bad story" except, see.. I just told you the whole story.. thats not a synopsis, or an overview.. that's the entire plot.

Why Kill Bill sucks so bad:

1. It was directed by Quentin Tarintino.

Quentin got lucky with Pulp Fiction, and now just assumes he can squat down, take a dump, and it will go apey at the box office. Now he just throws together any old camera angles he can find and calls it good.

2. Half of the movie is animated.

It's not like they couldn't afford to film the animated parts with.. you know.. actual people. It's that Tarintino CHOSE to put animation in the middle. This makes the movie suck, and proves Tarintino is an idiot.

4. The name of the main character is *bleeped* out.

That's right! It's like a cuss word, except there are plenty of cuss words in the movie, but the main characters name is beeped out. Is this supposed to be "cool"? Am I supposed to say "wow, how come other directors never thought of sticking a high-pitched beep in place of the characters names?" In the end it's just annoying.

To all of you taking notes, when you make a movie, and you don't want the audience to know the characters name, you need to 1. Not SHOW HER AS THE BRIDE at the first of the movie and 2. Not write her name into dialogue.

5. The movie is full of unneccessarily complicated camera angles.

Who films an exposition scene in a kitchen from 60 feet in the air? Well, you saw Pulp Fiction, you know what I'm talking about. This one's not new.

6. There is stupid inconsistent crap throughout the movie.

Uma Thurman is an assassin, but she drives a bright yellow and orange pickup truck. Does this make sense to you? She goes to Okinawa to get a sword, but if you wanted a really good sword, you'd have to go to China. I guess that's okay and all, because Tarintino has confused the "yakuza" (criminal underworld syndicate) with the "samurai" (Honorable spirit warriors). They also imply that the martial arts on-screen are Japanese, when in fact they are Chinese.

7. Now really, does the Human Body even contain that much blood?

I have no problem with violence, or blood.. but come on! if Real Life were directed by Tarintino, you would get a papercut, and then your finger would explode off your hand and squirt blood 50 feet in the air for 20 minutes.

So, in conclusion: Don't waste your time. There's a reason why Tarintino has been working since 1987 but has only directed 4 movies. This isn't the worst movie I have seen, but it's in the top 5 worst.



When your Monkey gots to have Bunny Spirit
Submitted Monday, November 3, 2003 - 10:11:51 PM by Klaitu

Do you know someone who likes to make forum sigs, or character pictures? You know, someone who considers themselves a "graphic artist"?

Sometimes, these people get a new effect for their photoshop, and their sense of style is put aside in favor of using that new bit of technology. Now, when you make a company filled with these people, you end up with Industrial Light and Magic.

Story? Nah, we don't need it. Logical progression? Forget it! All we need to do is cram as much CGI as possible into a 5 minute film!

The result is this:
http://www.ilm.com/ilmshorts.html

Its fun to watch, entertaining to see.. but can someone explain to me how you can blow on a rabbit, have it turn into vapor and activate a giant mechanical gorilla?



Final Fantasy looks Too Good
Submitted Monday, November 3, 2003 - 9:47:59 PM by Klaitu

It isn't fair to all the other games. Honestly!

I have a few sites that you HAVE to check out, because they are THAT good. Honestly.

http://www.playonline.com

Download "vana'diel Bench 2", and then when you spasm uncontrollably at how hideously beautiful the scenes are, go over to:

http://www.square-enix-usa.com/games/FFX-2/

For a peek at the equally beautiful Final Fantasy X-2



Goldberry's Wrestling Federation
Submitted Monday, November 3, 2003 - 7:45:12 PM by Klaitu

Special K is your one-stop shop, and er.. only stop where you can get all the latest scoop on the Goldberry Wrestling Federation!

It's just a little fun thing I'm doing with my new Smackdown 5 game.. makin wrestlers out of folks I know, and then commanding to crush, kill, and destroy one another in a box surrounded by plastic ropes.

You know, that old chestnut.

Without further ado, let's meet the Wrestlers!



