January 2004

Hamill dosen't hate Star Wars
Submitted Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:19:20 PM by Klaitu

http://www.fanboyplanet.com/interviews/mc-markhamill.php

DM: Every time you get some high profile in the news, people comment on how you've "turned your back on Star Wars." When Comic Book: The Movie sponsored Howard Stern last week, the crew there went off on that topic. Now I know that's not true about you, and people will probably still misinterpret your stance, but would you mind making your definitive statement on that for the thousandth time and probably not the last?
MH: Not at all. I've sort of laid off over-associating myself with the franchise only because it's such a healthy series on its own. I really have nothing to do with the prequels. I'm just a fan like everybody else.

I just talked to George last week. He was in the editing bay, editing the movie. He's all done filming. I said, oooh, Episode Three! How is it?

George being so low-key said, eh, same old stuff, which made me laugh. Because they're not the same old stuff.

They're very ambitious, epic, in a way that ours weren't. George called ours the most expensive low-budget movies ever made. And now he's able to have this grandeur and opulence that was unavailable to us in the days before CGI.

People forget that before those movies came out that I was a tireless advocate for them. It was only when they became a gigantic phenomenon that I thought, wow, it's running itself. It really doesn't need me.

I guess it's partially my desire to figure out if there's life after Star Wars. It's frustrating in a way, because I sort of do want to get involved. But you have to remember that we had a beginning, a middle and an end.

Even though I thought it was going to be a bunch of strangers rifling through my toybox - hey! That's my lightsaber! That's my C-3PO unit! - so much time had gone by that I was able to let it go. I don't know how the feeling got out that I've turned my back. I mostly want to respect and honor the memory of those movies, but not make a career out of exploiting them.

That's why I wanted to do Comic Book: The Movie, to appeal to the same fan base, but give the fans something new.



Disney dumps Pixar
Submitted Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:15:40 PM by Klaitu

You saw Toy Story, Toy Story 2.. you saw Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc, a Bug's Life.

And now that you read that headline up there, you're wondering why in the world Disney dumped Pixar... your guess is as good as mine. Here's the scoop from CNN/Money:

Pixar Animation Studios Inc. said Thursday it ended talks with Walt Disney Co. to extend a five-picture deal for Disney to distribute Pixar films.
Pixar said it would begin talks with other companies to distribute its films starting in 2006.

"After ten months of trying to strike a deal with Disney, we're moving on," Pixar CEO Steve Jobs said in a statement. "We've had a great run together -- one of the most successful in Hollywood history -- and it's a shame that Disney won't be participating in Pixar's future successes."

The move was a clear setback to Disney, which reaped a financial and critical bonanza from the partnership and has struggled with its own strategy for animation.

Disney said it could not accept Pixar's final offer for a new deal, which would have cost Disney hundreds of millions of dollars, Reuters reported. Officials at Disney were not immediately available for further comment.



YO JOE!
Submitted Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:08:54 PM by Klaitu

It's about time they made a live-action G.I. JOE Movie.

Yesterday FilmForce published an exclusive report stating that producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura is turning Hasbro's G.I. JOE toy franchise into a live-action movie. FilmForce also reports that the script will be done by writer Michael Gordon and that while deals for both men are complete, an announcement may be published in the movie trade magazines sometime in February.

Also mentioned was that the movie will utilize characters from the popular 1980s cartoon series and not so much the modern day JOE line.


Thanks to the efforts of one of our sources, who has knowledge of the Bonaventura production, we've been told a general outline of the movie's storyline as it stands now plus which characters are in the film.


According to our source, the movie is more-or-less a prequel to the cartoon G.I. JOE series. Set before the rise of the COBRA organization, the film will show how the man the world will one day call Cobra Commander created his terrorist organization and honed it into a worldwide threat. Other COBRA characters, such as Destro and Stormshadow, are being planned to be included in the film. While Cobra Commander doesn't wear the costume he is best-known for during the bulk of the film (the blue COBRA garb complete with hood), by the conclusion of the film he will be decked out in it.


As for who is on the JOE team, look for appearances by the team's main players, such as Duke, Hawk and Snake Eyes. In fact, one of the ideas being kicked around at this stage of story development is touching upon the origin of Snake Eyes and Stormshadow, albeit in a minor way. As fans of the cartoon series know, both ninja characters have their origins tied together.


Since the screenplay is in a constant state of flow, things could change and new characters could be introduced at any time. However, the primary guideline the G.I. JOE movie creators are using is to try and be as faithful to the '80s incarnation of the team as possible.



Enterprise May Survive
Submitted Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:59:56 PM by Klaitu

What do you do when the producer for the Star Trek franchise is jaded and screws it up constantly for the past 10 or so years?

You fire him.

That's right, word is that Paramount is going to give the ol' heave-ho to Rick Berman! At least, that's the rumor leaked from an "official source" inside Paramount.

If true, this could mean that Enterprise might end up being better and better! As you know, Berman is responsible for the crappy Enterprise theme song, as well as the crappy selection of composers for Trek soundtracks. He's also partly responsible for putting ST: Nemesis up against Harry Potter and The Two Towers. Oh, and he's 33% responsible for Voyager.

Here's the article from TrekToday:

A rumour has surfaced that Paramount may plan far more sweeping changes than the time slot for Star Trek: Enterprise.

An anonymous source has told Cinescape that Garry Hart, president of Paramount Television, may be considering replacing the Enterprise production staff, possibly including longtime Star Trek executive producer Rick Berman.

"It would seem the lackluster support of Enterprise by [UPN executives] Les Moonves and Dawn Ostroff at this weekend's UPN press junket has gotten the attention of Garry Hart," wrote Cinescape's Patrick Sauriol. "From an insider...at Paramount Television's Marketing and Media Relations Department, a memo has been spotted suggesting Hart may be waiting until after Enterprise's February sweeps performance to announce the possible replacement of some of the show's production staff."

The same anonymous source, notes Cinescape, correctly leaked information about the show's planned change in time slot. However, stated Sauriol, "these are rumors right now and not known facts, and until our scooper chooses to show us hard proof of their claims or we discover another means to confirm what they are telling us, an open mind should be kept."

Please treat these allegations as unconfirmed rumour. As of yet this information has only been reported by a single source, and it is questionable whether specific information such as this would appear in this manner in an internal production memo. The original item is here at Cinescape.



Enterprise Moving
Submitted Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - 11:14:10 AM by Klaitu

Yep, that's right!

It's moving back an hour. It's presently at 7 PM, and it'll move to 8 PM, back to where Voyager used to be during the final season. In anolther display of stupidity, UPN has decided to play "The Mullets" in the hour before Star Trek.

The move is so that Enterprise dosen't compete with Smallville.. but if Enterprise can't compete, then what chance does The Mullets have?

Zero.



Old School
Submitted Saturday, January 24, 2004 - 4:49:27 PM by Klaitu

Are you into old Sierra games?

How would you like some free ones?

Legally.

http://www.agdinteractive.com/

Oh yeah, they're my heroes.



Mars Rovers
Submitted Saturday, January 24, 2004 - 4:24:40 PM by Klaitu

Alright, I know some of you folks don't get Nasa TV, and don't really follow this Mars Rover thing religiously, so here's the short and sweet version of what's been going on so far.

Earlier this month (about 20 days ago):

Mars Rover 1, named Spirit, lands on Mars. They used the "airbag" method. Spirit landed okay, and sent back all sorts of pictures. The eggheads ran through their tests to make sure everything worked in preparation for them unfolding the rover's wheels, and rolling it out onto the surface.

Two weeks ago:
Spirit rolled off its little landing pad, and onto the actual surface of Mars. The eggheads began further tests of the instruments and whatnot.

Last Week:
They broke it! Well, not really. They were doing some of their tests on one of the motors and poof! no more communication. It missed something like 2 days before it sent out a distress call. The scientists think there's something wrong with the flash memory on the rover. They can operate it without that memory, but they're not entirely sure that's the problem yet.

Today:
The second Mars Rover, Opportunity, lands tonight on Mars. It's supposed to land sometime around 11 PM Central time, NASA TV begins coverage at 9:30 Central time.

Now, if you're a nerd like me, and like to watch such historic moments as they happen, you'll need to watch NASA TV. It's not exactly a popular channel, but thankfully, your tax dollars make it available to everyone with internet access!

Just click here:
http://www.nasa.gov/ram/35037main_portal.ram

This is a realone player streaming video, just FYI.

You can also check out a bunch of awesome pictures, like the Spirit lander as viewed from Mars Orbit, as well as some of the bounce marks the craft left when it smacked into the surface.

http://marsrovers.jpl.nasa.gov/home/index.html

This one in particular is neat:
http://marsrovers.jpl.nasa.gov/gallery/press/spirit/20040123a/marsAnim.gif



Enterprise Ratings Bad, but Good
Submitted Saturday, January 24, 2004 - 4:10:32 PM by Klaitu

Last Wednesday, American Idol 3 dominated the airwaves with it's crappy programming, leaving all the other networks in a drop in ratings. UPN however, gained viewers with Enterprise's Proving Ground. It was the only network to improve ratings against American Idol.

Does this mean anything important? Probably not.



Proving Ground
Submitted Saturday, January 24, 2004 - 3:58:45 PM by Klaitu

Most expeditious!

I am most spendidly pleased with this weeks episode of Enterprise. I had previously missed it, and I had to grab it online. It had action! It had intrigue! I don't know, maybe I've been away from good trek for so long, that the mediocre stuff is looking good.

Whatever the reason, it beat the crap out of this week's Stargate SG-1, which was not that good at all.



Japanese TV
Submitted Saturday, January 24, 2004 - 3:54:07 PM by Klaitu

I've been watching Japanese Television recently. I don't know what's up with it, but it somehow makes me watch it. It's like mind control.

The first time I watched it, I was watching the Pet Channel with Carson. There were hamsters and kittens, and they were.. eating and walking around.

Then, I watched some of the Music Video channel. There's one thing I can say about this channel: the Japanese people know how to make music videos. I have no idea what they're singing about, but the camera angles and effects rock butt.

For those of you with World TV 6.0, check out avex net TV and the MEGA channel. They seem to be the most consistant, but you have to look out, because of the time difference, there's no telling what you're actually going to watch.

Like, right now, they're talking about some sort of dog hospital, and the sign on the building is like a giant, robotic, turquoise dog. Now they're training the dogs to play soccer or something.. its strange.



WORLD TV!
Submitted Friday, January 23, 2004 - 3:17:05 PM by Klaitu

That's right, there is now a program out there with pre-programmed URL's to TV stations around the world. You can watch Latvian game shows, the Japanese Pet Channel, or Iranian News from the safety of your own home.

It's pretty cool to fool around with!

http://www.netfor2.com/

You want to download "World TV"



Cool Little game
Submitted Friday, January 23, 2004 - 3:12:48 PM by Klaitu

Carson found these pretty cool little flash games for the clone wars cartoon. Give it a gander!