The Freak
Based off: Klaitu

This is my first wrestler, and also one of my favorites. A good balance of speed and power, The Freak is no slouch.. and he's especially good at making his opponents give up without that burdensome pinning.

Wild Thing
Based off: Branwen

This is my second wrestler, and again one of my favorites. They call her "The Brute" because well.. she's a brute. Her favorite pasttimes include folding people in half, and bench pressing them. There is no stronger wrestler. Her strength comes at the price of speed, but that's okay, because she can't feel those punches anyway. How fast do you need to be to catch up to a guy crumpled on the ground?

Goldberry
Based off: Goldberry

Goldberry is, of course, the host of the Goldberry Wrestling Federation. She's the speediest wrestler in her own league, and is good at reversing attacks. She is also the lifetime tag partner with James Maims.

Guile
Based off: Guile from Street Fighter 2

You loved him in Street Fighter 2, you were awed by his performance in Street Fighter 2: Turbo, and you though Van Damme sucked in the movie.. but it's all good, this is the REAL Guile, not the french kind. Guile is a master at kicking stuff.. hard.

Rachael Love
Based off: DJ Rachael Love

You probably don't know her, but you'll soon come to realize that's only because you never heard of her before. She's the strongest contender for the womens title.

Tenebrous
Based off: Tenebrous

Tenebrous: now with kung-fu grip.

Shae
Based off: Shae

Self-proclaimed evil with style. Did I mention she was evil?

EdGuardo
Based off: Edguardo

Do you bleed yellow and blue? Everyone does! Whatcha gonna do when you see a muck-colored blur of yellow and blue comin at you?

Nero de Mexico
Based off: Nero

Nero is Mexican. He enjoys siestas, churros, and junk in the trunk.

The Bowhunter
Based off: Bowhunter

Bowhunter wanted me to make him like Triple H. Okay.

Big Jimmy Thraka
Based off: Thraka

From the hills of Oregon, the land untouched by the modern age lives an unspeakable force of nature.. that force is not Bowhunter, but we can't prove it.

James Maims
Based off: James

He's a lover, not a fighter. He fights with his attitude! He's also the tag partner of Goldberry, though there's probably some hanky-panky going on backstage.

You can see their entrances in the following video:
http://ds180.net/junk/DIVX_entrances_all.avi

BEFORE YOU CLICK you should know that this is a 53 megabyte download. The video is in DIVX format, and you will need the latest version of dIVX to play it. you can get it for FREE at divx.com.

Please Right Click and "save target as" to save me some bandwidth. I hope to bring you other videos in the future.



It is Good to SmackDown
Submitted Monday, November 3, 2003 - 4:18:18 PM by Klaitu

Lots of people think I'm nuts. I recently got a copy of WWE Smackdown 5: Here Comes the Pain.. but you know what, they should call it "Here comes the PLEASURE" because theres nothing painful about it.. except maybe the actual.. blows.

It's like a mix of Street Fighter, Pokemon, and an RPG. You can creater your own wrestler, and then join the wrestling circuit. You'll go toe to toe with some of the legendary (like The Rock) and some of the not-so legendary (like Steven Richards). As you defeat your enemies, you'll earn money and experience, which you can put toward new moves, cool prizes, and training up your skills.

Combat is truly unique. No stupid 300 button combos here.. every move is designed to connect into the next, so you can invent any combo you need based on the situation.. but the best part is that no combo makes you invincible. They can all be blocked, or turned against you. The moves you can do vary depending on your position related to your opponent, and their current stance. For instance, if they're on the ropes, you can throw them out of the ring, or choke them with the rope, or you can just beat their brains silly and get them all tangled up.

In the standing position, you have direct access to 16 different throws, 7 different melee attacks, and 12 running attacks.. and thats just if your opponent is facing you. If he's facing away from you, slap on another 15 different moves.

The animations are seamless, though sometimes the characters slide a bit for one reason or another.

There's too much to tell you all about it, but I highly recommend this game if you like RPG, or if you like fighting games. Very keen!