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/clonewars/index.html



Battlestar Picked Up
Submitted Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 11:03:40 AM by Klaitu

Suprisingly, the Sci-Fi channel made a smart move and has picked up Battlestar Galactica for 6 episodes. No word on when they'll air.



The Only Christmas with Klingons
Submitted Monday, January 19, 2004 - 9:49:21 PM by Klaitu

You, my friends, YOU! You are about to see the behind-the-scenes look at a very Special K christmas. This year was an adventure.. a yuletide safari if you will. You dialup users, well, you're not going to be happy with this update.

I now present you with this Photographic Bonanza.. s little something I like to call "Christmas through Klaitu's eyes"



It all started innocently enough, the traditional pictures of the christmas tree...



and what parent wouldn't take a picture of their darling daughter. This is when I arrived. These people needed my photographic expertise. I was able to "liberate" ths digital camera and begin my work exposing the dark underbelly of Christmas!



Step 1: Ensure that the equipment is functioning properly. After the touchdown and bounce landing on the sofa, I needed to test the imaging systems. This was the first image retrieved from that festive, christmassy world. In the foreground, you can see the legs of the lander, and in the background, you get a glimpse of this strange, fascinating world.



On one of the walls was an old-tymey picture of myself and some of me kin. For those of you interested, I am the one that looks like Janet Reno. Carson is the one with the gun. His brother is in the leather with fringes.. and there's DJ Rachael Love in the school marm getup.



Then, something interesting was introduced to the enviornment. I extended the mechanical arm for a better look. Scientific analysis proved it was edible, so I ate it... and its companions. It was a bloody battle, but I was victorious.



I took this picture as a reminder to my enemies. "Don't be food, or I will eat you!" I said, and those that didn't take my advice felt the pain of my incisors.



Then, the gifting began. This is the part where my various adoring fans shower me with affectionate items. Seems others were being showered as well. Here you can see Carson's brother showing off the neat gnomewear he got. His daughter tries desperately to unsteal her sippiycup, and his wife.. well, she's doing brain surgery on the youngest kid.



Crazy uncle Al showed up, but he didn't stay long. He was so fast that it took all of my catlike reflexes to catch him on film. You might notice his amazing speed on accout of the blurring.



OMG! A chocolate silk pie! Apparently this pie did not heed my warning, and actually was food. This was a well-declared fact, and so the pie met swift justice!



This is Carson's wife, and his brother's wife. Apparently they thought they were going to get some pie.



There's DJ Rachael Love, bringing you the hit music radio and whatnot, but right now, she's just being cheesy.



Word to your mother, Rach.



Oh yeah, then there were some klingons that showed up and battled to the death. I have to apologize for the blur, I was fliming in "shakycam" technique to make it seem more realistic.. that and I was ona sugar buzz from eating that pie.



Yeah, then I started taking pictures of like everything.. this is someone's rump, I don't know who. It was pretty crazy there for awhile, I was totally eating that pie, and then toking on the cream.. that stuff gives such a buzz!



Then, people started gettin frisky. I don't know why, it's not like they had any pie, because I made sure that I ate it all. Maybe the Triptophen was making them a little loopy.



But it wasn't just them, it was Carson and his girl too.. Something was in the air, I think it was mischief.



Look at that hearty laugh. I don't remember clearly on account of the pie, but I think he exclaimed "She kissed me!"



Yeah, I caught them.. look at how dishevled they are.. look at Carson's glasses. I think she ruptured his spleen or something.



When they discovered that someone ate all the pie, I blamed Carson. I'm glad I did! I don't have time for such sweaty pursuits.



TV Executives Dumber than Rocks
Submitted Monday, January 19, 2004 - 11:34:35 AM by Klaitu

UPN is fast becoming the bane of my existance.

This summer, they'll bring us two NEW and EXCITING reality TV shows!

"Ultimate Player" will he a contest to see who the..err.. ultimate player is. For you unhip people, they're going to try to figure out can get the most people in the sack.

The other is called "rumspringa". Wonder what it's about? It's about Amish people going into the world and having their faith tested. AMISH PEOPLE!

Someone, please, put me in charge of UPN.



Enterprise Nearing Cancellation.. again
Submitted Monday, January 19, 2004 - 11:29:36 AM by Klaitu

Star Trek Franchise executives are distraught over the cancellation of Jake 2.0. It seems that Jake 2.0 had been ordered for a full season, but will not get a full season. The same could be true for Star Trek. So thinks the Trek heads.

Check it Out



Ninja!
Submitted Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 8:26:57 PM by Klaitu

Rather, Samurai.

This animation was created as an advertisement for my church. "The Warrior" is the name of the sermon.

Check it out, it's keen!

http://www.lifechurch.tv/images/sam.swf



Nobuo Uematsu
Submitted Friday, January 16, 2004 - 11:55:00 PM by Klaitu

New scoop about the best Japanese composer of all time.

He IS, in fact, working on Final Fantasy 12, and Advent Children! hoot!

An interview with him came up here:
http://www.rpgamer.com/news/Q1-2004/011104a.html



News Flash: TV Executives Still Idiots
Submitted Friday, January 16, 2004 - 1:13:00 PM by Klaitu

Is California like a whole other planet or something? This is the only excuse I can think of, because these people have no idea what people want to see.

Alright, you all know about Jake 2.0, and how it's the show after Enterprise. If you were like me, you saw about 3 seconds of the preview and said "this show is crap". Well, you were right. Jake 2.0 has been cancelled. It didn't even match the ratings for its predecessor The Twilight Zone.

This is not the aforementioned Idiotic part. I mean.. well it was idiotic to expect Jake 2.0 to take off, but not to cancel it.

Jake 2.0 is going to be replaced by "America's Top Model" the reality TV show about supermodels.

UPN, I thought you wanted to improve your ratings, not drop them substantially. Which demographic would be least interested in a supermodel Reality TV show? Space Nerds.

So, again, I must give a shout out to all the TV execs reading Special K! If you want your network to dominate, you need to produce GOOD SHOWS. I mean, I don't like Smallville, but at least I can understand how it is popular.

Here's some ideas:

1. Pay George Lucas a ton of money to make a Star Wars TV series.
2. Make a show with a serial feel. Take Lessons from Sky Captain.
3. Buy the rights to Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon, and/or Wing Commander.
4. Never never ever buy anything from Aaron Spelling, or that Whedon guy. DO buy stuff from Bellisario, Steven J Cannell, or Glen A Larson.
5. Forget about sex. If sex sold you would be number 1, UPN. Instead, you are dead last.



X-men 3 in 2006?
Submitted Thursday, January 15, 2004 - 11:08:29 PM by Klaitu

It's a seriously long time to wait.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0376994/fullcredits#writers



Episodes 7, 8, 9?
Submitted Thursday, January 15, 2004 - 11:01:56 PM by Klaitu

TheForce.net thinks so. Peter Mahew, the guy who plays Chewbacca in Episode 3 says that his contract stipilated that he is obligated to appear in Episodes 7, 8, and 9.

It's just a rumor, but you never know.



Lost Skeleton
Submitted Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - 10:34:19 PM by Klaitu

Look, I didn't want to do this, but this is the only way you'll know.

PREPARE TO BE DISEMBOWLED IN TERROR!

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/lost_skeleton/



The Evil Best Buy Stickers of Doom!
Submitted Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - 9:58:13 PM by Klaitu

I don't buy DVD's often. Certainly not as often as Carson.

The other day, I was in Best Buy, and on me I have a grand total of $25. I'm thinking "Okay, I can get a movie or a little something" I see X-Men 2 on the shelf, and that's one of my favorites of last year.. so I'm considering that. There is also a value Second-release version of Grand Theft Auto 3.

It seems like every time I am in Best Buy, I am torn between two beloved things. Luckily, Lyndon B. Johnson was again in my pocket. I consulted his expertise and wound up picking up a copy of X-Men 2.

And now I am totally cheesed off.

Perhaps due to my inexperience in buying DVD's, I was suprised to fins that the tome of my beloved mutants was presented in ALTERED FULLSCREEN FORMAT!!

There is nothing I hate more about movies than when they take a movie that was made for a specific ratio, and they scrunch it, or pan-and-scan it into normal TV size. This practice should end, and quite frankly, I don't know why any film comes in this format.. It is complete and utter crap, and it should die.

In my own defense, I had checked to see if it was widescreen.. that is, I had rudimentarily checked. You see, Best Buy puts their price stickers right smack over the word "full" (or "wide") on the box, so when I checked, I saw "(sticker)screen". I saw the tail of the E, and assumed it was an L. Surely they wouldn't ADVERTISE that they were stupid enough to put a recent movie in fullscreen format.

They were.

And I didn't discover this travesty until after I had opened the DVD. As you well know, opened DVD's can't ordinarily be returned. I resigned myself to watching crappy fullscreen X-men 2, with the consolation that at least the special features were in widescreen, and the thing has a commentary track.

Fast Forward to 6 hours later.

I'm watching my crappy fullscreen X-men 2, when all of a sudden.. SQUEAK! The screen freezes for a moment, and is replaced by giant green boxes. The boxes filter back into the shape of the movie, and after about 10 seconds, the sound comes back. Okay, theres dirt on it, and the player skipped.. "no sweat" I says to myself.

The movie squeaks up a few times more, and its annoying, so I pop it out of the player, and take a look for dirt. Odd that there should be dirt on it, seeing as how it's straight out of the box and all.

Turns out there's a DEFECT in the DVD. Yep, that's right. A little itty bitty portion of the DVD has a hole in it, about the size of the eye of a sewing needle. Now, its not actually a hole hole.. there's plastic there and such, but the shiney part was missing in that little area, you can see right through it.

So now I'm thinking "finally, my chance to get the widescreen edition!" This defect could save the day! I don't really know if they would let me exchange the DVD, even with it being defective.. but I do know that I would absolutely need the receipt.

Now, where did I put that recepit? Oh yeah, its in my Best Buy bag that I convieniently placed on my speaker in plain sight. Oh wait, its cleaning day, and my mother has magically whisked it away, into the trash.

So I go and dig through the trash. I know.. that's sick and all, but I REALLY REALLY hate fullscreen, and I also hate defective products being sold to me for 20 bucks.

You all know the end of this story. No, I did find the receipt. It was covered in... chili. Chili of all things. No, not a little bit. It was inside of an old Chili can.

So now I am stuck with Crappy fullscreen defective X-men 2.

But hey, at least the special features are in widescreen.



Good TV
Submitted Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - 8:56:04 PM by Klaitu

Wow. I watched Enterprise tonight, and... it was almost good! Don't get me wrong, I like Enterprise, but it's not even close to The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, or the Original Series.

Tonight's episode had some religious fanatical aliens hijacking Enterprise. Their goal is to use Enterprise to end their Jihad against some "heretics".. that is, end it by eliminating the other side of the conflict.

That's basically the synopsis posted everywhere, so when I read it, I thought "Wow, a story based on the whole Muslim thing, that's original!" And, it turns out I was more or less right.

I was actually pleasantly suprised by this episode. I wasn't bored with it, and there was no Vulcan bosoms, nor was there any romantic liasons. There was no detox gel. This in itself makes it the best episode this season.

There's a scene where the bad guy lets Archer choose the member of his crew who will be executed. He gives Archer 6 hours to "think about it". In actuality, the audience has already deduced that Archer will choose himself, because he obviously is not going to choose someone else.

There is another scene later on where the bad guys are defeated, and their leader is in the brig. Archer says "We've arrived at your homeworld" and then shortly later says "I'll show you truth". The instant Archer says this line, the audience has deduced that "oh, they destroyed themselves" and sure enough, the audience was spot on.

I give them an A for effort, the idea for the final scene in the show was great.. the bad guy leader looks over the rubble of this huge metropolis, and the credits roll. It's too bad we saw it coming from a mile away.

They could have made that a much more effective "shock" moment by having Archer say "We're turning you over to the Triannon authorites" instead of "I'll show you truth". Then, when they land on the planet, they see dead bodies and refugees.

I think that quite possibly, this has been the best episode of Enterprise this season.. and thats somewhat sad. It dosen't compare to DS9's Siege of AR-558. It dosen't even come close to DS9's The Visitor. It's miles away from TNG's The Inner Light. It can't even stack up against TOS's City on the Edge of Forever.. and it was written almost 40 years ago!

But, you'll notice that the TV logo is up there in the corner, and not the Star Trek logo. That's because it's not just Enterprise that is not so good. In fact, there are very few shows that are worth anything on TV today.

I think there's a rift in the generations of Television. There is Golden-Era TV, which would be like Leave it to Beaver, Star Trek TOS, Dragnet, and all. There's classic-era TV, which would be like The A-Team, Knight Rider, Magnum P.I., Battlestar Galactica, and others. Then there's new-age TV like Xena, Buffy, and Smallville.

If you're like me (and there's probably not many of you out there) then you prefer Classic themes in your TV. You don't really give a flip about Smallville's kryptonite-powered villian of the week is. You don't care about the occult. You're not even interested in how Xena's cleavage stays in that leather swimsuit.

I think that it's because yesterday's TV producers had more guts. They had more style. They were all about the show. Current events were the launchpad, not the conclusion.

Case in point:
Quantum Leap (by Bellisario)
The story is that a genius gets trapped in a time machine that he invented. His consciousness "Quantum Leaps" into people's bodies in the past. He can't control where he goes next, but he always ends up in someone during his entire lifetime. His enture goal is to figure out a way to leap himself into his own body, in essence, to find his way home.

In the end, he is given a choice. He can choose to save Al, his companion from the future who helps him via a hologram.. or he can choose to leap back into his own time, forsaking Al. He chooses his friend over his own needs, and the series ends with the words on the screen "Dr. Sam Beckett never leaped home."

And that was it. There was no more Quantum Leap, the story was ended. Talk about shock!

Then, what about Magnum P.I., which was also a Bellisario creation? In the "supposed to be" final episode of Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck DIES. He's dead as a doornail. It was a PERFECT ending for the series. Later on though, the fans were so outraged that they wrote CBS, and CBS did another season as if Magnum hadn't died.

Not enough?

What about Farscape, where the two main characters have had this love interest, but something always gets in their way. In the final episode, they finally get together and settle down. The guy proposes to the girl, but what's that? BOOM! Blown up and turned into dust! In the final episode! The final shot is the bottom of an ocean (they were in a boat when they were shot) with the engagement ring half-buried in the dirt!

This is shock value that creates a conclusion that means something.

What do today's shows do for shock value? Well, I'll use it loosely, because they don't actually know how to do shock value.

Smallville,
Oh yeah, you probably saw it. Superman.. Clark Kent, whatever you want to call him is Superman because of the way he was raised. In Kansas, no less. He's the all-american boy, the patriotic ideal of what little boys should grow up to become. A paragon of virtue, if you will. For shock value, the WB (or whoever the heck runs that series) decided that for a "shocker" season finale, that Clark should run away from home, to Metropolis, and rob banks.. and oh yeah, Jor-El is evil. This isn't so much "shock value" as it is "not understanding the characters you have inherited".

Ellen,
What do you do for shock value on a sitcom? Well, If you're Ellen you decide to become gay, and then let the rumor persist for a couple years until it destroys your career, then admit that you were never gay to begin with.

What part about this is shocking? Would you be shocked if I told you Amanda Bearce (Marcy D'arcy from Married with Children) is gay? Of course you wouldn't. It's obvious.

Who shot J.R.?
While I didn't like the show, that J.R. thing was some serious point of conversation. It's famous. What's the question everyone asks now?

"Who's going to win American Idol?"
"Who's getting kicked off the Island next?"

LAME!
If I wanted to see reality TV, I would buy a camcorder, record my own life, and then watch it back again.. and the sad part is, that my life is about 100 times more interesting than anything they've come up with so far.

So, all you TV producers reading this (all none of you) I say this:
Forget lesbians. Forget voting people off the island. Forget giant silicone bosoms. Forget makeout scenes.. and for goodness sake, forget you even made "Tremors: The Series". Give me some meat, give me some potatoes. I'm tired of the sweets, I want a real meal.



The Klaitu Foresight Movie Beaniecap 9000
Submitted Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - 6:07:33 PM by Klaitu

My friends, I am psychic. No, not Ms. Cleo psychic, I am movie psychic. I have the ability to look at a trailer and tell you wether a movie will be awesome, or if it will totally suck.

And for you, I provide this service! Let's begin!
(oh, and my list might be outdated a bit, but that's okay)

Movies that will be good:
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
The Passion of the Christ
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra
Spider-Man 2
Man on Fire
Welcome to Mooseport
Out of Time
The Polar Express
Shrek 2
Eurotrip
Envy

Movies we want to be good, but will probably suck:
Alien vs. Predator
Garfield
Dogville
The Day After Tomorrow
Cold Mountain
The Alamo
Osama
The Punisher
Along Came Polly
The Chronicles of Riddick
Magdalene Sisters
Mindhunters
Troy
How to Deal
Laws of Attraction
The Butterfly Effect
House of Sand and Fog
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!

Movies that just suck:
Girl With A Pearl Earring
Wonderland
Mondays in the Sun
Agent Cody Banks 2
Big Fish
Hellboy
Shattered Glass
Sweet Sixteen
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
The Cooler
Barbershop 2
Secret Window
You Got Served
Jeepers Creepers 2
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights
Pieces of April
Calendar Girls
Dawn of the Dead
My Baby's Daddy
Two Brothers
Dirty Pretty Things
Human Stain
People I Know
The Barbarian Invasions
A Cinderella Story
Chasing Liberty
Torque
Scooby Doo 2
Taking Lives
The Big Bounce
Elephant
Anything Else



Stargate Whatnot
Submitted Tuesday, January 13, 2004 - 11:50:13 AM by Klaitu

Alright, here's some Stargate scoop for you. I've probably already done some of this before, so if I am reiterating here, just go with it.

Alright, Stargate SG-1 is slated to have a season 8. The current season, of course, being season 7. Most people seem to believe that this will be SG-1's final season.

They have new cast members coming around. I don't want to spoilerize too much stuff here, but Hammond is out, or at least, out of his current position. Theres also an antagonist in place for Jackson in the form of some hippie anthropoligist woman who hates him because he was right about the alien/pyramids theory. There's also going to be an O'neillesque new colonel guy, but I am not sure if he is going to replace O'neill or not.

Richard Dean Anderson will, in fact, be returning to the show. Apparently he was the only cast member with a contract that extends through all the seasons of the show. The other cast has to renegotiate their contracts if they intend to reappear.

But enough of SG-1, how about some Stargate: Atlantis news?

Here's a synopsis that foated out of the mirky depths of the net:

The series follows an international team of scientists and military personnel representing Earth who have ventured to a newly discovered and abandoned Ancient City on a distant planet in the Pegasus Galaxy. From there, they encounter a whole new Stargate network that leads to numerous human-populated worlds.

Personally, this dosen't sound very interesting to me, but there you go.

Another little nugget, Adam Baldwin is apparently gunning for one of the roles. I'm sure the show has been cast by now though.



They're not Toys
Submitted Saturday, January 10, 2004 - 1:10:16 PM by Klaitu

Oh my goodness. This is one huge leap forward from Matlock Action Figures:

I had lunch with those in charge of Paramount Licensing, and in addition to what is now being licensed to the public (via CBS.com), we talked about a Poster, a Calendar, trading cards, a "JAG"
cap (if possible) oh, and action figures. And buttons and photos. So, we'll see what happens. (They have nothing to do with DVDs, that's Paramount Home Entertainment).


This is a quote from the audience relations person with the JAG production staff. JAG Action figures! OWN!

I hope Rabb comes with Kung-Fu action grip! You know, since he's a LAWYER. This begs the question "What kind of action do lawyers take that would neccessitate a figure of said action?".

NEW! Bud Roberts(TM) action figure with detachable leg and real subpoena action!

Commander Harmon Rabb Jr.(TM) comes with briefcase, F-14 jet, and teenage girl compaion!

Harmon Rabb Sr.(TM) exactly like Harmon Rabb Jr.(TM) except he has a moustache!

Desert Camo Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie(TM) action figure! Expose her to sunlight, and her smug attitude disappears!

Vietnam A.J. Chegwidden(TM)! Looks just like Present-day A.J. Chegwidden(TM) except he's not an Admiral!



Penny Arcade Goodness
Submitted Saturday, January 10, 2004 - 12:54:25 PM by Klaitu

Alright, so you know I am a regular Penny Arcade reader. Those of you who are not diehard Penny Arcade fans may enjoy the following strip:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2004-01-05&res=l

And this one goes out to Goldberry, Princess Carson, and Bran:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2004-01-09&res=l



Video Game Awards
Submitted Saturday, January 10, 2004 - 12:49:30 PM by Klaitu

Wow! Cinescape did an article about the top games of the year.. but they've gone and done something completely wacky. Their selections are based on what people like! I find this to be truly astounding, because most magazines give the awards to the people who have paid them the most in advertising revenue. *cough* IGN *cough* Gamespy *cough cough*

Check them out here

This years winners:
PC - Star Wars Galaxies
X-box - KOTOR
Gamecube - Zelda
PS2 - Ratchet and Clank



The Curse of Colonel Sanders
Submitted Saturday, January 10, 2004 - 12:41:37 PM by Klaitu

I hate sports, so you're not likely to see any more sports posts soon, but this one really caught my eye:

The last time the Tigers won the Japan Series in 1985, overzealous fans threw a statue of Colonel Sanders stolen from a KFC restaurant into the murky waters of the Dotonbori River in downtown Osaka.

Jumping into the river when the team wins is a local ritual and the Colonel was tossed in as a substitute for American Randy Bass, who belted 54 homers that season for the Tigers. The statue was never found and Hanshin fans have since attributed the team's dry spell to the Curse of the Colonel.


http://ca.sports.yahoo.com/030915/6/uolk.html



Grand Theft Auto 4
Submitted Tuesday, January 6, 2004 - 5:17:14 PM by Klaitu

Details about GTA4 are sketchy, but the title has been discovered.

Grand Theft Auto IV: Sin City

The general idea here is that it will be based on Las Vegas. No other details yet, but if I come across something, I'll letcha know.



Mars
Submitted Tuesday, January 6, 2004 - 1:16:31 PM by Klaitu

If you hadn't heard, we landed a rover on Mars the other day. You might remember that Mars was pretty close to Earth awhile back (you could see it pretty clearly, even with just binoculars).. well, some NASA guys decided that would be a pretty good time to launch some probes up there, so that it would only take a couple months instead of a couple years.

These aren't the piddly-poo rovers like that last one they sent up, these new rovers are the size of a shopping cart or so. These can drive all over mars, and have their own communication gear. The previous rover had to stay within a couple feet of its base.

I stayed up and watched the rover landing, which was pretty neat. They slowed it down with a heat shield, then with a parachute, then with a couple rockets. Then, they inflated some airbags and let the thing bounce like crazy. Suprisingly, it worked perfectly. The thing even landed right-side up.

It looked something like.. this!
http://marsrovers.jpl.nasa.gov/gallery/video/movies/RoverAnimPart2.mov
(4 megs, quicktime)

Right now, the rover is still stuck to its landing vehicle while the eggheads check everything out and make sure it's all okay. They've been taking some pictures, looking around and whatnot.. trying out all their communications gear.

What they're planning to do later on next week is to drive off the landing thingy, and find a nice, juicy rock. They have a special doohickey that can grind the red dust off the rocks, so that they can take a peek at the rocks with their fancy science doodads. This is all supposedly going to tell them if there was ever water on Mars.

Now, you might notice I said "rovers" because they're sending two. The first one, Spirit, landed the other day and is already on the surface. The second, Odyssey, is still careening toward the planet, and will set down on the 23rd.

Along with everything else, Spirit is carrying the most precise digital camera that has ever landed on Mars. The idea here is to make the best pictures of Mars possible. This is something that really hasn't been done before.

Check out the image here:
http://marsrovers.jpl.nasa.gov/gallery/press/spirit/20040106a/PIA04995.jpg

It's 8 megabytes (yes, it's one 8 meg jpeg picture). It's a mosaic of the area around the rover's landing site. It's pretty keen!



Goldberry Reviews LXG
Submitted Friday, January 2, 2004 - 10:42:20 PM by Klaitu

So the man and I decided to rent League of extraordinary gentlemen this evening. Here is my score.

F.

The reason I gave it an F is because we shut it off.

The idea of the story is actually pretty amazing. You stick some of the majoy literary characters in history together and make them fight for the greater good. Each of the characters have a different skill, that somehow helps the league out. (sounds a lil like Xmen, oh yes, you better believe it.)

Lets see here... you have Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde, Captain Nemo, Nina Harker, someone who we THINK was Tom Sawyer, the invisible man, and some dude named Dorian. (we have no clue where he is from.) Oh and lets not forget Connery. The name that sells the movie..... I think.....

Visually the movie was decent, but thats all it had going for it really. The rest was so random and hard to follow that I was frustrated and pissed all at the same time.

From what I gathered from the story this is kinda what happened:

(NOTE: if you are planning on seeing the movie, please stop reading here.)

• This guy pulls together a group of people to help him stop this guy from making weapons that will start a world war.
• The people fight for the greater good
• They then find out that the guy that hired them all is the guy they were ment to fight.
• Turns out Dorian was a bad guy all along and was taking DNA samples from all the Extraordinary people. (cheese meter? Off the charts)
• So then they have to hunt down Dorian, the bad guy (who was the good guy) and stop them from whatever they were doing.

This is where the movie ended for us.
I dont know how it ended, and frankly I dont care.

Again...

Grade: F.



Sadistic Oven Mitt
Submitted Friday, January 2, 2004 - 8:58:25 PM by Klaitu

Oh, woe of woes, instrument of torture!

My Arby's Chicken Strips are TOO BIG to dip into the complimentary Barbecue-like sauce condiment tub!

What sort of sadistic creature gives you a sauce that is specifically designed to disallow its own flavor vehicle into it's tangy, smoky confines?!?

INJUSTICE, dear readers.

Injustice.



Nerds ASSEMBLE!
Submitted Friday, January 2, 2004 - 8:49:42 PM by Klaitu

Voici and behold this advert for Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within which is on the back pages of my Final Fantasy X manual.







So, I guess this is more like a contest. Can YOU tell me what's wrong about this ad? There's some part of it that is inaccurate and has nothing to do whatsoever with the actual film, nor any of the special features on the DVD.

If you come up with the answer, shoot me a line in the E-mail, or the ICQ, or the IRC, or the message board, or something.



Exo-Skeletons
Submitted Friday, January 2, 2004 - 8:29:23 PM by Klaitu

Cool people know that Exo-Skeletons is merely the scientific terms for E-Frames.. Those electronical robotical clothings with machine guns, rocket launchers, and fusion packs that lets man fight the Neo-Sapiens on their own turf.

Well, the world of The Exo-Squad may be closer than you think.. at least, the Austrailians think so. No doubt this superior technology can be adapted to wrestle crocodiles, by crikey!

http://www.gizmo.com.au/public/News/news.asp?articleid=1604

Did I mention that the article has a Jet-Powered flying brassiere? Yeah, I thought that would make you click the link...



Klaitu have money, Klaitu spend money
Submitted Friday, January 2, 2004 - 8:21:31 PM by Klaitu

The above is the basis of my extensive financial portfolio. "Take money, turn it into easily-negotiable commodities, but never actually sell them back".

Such is the case today. I dragged my Brannie to what I like to call the undying lands. There, the blue and khaki dressed assistanta, or Ainur if you will, wander about helpfully, if a bit aimlessly.

But then, to the source of my shame, I was faced with a dilemna... On my list is "Final Fantasy X" "Kingdom Hearts" and "Final Fantasy XI". The dilemna is that I don't have enough money for all of them. What should I do? Should I purchase the "on sale" value editions of Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy X? Should I forsake the two playstation games in favor of the untested Final Fantasy XI?

It was all too much for me, but luckily, I had Lyndon B. Johnson in my pocket. After consulting with him, we decided to get the two Playstation favorites, and save the online fantasy for another day.

As we sailed the western seas to the land of checkoutia, we came upon the yellow-shirted guardian of the gates. I believe his name was Gandalf but whatever it was, he had good taste. He praised my fine selection of two Square-Enix titles. This is no suprise to me, as every time I buy something from the undying lands, I am invariably complimented on my fine selection of merchandise.

Wether their words be true, I know not for sure.. Though I can't imagine someone complimenting me if I were to by an X-box. Perhaps I will have to purchase one just to test their veracity.

But anyway, I digress. The point of this entire post is to announce my shame.. for these copies I have purchased of "Final Fantasy X" and "Kingdom Hearts" are marked with a stigma. The dreaded stigma of second release. Yes, that's right.. they have the Maroon bar, and the "greatest hits" banner intrudes on an otherwise unblemished display. They are forever marked with the logo of "Square Enix" even though both of these games were made solely by Square Co. Japan.

*single indian tear*



The "S" is for "Super"
Submitted Friday, January 2, 2004 - 8:01:35 PM by Klaitu

Alright, I am at Wal Mart, and it's 3 AM, and there's nobody around, and I am tooling though the Electronics section.. and what should I see, but monster PS2 S-Video adaptor cables staring right back at me. These things are only $40.. FORTY! That's a LOT of money for an adaptor cable. So, I do some digging and I found a cheap rip-off brand that has the same functions, except its ugly blue color.

Ordinarly, I only use name-brand perhiperals with my gaming equipment, but considering that these nasty blue cables were 10 bucks, and the other ones are 4 TIMES that, I decide it's worth the gamble.

After about an hour of digging through my home theatre's wiring system (yeah, theres enough cords back there to circle the globe) I finally get the thing hooked up and ready to do. My first test subject is my pet project: Final Fantasy X-2.

What can I say besides: OH MY FREAKING COW! Now, I am no stranger to S-video.. my Satellite receiever is S-video, my DVD player is S-video.. about the only thing that isnt S-video is my lame-butt VCR.. and of course my Playstation 2.. until yesterday.

The improvement it made in the look of my games is nothing short of INCREDIBLE. It's like someone went and stuck 8x antialiasing on the whole thing, with no performance decrease.

For those of you who are not technical.. you know how the diagonals sometimes are "jaggy" and not smooth? The S-video cable like completely destroyed that. Everything is fine and silky smooth now.

So, if your TV or 5.1 Pro Logic decoder has a s-video port, and you don't have a S-video adaptor for your PS2, GO GET ONE RIGHT FREAKIN NOW! It's simply amazing. This is by far the best purchase of a perhiperal I have ever made.



Forget Special K -- have you had your Bran today?
Submitted Friday, January 2, 2004 - 2:26:47 PM by Branwen

Okay, so I didn't want to go to work this morning. Having been out on vacation for almost 2 weeks, I guess that's natural. But to my surprise it has really been kind of a nice day.

I only had a couple dozen emails and small issues to handle. That was a huge shocker. And I discovered that most of our office had taken the day off, so there's like five of us. But that's ok, the phone has only rung maybe 20 times today. And what's even cooler, my (female) bosses decided to drag the TV out of the conference room so we could watch football. I'm by no means a football fan, but anything that involves not working and getting paid is dandy in my book.

Life is funny sometimes. Whenever things start looking bleak, it'll throw something at me to make me realize how much worse it could be.

In conclusion, I have literally nothing of interest to say here. We now return you to Klaitu's regularly scheduled inane blatherings.



More Advent Children
Submitted Thursday, January 1, 2004 - 9:26:36 PM by Klaitu

Now there's a FF7: Advent Children website. As with most of the good stuff, it's in Japanese, but thankfully, they use enough english to make the site navigable. Probably the most noticable thing here is the high quality Flash MX Trailer for the film. Check it out, it's most delicious.

http://www.square-enix.co.jp/dvd/ff7ac/



James Arnold Taylor
Submitted Thursday, January 1, 2004 - 9:16:13 PM by Klaitu

Alright, there are voice actors, and then there are guys who can do like ANY voice.. Mark Mamill for instance. I found a really cool guy named James Arnold Taylor.

Now, I found him because he is the voice of Tidus in Final Fantasy X, but you also know him as Mr. MovieFone, among other things. Check out his website, I guarantee you have heard this guy before.. he's EVERYWHERE!

http://www.jamesarnoldtaylor.com